But when it’s a year when his dad is running for re-election I always feel conflicted. I can’t vote for someone whose politics I don’t agree with, but I also don’t wish unemployment on this young man’s dad.
So here we are again, election time, and I’ve actually made an important decision. I think I should run. I mean why not, right? I need some posters, I can do that. I need a slogan, got that covered too. I don’t have a war chest but once people become familiar with my candidacy they’ll be standing in line to fill my chest with money (yeah, I probably could have worded that better).
OK, lets see where we stand:
Now for my platform:
*Education: There will be no more school “snow days”. If it’s a weekday those kids are the teachers’ responsibility. I know I take a risk saying this but kids can’t vote so I’m going with it. Might have just lost the teacher contingent, though.
*Crime: I’m against it.
*Taxes: Here’s the deal, if you tax everything coming in and going out there’s not much left to stimulate the economy.
*Budget: I’m for accountability. Being from a family of accountants I know just how it’s done, we end government overspending. A broom does not cost $700 ~ denied. A toilet seat does not cost $2000 ~ denied. Go to BrawlMart.
*Political Reform: I believe in baked goods for all. No, this is not a bribe, that’s illegal. It’s a human right protected by the constitution. Look it up. If you find it, let me know.
Confetti Cookie Bars with Berry Frosting
*Bullying: The best way to stop bullying is by example. I’m prepared to introduce legislation distinguishing between religious entities and “churches” whose actions include public bullying of targeted segments of the population. You’re a church or a bully, not both. Pick one.
*Immigration: We need a do-over. Everyone who has or whose ancestors have immigrated to the US needs to go back to where their families came from. Whoever’s left can decide who comes back in. Hope the Native Americans let me back in. Until then I’ll be in Russia if you need me.
*Women’s rights: Moms of teens will be provided anti-depressants. They will be free, will not require doctor’s visits and will be delivered to their homes.
*Energy: We are totally missing the boat here. We have all the energy we’ll ever need and it’s free. I pledge to put my efforts into funding research into whatever is necessary to bottle what every 2 year old has in excess.
*Hunger: There will be state financed food pantries on every main street. How will we pay for this? I really don’t care. No one goes hungry on my watch. No one.
I’ll let you know where to send your campaign contributions, OK?
My name is Tornado and I approve this message.
Confetti Cookie Bars with Berry Frosting
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
¾ cups sugar
¼ cup powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract
¼ tsp lemon extract
2 ¼ cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
3/4 cup multicolored jimmies (sprinkles)
1/2 cup multicolored nonpareils
8 oz cream cheese, softened
5 TBSP butter, softenend
4 cups powdered sugar
6 TBSP heavy cream
1 Packet (.22 oz) Berry Blue Kool-Aid
Multicolored nonpareils for decorating
*Grease a jellyroll pan. If you don’t have one, you can use a 9 X 13 pan but your bars will be thicker and you’ll have to bake them longer.
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
*Beat the butter and margarine until smooth.
*Beat in the sugar, powdered sugar, eggs, vanilla, lemon extract and almond extract.
*Mix in the flour, baking powder and salt until completely incorporated.
*Last, just barely mix in the nonpareils and sprinkles. You don’t want to break up the sprinkles or mix the nonpareils too much or they’ll color the dough.
Bake for approximately 15 minutes (longer for a 9 X 13 pan). Watch them, you don’t want them to brown.
*Cool completely before frosting.
*Beat the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Mix in the powdered sugar just until incorporated.
*Beat in the heavy cream until incorporated.
*Beat in approximately ½ of the Kool-Aid packet. Taste the frosting and add more of the Kool-Aid, up to the whole packet, based on the amount of flavor that works for you. * Beat until spreading consistency.
*NOTE: if your frosting is too thick to spread, you can thin it by adding more cream. If it’s too thin, thicken it by adding more powdered sugar.