Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Be My Guest: Searching for Sanity

 I spoke in my January 1st post, Moving Forward and Be My Guest, about the friends who've so generously offered to write guest posts for my blog as I continue to deal and heal and try to find my voice again. Today I'm introducing you to the first of those writers. 

I'm honored to introduce you to my friend Erin of Searching for Sanity. Erin is one of a few international friends I've made through blogging. She's someone I'm well aware that I'd never have known if it wasn't for our blogs and social media. I consider myself fortunate to know Erin as she is not only a gifted author with a wicked sense of humor, but she's proven herself to be such a good friend. When she offered to write a piece for this blog I didn't know that she'd been sick. I offered her an out when I found out but she wouldn't take it.  I had this post from her within days:



Be My Guest: A series of Guest Posts on www.BakingInATornado.com | #blogging #bloggers #MyGraphics


Ready, Steady, Nope, I Can't Cook

I'm super excited to be taking over Karen's blog for the day, if only because it takes my plan for world domination one step closer to being a reality. I've known Karen for nearly three years now, and during that time she has helped me through relationship issues, job hassles, court battles and crappy days, so to be here filling her shoes for a day is no small matter for me. The only problem is I am as far from a cook as a person can get. Karen assured me I didn't need to be able to cook to write for her (apparently good grammar is more important than cooking ability, which is just as well because that I have in spades). So instead of sharing a wonderful recipe with you that you'll be able to print off and make for your family to show them how much you love them, I'll be sharing my cooking disasters, just to make my fellow inept people of the world feel a little less stabby when they see the amazing creations wonderful people like Karen are able to make.

Growing up my mum used to joke that I could burn boiled water, sadly she wasn't lying when she said that. I tried to burn the house down twice while trying to boil the kettle for coffee as a teenager, the second time the counter tops needed to be replaced, as they melted in the heat. I remember walking into the kitchen after I noticed the smell of an electrical fire to find our kettle glowing green. I nearly gave myself an electric shock trying to unplug it from the wall socket. Needless to say I got in big trouble for that one.

When my mum went back to school after I turned 13, I had to baby sit my little brothers and sisters once a week for a few months while she went to night classes. That meant cooking. Luckily for me mum was well aware of my lack of capabilities, so she refused to let me cook anything more complicated than baked beans or tinned spaghetti during this time. Believe it or not I still managed to burn dinner most nights. It was a long time before she trusted me with cooking the meat, and when she finally did, we had charcoal in the shape of sausages. At least I wasn't going to give anyone food poisoning. That came years later when I attempted to bake a fish pie. I still haven't pin-pointed what I did that made everyone sick, but I'm going to guess it was leaving the fish sitting on the bench for 30 minutes while I tried to prepare the rest of the filling for the pie.

I remember one time putting a pot of rice on the stove to boil then walking down the road to a friend's house while I waited for the rice to boil. 45 minutes later I came home to a house filled with smoke and a pot of black rice waiting for me. Luckily for me mum was out shopping and I managed to destroy the evidence and put a new pot of rice on before she got home. Now all I need to do is hope she never sees this post, otherwise I've just given myself up.

Needless to say once I was living on my own I didn't cook very often. I survived on take away pizza and sushi when I had the money, and ham and cheese sandwiches when I was broke, or cereal if I was feeling lazy. I had a full set of crockery sitting in my kitchen cupboards, but it rarely got used. One time my boyfriend and I decided to deep fry some dim sums at home and ended up causing a fat fire to start on my stove. Luckily I was so used to trying to burn my house down by this stage I knew how to put this fire out. My boyfriend, not so much. He tried to douse the fire with water. Luckily I was able to step in at the last minute and stop him from burning down our whole apartment with us inside.

Unfortunately for me, my ineptness in the kitchen was destined to end when I discovered I was pregnant. Once I realised I would now be cooking for two, I had to step up and actually start providing real meals instead of relying on pizza for all of my major food groups. That was nearly five years ago, and although I still get it wrong occasionally causing my daughter to request a jam sandwich for dinner instead of what I have sweated over for the past thirty minutes, for the most part I'm a pretty okay cook. My Chicken Pad Thai still comes out rubbery and impossible to chew but nobody is perfect. Ham and cheese sandwiches are still my definite favourite meal and a regular go to after a long day.

So if any of you decide to pop down to Australia and are looking for a nice place to eat, come on by to my house and I'll cook for you. Who knows, I may even attempt my fish pie again just for you.



Erin of Searching for Sanity | www.BakingInATornado.com | #humor #funny

Lait et cereales (Milk and Cereal)

 About the author:
Erin is a single mum to a feisty four year old, and the curator of all the crazy over at Searching for Sanity. When she isn't chasing her daughter around trying to convince her that yes, she does need to put pants on, she is usually lurking somewhere on the internet, or she's on the couch drinking coffee and telling her daughter to use her inside voice. You can join in the fun over at Searching for Sanity and be sure to follow her:
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
and on Bloglovin.


Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Lait et cereales (Milk and Cereal)
                                                                          ©Searching for Sanity

 
Ingredients:
1 ridiculously early morning
1 vita wheat brick
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon of sugar to taste

Directions:
*Stumble out of bed grumbling because the four year old still hasn't figured out that 7am is too early to be awake.
*Drag your tired behind into the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee.
*Grind your teeth as the four year old whines that she is hungry and you have to make her breakfast NOW.
*Pour two teaspoons of sugar and one teaspoon of coffee into the cereal bowl she has unceremoniously dumped on the counter in front of you.
*Curse at yourself and wash the contents of your first cup of coffee out of the cereal bowl.
*Crush one vita wheat brick into the bowl.
*Pour the cup of milk into the bowl, making sure to splash at least half of it onto the counter.
*Let the four year old sprinkle the sugar on top of the cereal.
*Wipe the teaspoon of sugar she just poured onto the counter into the bin and tell her to try again, slower this time.
*Hand the bowl of cereal to the four year old and tell her not to spill it. Watch as she spills it the entire way to the table.
*Pour yourself a coffee, you've earned it.

21 comments:

  1. Thank you, Erin, for being my guest, for such a funny post and for this . . . interesting . . . recipe!

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    1. Thank you for having me Karen, I had a blast writing this one. And that recipe is my daughter's favourite, which is no guarantee it actually tastes good unfortunately.

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  2. Cheers from a fellow anti-cook! My son informs me that I put too much milk into his cereal, so I can't even do that right :( Enjoyed reading this very much, thanks for the giggles.

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    1. There is an art to making the perfect bowl of cereal, luckily my daughter eats too fast to care about that for now. As soon as she expects any level of skill to be involved in her breakfast the job gets handed to her.

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  3. Looking forward to trying your recipe Erin. Looks yummy. Not quite sure what a vita wheat brick is, but I can learn.......

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    1. Thanks Minette. You might know wheat bricks as Wheetabix, but in Australia they are Wheat Bix or Vita Brits. They are hard bricks of shredded wheat which turn soggy at the slightest hint of moisture making eating them a slimy experience.

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    2. I think here in the States it's original shredded wheat. ;)

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  4. Interesting concept to cooking. Want to know what a vita wheat brick is.

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    1. It's similar to a Wheetabix if you've ever had one. It is a staple in our house as it's all my daughter will eat at breakfast time.

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  5. Nice to meet you Erin, I am not much of a cook and I really don't bake just saying.

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    1. I am very glad to see I'm not the only non-cook who loves visiting Karen. I can never let my mum see this website otherwise she may decide Karen would be a better daughter to have than me.

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  6. I know a few people to send your recipe to -- they will definitely relate. Thanks for the smile this particular day

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    1. You are always welcome Carol, and please feel free to share the recipe, I'm sure there are enough terrible cooks in the world who would love to add it to their repertoire.

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  7. I was lucky enough to have a great teacher... and now that she lives a thousand miles away, I have the internet and a quick phone call if I'm confused. :) Plus, I kind of love it. Cooking, I mean. Baking is better, of course, but I can and do cook on occasion.

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    Replies
    1. Well if I ever up on your side of the world I'm definitely coming to you for some lessons (and of course a free meal made by someone more competent than me).

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  8. I think we must have been sisters seperated at birth! Ask Karen I suck too!

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    1. Well apparently bad cooking skills run in my family. My mum often tells me her mother was a terrible cook when she was alive, so you may be right...

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  9. My mom was an amazing cook. I inherited none of it . . .

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    1. I feel your pain. My mum has a knack for just throwing random things in a pot, and manages to turn out an amazing meal almost every time. Some people just have all the luck.

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  10. Erin, as she lives as breathes :-)
    We met over stealthy advent calendar plans a little over two years ago, and I am so glad we did!

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  11. Sometimes my boys want cereal with no milk so they can eat it like dogs with their heads in the bowls. Sometimes they even make this request before I've poured the milk!

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