Curious, I went to her page. She talks about having a neurological condition that affects her muscle tone and speech. Brittany tells the story of having been in a local restaurant with a friend ordering food at the counter. Her friend ordered but the employee apparently could not understand Brittany and walked away.
She and her friend went to eat elsewhere, but the story doesn’t end there. Brittany wrote an honest and respectful letter about her disease and the incident itself. She took it back to the original restaurant where the employees read the letter and apologized. Brittany is adamant that she’s not looking for pity or sympathy. She’s trying to disseminate her message: “Everyone has a voice and deserves respect.”
My thoughts, my questions really more than thoughts, grew out of our discussion. They’re about instincts.
I don’t know Brittany, I can’t vouch for the veracity of her story. I’m a skeptical person in general but I do believe her. Either way, the truth of the matter is that a story does not have to be factual to inspire thought and discussion.
After reading her FB page, Brittany didn’t like my first reaction; “your page is heartbreaking and heartwarming.” She shot right back at me “why is it heartbreaking??”
I told her that it’s heartbreaking because in this day of so much awareness in terms of differences; be they physical, racial, sexual preference, religious . . . we still instinctively recoil from people who are different from us. I talk to my kids about bullying (I even wrote a post about it called I Apologize), about celebrating differences, striving to understand as opposed to giving in to fear of the unknown. I want the world to be a better place for them. I think they’ll do their part, but it hurts whenever I’m reminded that many others may not. After all, this is the environment in which my children will live.
She responded with tolerance: “many people just don’t know.”
I don’t accept that. I cant. SO much is available in terms of information. SO much out there about bullying, about acceptance, a virtual plethora of awareness. Especially with the internet, social media, blogs, etc. How can people not know?
But part of what’s heartbreaking to me has nothing to do with knowledge, it’s the other component, instinct.
We have instincts as a way to ensure survival. There are very basic ones; to procreate to continue the species, to drink when thirsty and eat when we’re hungry.
Bacon Cheddar Beef Rolls
Bacon Cheddar Beef Rolls
(going to the grill)
Fight or flight is a real and a purposeful instinct as well. It has years and years of evolution behind it. As I understand it, it’s a chemical reaction to fear and it’s steeped in self-preservation.
Fear is incredibly powerful. I believe that fear is the cause of bullying and ultimately is at the root of most all forms of hatred.
Withdrawing from a fearful situation is instinctive.
And the unknown is a major component of fear. What we don’t have experience in, and therefore have difficulty understanding, can cause stress. What is unknown varies from person to person based on their life experience. How they perceive the unknown varies too. What evokes fight or flight in one person can just be a challenge to another. This is where I see hope.
Two situations that can cause the same instinct: If I’m afraid because I’m alone in a dark parking lot and someone seems to be following me, I want that adrenalin pumping. I want fight or flight to set in. I’d imagine we all do. But if I’m uncomfortable or even afraid when faced with a stranger exhibiting, for instance, unusual body movements and slurred speech, when I’m behind a counter of a lighted restaurant with coworkers there, do I want to instinctively react in the same way? Do I even have a choice?
In the restaurant scenario, I choose to believe that there was no thoughtful animosity in the worker’s withdrawal from the situation, just an instinctive retreat from the unknown. You could fear that the customer is high on some drug or possibly drunk, fear that you’ll insult them by asking them to write down their order or by asking their friend to help because you don’t understand.
Ultimately, though, I want a world for my children in which we err on the side of insulting by reaching out as opposed to insulting by walking away.
I’m fully aware that there’s a maturity, an intellectual, and a life experience component, the whole nature vs nurture thing. And I know that there are strategies for changing our behaviors. This would apply to situations in which there is time for rational thought, long past the point where fight or flight would have kicked in and resulted in an instinctive response.
But I also think that part of changing the mindset of our society is the hope that we have some control over the neural pathways involved in instincts. If they differ from one person to the next, we must have some ability to impact them. But how? If fear produces a chemical reaction in our brain, can we change those reactions, create different pathways, instinctively assess situations differently, distinguish between levels of circumstances that cause fear?
But I also think that part of changing the mindset of our society is the hope that we have some control over the neural pathways involved in instincts. If they differ from one person to the next, we must have some ability to impact them. But how? If fear produces a chemical reaction in our brain, can we change those reactions, create different pathways, instinctively assess situations differently, distinguish between levels of circumstances that cause fear?
There are so many lessons we teach our children. And, honestly, fear is one of them. When my kids were young I wanted them to have a healthy fear of dangerous situations. I didn’t want them falling into a pool or running into traffic. But do we give enough thought to and direction concerning distinguishing between situations that should legitimately invoke fear and those that are unknown, but benign unknowns? I’m not sure that I myself did.
Instincts are, by definition . . . well . . . instinctive. So can we mold them? Re-route them? Where there are beneficial components, can we tweak instincts without eradicating them completely?
I hope so.
PS: Thank you Brittany, for initiating the conversation, inspiring thought, and allowing me to incorporate your story into this discussion.
Bacon Cheddar Beef Rolls
©www.BakingInATornado.com Printable Recipe
Ingredients:
2 # lean ground beef
2 TBSP seasoned salt
1 tsp garlic powder
2 TBSP chopped roasted red peppers
2 chopped scallions
1/3 cup cooked, chopped bacon bits
3 slices of sharp cheddar cheese each cut in half
OPT: Shredded lettuce
6 hoagie buns
Directions:
*In a bowl, just barely mix the ground beef, seasoned salt, garlic powder, roasted red pepper, scallions and bacon bits with your hands. Don’t over-mix.
*Separate into 6 fairly even pieces. Roll each into a log about 5 inches long. Flatten each onto a piece of plastic wrap.
*For each of the 6 meat rolls, take a half of a slice of cheese, fold it into thirds, place in the center of the meat and re-form the beef into a log making sure the cheese is enclosed inside. They’ll be about 5 ½ inches long and resemble a sausage. Roll each separately into plastic wrap and refrigerate the beef rolls for one hour and up to a day.
*While your grill is cold and turned off, grease the surface. Heat your grill to medium. Remove each beef roll from the plastic wrap and place on the grill. Use tongs to turn them so they cook on all sides. How long will depend on how hot your grill is and how you like your hamburg cooked. I cooked my approximately 20 minutes to medium.
*OPT: toast the hoagie buns on the grill while the beef rolls are cooking.
*Place lettuce in the bottom of each hoagie bun, top with beef roll.