Pardon Me

It started with a burp. Not many things do, but this did. And not just any burp either, a public one.

It wasn't me, it wasn't even a family member. In general, they're not really a problem, I'm a firm believer that our home is our safe zone, if you gotta burp, this is the place to do it. I'd prefer you leave the room before releasing gas of any sort, but no such luck on this one either. Yeah, the joys of living with all men.

The burp in question here was actually delivered by a stranger. I was walking past him in a parking lot (at a safe distance, no less) at the time. "Pardon me," he said. Shocking me really, because we were moving in opposite directions, had already passed each other. He didn't have to say anything. But he asked and I did. Pardon him. Because I could. I had the power.

And there it was. Realization. I have the power. Of the pardon. And while I'm feeling generous, I intend to use it. 

  By the power vested in me, by no one in particular, it is my honor to pardon you:

~ Scanner. I'm not sure what the argument was about, but my scanner is currently not speaking to my laptop. I'm not one to interject myself in a fight that isn't mine, but how the hell did I end up being the one to suffer the consequences of this one? I'm innocent. Collateral damage. And damn, I need that scanner more when it doesn't work than when it does.

~ Snow, for not taking a hint. It settles on our driveway, gets shooed away, comes back, is thrown aside and just comes back again. Of course in the name of full disclosure I have to admit that it's pretty easy for me to do the pardoning, I'm not the one who runs the snowblower around here.

~ Grocery store, for being out of Chambord. Not just toilet paper and past, but Chambord. Don't get me wrong, I love Chambord, and nothing's going to stop me from replacing my bottle, I will hunt that stuff down near or far. But not finding it the first time resulted in my impulse buy of Bailey Strawberry and Cream, and aint nothing wrong with that.

~ Guy Fieri. Yes, I said it. That man is personally responsible for a good 10 pounds. Of mine. Every time I try to watch a show he hosts, I end up with a snack in my hand, and we're not talking celery here. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives has made me weak, weighty and waddling.

Crispy Cod Fingers

~ Onions, the ultimate love/hate relationship. They make me cry, every time, are responsible for that meticulously applied mascara running all the way down my face. And although I pardon you, don't get your hopes up, you're still getting chopped.

~ Frizzy hair. We've been together for many years, joined at the head as we are. I pardon not of free will but out of sheer necessity. Because ripping it out or shaving it off being my only other options kinda leaves me no other choice.

~ Morning. Don't get me wrong, at my age I'm grateful every morning I wake up and get out of bed without breaking a hip. Thing is, I just don't see why morning has to come so . . . you know . . . early. But as long as I can keep getting up, morning will be pardoned.

~ People who sing off-key. This pardon was kinda mandatory since it includes me. But I have learned, through the years, that no matter what you sound like, when you gotta sing, you gotta sing. Especially now.

Under consideration but didn't make the list:
self check-outs
Mark Zuckerberg 
daylight savings time
last call 
parking lots


Not even considered:
viruses, any and all
taxes
potholes
politicians
Amazon
mosquitos 

Anything I missed?

Crispy Cod Fingers      
                                                     ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1# skinless Cod fillets

1/4 cup flour

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1 egg

1/2 cup cornstarch

1/4 tsp dried dill

1/8 tsp cayenne

1/4 tsp paprika

about 1 cup vegetable oil

additional salt

OPT: Thousand Island dressing, tartar sauce and/or fresh lemon

Directions:

*Rinse the cod, pat it dry, and slice it into strips about 1 inch thick.

*Mix the flour with the salt and pepper on a dish.

*Whisk the egg with 2 TBSP water in a bowl.

*Mix together the cornstarch, dill, cayenne, and paprika on another dish.

*Dredge the fish, one piece at a time in the flour, then dip in the egg, then coat completely with the cornstarch. 

*Pour about 1/2 inch of oil into a large skillet. Heat over medium high until hot. If you gently drop a little cornstarch in the skillet and it sizzles, it's hot enough.

*Very carefully add the fish fingers to the skillet, try not to let them touch each other. Allow to cook, about 2 minutes, until they start to brown. If the oil sputters, turn the heat down just a little.

*Gently roll the fish fingers over and cook on the other side, about 2 minutes. Remove to paper towels, sprinkle with salt, and allow to drain.

*OPT: serve with Thousand Island dressing or tartar sauce for dipping, and/or fresh lemon wedges to squeeze over the top of the fish.

Soak Up the Sun: Funny Friday

Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

Here's today's picture. It was submitted by Dawn of Spatulas on Parade.

1. Cat to family: I see a perfect spot for you to move my food bowl. Now would be good.

2. Cat to family: Anyone else in the mood for some Sheryl Crow? Sing with me now, I'm gonna soak up the sun, gonna tell everyone to lighten up.

3. Cat to family: Someone contact Katrina and the Waves, they need to change their song. It's not about Walking on Sunshine, it's about laying in it.

4. Cat to family: Hey, can I borrow someone's shades?

5. Cat to family: I know you just mopped the floor so I hate to tell you this, but you missed a spot.



 And now for something yummy: 

Tutti Frutti Party Cake

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile: 

Spatulas on Parade 

Follow me Home 

Tutti Frutti Party Cake

                                                         ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 box white cake mix
1 cup milk 
1/3 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
1/4 cup sour cream
2 TBSP Limoncello (can substitute 1 1/2 tsp lemon extract)
3 drops yellow food coloring
2 TBSP Chambord (can substitute 1 tsp strawberry extract)
2 drops red food coloring
2 TBSP Grand Marnier (can substitute 1 tsp orange extract)
2 drops orange food coloring (or use 2 drops yellow and 1 drop red)
2 TBSP multicolored sprinkles

NOTE: to frost the cake, you can use the full recipe, but to pipe, you can cut it in half:

2 sticks butter, softened
1 can sweetened condensed milk
2 TBSP Key Lime juice
2 drops green food coloring
1 cup powdered sugar

2 TBSP multicolored sprinkles

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9 X 13 pan.
*Beat the cake mix, milk, oil, eggs and sour cream for 2 minutes. Remove one cup of the batter to a bowl and another cup of the batter to another bowl. 
*To the batter still in the mixing bowl, mix in the Limoncello or lemon extract and 3 drops of yellow food coloring. Pour evenly into the prepared pan.
*To one of the bowls of batter, mix in the Chambord or strawberry extract and 2 drops of red food coloring. Set aside.
*To the last bowl of batter, mix in the Grand Marnier or orange extract and orange food coloring.
*Drizzle the red and the orange batter over the yellow batter, then sprinkle 2 TBSP multicolored sprinkles over the top. Using a toothpick, swirl them together. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until the center springs back to the touch. Cool completely.
*Cream the butter until smooth. Beat in the sweetened condensed milk, Key Lime juice, green food coloring and powdered sugar.
*TO SPREAD: Pour the frosting over the cake and spread evenly. Sprinkle with the remaining multicolored sprinkles and refrigerate 1/2 hour to set.
*TO PIPE: Place the frosting into a piping bag. Refrigerate the frosting and the cake for 1/2 hour. Pipe the frosting onto the cake, sprinkle with the remaining multicolored sprinkles and refrigerate to set.
*Bring cake to room temperature to serve.



 

Be My Guest: Opposites Really Do Attract

Today I've decided to give you all, my beloved readers, a bit of a break. You can thank me later (OR you can thank me by stopping by again on Friday when I'll be publishing another post. Yeah, do that second one).

It's been a while since I bribed, persuaded, cajoled, wheedled, coaxed (you get the idea) someone to write a guest post for my blog. 

Seems I'd been doing it all wrong. Instead of twisting someone's arm (College Boy, I'm looking at you), I should have been taking another approach. Entice, that's the ticket. With a little quid pro quo (a term I can now use since everyone in this country knows what that means). 

My friend Rena McDaniel was looking for a guest post for one of her three (yes, three) blogs, The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver. I'd written a piece, not about Alzheimer's specifically, but a personal account of my feelings when I lost my dad to the disease. I was happy to let her share it with her readers . . . for a price . . .

Today she's paying up. So lucky you (and lucky me for having such a great friend), I have the honor of sharing what Rena took time out from her busy day week month life to write for Baking In A Tornado.

First I want to thank Rena for taking the time to share her post today. But most of all I want to thank her for her kind words, her unconditional support and her friendship. Be sure to visit her blogs, she offers something for everyone:

Wandering Web Designer

The Blogging 911

The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver

And I'm going to let Rena introduce herself:

I'm Rena and I'm a 50 year old child in an old woman's body. I love to take long road trips, build websites and write stories about my adventures or even the latest trip to the grocery store. I'm a wife of 29 years, a mom and a grandma and I run my own web design/maintain/troubleshooting business. When I'm not creating CSS, or piled up in the passenger seat of our car, you will find me happily playing with my grand kids, reading a book, or wrapped around a cheeseburger!

Opposites Really Do Attract

Karen and I have been friends for a few years now and even though we've never met IRL, she has seen me through some of the most painful lows and celebrated my highest highs. I love her dearly and consider her one of my very best friends BUT we are total opposites!

I absolutely love to cook, which we definitely have in common, but loving to cook and being good at it aren't always the same thing. Love definitely doesn't equal skill.

Karen can open her refrigerator, look at its contents and come up with a 10 course meal that is not only delicious but picture perfect. I can take a well written recipe and mangle it so badly it doesn't even resemble what I was trying to achieve. 

It will either be burned or undercooked. I will have injuries such as burns or cuts. The kitchen usually ends up in disaster just like whatever it is I'm attempting. I actually used to be what I'd consider a good cook, back when I had a gas stove and half a brain.

I threw dinner parties on Sundays and have served upwards of 20 people. Hell, I even cooked all of the food for my very own wedding! That was almost 30 years ago and since then my body and brain have been beaten senselessly. 

Today things like adding and subtracting doesn't come easily for me. Things like ingredients can become so overwhelming that I often just throw in what I think goes . . . mostly it doesn't. My poor sweet husband has suffered through so many bad meals that I'm surprised he doesn't have stomach issues, or asked for a divorce.

I once served my family a bloody turkey on Thanksgiving because I couldn't figure out time vs weight. I also don't understand spices. I love them, buy them all. I'm a sucker for a pretty jar but I often use too much or forget to add them altogether.

I come to Karen's site for guidance, inspiration and even to whine when things go wrong. I have made some of Karen's recipes and they were actually successful. She taught me how to make a cheese sauce that my husband begs for and would eat every single day! I also made her Marinara sauce that was well received, but these days take-out is king at my house!


Got you covered, Rena. Here's a recipe anyone can follow:

Mocha Butterfingers Milkshake 

Mocha Butterfingers Milkshake        

                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (per milkshake):

1/3 cup brewed coffee

2 TBSP French vanilla creamer

1 1/2 cups vanilla ice cream
1 TBSP chocolate syrup
1/2 cup finely chopped Butterfingers candies

Directions:

*Mix the creamer into the coffee. Set aside to cool to room temperature.

Place the ice cream, coffee and chocolate syrup in a blender and blend until smooth. 

*Add the chopped Butterfingers and blend again until fully incorporated.

*For a thinner milkshake: blend in up to 1/4 cup of milk, a little at a time.
*For a thicker milkshake: freeze for an hour.

Seven Days a Year: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 5 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

We should all have the right to some level of privacy. I hate the way nothing you do anywhere online is private. Nothing. FB is the worst. They use anything we say, not just on their site but anywhere online to market to us. It's not only creepy that they know everything I do, it's exceedingly intrusive.

Nothing is sacred. Like I had a post in my news feed from FB telling me (by name) that I should click on their link to see what medical tests are suggested to me at my age. Seriously, get your nose out of my personal business.

So I have been inordinately happy to see them screwing up lately. First I had multiple posts from them in my news feed telling me (by name) when I had to register in order to vote in the Ohio primary. Where I don't live. And never have.

Then they told me on my Baking In A Tornado page how well my recent FB page ad was doing. But I hadn't placed one. And never have.

In my mind I see their algorithms, sick of being used to harm people, forming a algorithm coalition and revolting against those cruel FB masters. Wouldn't that be great?

Anyone who's read me for a while has heard quite a few stories about the little red BMW that PurDude took from me the day he got his license. He loved that car and drove it to the ground.

But oh, that kid and that car. He had more flat tires than I can even begin to count. Or want to remember. He was 10 hours away, which made the logistics difficult, but I felt like I was constantly putting new tires on that car.

In June I signed the title over to him and he took that 15 year old car, limping all the way, to a dealer and bought a new car. Six weeks later, he's out with friends and he send me this pic of his new car:

Yup, flat tire. PurDude is living and working in Boulder now, his flat tires have become his problems (although I still stress when it happens).

Three weeks ago College Boy bought a new car. Just 3 weeks.

I sent this pic of College Boy's new car to PurDude:

With the message:

"I guess it's hereditary."

I've said before that getting old really sucks. Especially for someone who enjoys writing. I sometimes have a hard time finding words and have to google either the synonym or a description to find the word I'm looking for. Recently, that took a new turn, using the wrong word.

I don't eat KFC because when I was in my teens I had some at a friend's house but didn't keep it down. Turned out I had the flu, but from then on I associated how sick I was with the food.

Recently College Boy came over with some KFC hot wings (breaded spicy wings). He left one on the counter and encouraged me to just try it. Eventually I did, and found it was mostly breading. When he later found the wing gone, he asked me about it:

College Boy: Did you try the chicken wing?
Me: Yes.
College Boy: What did you think?
Me: Honestly, that KFC chicken is only 10% chicken, it's 90% frosting. 
College Boy: Frosting? I hate to tell you this but whatever it is you ate, it wasn't the chicken wing I left on the counter.

I can almost guarantee I'm not going to live this one down any time soon.

Although College Boy is young and able to grasp any word he wants any time he wants, every now and then he flubs up too.

He and I had an argument and I was feeling disrespected.

College Boy: What is it that you want from me?
Me: Well, a little respect would be nice.
College Boy: I do respect you.
Me: Yeah, right.
College Boy: Absolutely. Without a doubt. 365 days a week, seven days a year. Oh, wait a minute, I didn't say that right.
Me (both of us laughing): No, you said it right, that seven days a year one sounds on point.

In general I try not to go to any grocery store on the weekends. But when it comes to anything I may need at Walmart, never. I do have an evil plan to get what I might need from there, though. I send Hubs.

Last weekend he was going out and asked if I needed anything. The store he was going to was right next door to Walmart, so I told him to get me some Panko crumbs.

When he got home, we were talking about his trip:

Hubs: You're not going to believe this 
Me (interrupting him): Is this about Walmart?
Hubs: Yes.
Me: Oh, I'll believe it. Doesn't matter what you say next, you can bet your ass I'm gonna believe you.

Garlic Parmesan Chicken with Chive Sauce

Speaking of Walmart. . .

We had some warm weather over the weekend (this was 3 weeks ago, before the stores became a frantic mad house) but Sunday night a cold front came through and there was snow on the ground this particular Monday morning. I needed something at the store so put on my winter coat and ran out to Walmart.

The woman who got in line behind me was wearing PJs. No coat to cover it up, she was wearing those PJs loud and proud. And I'm not talking about those pants people try to pretend are lounge pants (you're fooling no one, btw), but an actual set of PJs. I mean pants, with a matching button down top with lapels. And flip flops. At 9:30 am. Buying only one item, a gallon of wine. 

I was putting the groceries in my car when she came out of the store. 

And don't think for one minute that I'm shaming her. Quite the contrary. Actually, I'm jealous.

I was upstairs when I heard College Boy come in to the kitchen through the garage door.

Me (yelling down): Hi! I'll be down in a minute.
College Boy: Don't bother, I was going by and stopped to grab a snack. I'm heading back out.
Me: I don't even get to say hello?
College Boy: You broke my heart.
Me: Huh? How? What did I do?

I hear him go out the garage door and I head down to the kitchen and found this on the counter:

I had made Big Heart Cookies. They were giant so I only ate 1/2 at a time and put the other half back in the tin. 

I guess he'd gone to grab a cookie and found half a heart.

I was in the den watching TV and Hubs was in the office looking through our taxes file. I heard this buzz sound and couldn't figure out what it was. I got up to look around but it stopped. Next thing I know, our land line rang. We have a land line because I need a phone number to put on applications and orders and don't want a ton of spam on my cell. And it works too.

I checked the land line and PurDude was calling. Apparently the buzzing I heard was Hubs' cell that he'd left in the kitchen. When PurDude couldn't reach him, he called the land line knowing I don't answer it unless the call is from someone I know.

I handed the phone to Hubs, who gave me an inquisitive look.

Hubs: I didn't know this thing still worked.
Me: Yup. I ignore it every day.

Hubs talked to PurDude, then handed me the phone. He'd forgotten how to shut it off.

I'd had a recipe idea rolling around in my head that just wasn't congealing. Once I had it, there was a concern about how it would come together. I ran it by College Boy and we talked it out. 

The next day I decided that I would just try it, if it worked out that would be great but if not, oh well.

Me: I decided I'm going to try that recipe today.
College Boy: I believe in you.
Me: Are you going to try it?
College Boy: I don't believe in you that much.

  I walked in the house one afternoon and saw College Boy in the kitchen. When I asked what he was doing there, I got a snippy answer.

Me: Go to your room.
College Boy (laughing): I'm not a child, and I don't live here.
Me: I don't care. Go to your room.
College Boy: Fine.

He goes up to his room, turns on the TV, takes a nap and gets up just as I'm finishing making dinner.

Yeah, that whole "go to your room" thing doesn't work quite the way it used to.

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Never Ever Give Up Hope  
Menopausal Mother 
Spatulas on Parade
Medicated Musings 

Garlic Parmesan Chicken with Chive Sauce

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
3 large boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
1/2 cup Garlic Parmesan salad dressing
1 clove minced garlic
1 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 cups Panko bread crumbs
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/2 stick butter

2 TBSP butter
2 TBSP flour
2 TBSP dried chopped chives 
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup chicken broth 
2 TBSP cooking sherry
1/2 cup sour cream

Directions:
*Slice the chicken breasts in half lengthwise so they are the same size, just thinner pieces. Cut each of these in half and place in a resealable plastic bag.
*Mix together the salad dressing and the minced garlic. Pour into the bag with the chicken, manipulate so the dressing covers all the chicken and refrigerate for at least 4 hours and up to overnight.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan.
*Mix the bread crumbs and grated cheese together on a plate.
*Remove the chicken from the bag. Sprinkle with the garlic powder, coat on all sides with the bread crumb mixture and place in the prepared pan.
*Melt the butter and drizzle over the chicken. Bake for 30 minutes, turn the chicken pieces over and bake for another 15 minutes.
*While the chicken is cooking, melt the butter in a saute pan over medium heat. Whisk in the flour, chives, salt and pepper, cooking and whisking for 1 - 2 minutes or until it browns. Whisk in the chicken broth and sherry and bring to a boil. Lower the heat and whisk in the sour cream just until hot. Serve over the cooked chicken.

Green Food and Luck: Word Counters

Counting my words again. 

Today my fellow Word Counters and I are sharing our monthly group post. The bloggers who are joining me this time all picked a number between 12 and 74 and sent it to me. I gave the numbers out as assignments to other bloggers who are then challenged to write something (or a few somethings, as the case may be) using that exact number of words. Today we all share what we came up with.

I got the number 19. It was submitted by Diane of On the Border.

As I've been doing in these Word Counters posts, I've chosen a theme and am using my word count multiple times in keeping with the theme. This month I was in a bit of a conundrum in choosing a theme. The last day of winter is in 2 days. Two days! I am so ready to honor that. But today is St. Patrick's Day, a celebration of all things fun and green and lucky and Irish. I may not be Irish, but one day a year I sure do enjoy celebrating like one. So my theme today is St. Patrick's Day.

~ Crockpot Beer Infused New England Boiled Dinner and Pistachio Soda Bread, what better way to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day?

~ Lucky Rainbow Cookies, Creme de Menthe Shamrock Cake, Pistachio White Chocolate Cheesecake, let's not forget those yummy green desserts!

~ It's called Feast of Saint Patrick, although knowing it celebrates his death takes some fun out of it.

~ No green beer for me, not a beer lover, but Midori, Apple Vodka, so many drinks, so little time.

~ With all this green food talk, guess I just had to come up with a new green recipe, right?

Roasted Broccoli and Red Pepper with Mandarins

~ Closing my eyes, clicking my heels, I expect to be transported to that pot of gold at rainbow's end.

~ Supposedly kissing the Blarney Stone is gives the gift of the gab. Must've done that in a previous life.

~ Leprechauns pinch people not wearing green on today. Making my list of people I hope are wearing purple.

~ Looking for a four leaf clover had to have been started by a mom, to keep her kids busy.

~ Irish songs sung boisterously today: "Oh dear, what can the matter be, seven old ladies stuck in the lavatory".

Here are links to the other Word Counters posts:
Spatulas on Parade 
Messymimi’s Meanderings 
On the Border 

Roasted Broccoli and Red Pepper with Mandarins

                                               ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1/4 cup sliced almonds
1 small can (11 oz) mandarin orange slices in light syrup
1 small head broccoli
1/2 red pepper
3 TBSP olive oil
2 TBSP orange juice
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Lightly grease a sheet pan.
*Place the almonds in a small saute pan over medium heat. Cook, stirring very frequently, about 3 minutes or until they just barely start to brown. Remove from the pan immediately and set aside.
*Drain the mandarin orange slices well, place on paper towels and set aside.
*Seed the red pepper half. Slice and cut each slice in half. 
*Cut the broccoli into florets and discard the stems. 
*In a large bowl whisk together the olive oil and orange juice. Add the broccoli and red pepper, mix well.
*Spread the vegetables out on a sheet pan and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 15 minutes, mix, then roast another 5 minutes. 
*Remove them from the oven, transfer to a bowl and immediately gently mix in the mandarin oranges. Top with the toasted almonds.