Reno Humor: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

In July's blog post, Exciting and Exhausting, I talked about my son's company moving him back here and the whirlwind purchase of his first house. Last month's post, More Diamond, Less Rough, was about the 7 weeks I spent as the general contractor for my son's home while he was back in Boulder finishing up work there and waiting for the movers. It was completely exhausting and often frustrating day after day, but worth every minute.

In today's post, I'm going to share a few stories about some of what happened along the way. Last house renovation post, I swear!

In those 7 weeks as general contractor, I spoke to 27 tradespeople, took estimates, and hired 13 of them. Each had a crew, some small, some large. I had to have met and worked with 35 - 40 people. I thoroughly enjoyed working with and getting to know all of them except one. One guy was an absolute nightmare, but everyone else, from business owners to workers, were friendly, patient as I learned from them, hard-working, interesting, professional, and some just fun to be around.

I got to know some of them so well, we'd text fairly regularly, I was comfortable enough to joke with them.

I was waiting for the floor guy to come, I'd been told he's just be there an hour or two so I intended to just stay until he was done to lock up after him, as I didn't yet have a key for him. When he arrived, he told me he'd be there the rest of the day.

The front and back doors have both a locking door knob, and an upper deadbolt that PurDude had added. I told Raul that when he left he should lock the deadbolt on the front door, then the lower lock on the back door, he could then just pull the back door closed to lock it, and I'd be able to get in the front door.

The next day, Saturday, I went to the house and Raul had locked both front door locks. I was locked out.

I called the owner, who sent and paid for a locksmith to pick the lower front lock so I could get in.

I texted PurDude the story that night, then texted the owner the next day:

Me: I hope you find this funny (I didn't). There is a side door to the house that only unlocks from the inside. There is only one key and I have it. PurDude just told me that it also unlocks the lower front and back door locks. Bottom line: I'm paying you back for the locksmith. Please let me know what I owe you.

Him: Funny, not funny. Don't worry, it's all good.

Speaking of locks, here's a lesson learned. If a doorknob is loose, don't close the door all the way.

We had to get down to the basement to empty the dehumidifier. I was in the living room when I heard:

Hubs: Oh, no.

Me: What?
Hubs (standing by the closed door to the basement holding the doorknob): This isn't good.

Me: Great. You broke your kid's house.

And that's how we learned to take a doorknob apart, jimmy our way in, and reattach the knob.

looks kinda sad, doesn't he?

Much better.

BTW, back at home another lesson learned:

Cinnamon and curry powder may look similar in the spice rack (first thing in the morning and without my glasses on, in my defense), but they taste very different in an Apple Harvest Cake.

'nough said.

Apple Harvest Cake

I talk a lot in these posts about autocorrect and the crazy (but funny) way it changes my texts.

While I was there, I was also getting Pudude's mail. One letter was from his mortgage company, his first mortgage payment would be due and they were listing the ways he could pay.

I sent a text to PurDude telling him about the letter. I should have learned by now to read before sending, but this time I didn't. So this is what I went:

Me: You got a letter from your mortgage company. Your mother is due on the first, there are multiple option for how to pay . . .

In the upstairs hall, there's a door to the attic. Runniing from the front of the house with 3 windows to the back of the house with 2 windows, it is an amazing, beautiful, huge space, perfect for finishing as a future project. Just inside that door is a laundry chute straight down to the laundry room in the basement.

On one of our trips to the house, we saw in the laundry room, a pile of rags. There were multiple trades working in the house at the time, so they could have belonged to any of them, but still, a pile of rags on the floor seemed odd.

I had shown the laundry chute to the floor guys. They were using the washing machine outlet for their sander, and for the upper floors, I told them they could just send their cord down the laundry chute to the basement.

I came in the next day while they were sanding, and they told me they couldn't get the cord down the laundry chute. They stuck a stick into the bottom and found there was a blockage. Pushing harder, the blockage came out. 

It wasn't rags, it was an entire load of laundry: sheets, clothes, underwear and socks.

I gotta wonder . . . who is in such a rush to move away that they leave their underwear behind?

 

I tried to play a joke on PurDude. He has a side door that goes up to the kitchen, or down to the basement. I sent him a picture of crime scene tape the concrete guy had put up at his side door and told him someone had tried to break in the night before.

He wasn't fooled. Not for a second. Of course, I might have had a better chance of fooling him if he hadn't known that Jim was replacing the concrete there the day before.

Or maybe not.

Speaking of that side door, this isn't real terrazzo, right?

And speaking of the basement, it's a large, mostly unfinished space broken up into rooms. There are cabinets for storage all around the space, a work room, a laundry room, a wet bar, lots of space (but not continuous, broken up). 

The former owners left him a free standing freezer, plugged in and working. A wet bar, plumbed and working. A washer and dryer, plugged in and working. A dehumidifier, plugged in and working. 

And a toilet. 

In a box.

We had a kind of a good news/bad news situation with the carpet/tile company. These were more people I thoroughly enjoyed working with. 

Emilie was our contact at the company, and she just had a great, bubbly personality. Horacio was in charge of our project. We were putting ceramic tile in the front entrance and carpet in 3 bedrooms.

The carpet guy didn't put the trim on the carpet at the doorway because he knew the hall floors were being refinished and this would make it easier on the wood floor guys.

The ceramic tile went in on the porch and I was dismayed, the grout was the wrong color. 

I called Emilie, and she said she'd send Horacio over to fix it. She called me later in the day, apologetic. She said it was her fault, she'd ordered the wrong grout color. I told her I appreciated the call but it was no problem since it would be fixed.

The next day I tried to call Emilie and the business phone gave me a message that they were not accepting calls from my number and that I should hang up. Huh?

I called Emilie's personal phone, she didn't pick up, so I left a message, and texted also. I even called from Hubs' phone and asked to have Emilie call me. Nothing.

The next day I saw Horacio at the house. He claimed to know nothing about the message I was getting or Emilie not getting back to me, but at least the tile was now grouted correctly.

Over the next month, I heard not one word from them. 

So . . .

Bad news: Doorway trim was missing on the carpet in those 3 bedrooms.

Good news: Also missing was their entire bill.

Update: more good news, the day before PurDude came to town Horacio trimmed the carpet.

And even more good news, still haven't seen a bill.

On the day the floors were finished, I needed to go in the house. I texted the floor guy, who made it clear that I had to wait 6 hours and . . .

Erik: My team just finished the final coating to the floor. Please wait until 4:00. Socks only today, shoes starting tomorrow.

Me: Thank you so much. I'll be there today at 4:00 with my socks on. By socks only, I assume you mean I can still wear my pants and shirt, right? 

Phew, he left it up to me.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Apple Harvest Cake

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

5 apples, cored, peeled, and chopped

5 TBSP butter

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 TBSP caramel sauce

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup honey

1/3 cup maple syrup

1 1/4 cups oil

3 eggs

2 tsp vanilla

3 cups flour

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon

Directions: 

*In a large sauté pan, heat the butter over medium heat until melted. Add the chopped apples and cook, stirring for about 3 minutes, until they just start to soften. Mix in 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, and the caramel sauce, just until the apples are coated. Set aside.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a bundt pan.

*Whisk together the sugar, remaining brown sugar, honey, maple syrup, oil, eggs, and vanilla until smooth.

*Mix in the flour, baking soda, salt, and remaining cinnamon until completely incorporated.

*Spread about 1/3 of the apple mixture into the bottom of the prepared pan. Mix the rest of the apple mixture into the dough and pour evenly over the apples at the bottom of the pan.

*Bake for 35 - 45 minutes, until the center of the top springs back to the touch. Run a knife around the edges.

*Let the cake cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then invert onto a serving plate. NOTE: some of the apples may stick to the bottom of the pan, removed them with a knife and place onto the top of the cake. 

*Cool completely before slicing.

Soap or Soup: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

Hubs was leaving for work and, as he always does, asks me if I need anything while he's out. I rarely do, but I'd been having trouble finding eggs and we were running low so I aked him, if he was going to be near a grocery store, to see what he could find.

Later, I hear him coming in through the garage door and hanging his coat up in the closet.

Hubs (calling from the hallway): Guess what I got?

Me (calling back from the den): Eggs?

Hubs: No, even better.

Me: Better? what did you get?
Hubs: Munchkins.

Me: Ummm . . . like little people?

Hubs: No, like donut holes.

That IS better, but I don't think I'll be scrambling them for breakfast any time soon.

Later that week, he was leaving again.

Hubs: I'm going into the office for a little while, do you need anything?
Me: Yes.

Hubs: OK, I'll stop on the way home, what do you need?
Me: Summer.

Hubs' tire needed air and the pump was broken at the gas station where he usually goes. He wasn't sure where he should try next. I suggested googling it. 

Hubs: I found a place that's close, but I can't picture it. It says it's at the corner of 120th and Jones.

Me: Yes, you know the place.

Hubs: I do?

Me: Yes, if you go up Jones, it's on the left, there's a gas station and a few store fronts. You used to get your hair cut there.

Hubs: I never got my hair cut at a gas station.

OK, now do you see what I'm dealing with here?

A fly, a few days ago, would have seen me giggiling now and then, for no apparent reason.

I had been reading a book on my Kindle and I was starting to question whether English was the writer's first language. Some of the wording seemed odd. I wasn't quite sure until:

Either this book was taking a sharp turn into some kind of kink, or somethng here has gotten lost in the translation.

But it really was funny.

Hubs had an early morning meeting in the next town over, and it just so happens there's a Dunkin' drive-thru on the way home. I've already mentioned that he'd brought some of their Munchkins home a few weeks ago.

I was in our office on our bank website paying bills when I noticed, in our account, a debit for that day. At Dunkin'.

Hubs comes home, I can't see him from the office, but I hear him hanging up his coat.

Hubs (calling out from the hallway): I have

Me (interrupting him): I know.

Hubs: You know?

Me: I know.

Hubs: What do you know?
Me: You stopped at Dunkin'.

Hubs: How do you know that?

Me: I have ESPN.

Hubs: You mean ESP.

Me: I know.

Caramel Apple Crumble

Later that afternoon, Hubs came in after having run a few errands. I had been in the kitchen, finally trying out a recipe (for a Caramel Apple Crumble with Rolo candies melted inside) that had been running around in my head.

Me (talking to Hubs as he hung up his coat): I made a pie.

Hubs: I know.

Me: How do you know?
Hubs: I know.

Me: Do you have ESPN too?
Hubs: No, I have a nose.

 

Hubs was at work, I knew he was busy, had a lot of paperwork to do, a meeting, and a few client appointments, so I was surprised, midmorning, to get a text from him:

Hubs: I forgot before I left the house, can you put some soup in the shower?

Me: Interesting, is that something kinky?
Hubs. Oh, umm, soap.

Me: Less interesting . . . but still could be kinky.

I had made a big pot of my Crockpot Italian Soup. After dinner, I put the leftovers into containers to freeze. The spare freezer is in the basement, in a room off of the man cave, so whenever Hubs plans to go downstairs in the evening, he takes whatever I want moved to the freezer.

Hubs: Do you want me to take the leftover soup downstairs?
Me: Yes, unless . . .

Hubs: Unless?
Me: Well, unless you'd rather take it up to the shower.

Hubs: Very funny.

Me: Maybe after you run out to the gas station to get your hair cut . . .

I still order many shelf items for pick up from the local grocery store. It's a lot easier for me to just go in personally for the meat and perishables.

Hubs: Is our grocery order ready? I can head out now.

Me: I ordered them for Tuesday, like I always do.

Hubs: And . . . 

Me: I'm pretty sure today's only Monday.

Hubs: Oh yeah, I don't have to go until tomorrow.

Me: Either that or take a blanket and a pillow. 

I teased Hubs about his soap/soup text, but I (as usual) had one of those kinds of texts myself recently.

Me: What is your current jail status?

PurDude: I'm at home, no orange jumpsuit and no bars on the door.

I didn't realize what I'd typed until I read his answer. So, the back story:

PurDude had our address listed on most of his paperwork. He's updated, but his health insurance keeps getting overlooked. His 2024 health insurance card had come here so I was going to send it. Until he said that he couldn't get into his mailbox.

I asked when that would be fixed, and he said he only gets mail on Hanukkah and his birthday, so he wasn't going to bother. After multiple arguments and knowing, since I got the EOBs from when he went to urgent care in November, he'd be getting bills he should not ignore, I started arguing with him about reporting the issue. He finally agreed, and I was waiting to send him his insurance card until I knew he could receive it. 

So, mail. I wasn't asking about his jail status (yikes), I was trying to ask about his current mail status.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother   

On the Border

Caramel Apple Crumble

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 pie crust and 1 TBSP flour OR a frozen deep dish pie crust

1/2 stick butter, room temperature

1/2 cup flour

1/3 cup brown sugar

12 Rolo candies, unwrapped

5 tart or semi-tart apples, I use Braeburn or Cosmic Crisps

1/2 cup sugar

1 TBSP caramel syrup

1/2 tsp orange zest

2 TBSP flour

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp apple pie spice blend

Directions

*Freeze the Rolos. If using a frozen pie crust, defrost the crust.

*Mix together the butter, 1/2 cup flour, and the brown sugar until it comes together. Roll into plastic wrap and refrigerate.

*Place a large piece of tin foil on the middle rack of the oven and preheat to 425 degrees.

*If using a refrigerated or fresh pie crust: spread 1 TBSP flour over the pie crust. Flip the crust over into a deep dish pie pan so the flour is on the bottom. Fit the crust into the bottom and up the sides of the pan. Crimp the edges.

*Peel, core, and cut the apples into 16 slices each. Mix with sugar, caramel syrup, orange zest, remaining flour, salt, and the apple pie spice blend. Place about 1/3 of the apples into the prepared crust, just covering the bottom. Mix the frozen rolos into the remaining apple mixture and spread evenly onto the apples in the crust.

*Place the pie on the tin foil in the oven and bake for 30 minutes. Just before the 30 minute mark, remove the butter mixture from the refrigerator and slice (it will crumble).

*Remove the pie from the oven, leaving the oven on. Dot the butter mixture onto the top of the pie. Use a pie shield to cover the edges of the crust. Return the pie to the oven for 25 - 35 minutes, depending on how soft you like your apples.

*Cool to warm or room temperature before slicing.

Nineteen Little Monkeys: Word Counters

 

Counting my words again.

Today my fellow Word Counters and I are sharing our monthly group post. Each month, one group member picks a number between 12 and 50. All participating bloggers are then challenged to write something (or a few somethings, as the case may be) using that exact number of words. Today we share what we all came up with.

 This month's number is 19. 
It was chosen by Mimi of Messymimi's Meanderings.

As I've been doing in these Word Counters posts, I've chosen a theme and am using my word count multiple times in keeping with the theme. This month I've chosen to take my cue from the number Mimi chose, 19, and its current significance in this country. 

Nineteen Little Monkeys (The Devils Go Down to Georgia)

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

knew they lost, so tried to cheat,

but Georgia saw red.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

conspired together to act on the,

lies that they had spread.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

instead of treason, red. white and blue 

you should have bled.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

forced to show up in Georgia, take

a picture they'd dread.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

few afraid of court so took,

a deal. Guilty, they plead.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head.

Karma is a bitch, they say,

let's talk about what's ahead.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

no more desserts for you,

soon it'll be gruel and bread.

Caramel Apple Peanut Butter Bars

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

forget those billable hours, you'll

make license plates for pennies instead.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

especially in the showers best,

be careful how you tread.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

guess you'll soon be sleeping on,

a hard steel bunk bed.

~ Nineteen little monkeys,

not right in the head,

hope you like your new roommate,

soon you will be wed.

Here are links to the other Word Counters posts:

On the Border 

Messymimi’s Meanderings 

Caramel Apple Peanut Butter Bars         
                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 stick margarine, softened

3/4 cup brown sugar

1 egg

1/4 cup crunchy peanut butter

1 3/4 cups flour

1/4 tsp salt

6 (about 3.5 oz total) Snickers fun sized candy

1/2 Honeycrisp apple

1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

2/3 cup apple or caramel apple flavored breakfast cereal

Directions:

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking dish.

*Cream the margarine and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the egg and peanut butter. Mix in the flour and salt to form a dough. Press into the bottom and about halfway up the sides of the prepared baking dish. Bake for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven, but leave the oven on.

*While the crust is in the oven, cut each candy into 5 slices. Peel, core, and chop the apple into small pieces.

*Sprinkle the chopped candy over the crust, followed by the chopped apple, then the cereal. Drizzle the sweetened condensed milk over the entire top.

*Bake for about 35 minutes, until browned and bubbly. Cool on the counter for 1/2 hour, then refrigerate to cool completely before cutting.