I don’t believe in heterosexual marriage.
I don’t believe in marriage at all.
Which is a strange thing to say since I’m married.
When my husband proposed I was really unsure. In retrospect I feel bad for the guy, surprised that he married me after all.
Hubs planned a getaway. We’re from the Boston area so we went to Nantucket, stayed in a quaint Bed-and-Breakfast, had a lovely weekend culminating in dinner at a well known restaurant where we shared a sweet dessert followed by an even sweeter proposal.
To which I said “I don’t know”.
“Poor guy” you’re saying to yourself. “She doesn’t deserve him.” But I had my reasons and you know what I ultimately answered so give me a break here.
We are of two different faiths. This can be an issue in terms of the ceremony itself, how we live our lives, how we cope with what comes our way, how our families feel about our union and how our respective religions view our marriage.
We were already living together. We did each others’ laundry, drove each others’ cars and comingled our money to some degree, as any two people living together must. We laughed together and supported each other. We made decisions together.
What’s the point of marriage?
Ah, irony, you bastard.
I wanted children. At that time society was just on the cusp of moving away from the stigma attached to having children outside the confines of a marriage.
Considering this is the issue that ultimately precipitated my decision to marry, I guess the joke was on me when I later found out that I was infertile, could not have children.
As a society we are inching towards outgrowing the institution of marriage.
That’s not such a bad thing.
Not all animals are monogamous and that includes humans. If it’s not our nature, why do we have to be? In today’s culture we do not. We, most of us, enter into marriage with the best of intentions. But we grow and change and sometimes that union is more of a detriment than an advantage. Divorce is difficult and expensive and I am not an advocate of sacrificing your life because of an obligation that results in stagnation.
Many people rise to their potential only through the freedom to be emotionally transient. Cultivating an environment where that’s an option can only be good for society.
There are spiritual reasons to get married. Throughout history the premise was that a union entered into before G-d would be stronger. The commitment would mean more. The couple would think longer and fight harder to stay together. And yet the divorce rate keeps rising. Marriage isn’t harder to get out of, just messier.
It’s true that marriage affords certain protections under the law. There is no reason why, if we feel we need protection, we can’t do what we now can with simple wills, download a form and make our intentions known. A domestic partnership agreement of sorts, like a pre-nup. Without the nup. If the dissolution of the relationship needs to go to court, so be it, but all relationships do not to resolve via the legal system.
The simple fact is that these days people enter into and exit from relationships all the time. They live together, buy houses and cars together, have families. Couples break up and go their separate ways. They make the relationship work or they find a way to make the break-up work.
Add to that the fact that the institution of marriage is being further bastardized by those who feel they have the right to dictate who can and who can’t, those who use marriage to try to legalize their own personal prejudices.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt took the public stance that they would not marry until it was a right afforded to all. I commend them.
But I say do away with all the controversy and the legal battles altogether.
There should be no need to segment marriage into gay marriage or straight marriage. There should either be marriage or not.
As a society, I believe we’re headed towards not tying that knot.
Looking for more of my work?
My Greek Pasta Salad was featured on MSN Food and Drink: 11 Tasty BBQ Side Dishes this week.
Ingredients (6 servings):
10 8-inch tortillas
4 TBSP butter
3 TBSP sugar
½ tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cup heavy cream, divided
2 TBSP Powdered
1/2 tsp vanilla
¾ cup toffee bits
¼ cup Strawberry syrup
¾ cup chocolate syrup
*Place all of the tortillas in a pile, one on top of the other and cut into 6ths.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
*Melt butter. Mix the sugar and cinnamon together.
*Using a pastry brush, lightly brush both sides of the tortilla slices with butter. Place them on a baking sheet and sprinkle the tops with the cinnamon/sugar mixture.
*Bake for 6 to 8 minutes until they just start to harden and crisp. Watch them closely. Remove from oven and cool completely.
*Whip ½ cup heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the powdered sugar and vanilla and continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
*In a separate bowl, whip ½ cup heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the ¼ cup chocolate syrup and continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
*In a third bowl, whip ½ cup heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the strawberry syrup and continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
NOTE: You can reserve a little whipped cream for garnishing the top of your dessert.
*Place 6 tortilla slices on a serving plate, pushed together as one. Top evenly not quite out to the edge with 1/3 of the vanilla whipped cream. Sprinkle with ¼ cup toffee bits.
*Place 6 more tortilla slices gently on the whipped cream. Be careful to line up the cuts in the slices so that when you’re done you can separate the 6 wedges easily. Top evenly not quite out to the edge with 1/3 of the chocolate whipped cream.
*Place 6 more tortilla slices gently on the whipped cream. Be careful to line up the cuts in the slices so that when you’re done you can separate the 6 wedges easily. Top evenly not quite out to the edge with 1/3 of the strawberry whipped cream.
*Repeat all of the layers two more times. Top with the final 6 slices and garnish top with any reserved whipped cream.
*Store in refrigerator. To serve, carefully divide servings by pre-sliced wedges.