Kitchen Don’ts

I’m often here showing you pictures and sharing recipes of my successes. Or what I consider to be my successes.

But before (during and after) some of the successes, there were many, many, many failures. Some equipment error, some ingredient error and some plain old pilot error. Yes, that means me.

I’ve made most of the mistakes that others tend to make. I’ve created pretty sparks by putting a container into the microwave without making sure all the tin foil was off. And I’ve spent the day cleaning “snow” out of every crevice of the kitchen after putting flour into the beater and turning it on too high.

But I’d be willing to bet I’ve had more kitchen don’t than the average person. So, for your amusement, the highlight reel:

*When I started cooking, I’d boil my pasta to death. Then I realized that al dente is so much better than pasta mush. But the first time I went for al dente, you could break a tooth on what I served.

*I found a great recipe for Coq Au Vin. But you really have to be careful of how you make it. You should end up with Chicken in a Wine Sauce. I ended up poaching chicken in red wine. It was not pretty, and I mean that literally. Any idea how hard it is to eat purple chicken?

*I once made the mistake of buying some “no name” heavy tin foil. Rick and I were having fish for dinner and it’s rare for me to do, but I bought the kids a frozen pizza to have instead of the fish. I put a layer of foil in the oven like I always do, put the pizza on and cooked. When the pizza was done I took it out of the oven, the tin foil disintegrated and the pizza dropped to the kitchen floor. My children were not amused.

*When I have leftovers, I wrap them in plastic wrap and then in tin foil and put them into the basement freezer. Once I defrosted some Potato Kugels but forgot to take the plastic wrap off of the food before putting the tin foil wrapped packet into the oven. I ended up with plastic wrap melted onto the Kugels.

Potato Kugels

*One year I was making my son’s birthday cake and for the frosting I needed to whip some heavy cream. I was tired and it had been a long day. When I pulled out the cream, I realized I’d bought half and half. I beat and beat and beat and beat, determined to win, but eventually had to concede that the half and half was not going to turn into whipping cream no matter how much I wanted it to.

*I had what I call the “three dozen egg fiasco”. I can separate eggs. It’s not that hard and I’ve been doing it for years. I make a cake that calls for 6 eggs, separated and there was one time that I just couldn’t do it. I kept getting yolk into the whites and having to start over. I went through a dozen eggs, sent my husband out for another dozen, then out for a third dozen before I finally accomplished the task. I actually ended up with a dozen eggs left over because when I sent him out for the third dozen, Rick actually bought two dozen more and left one in the car just in case. Smart guy.

*I once made a dish that calls for Sweet Red Chili Sauce. I used Hot Chili Sauce. There’s a difference between Sweet Chili Sauce and Hot Chili Sauce. In fact, there’s a big BIG difference. For the next month, I had to start every single dinner by looking my husband in the eye and promising that there was no Chili Sauce of any kind in that night’s dinner. I think he’s still traumatized.

*I’ve turned on the top oven and put the food into the bottom oven. It didn’t cook well. Or even at all, for that matter.

What are your kitchen don'ts? Care to share?

Potato Kugels
                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

  

Printable Recipe 

Ingredients:
1 package Simply Potatoes Hash Browns
1/2 cup frozen chopped onion, defrosted and remove the excess water
2 eggs
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup flour NOTE: To make these Kugels for Passover, replace the flour with 3/4 cup of matzo meal.

Directions:

*Grease all cups of a 12 cup muffin tin well. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 
*Mix the potatoes, onion, eggs, salt and pepper well. Mix in the flour (or matzo meal), then the oil.
*Make 12 balls out of the mixture. Form them using your hands and add some pressure to help them hold together. Mixture will be wet and won't completely hold together.
*Place each ball into a muffin cup and flatten to distribute the mixture in the cup.
*Bake for 1 hour. Run a knife around the edge of the muffin cups to release.

And all I got

My older son graduated from High School a couple of days ago. As his Mom, I'm going to take this as a personal accomplishment. Yes, he did do it. But it’s very possible I dragged him through, kicking and screaming the whole way. So yes, I’m taking some of the credit. And yet, for all my effort, I didn’t even get a t-shirt. What DID I get? Well, let’s see . . .

My son graduated from High School and all I got was:
* a migrane. Actually, more than one.
* selective hearing. It’s a skill. I had to work at it.
* lots of practice baking.
* grey hair.
* a nervous tic. Sort of like a fashion statement, it goes really well with the gray hair.

 Angel Food Trifle

* the ability to fall back asleep after being woken up by the front door slamming at 1:00 am.

* a blog. One that sometimes seems to take up more of my time and attention than my kids do.

* a renewed appreciation for mixed drinks. And a skill for developing new ones.

* bragging rights. Which, I have to admit, are being well and frequently used at the moment.

* the bill for college. Best bill ever.

It cost me about $100 to have this put into his yearbook. And although I’m not one to throw money out the window, I’m going to call this well worth it:

All you’ve conquered and accomplished

shows how brave and strong you are.

So Proud.  Every Day.

Love,

Mom, Dad, JB

Congratulations, Son.

Angel Food Trifle
                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

 

Ingredients:
2 (15 oz) angel food cakes or loaves
1 1/2 lbs. fresh strawberries, washed and slices
2 (3 oz) packages of strawberry jello
2 cups whipping cream

Directions:

*Make one package of jello and put in the fridge for about 45 minutes, just until it starts to set. Don't let it set completely, it still needs to be liquid, just thickened.
*Beat the whipping cream until stiff peaks hold. Beat in the thickened jello. Put in the fridge. NOTE: If the jello has set too much, whisk in a little bit of warm water before using.
*Cut one of the angel food cakes into squares. Mix with half of the strawberries and put into the bottom of a large glass bowl.
*Make the second package of jello. Pour half of it over the cake layer and push down into the bottom of your glass bowl.
*Gently layer half of the whipped cream mixture over the angel cake layer.
*Refrigerate to let these bottom layers set a little.
*Repeat all layers. When you push down on the second cake layer, make sure to do it gently and not push it into the whipped cream layer below it.
*Garnish top with a strawberry.

May Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 13 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

When you’re done, click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado
Follow me home . . .
Just a Little Nutty
Stacy Sews and Schools
The Sadder But Wiser Girl
Menopausal Mother
Moore Organized Mayhem
The Insomniac's Dream
The Momisodes
Spatulas on Parade
Mom Rants and Comfy Pants
Tiny Steps Mommy
The Rowdy Baker

Last month I shared some of the things a Fly might see if he watched me posting on Facebook. Those posts were all kid and home related. This month, I’m sharing some of my more popular posts, some kid and home related, but some blog related ones too.

*I Posted: Once a post featuring my Crab Pockets recipe went live, I posted about it on FB. Then I got off FB for a few hours to get some errands done. When I got back, a friend had left this message on my post: “Is this supposed to say recipe for crap pockets included?”
*So I deleted the post and replaced it with this one: “January Fly on the Wall posts are up and my recipe is for CRAB Pockets. I rarely make CRAP Pockets unless my kids have been REALLY REALLY annoying!

*I Posted: Best comment on my blog EVER:
“Remarkable! It's in fact remarkable post, I have got much clear idea regarding from this paragraph. Also see my site: lose man boobs”
*Answer from a friend who misses out on the joy of spam comments: Stupid spam filter has robbed me of these  unspeakably funny messages. Thanks for sharing yours!

*I Posted: I’m only 982 page views from 25,000. Could 982 of you go read one of my posts? Please?
*Answer from a friend: Would it help if I went to your blog 982 times?

 *I Posted:So if I tweet, and a friend re-tweets my tweet, and I re-tweet her re-tweet of my tweet, that’s Check Mate, right? I win?

Tzimmes

 *I Posted:Husband is coming home from work because he wrenched his back and is in a lot of pain. Older son comes home from school for lunch. This is supposed to be my alone time. Did no one get the memo?

*On April 1st I Posted: Today is the day the cleaners come to clean my house and 2nd son woke up vomiting. April Fools Day is kicking my butt.

*Another April 1st Post: For April Fools Day I always tell the kids it snowed out and there’s no school. First time they fell for it, but by the 10th time, not so much. So this morning I said that it snowed and my son said “I know”. Huh? That’s not how it goes. I look out the window and it HAD snowed. Well played, Mother Nature, well played.

 *I Posted:Those of you who don’t have teenagers, read no further, you don’t want to know. Those who do know what I’m dealing with: Son constantly tries to get around curfew. Last week he called 5 minutes before to say he’d be late. I said “OK, but do no do this again.” So last night 5 minutes before curfew he texted his brother to have his brother tell me that he’s be late. Seriously? He doesn’t put that much thought into his homework . . . 

*I Posted: A helpful fact: If you open a bottle of Red, you HAVE to finish it, you can’t just put it in the fridge like with a White.

*Someone funnier than me answered: You can put White in the fridge????   LOL.

So that’s a peek at my Facebook page. Sound like fun? Join me (shameless plug):  Baking In A Tornado Facebook page.

Tzimmes
                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

 

Ingredients:
5 new potatoes
3 sweet potatoes
1/2 lb baby carrots
10 dried apricots, chopped
1/2 stick margarine, melted
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup orange juice
1/4 tsp cinnamon

Directions:

*Peel potatoes and new potatoes. Cut into large cubes.
*Boil potato chunks, sweet potato chunks and carrots, just until they start to get tender. Check them often with a fork, they should still be firm, you're going to bake them and you don't want all of the pieces to mash.
*Drain the vegetables, run some cold water over them and drain again.
*Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a casserole dish.
*Mix the margarine, honey, orange juice and cinnamon to make a sauce.
*Gently mix the apricots and the sauce into the vegetables.
*Cover and bake for 30 minutes.
*Uncover, gently mix and bake another 15 minutes.

F is for Fail

A few weeks ago I wrote a Grocery Store rant. I’m on a roll folks, today it’s a School rant.

Someone from the High School called me the other day. I didn’t realize it until later on when I turned my cell phone on and got the message. I think that the school thought I was getting divorced. The message was that they saw that I had taken my husband’s phone numbers off of all the school paperwork for the upcoming year and they wanted to check in to see if they understood that correctly.

Hell yes, you understood that correctly. And nope, it’s not anything going on with me, it’s what’s going on with you.

Let me explain: I have a home phone. I talk about it here: DO NOT Call Me!. When I’m home, my cell is off or charging and I take calls on the home phone. When I leave the house, I grab my cell and that’s when I turn it on. So every year I fill out the school paperwork explaining that they should always try the home phone first. If they don’t reach me they can move on to my cell next. They should get me at one of those two places. If they can’t, in case of emergency, they can then try my husband’s work and my husband’s cell.

And every time they call, they call either my cell, my husband’s work or my husband’s cell. Over the years I’ve put my request in capital letters, written it in red, circled the home phone number, talked to the office, emailed, talked to my son’s advisor, you get the idea. And they NEVER call my home phone.

Sometimes the school sends out automated alerts. This happens when there’s a snow day, a change in testing or scheduling, or in the event of a lockdown. When there’s a snow day what do they do? They email me, email my husband, call home, call my cell, call my husband’s work number AND call my husband’s cell. ‘Cause we need to know six ways to Sunday that the crawl at the bottom of the TV news is right and we’re having a snow day.

But when there was a shooting in a local school and my kids went into lockdown, do you know how I found out? My brother, 1500 miles away, saw it on the news and called me. The school opted to call NONE of our numbers.

When the school left the message on my cell the other day, I was home making dinner.

Teriyaki Wingettes

(pictured  on bottom)

When my son had his cell taken away in class, the Vice Principal called my husband’s cell phone. Husband was at work. In a meeting. He had to leave the meeting to take the call, then call me so I could deal with it. I was at home, a half mile from the school. Yes, I’m rolling my eyes.

So after four years we’ve had enough. No divorce, just take my husband off of your list. How much do you want to bet they keep calling him anyway? Think Vegas’ll give us the odds on that one?

And by the way, if my kids followed directions as well as their educators do, they’d get an “F”. And probably detention.

Done ranting. Thanks, I feel much better. Carry on, nothing to see here.

Teriyaki Wingettes
                                     ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

 

Ingredients:
1/2 cup Soy Sauce
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 TBSP molasses
1 clove minced garlic
1 tsp ground ginger
2 tsp dry mustard
Approximately 2 1/2 lbs of Chicken Wingettes 

Directions:
 *Mix all marinade ingredients together. Pour over the wingettes and marinate overnight.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
*Spray a rimmed baking sheet with no-stick spray.
*Take wingettes out of marinade and place on baking sheet so all of the wings are on the pan, none are on top of each other.
*Bake for 30 minutes, flip wings over to other side and bake 30 more minutes.
*NOTE: I often make these ahead of time, baking 25 minutes per side and storing in the refrigerator. When I want to serve them, I heat them outside on the grill, but just a few minutes per side until hot.

Take 2 – May Secret Subject Swap

Welcome to another Secret Subject Swap. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Here are the links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup and check them all out. See you there.

Baking In A Tornado
The Insomniac's Dream
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
The Pursuit of Normal
The Momisodes
Searching for Sanity
Black Sheep Mom
Moore Organized Mayhem
Daily Dose of Damn
Tiny Steps Mommy
Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

My subject is Do you play an instrument? If so what kind and how often? OR have you ever played? It was submitted  by: Moore Organized Mayhem.

Here goes:
When I was in Middle School, I learned to play the guitar. Well, barely. My Mom bought me a guitar and had a friend teach me to play. I couldn’t read music, but I learned chords and I could strum my way through a song or two. Aerosmith, Boston, J. Geils, none of them came calling. I never got over it.

So I decided that my kids would at least try playing an instrument, and while they were young. I wanted them to learn to read music and have some basic knowledge. So the first time that the public schools offered lessons, I took advantage of it. In third grade, the school offered Orchestra. Wouldn’t have been my choice of a place to start, but we went with it. I told my older son that I wanted him to give it a try for one year, then he could make his own decision.

I was really excited when the school called to say they had an instrument for us to rent. The rules were that the instrument went to school twice a week for lesson day, then came home in between for practice. Practice had to be at least 20 minutes a day and I had to sign off on each day. Cool. We could do that.

The Instrument? A String Bass. That thing was as tall as I am. And heavy. So twice a week I sent my kids out the front door and waved to them as they walked to school with the rest of the neighborhood kids. And then I got in the car to drive the Bass to school. OK, there is something seriously wrong with this picture.

Then later in the day, after lessons were over, I had to go back to the school and pick it up and drive it home so it would be there for practice. OMG, practice. That turned into a moral dilemma. Do I teach my young kids to cheat and lie? Or, as I’m in the kitchen making dinner, am I really going to listen to 2 notes played over and over for 20 minutes? Daily.

Homemade Marinara

The next year, when my other son was in third grade, the orchestra teacher called me. She wanted to let me know that she had gotten me a second String Bass so both boys could play and we could leave one at the school for classes and keep one at home for practice. Perfect. Good things come to those who wait, right?

Hell, no. I had promised my older son that he only had to play for one year and he made it clear that he was done. I ended up driving it again. ANOTHER whole year of waving to the kids, having to get fully dressed (cause you don’t just drive a String Bass to school and leave it in the parking lot). In the snow, the rain. . .

So the extent of the musical ability my family has is on nights where I serve Baked Beans with dinner and the boys treat me to this chant:

“Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot.”

I think we’re going to have to chalk this one up to a Mom fail.

Homemade Marinara
                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

 

Ingredients:
2 Cans Stewed Tomatoes (must be stewed)
1 (6 oz) can tomato paste
3 TBSP olive oil
2 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp dried oregano 
1 TBSP dried parsley
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 cup frozen chopped onion
1/2 cup dry white wine
2 tsp brown sugar

Directions:
 *Process stewed tomatoes, tomato paste, olive oil, garlic, oregano, parsley, salt, pepper and onion in a food processor until almost smooth.
*Move to a large pan and add the white wine and brown sugar.
*Bring just to a boil on medium heat, then reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

                                   

Virginia is the new Furt

 *Please note that this post was edited to add an award. It's posted at the end.

We all know about food fads; those recipes or ingredients that everyone seems to be using and making all at the same time. Salted Caramel was one and Kale another. Like that song you liked until they played it every 5 minutes on the radio, you get to the point where you’ve had enough for a while. There’s nothing wrong with those recipes, in fact, they’re great. I’m just not going to make one every day.

Well, in the humor blogging world there are fads as well; those subjects that everyone seems to be addressing. The first one I was really cognizant of was . . . umm . . . let’s just say the never-ending discussion of odiferous “furts”.

It seemed everyone had something to say about furts. I read about baby’s furts, dog’s furts, husband’s furts. People shared deliberate furts and accidental, clean furts and dirty, private furts and public. Blogs, FB, Twitter, it was all furts all the time. Front door, back door, here a furt, there a furt, EVERYWHERE a furt, furt.

I went to college and I never knew that there was that much to know about furts. I’m sure there was a class. I must have missed it.

But look out furts, “virginia” has come to the blogging world and she’s quickly become the center of attention. We’ve gone from barely hearing about her (thank you for that, by the way) to being unable to escape her (ouch). She is, without a doubt, the new “Miss Popularity”.

Now I have, and still do, read about the occasional “sticks and stones”, mostly in posts about baby boys, but nothing like this current obsession with virginias. I’m reading about their size (pre and post birth), shapes and habits, their exercise regimen, their grooming options and haircuts, their clothing choices and jewelry too. About 95% of the bloggers I read have a virginia and lately so many are letting them all hang out (yikes).

Hell, I never EVER thought I would, and  I’ve just written a whole post on furts and virginias.

But in the name of full exposure disclosure, I just want to apologize in advance. If “virginia” is the new “furt” and we’re heading into the summer of the virginia, then all of my friends with vlogs (video blogs), I’m sorry. But that’s a place where this girl is just not gonna go.

*There’s no recipe here today. I tried but really, what exactly goes with furts and virginias?




 
Addendum to this post:
My friend The Insomniac's Dream created a new award and bestowed the honor upon me. She assigned a prompt and asks that I:
*write about the prompt
*link back to the blog that assigned me the prompt
*pick 5 new recipients and assign them a prompt of my choice
*be sure the blogger who presented me with this award is given a link to this post to see what I did with her prompt

What I was assigned to discuss is: "Original ideas: are there any more?"  Quite honestly, this post is exactly how I would approach that subject, so I'm calling it accomplished.

The prompt I'm assigning is: If you could take over any blog for one day, what one would you choose and why?
The bloggers I'm nominating are: 
The Insomniac's Dream yes, she said I could!
The Pursuit of Normal
Daily Dose of Damn
Evil Joy Speaks 
Mom Rants and Comfy Pants
as I always say with these things, awards are about recognition, not obligation. I hope you decide to play, but the choice is yours.