Separation Aberration Mortification

The day we dropped my older son off at college, I missed him before we even headed home. And I told him so, as my husband rolled his eyes, texting him from his dorm parking lot. He was only an hour away, but no longer a daily physical presence in our lives. It was an adjustment. 

He stopped by both when I knew he was coming and sometimes just unexpectedly. I kept a bag of supplies for him in his locker in the laundry room, still actively involved in supplying his needs (and wants). On any weekend I could find myself cheerfully setting another place at the family table.

Cordon Bleu Grilled Cheese Pockets

When he and a number of students got food poisoning, many ended up dehydrated in the hospital. The wind was whipping dangerously the day I drove to school to get him, car bouncing around the highway like a ping pong ball. I brought him home and spent a week nursing him back to health. Because I could.

When my younger son went to school 10 hours away, it was a whole new level of separation. There were times when, as a mom, it was achingly difficult not to be near him, like when he broke his leg, and when his friend/chef died. Or even when I just walked by his room, feeling the emptiness to my core.

But I was able to support him from afar, advise him and provide for his needs. And I knew the environment he was in, that he was learning and growing, that he was free, that he was safe. I could talk with him any time, fly him home frequently. In fact, it was rarely more than a few months between visits. 

He's home now having graduated last month. We went to pick him up knowing exactly where he would be and when to be there. He's in my home now, planning his future with his family. Sitting at our table daily.

My son is better, stronger, smarter for his experience. He will leave again, and I know how much I will miss him again. But it will be not be open ended, and it will be not with fear in my heart, but pride. 

I was going to say that unless you've been living under a rock, you know about the controversy that came to a head this past week over the administration's zero tolerance (anti)immigration policy. It resulted in both a change in the parameters of approved circumstances under which refugees can request asylum, and a new immigration enforcement policy which, when enacted, saw thousands of children of all ages ripped from their parents and placed in internment camps. Indefinitely.

Truth is, even if you have, in fact, been living under a rock, you have to know this is happening. And the resulting controversy.

For a week now I've been vacillating between trying to understand what these people are going through, and desperately trying not to.

I think about how much I missed my sons, even though it was a planned, voluntary, emotionally safe separation. I'm not trying to make a comparison between these circumstances, there are none. I bring it up as it's the only time I had any inkling of what it was like to be physically separated from and missing my children. What at the time was emotional for me, was in fact just a temporary physical-only disconnection, so trivial given what I'm now witnessing as to be embarrassing.

With perspective I have come to some stark realizations, most mortifying is the visceral, visual proof that there is no correlation between a gentle parting and the aberration of violent ripping. 

There is separation and then there is amputation.

And I just cannot begin to imagine.

Cordon Bleu Grilled Cheese Pockets

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Printable Recipe

Ingredients (per pocket):
1 cup cooked chicken, chopped
2 TBSP mayonnaise
1/4 celery stick, chopped
1/2 green onion, sliced
1 TBSP butter
1 pita pocket
2 slices Swiss or cheese of your choice (I used Pepper Jack) 1 slice thick ham (I used leftover Marinated Grilled Ham Steak), cut in half

Directions:
*Mix together the cooked chicken, mayonnaise, celery and green onion. Set aside.
*Cut the pita pocket in half. Break up the cheese slices to fit inside the pocket halves without hanging out. Place a slice of ham in each.
*Melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add the pockets and cook until the bottom starts to brown. Flip over and cook the other side. Remove from pan.
*Using a knife, immediately carefully pry the pocket open, fill with the chicken salad.