Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Texting, Mom Style

Everyone with kids knows that phones aren’t for calling any more. They’re for texting, almost exclusively. And if you have kids you also know that texting has its own language, incomprehensible to those over a  . . . ahem . . . certain age.

But what our kids don’t know is that we Moms have a text language too. We also frequently need to communicate quickly, and cryptically.

If you’ve not yet gotten one of these Mom to Mom missives, there’s much you need to know. Not just the meaning of the messages, but the protocol, how you’re expected to respond. So I’ve put together the most commonly used texts you might receive and what action to take when you get one. The fall into two categories.


Good news texts:

TOT – Take One for the Team – this is used when a Mom has plans (yay) and needs the other Mom to spy on host the kids at her house that night.

WOO HOO – With Out Ours, Head On Over – Recipients of this text are either being invited; they’re welcome to come to the sender’s house, but only if they can dump their own kids. Or they’re being taunted (of the “ha, ha” variety).
Responses would be either:
HI – Heading In – mission accomplished, on our way.
                                 or:
DAMN – Dark And Miserable Night – can’t get rid of our kids, tried everything.

Texting Mom Style | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

NO NO NO – this is the Holy Grail of Mom texts, it means she has a night of NO kids, NO husband and it’s a shout-out to all available for a N O (night out).

Bad news texts:

XO – This is not hugs and kisses, this is Xylophone Overload and is the text of a Mom whose child has a musical instrument (any, not just xylophone) and is about to throw it out the window.

ABCD – This is not the text of a home-schooling Mom, it’s a Mom having an Already Been Chewed Disaster. There is gum stuck somewhere, and this text is often followed by more of the alphabet:
MNOP – Mom Needs Out, Pronto.

General calls for help:
BS – Bring Sugar. It’s the (usually initial) request of a mildly irritated Mom.

Butterscotch Slice and Bake Cookies| www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe

Butterscotch Slice and Bake Cookies


It may be followed by:
CRAP – Child Really A Pain – this is an unmistakable cry for help.
If the situation isn’t diffused, this one may come next:
HELP -  Have to Escape Little People – this is rarely a text to be ignored.
But if no relief is found, you’ll see a text of last resort:
COW – No, she doesn’t need milk, she’s Climbing Out a Window – this is a Mom who now needs to be talked down from the ledge, literally.

Used by Moms of older kids:
SHIT – Stuck Home, In Trouble – this is the emergency text of a Mom at home (usually with a grounded teen). The recipient of this text is obliged to drop everything and bring chocolate . . . or liquor . . . or chocolate liqueur.
The above is frequently paired with:
BUM – Bring Unused Medication.

And if you get there and no one answers the door, check your phone for this:
BITCHY – Been In The Corner Hiding, Yo.
To which you should answer:
OUCH – Open Up, Comfort’s Here.


Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Butterscotch Slice and Bake Cookies
                                 ©www.BakingInATornado.com


Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1/2 stick butter, softened
1/2 stick margarine, softened
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 tsp vanilla
1 egg
1 3/4 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup Butterscotch baking chips
1/4 cup toffee baking chips

Directions:
* Cream butter, margarine, sugar, brown sugar and vanilla.
*Beat in egg. Mix in flour, salt and baking soda.
*Add in the butterscotch and toffee baking chips.
*Roll into a log, wrap in plastic and refrigerate one hour (or up to 3 days).
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease 2 cookie sheets.
*Slice the log into approximately 30 cookies.
*Bake for about 12 minutes.

53 comments:

  1. HaHa!! Love this! Especially the texts used by moms of older kids; 'Been In The Corner Hiding, Yo' ! Epically awesome, and eerily accurate ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. Don't forget them, you may need to use them, especially that HELP one!

      Delete
  3. Thank Gawd my kids are old enough now that I have many more WHOO HOO nights!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lucky you, looking forward to more of those days.

      Delete
  4. Hysterical! Just so you know I am sending out the HELP followed by the COW pronto! The COW is going to go so well for me since it's a monsoon here today but I'm getting desperate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, I get desperate. Why do you think my liquor cabinet stays stocked?

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Thanks, Jenn, I bet you can think of a few that would come in handy.

      Delete
  6. That was awesome! Why would you want to write it out though then the kids are all gonna know! hahaha What's funny is that my parents started to text....and well in the beginning my mom would type/text and then at the end she'd go "ok bye" ...well when we text we don't normally end the conversation like a phone call but she did...now that's ALL my parents do is text....they don't even CALL me anymore LOL ....which is kinda great at times ....weird how our times have changed...I wonder what's gonna happen for the grandkids!!! ok..lets not think that far ahead =p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How funny is that, assuming my kids would actually read my blog. Nope, all secrets are safe here, LOL!

      Delete
  7. I had no idea and I've probably been sending out the wrong messages for a long time!! :P
    I need to pin this for future reference!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad to have been of assistance, LOL.

      Delete
  8. These are hysterical and I am so glad that I have my very own text decoder!! Sweet!

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    www.raising-reagan.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're just about at the point where you're gonna need these.

      Delete
  9. I will never look at "BITCHY" the same way again, as it is obviously a cry for help! I think I've been BITCHY for the last 8 years.
    Jae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I've had my share of BITCHY for quite a while, too!

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. Thank you. Adding laughter to a day, mission accomplished.

      Delete
  11. Karen! I have such a thing for acronyms! I loved this. All of my girls are getting a briefing on what "HELP" really means. Thanks for the laughs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, all friends should know what "HELP" really means, LOL!

      Delete
  12. Love the texts, but the recipe makes me happier! My favorite Aunt used to bake these cookies for me when I was a little girl (approximately 1.5 centuries ago :) ) Thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you try them, Pam. We love them.

      Delete
  13. Oh my this was hilarious! I"m sharing this with all my Mom-friends! We have young kids but a lot of these still apply! Thank you! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So happy that you liked it. Send all your Mom friends over. After all, we all need to be able to understand each other, right?

      Delete
  14. COS- Children over shoulder, that's for when you're sexting your hubby. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perfect contribution. We may have to write a second post. . .

      Delete
  15. I say we start an Urban Dictionary: Mom Edition :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny you said that, I've been working on the logistics of a project like that. Great minds think alike . . .

      Delete
  16. This is SO funny!! I'm the mom of one left at home, age 14. God help me!!

    This was a great list and going to get all the moms I know over here to read it. They will love it!!

    Visiting via the bloghole blog hop. Great to meet you and can't wait to come back. Following all your channels.

    Penny at Green Moms and Kids
    http://greenmomsandkids.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for visiting Penny, glad you liked my Mom texting tips. All of your friends are welcome, of course. I've visited your site as well!

      Delete
  17. You need to sell this to Hallmark! Seriously hilarious! I can't remember the last time I talked instead of texted. It seems so exhausting. LOL!
    http://www.mondaysnugget.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha Ha, doubt hallmark would be interested, but all Moms should read and implement for sure!

      Delete
  18. Hi! I'm visiting from the Bloghole Bloghop! I'm a new blogger and am absolutely loving it!

    -Queen Mommy

    MommyTrying2SurviveMonday
    www.mt2sm.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you're enjoying blogging. It's so much fun, but also quite a bit of work. I do love the connections I've made with other bloggers. I wish you luck.

      Delete
  19. This is SOOOOOO funny Karen! I love the way you think. I love that I never know what your next post will look like (other than the delicious recipe part). Another homerun lady! XOXO (both kinds!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always feel badly that your comments make me laugh more than my posts. XO (only one kind, no musical instruments in my house)!

      Delete
  20. Replies
    1. Perhaps you'd like to write one from the male perspective?

      Delete
  21. Absolutely LOVE this and have already alerted my friends! Not only are you funny, but you feed me, too!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad to have amused you, and fed you!

      Delete
  22. Replies
    1. Works for me. Let's add it to the list!

      Delete
  23. This is great, Karen! Bitchy and Ouch were my favorite! I'd like to add one more that I certainly need---especially after tonight with my cranky, 17 yr. old: BAN--Bring Alcohol Now! No, really, I need a shot of something right now...he is driving me bat shit crazy! At least you got me to laugh tonight!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL, I like your BAN. I think if I put all my comments together I'll end up with enough ideas for a second post.

      Delete
  24. Haha! This is too funny. I don't have kids but can understand the need for these code words!

    I really loved menopausal mama's suggestion of BAN - Bring Alcohol Now!

    Enjoy the weekend!

    Phil
    www.blog.theregularguynyc.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had some great contributions. Should have talked to some friends before I published this piece! Thanks for stopping by again!

      Delete
  25. COW COW COW! Ha. You have to read my last texting code from our special project. I think you will love it. These were great Karen. NO NO NO is probably my favorite...When can I really use it? My family might need a small vacay without me so I can send that one out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No climbing out the window, I'm too far away to catch you!

      Delete
  26. Hilarious! Thanks for sharing the lingo. I had no idea!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you laughed. Hope you never need the texts, but if you do now you know where to find them!

      Delete

Warning: Comment at your own risk. I have Comment Moderation, meaning I approve all comments before they show up here. So go ahead, I'm not scared!