Twelve Signs a Staycation's Not Gonna Cut It

I need a vacation. And none of that staycation crap. Like the guy who keeps emailing asking for my credit card number and personal info to send me my inheritance, I'm not falling for that scam either. Staycation? I've been staycationing in my house this whole winter. Spoiler alert: NOT fun. There's a kitchen here, a washing machine, a dishwasher . . . Nope, not what I'm looking for in a vacation. I need a full fledged get-the-hell-out-of-dodge vacation. Sun not optional.

There's a way to gauge these things, you know, your need for vacation. There are signs, all the way from "moderately sick of winter" to "off the charts desperate." Here are the 12 signs you need a vacation. See where you stand:

1) You haven't ventured out into the cold in so long your butt is stuck to the couch. I'm not talking about the getting-old-and-having-to-rock-to-get-yourself-up kinda stuck, I'm talking about ripping-the-skin-off-your-butt kinda stuck.

2) When you have to go to the store, you find yourself standing in the aisle lovingly eying the suntan lotion.

3) It's been so long since you've seen the sun that when it peeks out you have to put on sunglasses. Indoors.

4) You're secretly wearing a bathing suit as underwear. 

5) Your family comes home at dinner time and finds you've stopped cooking and are trying to drag the gas grill into the house.

One Pan Kielbasa Orzo Dinner

6) You realize that if your skin is lighter than that zinc oxide your mama used to put on your nose.

7) Hubs comes into the bathroom to find you waving the hair dryer over your entire body trying to remember what it feels like to be warm.

8) You find yourself building a sand castle with all that sand that comes into the house on your shoes from the snow plows.

9) You have a hammock set up in the kitchen because that running dishwasher is sounding a lot like waves on the beach.

10) The bronzer you bought to try to look less ghost-like is clumped in the hair that you haven't bothered shaving on your legs.

11) At the Chinese restaurant you swear that colorful little umbrella in your drink is mocking you.

12) You're seriously considering taking a hit out on Punxsutawney Phil.

The results are in. I need a vacation. You?

One Pan Kielbasa Orzo Dinner         
                                    ©www.BakingInATornado.com

 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
1 package (12 oz) cooked Kielbasa
1 tsp minced garlic
4 oz mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
1/2 red pepper, cleaned and sliced
1 green onion, cleaned and chopped
1 cup orzo
2 cups beef broth
1 tsp beef bouillon
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tsp Italian seasoning 
1 can french fried onions

Directions:
*Slice the kielbasa, on the bias, into about 1/2 inch wide pieces. 
*Spray a large skillet with nonstick spray and heat to medium high. Add the Kielbasa and brown on one side, lower the heat to medium, flip over and brown on the other side. Remove from the pan and keep warm.
*To the pan, add the garlic, mushrooms, red pepper and green onion. Cook and stir for one minute. 
*Add the orzo, beef broth, beef bouillon, salt, pepper and Italian seasoning. Turn on high, bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. 
*Uncover and stir, making sure none of the orzo is stuck to the bottom of the pan. Cover again and continue to simmer until the orzo is soft and has absorbed most of the broth, about another 5 minutes.
*Uncover, add the warm Kielbasa, cook and stir one more minute. Sprinkle top with the french fried onions.
*OPT: If you want to make this ahead, cook as specified, pour into a greased casserole dish, cover and refrigerate. When ready to serve, bring to room temperature and bake in a 350 degree oven just until hot.

Funny Friday: Just Hangin' Out

Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by Karen  of Dinosaur Superhero Mommy:

1. AJ, answering his mom: Just hangin' out. You?

2. AJ to his mom: I'm practicing. See that balance, I told you I was talented enough to join the circus one day.

3. AJ to his mom: Ahhh, this is comfy. Now someone bring a fan and feed me some grapes.

4. Mom (in the other room) to dad (also in the other room): It's awful quiet out there, you better go make sure he's not doing anything dangerous . . .

5. AJ to his mom: I rearranged the furniture. Much better, don't you think?


And now for something yummy: 
 

 

Slow Cooked Apple Cider Beef Roast

 in the crockpot

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

The Bergham Chronicles
Southern Belle Charm 
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Spatulas on Parade 

 

Slow Cooked Apple Cider Beef Roast

                                                                     ©www.BakingInATornado.com

 

Printable Recipe

 

Ingredients:
2 1/2# Eye of Round roast
salt, pepper, onion powder to taste
1 onion, sliced
1 honeycrisp apple, peeled, cored and sliced
1 packet dry onion soup mix
2 cups apple cider
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar

Directions:
*Spray inside of your crockpot with nonstick spray.
*Rinse roast and pat dry. Sprinkle all sides with salt, pepper and onion powder.
*Place the onions in the bottom of the crockpot. Cover with the apple slices. Place the roast on top.
*Mix the onion soup mix, apple cider and cider vinegar. Pour into the crockpot and turn onto high.
*Cook on high for 1 hour. Turn the meat and cook for one more hour. Turn down to low and cook for 3 1/2 hours.

Food Fight. I Mean Twitter War.

I'm starting a good old fashioned food fight. No, I can't, I'm too grown up for that. Dammit.

I'm gonna admit here that I've not been a fan of the bullying, dishonesty, and personal attacks I've seen come from a presidential candidate, then president-elect and now president on a public social media platform. I expected more dignity, to tell you the truth. But recently I've come to see a twitter war for exactly what it is, a food fight for adults. Sling that slop, there are no rules. Just press those buttons and let your thoughts fly. Let it land where it may. Then duck, bob and weave, deny and deflect.  

I can do all that. Just for one day, put any consideration of others aside and speak my mind.

It goes something like this:

Wake up in the morning and fire up that laptop. Although my older son is local, my youngest son is in college far away so I'll take a quick look at his grades.

WHAT??? This can't be right. I don't have to take that. First tweet of the day:

And speaking of my younger son, I demand to hear from him more often than just when he needs money.

And here comes my older son, wanting to know what's for dinner:

 

That settled, I'll check my FB page and see what's going on there:

And I'll stop by my blog and see how my latest recipe is doing. This one's a winner, everyone knows it.  

 

Mandarin Orange Upside Down Cake

Showered and dressed and on my way to the grocery store. First stop is for coffee though.

No, I did not get stopped going through a red light. It's an obvious conspiracy to discredit me.

Finally at the grocery store and making important decisions. Big, big choices. Decisions only I can make.

What is going on? I can't wait in these check-out lines forever. Something is very wrong here. I demand a congressional investigation.

I guess I may as well bring in the mail before I put the groceries away.

You know what? I may just do this again. That was liberating, probably healthy even. No more holding it in, do unto others be damned, just get it out, say what's on your mind. 

It's like I had a day long food fight without the clean up. There's no down side. 

What ya gonna do, impeach me?

Mandarin Orange Upside Down Cake

                                                                          ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 

Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
3 TBSP butter
6 TBSP brown sugar
1 (15 oz) can mandarin oranges, well drained
1/3 cup apricot jam
1 TBSP orange juice

1 stick butter, room temperature
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
3 eggs, room temperature
1 tsp orange zest
3/4 cup orange juice, room temperature
2 cups flour
1 TBSP baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a bundt pan with non-stick spray.
*Whisk together the apricot jam and 1 TBSP of the orange juice. Set aside.
*Melt the 3 TBSP butter. Mix in the 6 TBSP brown sugar. Pour into the bottom of the bundt pan. Arrange the mandarin orange slices over the brown sugar.
*Beat the remaining butter with the white sugar and the remaining brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then the orange juice and orange zest.
*Mix together the flour, baking powder and salt. Beat in just until incorporated.
*Pour about 2/3 of the batter into the bundt pan. Drizzle the apricot jam mixture into the center of the batter and gently swirl. Top with the remaining batter.
*Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until the center of the cake springs back to the touch. Gently run a knife around inside of pan, then invert onto a serving platter but don't remove the pan. Wait 5 minutes then gently remove pan and allow the cake to cool completely.

Fly on the Wall: Spagheeeeettaboutit

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 9 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

College Boy was home for dinner for a few days. He loves my Hearty Meat Sauce and asks for spaghetti all the time. The first night I had already made Crockpot Beef Shank Pea Soup. But I had some meat sauce in the freezer so I planned that for the second night.

College Boy: We're having spaghetti!
Me (teasing him even though I know he sees the sauce in the pan): No.
College Boy (teasing me back): Damn. I wanted Pea Soup again.
Me: No problem, I have leftover Pea Soup, so no spaghetti for you.
College Boy: You can't say "no spaghetti for you". You have to say "spagheeeeettaboutit".

Ba dum dum. 
Ugh.

I was watching AM Joy on MSNBC and she was talking about the issue with KellyAnne Conway having promoted Ivanka Trumps clothing line from the White House. Joy misspoke stating that KellyAnne had been "canceled" then quickly corrected herself, "I mean counseled". 

I couldn't help myself. I tweeted "Ha Ha. Canceled. Freudian slip @amjoyshow? #AMJoy".

Imagine my shock when I went back to twitter later to see that President Trump had liked my tweet.

Well, or not . . . looking at it closer I saw that, of course, it wasn't from either of the president's accounts. 

PurDude was home for winter break (aka the fastest 3 weeks ever). I think part of the reason his vacations seem to fly for me is that even though he's home, I rarely see him. He sleeps until 2:00 or 3:00 pm, showers, goes to the gym, has dinner with us then goes out with friends or joins the family in the den where he promptly falls asleep on the couch. Nonetheless, I loved having him here.

The day came and he was headed back to school. I often send him back on a Saturday to give him one day leeway whether it be for travel issues (he has to take 2 planes and drive 1 1/2 hours) or just so he has a day to settle in, do laundry and shop or whatever before he starts classes on Monday.

So I got up on the Saturday morning when he'd be leaving and checked on the status of his flights. All was well. We went through the "mom rules for travel day". He has to text me when he boards his first flight, when he gets to his next gate, when he boards his second flight, when his luggage arrives, when he gets on the bus to his car, when his car starts and when he gets to his frat. I know it's a lot but it's a long day and I want to know where he is.

Hubs and PurDude were in the car to go to the airport when I checked one more time and yup, first flight late, he'd miss his connection. Long story short there was no way to get him to Indianapolis that day, they could book him on the same flights the next day. Giving him that one day leeway turned out to be a good strategy. He'd go back on Sunday (knock wood) and wouldn't miss any school.

And in the back of my mind I selfishly thought "yay, one more day to have him home." Just before he laid down on the couch and . . . you guessed it . . . fell asleep.

While he was home I asked PurDude to be more in touch with me once he was back in school. I asked him to text me daily (no, I didn't think he'd text daily, but I would ask for everything and hope for something). But this past semester was extremely difficult and stressful and he barely had time to breathe. I didn't hear from him as much as I'd like, and mostly when I did talk to him he was completely exhausted. 

He dutifully smiled and nodded his head. Yes, it would be another difficult semester but he'd text me daily (I don't know about him, but even I didn't believe this).

And then he went back to school.

Monday: nothing.
Tuesday: nothing.
Wednesday: nothing.
Thursday: nothing. Fought off my extreme desire to text him, telling myself to wait for him.
Friday: nothing. I gave in and texted him.

Me: Ummm . . . hello?
PurDude: Hi.
Me: Have you met that guy who was going to text me daily?
PurDude: Yes, he said to tell you that he texted the required 7 times during his travels on Sunday, he's got 2 more days credit.

We were expecting an ice storm and with that comes the possibility of losing electricity. I had Hubs bring lots of fire wood from the pile outside into the garage and asked him to go get a few more small flashlights. We had one big heavy duty one he'd bought at Lowes, but wanted a few smaller ones for each of us to use for up and down the stairs. I told him to just go to Walmart or Target for those.

He left and I was going to go shower but, of course, I can't shower when I send him out to do errands because I'll miss all of his phone calls. And right on cue my cell rings for the first time.

Me: What's up?
Hubs: I'm at Walgreens but they don't have any flashlights here.
Me: What are you doing at Walgreens?
Hubs: You told me to come here.
Me: OK, now go to the other Wal. You know, the one with m-a-r-t at the end of its name.

Better charge my phone, it's gonna be a long morning.

French Onion Brown Rice Casserole

And you guessed it, my cell rings again.

Me: How's it going?
Hubs: I'm at Lowes.
Me (rolling my eyes even though he can't see me): Did they change their name to Lowesmart?
Hubs: Huh?
Me: Nothing, what's up?
Hubs: So they have these heavy duty high amp bla bla bla (he didn't say bla bla bla, that's just what I heard) . . .
Me: No. We have one heavy duty flashlight, I'm just looking for something small and light to keep us from walking into furniture or tripping on the stairs.
Hubs: But it's got bla bla amps and is made of bla bla bla and will last into the next millennium and . . .
Me: Let me put it this way, do you want to drive me to the hospital in the middle of an ice storm when I drop that thing on my foot?
Hubs: Oh, look at this little hand held plastic one. Even you couldn't hurt anything with this one.
Me: See ya soon!

Hubs brought home the 2 new flashlights and they were perfect, small and easy to handle but with a bright light.

I'm watching the news a few hours later and they're warning there could well be power outages. I realize that I want the flashlights someplace handy. So I go looking for them. Are they under the kitchen sink where we keep the big one? No. On the desk in the kitchen? No. In the den? No. Office? No. Under the utility sink in the laundry room? No.

I'm standing there trying to figure out what obvious place I haven't looked before calling Hubs and asking where they are. In our laundry room we have 3 lockers where the kids keep their coats, shoes, sweatshirts and backpacks. The third locker I use now and then. Even though the boys aren't around as much, the lockers are still pretty full with whatever clothes they use when they're around. And there, in PurDude's locker, guess what I find. 'Cause if the lights go out, that's certainly the first place I'm going to go running for a flashlight. Or not.

Me: Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so we're in for 6 more weeks of winter.
College Boy: How do you know he saw his shadow? Maybe he didn't.
Me: I saw the video on the news.
College Boy: But Mom, haven't you heard? The news is fake. If you want to know the truth about whether there'll be another 6 weeks of winter, you need to check Trump's twitter account.
Me: #AlternativeFacts?

I heard on the news before heading to bed one night last month that there was snow headed our way but the weathermen had predicted we'd get under an inch. When I woke up there was 3 inches on the ground and it was still coming down.

College Boy: It's snowing!
Me: Very observant of you.
College Boy: You know what that means, right?
Me: Ummm. No idea, but I'm afraid you're going to tell me.
College Boy: We're having spaghetti again.
Me: Huh?
College Boy: When it's a cold windy snowy day you always put a big pot of Hearty Meat Sauce on the stove.
Me: Spagheeeeettaboutit!

It's Thursday night and this post publishes tomorrow. I only have 9 snippets. I always do 10. Don't get me wrong, about a million snippet-worthy circumstances presented themselves this month, I just did a bad job of getting them into this document. Now what am I gonna do?

Me: Hun . . . can you go to the store for me?
Hubs: Sure, what do you need?
Me: Well . . . I don't really need anything . . . I just need you to go to the store for me. You see, I have this blog post due tomorrow . . .

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Menopausal Mother 
Searching for Sanity 
Eileen's Perpetually Busy 
Spatulas on Parade 
A Little Piece of Peace 
Never Ever Give Up Hope 
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Cluttered Genius 

French Onion Brown Rice Casserole

   ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
1 small bunch broccoli florets, cleaned and cut into small pieces
2 cups cooked brown rice
1 can French Onion Soup
1/4 cup milk 
salt and pepper to taste 
4 oz mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
1 1/4 cups shredded sharp cheddar, divided
1/4 cup french fried onions

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease an 8 X 8 casserole dish.
*Steam the broccoli until just barely cooked, about 2 minutes in the microwave.
*Place the cooked rice into a large bowl. Mix in the onion soup, milk, salt and pepper. Once well mixed, add the mushrooms, broccoli and 1 cup of the cheddar cheese.
*Place into the greased casserole dish. Sprinkle with the remaining cheddar cheese. Crush the french fried onions onto the top. Cover with foil.
*Bake for 1/2 hour. Remove the foil and bake for another 10 minutes or until the casserole is bubbly hot.