Friday, July 3, 2015

The Box: My New Favorite Show

I have to admit that I was shocked a few weeks ago when I heard of a new upcoming TV show called The Box. If I got the story right, and I really hope I did not, the show takes place on a stage. On that stage is a large box the size of a small room, chairs where a panel of sexperts experts sit, and a couch for the victims wack-jobs participants. Just for the record, you cannot see inside the box and it’s soundproof.

The premise of the show (again, as I understand it) is that it’s for couples having relationship issues. They are sent into the box (which apparently has a bed and sex toys in it) to have sex because issues are better able to be dealt with when endorphin levels are high. They come out in robes, sit on the couch (gross) and discuss their issues with a panel of mental health experts. What those experts do while the couple is in the box, I haven’t a clue. In fact, what little I know about this show already is TMI on steroids. I desperately need a brain eraser. Any entrepreneurs out there want to invent one? I’ll be your guinea pig.

You all know that exercise raises endorphin levels too, right? So does chocolate. Was no one able to find a treadmill? Or bake a cake?

I admire creativity, I really do. So many shows follow the same old formula that I sometimes forget which show I’m watching. A fresh idea, something that hasn’t been done before is intriguing. Well, except in this instance. Because what goes on behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors. And those closed doors do not belong on a stage. Or on my TV.

Or do they?

How about if, rather than throwing this whole idea out, I just tweak it a bit?

The Time Out Box | | #MyGraphics

Here’s my take:
Instead of The Box, I’m calling my show Time Out. It will take place on a stage and on that stage will be a box. The box will be the same size as on one on the original show, but no toys inside, just a couch. No, make that a loveseat. Nothing else.

Also on the stage will be one comfy chair, a TV, a laptop and a kitchen. I’m the only other person on the show and I’ll need to keep busy while the participants are in the box.

In the box (fully dressed, thank you) will go two people. Possibly not of their own free will, but we’ll have to work out the logistics and legalities of that later.

Out of that box will come the same two people, but only once they’ve reached an agreement.

I’m working on the guest cast, but off the top of my head I’m thinking:

*Kim Jong Un and a stylist.

*Kanye and the Dalai Lama.

*Donald Trump and Pancho Villa.

*The black/blue dress and the white/gold dress. Yes, that optical illusion still has me freaked out.

*Common sense and common core math.

*The new Colonel Sanders and Colonel Custer.

*Matthew McConaughey and a barber.

*Naomi Campbell and Rocky.

*The chicken and the egg. Although I can see them fighting even as they enter the Time Out box:
Chicken: “I’m going first.”
Egg: “No, I was here first.”

*Nancy Grace and Emily Post.

Have to go to the bathroom? Hungry? Thirsty? Lactating? Getting married? Better get to agreeing.

Got a date? Closing on a house? Jonesing for a game of Candy Crush? Start talking. Work it out or you’ll stay in Time Out. Didn’t your mamas teach you anything?

And when they emerge, I’ll be in my comfy chair waiting. With cookies.

S'mores Cookies | | #recipe #cookies

S’mores Cookies

Season two is booking now, who would you like to send into the Time Out box?
And to all of my baking friends, don’t say yeast and me . . .we'll be in there forever.

Baking In A Tornado signature | | #MyGraphics

S’mores Cookies
Printable Recipe
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
3/4 cup baking cocoa
¼ cup + 3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs
1/2 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1 ½ cups mini marshmallows, classic or fruit flavored
*Cream the butter, sugars, egg and vanilla. Carefully, on the lowest setting at first, beat in the flour, cocoa, ¼ cup graham cracker crumbs, baking soda and salt. Mix in the mini marshmallows
*Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for one hour.
*Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cover cookie sheets with parchment paper.
*Roll the dough into approximately ¾ inch balls. Try to be sure that each cookie ball has at least one marshmallow in it.
*Place the ¾ cups of graham cracker crumbs in a bowl. Roll the cookie balls in the graham cracker crumbs and place on the cookie sheets. Bake for approximately 15 minutes, until the cookies are set and the marshmallows are melting.
*Cool completely on the parchment paper.


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Sue all Gays? Yeah, That's the Ticket

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank a moron.

Thank you, Sylvia, for putting yourself on the front lines of the fight for the rights of intolerant bigots everywhere.

I know I’ve written a lot about gay rights lately. I bet you’re thinking “we get it, enough already.” You could even be wondering when I’m going to climb off that high horse or soap box or whatever it is that has me standing higher than my normal five feet.

Well, today’s post isn’t about gay rights.

It’s about idiocy.

You see, College Boy and I have very similar beliefs and champion many of the same causes. It’s not just because he’s my son. I can assure you that from the time he could talk, this particular son would fight me to the death over whether the sky is blue or the grass is green. If I say it, he says the opposite.

Add to that the fact that he’s college age. These are the years when it’s a rite of passage to develop your own beliefs, reject many of those of your parents. And he does. But when it comes to politics and rights, suddenly and miraculously we’re mostly on the same page.

So when I was in the kitchen the other day making dinner and College Boy read a story about a woman in Nebraska suing all gays, he grabbed a counter stool and sat down to tell me about it.

White Chocolate Berry Tart | | #recipe #dessert

White Chocolate Berry Tart
White Chocolate Berry Tart | | #recipe #dessert

And I have to tell you, there is nothing like the arguments of an imbecile to bring this mom and her son closer, laughing till tears ran down our faces. Giggling together like we hadn’t since he was a little boy.

Sue All Gays | | #MyGraphics

A woman named Sylvia has decided that she is the spokesperson for G-d and for Jesus. And in their name she is suing all homosexuals.

I’m not sure where she got the roster. I certainly hope it’s a comprehensive list, I’d hate for her to go through all this effort and then have to do it all over again if she hears of one or two stragglers.

She intends to prove, using the bible, that living as a gay person is a sin. I’m not sure who told her that a court of law is where you determine what is or is not a sin, but I’m thinking she may have gotten some shady legal advice along the way.

And as proof that it is not just a sin but a premeditated sin, she argues that if the homosexuals didn’t know that their lifestyle was a sin, they wouldn’t have been hiding in the closet.

Clearly a sound legal argument.

She further contends that we, as a society, have become compliant to and complicit in lewd behavior. Kinda makes me wonder in whose windows she’s been peeking.

Now I have to admit that this part has me a little scared myself. Will she next go after anyone not adhering strictly to the missionary position? Are we all going to have to publicly declare our preferences? Will we be pointing at our neighbors identifying them as pro-doggy or anti-doggy?

And finally, because everyone knows that the best way to win a legal argument is to issue a dare to the court, in her seven page petition Sylvia challenges the judge saying that to rule against her is tantamount to calling G-d a liar.

Sylvia then contradicts herself by claiming that she’ll be representing herself in the court case. Wait, didn’t she just say she was representing G-d and Jesus?

And if she is, then isn’t she impersonating a lawyer?

I can’t tell you how many times College Boy and I broke out into hysterics while reading this short article. I can’t tell you how much fun I had looking into his eyes, knowing what he was thinking and guffawing all over again.

So let me thank you, Sylvia, from the bottom of my heart, for being such a total and complete ass.
Baking In A Tornado signature | | #MyGraphics

White Chocolate Berry Tart

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes 24):
8 oz cream cheese, softened
2 sticks butter, softened
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon

powdered sugar for dusting

1 box (3.3 oz) white chocolate pudding and pie filling
1 1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup raspberry liqueur
OPT: for alcohol free, substitute more milk for raspberry liqueur
1 TBSP seedless raspberry jam

1 cup blueberries
1/2 lb strawberries, hulled and thinly sliced

*Beat cream cheese butter and vanilla. Stir in flour and cinnamon. Form into a ball and divide into 4 segments. Wrap separately in plastic wrap, press down to flatten and chill 1 hour.
*Grease 24 muffin tins. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
*Remove one ball of dough from the fridge. Place a piece of parchment paper on your counter and dust with powdered sugar. Place the dough on the sugar, cover with the plastic wrap and roll out to an approximately 9 or 10 inch circle.
*Using a round cookie cutter or the mouth of a 3 1/2 inch (opening) cup, cut circles out of the dough. Gently tap each dough circle, sugar side up, into a muffin tin. Repeat with the other dough ball until you've made 24.
*Bake for 25 minutes. Allow to cool completely in the muffin tin.
*While the cups are cooling, place pudding mix, raspberry jam and milk in a bowl. Whisk until well mixed. Add the liqueur and whisk until it starts to thicken.
*Set aside 24 strawberry slices and chop the rest of the strawberries.
*Add 1/2 of the blueberries and the chopped strawberries to the pudding mixture.
*Carefully remove the cookie cups from the muffin tins abd place on serving platter.
*Divide the fruit mixture amongst the cookie cups.
*Garnish with the reserved fruit. Place in refrigerator to set.
*Store leftovers in the refrigerator.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Funny Friday: We’re not in Kansas

Today’s post is April’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.
Funny Friday | | #MyGraphics

Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by The Momisodes.
Funny Friday, The Momisodes |
1. Little Sister: Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more.
2. Big Sister: No problem, we can get home, I’ll just call Mom. There’s a cell tower nearby, right?
3. Big Sister to Little Sister: What are you looking at?
Little Sister: I’m watching out for Flying Monkeys.
4. Big Sister: What you need to be watching for is hot air balloons. That’s how you get home from the moon, right?
5. Big Brother to Little Sister: I sure hope you’re wearing your ruby slippers . . .
And now for something yummy:
Best Meatball Subs | | #recipe #dinner
 BEST Meatball Subs
Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:
Baking In A Tornado | | #MyGraphics

BEST Meatball Subs
Printable Recipe
8 French rolls or chunks of French bread
8 slices smoky provolone
2 # ground beef
2 eggs
½ cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
¼ cup grated parmesan
1 ½ tsp minced fresh garlic
2 TBSP minced dried onion
¾ tsp seasoned salt
1 TBSP parsley
Homemade marinara Sauce, my recipe here: MY RECIPE HERE
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
*Gently mix together the beef, eggs, bread crumbs, parmesan, garlic, onion, seasoned salt and parsley. Form into 24 balls and place onto a baking sheet with a lip.
*Bake for 45 minutes.
*While the meatballs are baking, heat the marinara sauce and keep warm.
*Just before the meatballs are ready, slice and toast the rolls. Place a slice of provolone in each roll and wrap in tin foil to keep warm and melt the cheese.
*Remove the meatballs from the oven. With tongs, move the meatballs onto paper towels to dry the bottoms.
*Unwrap and open the rolls. Spread about 2 – 3 TBSP marinara over the bottom of each roll. Top with 2 to 3 meatballs, then another 2 – 3 TBSP marinara. Serve with more marinara for dipping.