Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Bless Me, Boys, For I Have Sinned

My kids gave me a compliment yesterday. Both of them. On the same day. I had no fever so I wasn’t delirious. And before you ask no, I wasn’t drinking either.

Clearly the only conclusion I can come to is that the world is coming to an end.

Next thing you know pigs will be airborne. But before I get smacked in the head by a flying pork chop, I’ve got a few things to confess.

Bless me, boys, for I have sinned. Fairly often, in fact.

*Remember all those times when you were little and relentlessly asked for fast food? Well, the truth is, I wasn’t really on the phone with McDonald’s and they hadn’t actually run out of chicken nuggets. Or cheeseburgers. Or french fries.

*While we’re on the subject, the playground wasn’t closed on Tuesdays. It wasn’t closed every other Wednesday either.

*There is no law that in mall food courts you have to eat all of your meal before you can order dessert. And that guy standing by the door wasn’t a policeman watching you to be sure. He was just mall security.


Orange Teriyaki Chicken | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #chicken #dinner
Orange Teriyaki Chicken


*I don’t actually have eyes in the back of my head, I spied on you. They didn’t call it stalking back then and anyway I’m your mom, I’m sure I could have talked my way out of it if you’d caught me.

*I found your missing money. Every time. It was in the wash. Every time. I don’t apologize. I know I taught you that infinitely important life lesson “finders keepers, losers weepers.” That one’s true, btw.

*You sucked at all of those instruments. All. You thought practice was torture for you? Why do you think I drink?

*I do actually know what happened to that toy xylophone. I threw it out. I’d do it again.

*I didn’t really sign you up for all those summer camps because I knew you’d want to go with all of your friends. More like I talked their mothers into it.

*Before you could tell time, when dad was away on business trips and it seemed like it was too light out for your bed time, it was.

*And once you could tell time, I pushed the clocks forward an hour. Sometimes two.

*The Easter Bunny didn’t really have a “naughty or nice” list like Santa Clause. As long as we’re being honest, neither did the tooth fairy.

*You were right, I had bought more cookies than made it into the pantry. But that was for your own good. You didn’t exactly love visiting the dentist. And he didn’t exactly rejoice in seeing you coming either, just so you know.

*Eating too much ice cream does not cause warts. Or herpes.

*The Pediatrician doesn’t give extra shots to kids who don’t eat their vegetables.

*I hadn’t actually been reading a sad book each and every time you had a school snow day. But those tears were real nonetheless.

*And while we’re on the subject, the truant officer doesn’t come and put you in jail if you don’t play outside for at least a few hours on snow days.

*All kids do not have to wear their underwear backwards once a month to remind them that in some countries families cannot afford underwear. Every now and then a mama just has to find ways to amuse herself.

*Cars don’t have ejection seats for boys who fight while mom is driving.

*And no, thunder is not G-d’s way of warning you that he’s going to send lightening next if you don’t quiet down.

Glad to have that off my conscience.

Bless Me Boys, For I Have Sinned | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

 Is it getting hot in here? I may need to ask that guy with the horns and the pitchfork to turn up the air conditioning.

Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Orange Teriyaki Chicken
                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts

3/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tsp molasses
1 tsp orange zest 
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 tsp minced ginger
1/4 tsp chinese 5 spice powder

OPT: toasted sesame seeds

Directions: 
*Cut each chicken breast into 3 pieces of about the same thickness. Place in a bowl or a freezer bag.
*Mix the rest of the ingredients except the sesame seeds together and pour over the chicken. Cover for at least 6 hours and up to a day.
*Remove chicken from the marinade and discard the marinade.
*To grill: Cook chicken over a greased hot grill until fully cooked and juices run clear.
*To bake: Place chicken in a lightly greased pan. Bake for 20 minutes, turn over and bake for approximately 15 minutes or until the chicken is completely cooked and the juices run clear.
OPT: sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds. 

24 comments:

  1. Karen that is absolutely hilarious and I was nodding yes to most of your list of confessions! I remember pushing those clock hands forward a few times myself! I loved this and the chicken I pinned it to try...try I say not succeed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You will succeed, it's nothing more than marinating and grilling. I know you can do it!

      Delete
  2. Wait. Those ejection seats aren't real? I need to talk to the car dealership... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or maybe we could invent them ourselves. There may be some money in that . . .

      Delete
  3. Are you sure about the thunder and lightening? I thought that was real...........

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  4. I can not believe you fessed up! You are Bad! Not that these tricks of yours and possible untruths are bad but what if your kids talk???
    I bet this recipe would be good as a kabob too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't have to worry about my kids talking. Although I've written this to them, they don't read this blog.
      And yes, kabobs would be great. If you try it, take a pic for me.

      Delete
  5. You are too funny Karen. I love these lines that you told your kids. I wish I would have thought of some of these when my kids were little.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too bad we never met when our kids were little.

      Delete
  6. The ice cream/herpes thing made me laugh out loud!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you laughed. All of this mom stuff is so serious at the time but so funny later on. Ah, the things we do to get by.

      Delete
  7. You are my hero. I have taken notes now, and I am finally prepared to parent. I can't believe I never thought to "call McDonalds"

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  8. I may or may not have used quite a few of these myself! Confession may be good for the soul, but it's not good for your parenting repertoire. I guess you're safe since yous are mostly out of the house, but while mine are still little, I"m keeping them away from this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you noticed how long I waited to confess.

      Delete
  9. I bet you feel lighter now having confessed. And is it really true that ice-cream can't cause herpes??

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love these, Karen. It's funny how many of these I "may" have used and how many my own mother absolutely used!!!
    I'm off to buy 67 gallons of ice cream. I have some time to make up for!
    xox

    ReplyDelete
  11. OH MY GOSH, why don't I remember reading this? It's so true, all of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, it's been a while. Glad you got a chance to read it again.

      Delete
  12. Priceless! I can't confess yet. I'm using the same tricks on the next generation.

    ReplyDelete

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