Let me just say that I like Ramen Soup. Unfortunately it looks like I can no longer afford it. So we’re on to Plan B. Moms have to make sacrifices for their children, we all know that. So after much thought I’ve decided to sell certain of my beloved belongings, some of the more unique items.
There’s something here on K-Bay for everyone, but you’ll have to bid fast. These treasures will be gone before you know it. Bid strong, the futures of two boys might depend on it. No pressure, though.
Here you go, a true mother’s sacrifice. Up on the auction block:
#1 ~ Autumn lovers’ tree
Do you love nature but hate raking? This leafless tree is not only low maintenance but it’s got the added bonus of not blocking the sun. And, in case of emergency, you can just snap off a limb and use it for firewood. It’s already seasoned and ready to go.
Opening bid: $2,000
#2 ~ No Jump Hoop
Are your young ones not yet 6 feet tall? Trip over their own feet when jumping for the net? Or just not able to master that jump shot? Have I got the hoop for you . . .
Opening bid: $500
#3 ~ All Weather Picnic Table
Ignore that license plate. It only needs an $800 part if you want to drive it. But imagine the fun the whole family can have with this driveway picnic table. Raining? No problem. This picnic spot is completely enclosed and permanently placed right in your driveway. Grab your burger and come on inside.
Opening bid: $11,000
#4 ~ Lawn Mower
Concerned about rising gas prices? Not with this lawn mower. No gas, oil or maintenance required.
Opening bid: $999
We’re not done shopping. I have a few more items to offer.
Let’s have a snack and keep going.
Pistachio Toffee Dessert Pizza
#5 ~ Invitation Decline
Invited to an event you don’t want to attend? Asked to help with a Kindergarten field trip? I have the perfect solution; you’re unavailable because you have a house guest. Bonus: he doesn’t eat much. In fact, if you get really hungry and haven’t made it to the grocery store, there’ll always be a banana in the house.
Opening bid: $1,500
#6 ~ Exotic Dinner Ingredients
Do you have guests coming over who always try to outdo everyone? You know the type, serve over-the-top dinners with ingredients you’ve never heard of. Now you can put them in their place. I’m offering you the chance to serve this one-of-a-kind mushroom guaranteed to have been grown pesticide free. And there’s the added bonus of being able to tell your dinner guests about having harvested this beautiful specimen yourself.
Opening bid: $3,000
#7 ~ Personality Candles
When it comes to decor, we all want unique items, those interesting things that speak to us and show who we are. So if you’re . . . well . . . a little bent . . . these are just the one-of-a-kind candles that are perfect for you. Note: for those of you just dying to make a certain comment (and you know who you are and you know what comment), do not. This is a PG-13 blog.
Opening bid: $200
#8 ~ Mighty Triceps Builder
Looking for a way to build those triceps? Look no further. This simple machine will do the trick. Fill the drawer circled in red with laundry detergent. Push the broken detached piece circled in blue into place over the drawer. Turn on the machine and, using both hands, hold that piece on until the machine turns itself off. The Mighty Triceps Builder will let you know if you’re doing the exercise correctly. If you end up with detergent on your shoes, try again.
This item is a two-fer. Once you’re able to master the Mighty Triceps Builder, you can actually end up with clean clothes when you’ve finished exercising.
Opening bid: $2,500
#9 ~ Hair Extensions
Have you ever had a haircut that didn’t go as planned? Style not right? Or a little shorter than you’d expected? Hair extensions are the way to go. One size fits all. Guaranteed not to grow.
Opening bid: $50
#10 ~ Perfect Pet
Are you looking for companionship? You won’t find a more loyal pet than this Jelly Friend. Does not require feeding, grooming or bathing. Added bonus: Jelly Friend actually made some connections in his prior home under the sea. It’s possible he may, with time, choose to introduce you to his well known former neighbor. I don’t want to name drop, but I can tell you that he lives in a pineapple and his name rhymes with BlongeBlob.
Opening bid: $750
#11 ~ Organic Ice
Forget those inconvenient ice trays. You don’t need those in-the-door ice cube dispensers that throw ice all over your kitchen. This ice is ready made and there for the picking (up). Perfect for cookouts, it literally delivers itself.
Opening bid: $650
The fine print:
All items are available for pick up. If you want your item to be here when you come for it, however, there’ll be a small added fee.
Delivery is also available for a more substantial fee. Delivery dates will depend on how fast my kids can drive to your house.
To bid: include the number of the item you’re bidding on and state the amount you’re willing to pay. Winners wishing to be notified will be subject to a notification fee of not less than the purchase price.
Let the bidding begin . . .
Pistachio Toffee Dessert Pizza©www.BakingInATornado.com
1 1/2 sticks butter, softened
1 1/2 sticks margarine, softened
12 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 2/3 cups flour
6 ounces of pistachios, shelled and as much as possible remove skin
1/2 cup corn syrup (any)
4 TBSP stick butter, softened
4 TBSP brown sugar
4 TBSP liquid hazelnut creamer
8 oz unsalted pistachios, shelled and coarsely chopped
½ cup white chocolate chips, melted
*Place the 6 ounces of pistachios in a food processor and process until fine.
*Beat the butter, margarine and cream cheese until smooth. Mix in the flour and pistachios to form a dough. Wrap in plastic wrap and put into the refrigerator for an hour.
*Line the lower shelf of your oven with tin foil. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a pizza pan (not one with holes in the bottom).
*With your hands, spread the dough evenly all over and up the sides of the pizza pan.
*Bake for about 30 minutes. It should be browning but don’t let it get too brown. Remove from oven and let sit on the counter.
*Microwave corn syrup, butter, brown sugar, and creamer for 1 1/2 minutes, stir, then another 2 minutes.
*Gently pour over the center of the crust. Don’t pour all the way out to the edges. Return to oven and bake for 20 minutes.
*Remove from oven. Sprinkle the remaining pistachios over the top and gently press into the toffee.
*Run a knife around and barely under the edges of the crust to loosen from pan.
*Cool on counter for an hour, drizzle the melted white chocolate over the top. Refrigerate to set.