Friday, October 31, 2014

Twas the Night of Halloween

Twas the night of Halloween
and all through the house,
there are spiders and bats,
a bloody mask on my spouse.

The pumpkins are carved
and out on the stoop.
Dinner’s almost prepared,
just putting blood in the soup.

Blood (Homemade Tomato) Soup for Halloween | | #recipe #Halloween
Blood (Homemade Tomato) Soup
Blood (Homemade Tomato) Soup for Halloween | | #recipe #Halloween

When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,
I aint no fool
don’t want to see what’s the matter.

‘Cause I know what to my
wondering eyes will appear,
just one tiny peak,
sends a shiver of fear.

Away from the window
I fly like a flash.
Every woman for herself,
I’m saving my ass.

Oh, I’ll dash and I’ll prance,
like a vixen I’ll dance.
Whatever it takes
not to pee in my pants.

But then, to my horror,
I hear on the roof,
banging and footsteps,
could that be a hoof?

Quick search for a weapon
but I’m just not ready.
When right down the chimney come . . .
Jason and Freddy?

Freddie and Jason costumes |

For this dire situation,
I know I have the cure.
From the pantry I grab
Snickers, Butterfingers and more . . .

Happy Haunting, my friends!
Baking In A Tornado |

Blood Soup (Homemade Tomato Soup) for Halloween
Printable Recipe
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP butter
½ large onion, chopped
1 clove chopped garlic
2 TBSP flour
4 large ripe tomatoes, chopped
2 cups chicken broth
¼ cup sherry
1 TBSP sugar
¼ tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
1 TBSP fresh chopped dill
1/4 cup sour cream
OPT: Ketchup for decorating
*Over medium heat, melt the butter in the oil. Stir in the onion and garlic, cook and stir until the onion is just soft. Stir in the flour and cook for one minute.
*Stir in the tomatoes, chicken broth, sherry, sugar, salt, dill, salt and pepper. Raise the heat to just a notch above medium and stir until the mixture comes to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring now and then. Remove from heat.
*Allow the soup to cool a bit before pureeing. Carefully puree in batches in a blender. Tip the top of the blender a bit to allow the steam to escape. Strain through a strainer back into a pot, stir in the sour cream. Serve warm.
*OPT: for Halloween you can add a few drops of ketchup to the bowls of soup to look like blood drops.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Me versus Google Translate

For a while there it seemed like the older I got the less I understood. I gotta tell you, there were times when this totally worked for me. Without a doubt, anyone with teenagers is well aware that more often than not, ignorance is bliss.

But, mostly thanks to social media, I’m actually becoming quite adept at understanding so many thing I ever imagined would even exist. Like auto-correct. Whoever came up with that should have his fingers permanently fused. But out of necessity . . . or self preservation, I’ve become a master at translating auto-correct. In fact, it’s clear that it’s my superpower. And that’s led to honing these skills in all aspects of life. I swear I’m going to put Google Translate out of work. So next time you need something translated, count on me.

Translation | | #MyGraphics

Not quite sold? Well check out some samples of my mad skills:

~At the beginning of this month I was watching the last Red Sox game. My beloved team sucked this year {{sob}}. During the game they interviewed the Head Coach about the future of the team.
What he said was: He talked for a good five minutes about talent and upcoming off-season assessment. He spoke about new prospects and long time players, rebuilding years and base talent.
Translation: We’re gonna try not to suck again next year.

~I’m one of those dinosaurs who still has a land line. It actually works for me and I’ve been known to talk to one kid on my cell while talking to the other on the home phone. When it doesn’t work out is when the telemarketers call. It always starts with an offer of some sort, to which I answer “I’ll tell you whether or not I’m interested in your product after you tell me that the do-not-call list is.”
What he said was: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were on the list. I’ll have your number removed from our rosters.
Translation: Talk to you tomorrow, sucka.

~I made Tomato Soup from scratch for the first time and it came out delicious (I’ll be posting the recipe on Friday). I was meant to be a Halloween recipe and couldn’t figure out what to use for “blood”. College Boy came up with ketchup. Perfect. It’s made from tomatoes anyway and is the right color. I took my pictures and went to serve the soup for dinner.
What he said was: I don’t want that for dinner, it looks disgusting.
Translation: If I liked Tomato Soup yours would be my favorite because it’s delicious looking, you’re the best Mom in the whole world and you’re smart and pretty too.

~My husband cannot text. Mostly he doesn’t even try, just tells me what to text to which kid. But oh, look out when he tries to text me, like the day he was leaving work to pick up a bench for me.
What he said was: Heads up 4get you bitch.
Translation: Heading up 2 get your bench.

~Autocorrect? As I said, I’ve got this covered. Like the time I was at the grocery store. My son had stopped by the house and was going to grab a cold drink when he texted me.
What he said was: You’ve got no eyes.
Translation: You’ve got no ice.

Witch-O-Lantern | | #recipe #Halloween
Witch-O- Lantern
Witch-O-Lantern | | #recipe #Halloween

~ Some words have multiple meanings. This is where I totally have Google Translate beat. For instance, the word “fine”.
When a Mom isn’t feeling well and is asked how she’s doing:
What she said was: I’m fine.
Translation: I won’t burden you with how sick I am . . . unless you make some comment about the laundry not being done, then I’ll be fine but you’ll be dead.
When a teenager is asked how his grades are.
What he said was: They’re fine.
Translation: “D-“ is passing.
When it comes from your significant other.
What he said was: You look fine.
Translation: Unlike the teenager with his grades, it doesn’t mean just passing, it means gorgeous. Just accept it and back slowly away from the conversation.
When a young child is asked about a new dinner recipe:
What he said was: It’s fine.
Translation: Is that what I need to say to get dessert?

~I was at the grocery store and looking for an item it seemed they were all out of. I found someone who works there and asked if he’d check the stock room for me.
What he said was: Sure, I’ll check and be right back.
Translation: Ha, stand there as long as you like, you’ll never see me again.

~What I said was:  Happy Haunting!
Translation: Don’t come jumping out of the bushes by my house wearing a bloody costume unless you bring me a change of pants. And a cocktail.

Baking In A Tornado | www.BakingInATornadomcom

Printable Recipe
6 Oreos, split in half and filling removed
12 Hershey’s kisses, unwrapped
¼ cup chocolate chips
12 plain donut holes
Orange candy melts
24 nonpareils
1 twizzler
Red writing gel
*Melt the chocolate chips on a plate. Stir until smooth. Dip the flat bottom of each Kiss candy in the chocolate and attach each to an oreo half to form the witch’s hat. Allow to set.
*Cut three half-inch pieces of twizzler. Slice each piece (lengthwise) into 4 slits.
* Melt 1/3 of the candy melts in the microwave until smooth. It’s easier to work with 4 donut holes at a time. Stick a fork into the top of a donut hole, dip and swirl in the candy melts until covered. It doesn’t have to be smooth, most pumpkins aren’t.
*Place on a sheet of wax paper. Put one of the witch’s hats you made on top of the “pumpkin” and press it down gently, using it for leverage to carefully remove the fork.
*Place 2 nonpareils onto the “pumpkin” as eyes and a slit of twizzler as a mouth.
*Make red “eyeballs” on the nonpareil “eyes” using red writing  gel. Allow to set completely (can put in the fridge for quick setting).

Friday, October 24, 2014

October Funny Friday

Today’s post is October’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

Funny Friday  | | #MyGraphics

Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by The Bergham's Life Chronicles.

Funny Friday picture | The Bergham's Life Chronicles

1) Man yelling down to worker in a party store: “When I said “fill me a balloon with helium”, I meant fill a balloon FOR me, not fill ME up like a balloon.”

2) Balloon yelling from the sky: “Honey, I don’t think I’ll be home for dinner after all.”
3) Balloon to himself: “I sure as hell hope I’m not in the flight path . . .”.

4)  Balloon yelling to people on the ground: “Call Life Alert. I’m up . . . and I can’t fall down.”

5) Balloon to himself: “I better not be headed towards the Bermuda Triangle.”

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

And now for something yummy:

Mocha Mummy Cookies | | #recipe #cookies #Halloween
Mocha Mummy Cookies

Mocha Mummy Cookies | | #recipe #cookies #Halloween

Enjoy your weekend!

Baking In A Tornado | | #MyGraphics

Mocha Mummy Cookies
Printable Recipe
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 tablespoons chocolate syrup
2 eggs
2 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 TBSP unsweetened baking cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoon instant coffee granules
9 ounces of vanilla bark
Approximately 72 mini M&Ms
*Cream the butter, margarine and sugars until smooth. Beat in the vanilla, chocolate syrup and eggs. Mix in the rest of the ingredients.
*Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for an hour.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover baking sheets with parchment paper. Roll dough into approximately ¾ inch balls and place onto parchment paper. Press each ball down slightly with the heel of your hand.
*Bake approximately 13 - 15 minutes. Remove from oven and carefully slide the parchment paper off of the cookie sheet. Allow the cookies to cool completely.
*Melt the vanilla bark in the microwave, checking and stirring frequently, until smooth.
*Place the melted bark into a plastic sandwich bag. Snip one corner and drizzle the white chocolate onto the cookies to resemble a mummy “wrap” (see picture of finished cookie).
*Immediately make “eyes” using 2 mini M&Ms per cookie. Allow to set on the counter about 5 minutes, then move to the fridge until the bark has hardened.