Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Sue all Gays? Yeah, That's the Ticket

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank a moron.

Thank you, Sylvia, for putting yourself on the front lines of the fight for the rights of intolerant bigots everywhere.

I know I’ve written a lot about gay rights lately. I bet you’re thinking “we get it, enough already.” You could even be wondering when I’m going to climb off that high horse or soap box or whatever it is that has me standing higher than my normal five feet.

Well, today’s post isn’t about gay rights.

It’s about idiocy.

You see, College Boy and I have very similar beliefs and champion many of the same causes. It’s not just because he’s my son. I can assure you that from the time he could talk, this particular son would fight me to the death over whether the sky is blue or the grass is green. If I say it, he says the opposite.

Add to that the fact that he’s college age. These are the years when it’s a rite of passage to develop your own beliefs, reject many of those of your parents. And he does. But when it comes to politics and rights, suddenly and miraculously we’re mostly on the same page.

So when I was in the kitchen the other day making dinner and College Boy read a story about a woman in Nebraska suing all gays, he grabbed a counter stool and sat down to tell me about it.

White Chocolate Berry Tart | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dessert

White Chocolate Berry Tart
White Chocolate Berry Tart | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dessert

And I have to tell you, there is nothing like the arguments of an imbecile to bring this mom and her son closer, laughing till tears ran down our faces. Giggling together like we hadn’t since he was a little boy.

Sue All Gays | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

A woman named Sylvia has decided that she is the spokesperson for G-d and for Jesus. And in their name she is suing all homosexuals.

I’m not sure where she got the roster. I certainly hope it’s a comprehensive list, I’d hate for her to go through all this effort and then have to do it all over again if she hears of one or two stragglers.

She intends to prove, using the bible, that living as a gay person is a sin. I’m not sure who told her that a court of law is where you determine what is or is not a sin, but I’m thinking she may have gotten some shady legal advice along the way.

And as proof that it is not just a sin but a premeditated sin, she argues that if the homosexuals didn’t know that their lifestyle was a sin, they wouldn’t have been hiding in the closet.

Clearly a sound legal argument.

She further contends that we, as a society, have become compliant to and complicit in lewd behavior. Kinda makes me wonder in whose windows she’s been peeking.

Now I have to admit that this part has me a little scared myself. Will she next go after anyone not adhering strictly to the missionary position? Are we all going to have to publicly declare our preferences? Will we be pointing at our neighbors identifying them as pro-doggy or anti-doggy?

And finally, because everyone knows that the best way to win a legal argument is to issue a dare to the court, in her seven page petition Sylvia challenges the judge saying that to rule against her is tantamount to calling G-d a liar.

Sylvia then contradicts herself by claiming that she’ll be representing herself in the court case. Wait, didn’t she just say she was representing G-d and Jesus?

And if she is, then isn’t she impersonating a lawyer?

I can’t tell you how many times College Boy and I broke out into hysterics while reading this short article. I can’t tell you how much fun I had looking into his eyes, knowing what he was thinking and guffawing all over again.

So let me thank you, Sylvia, from the bottom of my heart, for being such a total and complete ass.
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White Chocolate Berry Tart

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes 24):
8 oz cream cheese, softened
2 sticks butter, softened
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon

powdered sugar for dusting

1 box (3.3 oz) white chocolate pudding and pie filling
1 1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup raspberry liqueur
OPT: for alcohol free, substitute more milk for raspberry liqueur
1 TBSP seedless raspberry jam

1 cup blueberries
1/2 lb strawberries, hulled and thinly sliced

*Beat cream cheese butter and vanilla. Stir in flour and cinnamon. Form into a ball and divide into 4 segments. Wrap separately in plastic wrap, press down to flatten and chill 1 hour.
*Grease 24 muffin tins. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
*Remove one ball of dough from the fridge. Place a piece of parchment paper on your counter and dust with powdered sugar. Place the dough on the sugar, cover with the plastic wrap and roll out to an approximately 9 or 10 inch circle.
*Using a round cookie cutter or the mouth of a 3 1/2 inch (opening) cup, cut circles out of the dough. Gently tap each dough circle, sugar side up, into a muffin tin. Repeat with the other dough ball until you've made 24.
*Bake for 25 minutes. Allow to cool completely in the muffin tin.
*While the cups are cooling, place pudding mix, raspberry jam and milk in a bowl. Whisk until well mixed. Add the liqueur and whisk until it starts to thicken.
*Set aside 24 strawberry slices and chop the rest of the strawberries.
*Add 1/2 of the blueberries and the chopped strawberries to the pudding mixture.
*Carefully remove the cookie cups from the muffin tins abd place on serving platter.
*Divide the fruit mixture amongst the cookie cups.
*Garnish with the reserved fruit. Place in refrigerator to set.
*Store leftovers in the refrigerator.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Funny Friday: We’re not in Kansas

Today’s post is April’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.
Funny Friday | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by The Momisodes.
Funny Friday, The Momisodes | www.BakingInATornado.com
1. Little Sister: Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more.
2. Big Sister: No problem, we can get home, I’ll just call Mom. There’s a cell tower nearby, right?
3. Big Sister to Little Sister: What are you looking at?
Little Sister: I’m watching out for Flying Monkeys.
4. Big Sister: What you need to be watching for is hot air balloons. That’s how you get home from the moon, right?
5. Big Brother to Little Sister: I sure hope you’re wearing your ruby slippers . . .
And now for something yummy:
Best Meatball Subs | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dinner
 BEST Meatball Subs
Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:
Baking In A Tornado | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

BEST Meatball Subs
Printable Recipe
8 French rolls or chunks of French bread
8 slices smoky provolone
2 # ground beef
2 eggs
½ cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
¼ cup grated parmesan
1 ½ tsp minced fresh garlic
2 TBSP minced dried onion
¾ tsp seasoned salt
1 TBSP parsley
Homemade marinara Sauce, my recipe here: MY RECIPE HERE
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
*Gently mix together the beef, eggs, bread crumbs, parmesan, garlic, onion, seasoned salt and parsley. Form into 24 balls and place onto a baking sheet with a lip.
*Bake for 45 minutes.
*While the meatballs are baking, heat the marinara sauce and keep warm.
*Just before the meatballs are ready, slice and toast the rolls. Place a slice of provolone in each roll and wrap in tin foil to keep warm and melt the cheese.
*Remove the meatballs from the oven. With tongs, move the meatballs onto paper towels to dry the bottoms.
*Unwrap and open the rolls. Spread about 2 – 3 TBSP marinara over the bottom of each roll. Top with 2 to 3 meatballs, then another 2 – 3 TBSP marinara. Serve with more marinara for dipping.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

No Sale

After careful consideration, I have an announcement to make:

I will not be buying a $20,000 watch.

Because really, unless that thing can lead me to the fountain of youth, pick the winning lottery numbers, bring home the bacon, fry it up AND wash that pan, I’m out. All you people standing in line, you don’t need to worry about me being ahead of you.

Yeah, yeah, it’s a cool toy. I’ll give it that. And I love being in touch. I’m a social media junkie, my email is always open to I don’t miss a thing, but do I need to WEAR it? I love you and all but I do not need you strapped to my back wrist. I will be going to the bathroom and you will not be going with me. I’m sorry. You’re disappointed, I know.

What would the ramifications of making a purchase like this be anyway? What kinds of things will those around you be able to see right there on your wrist?

*A steady stream of pictures of the snacks they want being sent to you by your kids while you’re walking through the grocery store.

*Pictorial evidence of that newly backed up toilet the kids think you need to see while you’re out to dinner.

Creamsicle Bars | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dessert #bake

Creamsicle Bars

*Your check with the words “insufficient funds” written across it while you’re checking out at the shoe store.

*Notice of a failing grade from your kid’s teacher while you’re at lunch with your friend whose kid just got into Harvard.

*A picture of grandpa’s goiter from grandma who hasn’t quite gotten the concept of over-sharing. I bet the next door neighbor will love seeing a picture of that flash onto your wrist while sharing a cup of coffee.

And although I can see a few positives:

*If you’re stuck in a waiting room you can always read a book right there on your wrist. One word at a time probably but when your kindle’s at home, it’s either that or a magazine from 10 years ago. And I think we already know that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up.

*A shot of the dog’s raw backside could be a great way to get out of having to continue a boring conversation with someone whose name you can’t remember that you ran into in the grocery store. “Hey, I’d love to keep chatting but I’ve got to run, looks like I’ve got to get the dog to the vet. Look at this backside . . .”

*While that pompous school principal is explaining what your kid did this time, a picture of your kids’ poop with the message “should this be green, mom” will probably get you on your way in no time.

I have to ask, is it really worth the price to be able to see all of this on a tiny screen on our wrists? And why? Are cell phones just not small enough? Are we that lazy that we can’t bear the inconvenience of having to hold our phones any more.

And what about people like me? I won’t even be able to see the damn thing. Unless it comes with a magnifying glass. Should I tape that to my eyeball? Or just wear a monocle everywhere I go?

You know, instead of spending $20,000 on a watch, for a couple of bucks I can just wear a wrist band and velcro my cell phone to my wrist.

OR . . . I have a great idea . . . why bother having to waste all that time and energy looking down at your wrist? This is genius: a halo.  Dangle that screen like a carrot right in front of your face.

Don’t try to copy my idea. Patent Pending.

No Sale | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphi

And in case my kids are reading this (well, that’ll be a first), I know at least one of you is going to put a $20,000 watch on your birthday list.

And you know I’m going to ignore it.

But I may have a little something way better for you to test out for me.

Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Creamsicle Bars
Printable Recipe
1 sugar cookie dough: you can use a packet mix, your own recipe, or use THIS RECIPE.
Opt:1 TBSP powdered orange drink mix
12 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup frozen orange juice concentrate, defrosted
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1 ½ cups heavy cream
¼ cup powdered sugar
15 oz can mandarin oranges, well drained
½ cup heavy cream
1 TBSP powdered sugar
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 pan.
*Bring the orange juice concentrate to room temperature.
*Make the sugar cookie dough, adding the powdered drink mix when you add your flour.
*Press the dough into the bottom and most of the way up the sides of your greased pan.
*Bake for approximately 15 minutes or until it’s just starting to brown. Once out of the oven, you can use the back of a spoon to gently reshape the crust.
*Cool on the counter for ½ hour, then move to fridge and cool completely.
*Beat cream cheese with orange juice concentrate and 1/4 cup of powdered sugar.
*In another bowl, beat 1½ cups heavy cream and ¼ cup powdered sugar until soft peaks form.  Beat in cream cheese mixture. Gently mix mandarin oranges and pour into the crust.
*Beat ½ cup heavy cream with 1 TBSP powdered sugar until stiff peaks form. Spread onto the cream cheese layer. 
*Refrigerate at least an hour before slicing and serving.