I DO Know: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

Apparently Hubs had some paperwork coming to the house. I wasn't aware of it, but he let me know the morning it was due to arrive.

Hubs: FedEx will be dropping off an envelope today, they'll need a signature.

Me: Then you better plan to be here to get it.

Hubs: Why, are you going out?
Me: No, it's Wednesday.

Hubs: And?
Me: I'm doing laundry.

Hubs: And?
Me: I don't answer the door when I'm wearing my doing laundry clothes.

Hubs: {{blink, blink}}.

Well, I mean you all have doing laundry clothes too, right? And you wouldn't open the door wearing them either, would you?

Although they're rarely right, Hubs has gotten me into the habit of checking the weather app now and then. I actually have it set to 3 cities: where I live, where PurDude lives, and where my mom lives.

I saw that the forecast for my area was dismal, but PurDude's was even worse. We were texting that morning, as we always do:

Me: It's going to be cold and rainy here. Looks like you're getting some sleep?

PurDude: Because your weather makes me tired?

Me: Sleet. Not sleep, sleet. Sheesh!

I was on a local store's website looking for an electric toothbrush head replacement. Somehow, what came up was . . . teeth? 

Teeth? One size fits all? Available at the grocery store? And it seems, from their advertising, that they're designed for minimal speech disruption. 

That's a hard pass. I won't be buying dentures at the grocery store. I'll stick to my G-d given choppers, thanks.

What's next? Over the counter IUDs?

 

We generally don't play the lottery, but when it gets high enough, it's hard to resist. The Powerball had gotten way past high enough, close to the billions. We played and I was fully expecting to win. At least something, right?

 

Wrong, Hubs and I both got just one number each. Two people won and obviously it wasn't us. I was sorely disappointed. Why couldn't it have been me?

 

I know, I'll ask Google.  

 

So I typed in "why didn't I win," and as always, Google gives options as to what I might be looking for based on common queries, trends, and my search history. Top option they offered? Why didn't I win the sperm race?

 

Umm, no. Not what I was going for. Now I'm spending way too much time wondering both how many people ask that for it to be a common query, or what my personal search history says about me.

 

The answer to either one of those, I really don't want to know. 

Hubs needed some oil for the car. It's european oil that you can't find everywhere, but our local Walmart has it, and at a great price. I ordered it on the morning of the 5th, and it was due to be delivered that day by 10:00 pm. I was watching the order through the day and in large letters it said "arriving by 10:00 pm," then in tiny letters under that it said "searching for a driver." Well, that can't be good. Especially since Hubs needs that oil.

At 9:30 pm, they updated the order to "delayed." They sent an email saying they'd do everything they can to get it to us within two days. Not going to work. 

The next morning, Friday, the 6th, Hubs decided he'd have to go out and get it himself if it wasn't coming by noon. Every time I checked, there wasn't an update.

Just before noon, I updated Hubs:

Me: Looks like Walmart put us in a time machine.

Hubs: What?
Me: Yes, the order updated.

Hubs: What does that have to do with a time machine?

Me: The update is that it's due to arrive by 1:30 pm, Thursday March 5th.

Hubs: That's yesterday.

Me: Hence the time machine . . .

Italian Party Sub

We were going to watch a Purdue basketball game. Hubs had been in his man cave watching an earlier game, which was going into overtime. I didn't care, I follow teams, not sports.

 

He came into the den just before the Purdue game was about to start. He looked up and saw I had the TV on and the game going into overtime on the screen.

 

Hubs: What channel is Purdue on?
Me: This one, that's why I have this channel on.

Hubs: Oh, I thought you put this channel on because you were being nice, knowing I was interested in the overtime game. 

Me: No, I'm not that nice. 

 

I thought I was joking but I didn't hear him disagree . . . 

 

I notice Hubs walking around, seemingly randomly:

Me: What are you doing?
Hubs: Looking for my glasses.

Me: When did you have them last?
Hubs: I don't know.

Now, normally I'd laugh at him, tell him he's getting old, but it turns out I don't think it's so funny.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have my moments, even posted about it on my Baking In A Tornado FB page:

So yeah, you won't catch me laughing. Crying maybe, but not laughing.

You know I love mysteries and I recently was challenged with one myself. The Case of the Stowaway Bird.

I really like unsalted peanuts in the shell. I haven't seen them in a store for quite a long time (other than priced as if it were gold. 

Hubs was in a hardware store and gave me a call. They had a 5# bag of peanuts for about $6. Sounds like they're for squirrels. He told me that they have them for squirrels also, but these are for people. Although a 5# bag will last pretty much forever, we decided he'd get them.

I had a few here and there the first few days. One day, I felt a stick in the bag. I poured some of the peanuts onto the counter and out came the stick. And a bird.

A bird?

These peanuts had a stowaway. And since they're grown and processed in North Carolina, I have to wonder what bird would leave that climate for winter in the Midwest.

I may need to do some investigating.

A text between PurDude and I:

Me: I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but dad is a cereal killer.

PurDude: What are you talking about?

Me: He's caused irreparable harm.

PurDude: I doubt it.

Me: I have proof:

A few minutes later, Hubs comes up from his man cave:

Hubs: What's going on?
Me: What are you talking about?

Hubs: PurDude just texted me.

Me: OK . . .

Hubs: Here's what he said . . . "is mom off her meds?"

Speaking of someone who is serially responsible for the murder of Americans, attacked and dragged away while just trying to live their lives in the cities they call home:

In last month's post, A Whole Hole, I questioned the intent of a news show praphic of trump. I certainly know what I thought about the situation, but the producers? Not positive. Could go either way.

But the next graphic I saw on the same show made it pretty clear.

Yes, that dope is an a-hole. And we all know it.

 

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Italian Party Sub

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

6 oz grape tomatoes

2 TBSP Italian salad dressing

1 (14 - 16 oz) Italian Loaf, unsliced

4 TBSP butter

1/2 tsp garlic powder

6 oz shredded cheddar, gouda, and gruyere cheese mixture

10 slices deli black forest ham

10 slices deli roasted chicken

10 slices thin sliced pepperoni

1/2 cup pepperocini slices

1 cup spinach

8 slices provolone

Directions:

*Cut the tomatoes in half, mix with the Italian dressing and set aside.

*Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

*Slice the Italian loaf in half, lengthwise. Leaving about a 1 inch border, hollow out most (but not all) of the bread from the bottom, creating a boat. Leaving a 1 inch border, scrape out just some of the bread from the top.

*Mix together the melted butter and garlic powder. Brush about 2/3 of this mixture onto the bottom of the loaf.

*Into the bottom of the loaf, layer the shredded cheese mixture, followed by the ham slices, folded in half, the roasted chicken slices, folded in half, and the pepperoni slices.

*Top with the tomatoes mixed with the salad dressing, the pepperoncini slices, the spinach, and finally the provolone.

*Top with the remaining half of the bread. Brush the remaining butter and garlic powder over the top.

*Wrap tightly in heavy tin foil. Bake for 1/2 hour. Uncoover the top and bake for another 10 minutes.

Seventeen Pies for Pi Day

 

Pies for Pi Day. Genius!

Pi Day, where have you been all my life? I had never heard of it before. Well, I mean, I was aware of all of the components: I knew that pi is 3.14 . . . and I knew that 3/14 was a yearly date on the calendar, and I certainly knew that any and every reason to eat pie is a good reason. What I didn't know is that some brilliant person put all of that together and started the yearly Pi Day celebration.

I was first enlightened when my kids were in elementary school. The was a celebration planned and any parents who could were asked to send in a pie. The results would be a mile long (OK, I may be exaggerating a little, but it was a sight to see) table full of an epic pie smorgasbord.

Sign me up. The boys picked their favorite pie for me to send in, and I made another for our family for dessert that night.

It doesn't matter if you're a Pi Day veteran, or a Pi Day newbie, if you have favorite pies, or are looking for some new ideas, whatever the situation, I am SO here for you.

Whether you prefer fruit, chocolate, nuts, ice cream, alcohol infused, or lead free, baked or no baked, I've got options for you. Today I'm sharing 17 of our favorite pi(e) recipes, hoping some of them become your new favorites too.

Oh, and why 17? Did you figure it out? 3 + 14 for 3/14, of course.

Links to all of my recipes are listed below, from the top left (#1) to the bottom right (#17)

1) Caramel Apple Crumble

Tart (or semi-tart) apples offset the creamy caramel candies melted into this crumble. Baked with, of course, a crunchy brown sugar topping.

2) Nutella Krisp Pie

The filling in this single crust pie includes Nutella, crispy chocolate cereal, and butterfingers bits. A chocolate lovers' dream.

3) Spiced Pie with Pecans

This adults only version of pecan pie is spiced and spiked.

4) Chocolate Raspberry Ice Cream Pie

This ice cream pie features raspberry flavors along with the crunch of chocolate cookies. Easy to assemble, perfect for making ahead.

5) Chocolate Peppermint Pie

The flavor of a peppermint patty in pie form. The crust can be made a day in advance, and the filling is no bake.

6) Strawberry Biscoff Ice Cream Pie

This beautiful ice cream pie pairs strawberry and speculoos (cookie Butter).

7) French Toast Pumpkin Pie

As delicious as it is pretty, this pumpkin filling is mixed with a hint of cream cheese, and baked in a circle of cinnamon French toast sticks.

8) Brownie Butterfingers Pie

This pie is a dressed up option to brownie squares. A walnut crust and brownie filling with bits of butterfingers.

9) Berry White Chocolate Chip Pie

This pie features yur choice of berries, baked into a pie crust and topped with a white chocolate chip crumble.

10) Spiked Caramel Pie

Amaretto is paired with caramel in this decadent pie.

11) Berry Key Lime Pie in a Nut Crust

Witth a unique crust and the addition of berries, this pie is a delicious take on a classic pie.

12) Apple Wassail Pie

Add the flavors of the traditional hot apple drink to your apple pie.

13) Tropical Fruit Pie

A walnut crust has a creamy orange pineapple center and is garnished with toasted coconut.

14) Almond White Chocolate Cranberry Pie

Almonds, cranraisins, and white chocolate chips provide the flavor in this easy to make dessert.

15) Peach Pecan Pie

A classic pie with a fruity spin. So easy, the filling is mixed up in just one bowl, then pour into the crust and bake.

16) Brownie Crusted Mint Ice Cream Pie

Mint chocolate mix-ins are folded into ice cream and frozen in a brownie crust.

17) Raspberry Prosecco Pie

This unique pie features raspberry and Prosecco, a perfect pairing.

Happy Baking! Happy Eating! Happy Pi(e) Day!

A Whole Hole: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

I pretty much every month, talk about my messed up texts with PurDude, sometimes it's autocorrect that's my downfall, other times I'm just typing too quickly and not being careful.

He knows that I've always been a voracious reader, and that I bake to calm my stress, but lately I've been binge watching some streaming miniseries. 

You know that PurDude and I text every day, usually just a quick check in, but I always try to add something about what I'm doing or what's going on with the family.

Last week:

PurDude: How are you, mom?

Me: I'm good. Cold out today so I'm baking. When it's this cold out, the best hobbies are reading, binge washing, and, of course, baking.

PurDude: Is Gisella not cleaning the house any more? I'm not sure I can picture you binge washing anything. Or enjoying it.

Me: Watching. Binge watching. Ugh. 

We were watching the Olympics (I'm obsessed), when, during his routine, the USA men's skater did a back flip, landing perfectly on his skates.

Hubs: I could never do that on ice.

Me: You could never do that on solid ground. In fact . . .

Hub (interrupting me): OK, that's enough. 

Me: But I was just getting started . . .

I don't know if it was karma coming back to me for teasing Hubs about back flips on ice, but it was not much later that I actually almost did one.

The trash can was at the curb and there was a little snow on the driveway. At least that's what I thought, it was actually icy in places. I was walking down the driveway when I started to slip and slide. Arms flailing, trying not to fall and break my ass, I jumped over to the side onto the (snowy but not icy) lawn, and gained control. Phew.

It wasn't until I was coming back in the door when I realized Hubs was watching me:

Hubs (laughing): Wow, you stayed on your feet. 

Me: Not funny, I could have broken my ass, or my arm, or my leg.

Hubs: That was a great save. I'd give you an 8.

Me: And that was just my short program . . .

Every year, Hubs' firm sends out chocolates to all of the employees. We usually don't know they're coming until they show up.

This year though, Hubs got an email from Fed Ex saying a package was coming the next day. We're not sure how they got his email address but, whatever.

The next day Hubs got an email saying that Thad would deliver the package between 12pm and 2pm. Right around 2:00, a Fed Ex truck drove up, sat in front of our house for a while, and left.

A while later Hubs got another email saying that the package would arrive by 8pm.

It didn't.

I was teasing Hubs, telling him that Thad probably sat in front of our house eating our chocolates.

The next day, an email came saying that the package was on the truck for delivery.

Hubs was gone when it came, so I texted him:

Me: The chocolates came.

Hubs: Oh, that's good.

Me: But there's a problem.

Hubs: What's the problem?
Me: Remember when I said that Thad was probably eating our chocolates?
Hubs: Yeah?

Me: He was. There's one missing. I took a picture:

Hubs: Let me guess, the missing one was chocolate raspberry.

Damn, that man knows me.

I still order a lot of our weekly basic groceries for pick-up. It's a lot easier and cuts way back on how much we need to go in and purchase ourselves. I place the order, Hubs picks it up.

We recently got an email saying that they were going to greatly complicate the pick up procedure. Hubs would have to download the app, click on this that and the other thing, go to the store, check in, click on a few other things, get a barcode, and show it before he could get the groceries.

Jeez, it's canned corn, not state secrets.

But more than that, all of that is far above Hubs' pay grade tech ability.

Hubs (to me as I'm getting the store app onto his phone for him): Can't I just do the hokey pokey and turn myself around?

Me: You could try . . .

Oatmeal Cookie Cream Cheese Bars

Older Son walked in the door. I hadn't been expecting him, not that it matters, but he usually lets me know his plans. He'd stopped at a grocery store up the street to grab a couple of frozen items but couldn't. Apparently one of the freezers in the store had caught fire and they had to throw a lot of the inventory away.

Hubs wasn't home at the time, so when he got home I told him that Older Son was at the store but couldn't get what he'd stopped for because a freezer caught fire.

Hubs: Wow, I'm surprised they didn't evacuate.

Me (looking at him like he's nuts): Of course they evacuated. What do you think they did, tell the customers to keep right on shopping but stay away from anything scorched.

Hubs: Well . . .

Me: Or maybe they told the customers the store had saved them a step by pre-scorching the food. Or . . .

Hubs: Ok, that's enough.

Me: But I've got more . . .

 

Not only did we get candy from his company, but his colleagues gifted him bags of chocolates for his birthday. We were overflowing with candy.

I was in the office, sitting in the recliner reading, a water bottle and the wrapper from a mini Dove chocolate I'd eaten earlier sitting on the table next to me.

It was time to go start dinner and, as usual, I really wanted to just keep reading.

Hubs comes home an hour later and finds me in the office, reading:

Hubs: What's for dinner? I usually smell it when I first walk in, but not today.

Me: Nothing.

Hubs: Nothing?
Me: It's not my fault, Dove made me do it.

Hubs: The soap?

Me (handing him the candy wrapper): No, the candy.

I had bought some Greek yogurt for a recipe, decided not to make that recipe and forgot about the yogurt in the fridge.

Saw it the other day and decided to just eat it. First I needed to check the date on it.

It may as well have said this:

Kinda like the yogurt version of Russian roulette.

Speaking of questionable food, this has to be the epitome of irony.

It was about 9:00 pm, College Boy was hungry so he went to cook some frozen wings he had in the freezer. He'd thought he'd bought precooked wings, but they were raw. He doesn't cook at all, so I told him exactly what he had to do to make them. He'd have to defrost them, marinate or rub them for flavor, then cook them for about an hour, as well as making sure to wash his hands really well any time he touched them. He tends to take shortcuts so I made it very clear that he had to cook them correctly or he'd end up with food poisoning.

It was late, but he also didn't want to take any chances, so he gave the wings to me to do something with tomorrow, and order Wing Stop delivery.

I was relieved, to tell you the truth. 

Until about 2:00 am, when, for over an hour, he was puking his guts out.

Yup, food poisoning. Not from cooking the raw wings he bought, but from Wing Stop delivery.

And that, my friends, is irony.

Every now and then I go through the pics on my cell and delete anything I don't want to keep. I found a pic that I took a few months ago, then forgot about.

I was scrolling through the TV, trying to figure out what I wanted to watch. As I was passing through a cable news channel, I saw something that at first confused me, then made me laugh. I grabbed my cell and quickly took a pic before the graphic was gone from the screen.

The confusion was as to whether they left the "w" off of the second word. Or the dash between the first and second words. Were they saying "a whole" or "a-hole?"

And the laugh was because I know which one I think it is.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Oatmeal Cookie Cream Cheese Bars

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 1/2 sticks butter, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

1 egg

3/4 tsp vanilla

1 cup flour

3/4 cup baking soda

3 TBSP cup baking cocoa

1/4 tsp salt

1 1/4 cups quick oats

1/4 cup chocolate chips

1/4 cup white chocolate chips

12 oz cream cheese, softened

1 container (about 5 oz) vanilla Greek yogurt

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

Directions:

*Cream the butter and sugar. Beat in 1 egg and 3/4 tsp of vanilla. Starting on low until incorporated, beat in the flour, baking soda, baking cocoa and salt.

*Mix in the quick oats, chocolate chips, and white chocolate chips. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1/2 hour.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan. Press about 2/3 of the cookie dough into the bottom and partially up the sides of the pan. Bake for 12 minutes.

*While the crust is baking, beat the remaining ingredients until smooth.

*Remove the crust from the oven. Gently press the dough down (I use the bottom of a glass), leaving about 1/2 inch edge up the side of the pan.

*Pour the cream cheese filling evenly into the crust. Use the remaing approximately 1/3 of the dough to dollop onto the top. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the center is set and the sides start to brown.

*Cool to room temperature, then run a knife along the edges and cut into 24 bars. Remove to a serving plate (if you allow the bars to completely cool, they will stick to the baking pan), and refrigerate. Once cold, cover with plastic wrap.