Hoagies, Stogies, and Watering Pants: Fly on the Wall

 Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 4 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

I wrote, in a Use Your Words writing challenge, about my neighbor who over the years seems to keep buying toys which it appears he's never allowed to keep. I said, in that post, Procure vs Secure, that he's bought a riding lawn mower, and it seems he's been allowed to keep it. His lawn is not big enough, and it ends in a steep drop.

 

I tried not to laugh, I really did, last week when I saw a bunch of men from the neighborhood walk down into the drop at the end of his yard. A few minutes later I heard his lawn mower turn on and watched as the men, mightily straining, pushed him up the hill on his new toy. 

 

I don't know if he's riding the mower down the hill any more or if maybe he's learned that lesson, but he is still out there mowing his lawn every single day.

Hubs: Is he out there mowing his lawn again?

Me: Yup, every day.

Hubs: It doesn't need to be mowed that much, he must really enjoy that toy.

Me: Yes, he seems really happy, riding around in circles every day with a big hoagie hanging out of his mouth.

Hubs: Hoagie?
Me: Yes, a cigar.

Hubs: I think you mean stogie.

And now every day when I hear his mower crank up I start laughing picturing him riding around with a big meatball grinder hanging out of his mouth.

This was a kinda interesting text conversation between Hubs and I:

 

Hubs: I'm heading home, what are you up to? Do you need anything while I'm out?
Me: No, I'm just watering my pants.

Hubs: You mean you're doing laundry?
Me: No, I did laundry yesterday.

Hubs: So you're just getting them wet?
Me: That's the goal.

Hubs: But why?
Me: So they'll grow.

Hubs: I don't think that'll work. If you need the next size, you may need to just get them.

Me: The next size? What are you talking about?

Hubs: Your pants. You said you're watering your pants.
Me: Oh, LOL, my bad, I'm watering my plants.

 

Another day, another text message. This time I caught it myself.

After Hubs' surgery, he wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy for 2 weeks. When we were bringing the groceries into the house, I grabbed all the heavier bags at once so he wouldn't try to bring them in. As I was putting them onto the counter, I heard a pop and felt pain in my shoulder. Not good.

Don't know what I did to it, it wasn't dislocated, but it hurt. The next afternoon Hubs was coming home from work and texted me.

Hubs: Heading home, do you need anything?
Me: Can you bring me something for my shoulder, it's really smelling.

Hubs: OK.

Fortunately I re-read my text and was able to correct my mistake while he was still at the store.

Me: I meant swelling, not smelling.

Hubs: Oh, OK.

He came home with an ice pack and ibuprophen.

Me: Tell me the truth, you were going to bring me deodorant, weren't you?

Hubs: Maybe . . .

  

 

I was getting into the shower when I jumped back, there was a spider in there. Scared the cr@p out of me. 

Later:
Me: I do not appreciate you putting a spider in the shower.

Hubs: Duly noted.

That afternoon in a text to PurDude:
Me: Don't ever put a spider in my shower again.

PurDude: I'm 550 miles away.

Me: That doesn't make it right.

And later still:
Me: Why did you put a spider in my shower?

College Boy: In your shower? I told him to stay in your bed.

Mocha Cinnamon Scones

 

College Boy walks in, I tell him what's for dinner and ask if he'll be here.

 

College Boy: I'll pass.

Me: Why?

College Boy: I don't like what you're making for dinner.

Me: Since when?
College Boy: Since always.

Me: Well, the rest of us love it.

College Boy: It's the worst thing you make.

Me (shocked): That's kinda mean.

College Boy: I take it back.

Me: Good.

College Boy: Yeah, you've made worse.

 

I went out front to water my flowers. As I opened the door to come back in, I almost knocked into College Boy with the door. 

Me: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were standing right there.

College Boy: I wasn't just about to lock you out.

I'm thinking he was just about to lock me out. Which, I suppose, is better than locking me up.

 

There are a lot of things we try to teach our children, some they learn and some they just never do. Then there are the things we don't try to instill, but they pick up anyway. For me, one of those "don't try to instill" things is my sarcastic sense of humor. I always wanted the boys to get it, to get me, which was sometimes a challenge in and of itself, but I didn't necessarily want them to mimic it. Yet . . .

 

College Boy comes in, starts his laundry, heads upstairs, then comes running back down and races through the kitchen.

 

Me: What's wrong?
College Boy: I forgot to add detergent.

Me (laughing): Ha, I've done that a time or two myself.

College Boy: Yeah, but you're old.

 

 

It was a lazy weekend afternoon. Hubs was outside mowing the lawn and I was sitting in the office by the window reading in my lounge chair. I heard Hubs come in the house but didn't hear the garage door go down. We'd had things stolen out of our garage in the past so I always listen for the door to go down. I caught him as he was headed through the house.

Me: Hey, are you all finished out there?
Hubs: Yup.

Me: I didn't hear the garage door go down.

Hubs: I know, I'm not quite done out there.

It's not just me, right?

 

 

College Boy was on the phone in the other room, talking to my mom. I could hear the conversation so he must have had her on speaker:

Grammy: What's your mom doing?

College Boy: She's watching TV.

Grammy: What's she watching?
College Boy: She mostly watches murder shows and the Red Sox.

Grammy: What's she watching now?
College Boy: Do you hear any screaming?
Grammy: The murder shows make her scream?
College Boy: No, if she's screaming, she's watching the Red Sox.

And he's right.

 

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

 

Menopausal Mother 

Wandering Web Designer 

Never Ever Give Up Hope

Mocha Cinnamon Scones

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients: 

3 cups flour

1/3 cup brown sugar

3/4 tsp salt

1 TBSP baking powder

2 TBSP instant coffee granules

1 stick butter, sliced

3/4 cup dark chocolate chips

1/3 cup cinnamon baking chips

2 eggs

up to 2/3 cup cold brewed coffee

1 tsp vanilla

2 TBSP butter

Directions:
*Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper.

*Pulse the flour, brown sugar, salt, baking powder, instant coffee granules, and sliced butter in a food processor just a couple of times until crumbly. Move to a bowl, mix in the dark chocolate chips and cinnamon baking chips, set aside.

*In a separate small bowl, whisk the eggs, 1/3 cup of the cold coffee, and the vanilla. Add to the dry ingredients and stir just until it comes together, it should be moist but not wet. If it's too dry to hold together, add the remaining coffee, 1 TBSP at a time, until it does.

*Turn the dough onto a floured counter, flour your hands and knead a few times just until the dough holds together and can form a ball.

*Place the dough onto the prepared baking sheet and flatten evenly to about a 1 inch thick disk. Cut, like you would a pizza (and a pizza cutter works really well), into quarter, then cut each quarter into three triangles. Gently pull each piece out a little to separate the slices.

*Place the baking sheet into the refrigerator for 1/2 hour. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

*Melt the remaining 2 TBSP butter and brush onto the scones. Bake for 25 minutes. Allow to cool slightly, serve warm.

Wrong Place, Every Time: Word Counters

 

Counting my words again. 

Today my fellow Word Counters and I are sharing our monthly group post. Each month one group member picks  a number between 12 and 50. All participating bloggers are then challenged to write something (or a few somethings, as the case may be) using that exact number of words. Today we all share what we came up with. 

 This month's number is 37. 
It was chosen by Diane of On the Border!

As I've been doing in these Word Counters posts, I've chosen a theme and am using my word count multiple times in keeping with the theme. This month I've chosen the theme Wrong Place, Every Time. Sometimes we're in the wrong place at the wrong time. This day I was in the wrong place every time.

 

 

~ Hubs had surgery last month, and that was just one component of a really bad day. You know things aren't going your way when McDonald's won't even take your order. But let me start at the beginning . . .

 

~ Surgery was at noon, they'd told us to be there at ten thirty (it's a thirty minute drive). When talking to the nurse the day before, she said we needed to be there at ten. Just great.

 

~ Weather had been really hot, more summer weather than spring (which it was back then). And we'd had to turn on our sprinkler system because, very unusual for a spring in the Midwest, there'd been no rain.

 

~ At nine thirty that morning we were issued a severe thunderstorm warning in our area. Of course. And you know that storm hit while I was on the road. Thunder, lightening, downpour, flooding, I hit the quadfecta. 

~ Surgery wouldn't start for two hours, then two hours of surgery, then recovery. I thought I'd go home in the middle. When checking in, they said surgery would be one hour, recovery thirty five minutes. I'd stay.

~ Two hours later I told the surgeon I would be there. He said that recovery would actually be three, even four hours. That's another six hours. I told him I'd probably leave in the middle after all.

 

~ As I was leaving the hospital I noticed, just because of the angle from which I happened to be approaching the car, that something underneath my car was hanging down all the way to the ground. Perfect.

 

~ Hubs would need to see that piece and he wasn't going to be leaning down to look any time soon. Which is how I ended up crawling on my belly in puddles taking pictures under the car.

 

~ Surgery went pretty well. Phew. There was a minor issue that would only change the recovery time frame but that was it. BUT surgery took one hour, recovery took one hour. He was done. I wasn't there.

 

~ Raced to pick up poor orphan Hubs. He was in a lot of pain. Scripts were sent to our pharmacy hours ago, I could get them on the way home and we'd be done for the day.

 

~ Nope. The damn pharmacy had the script but hadn't bothered filling it. Hubs couldn't wait so took him home, settled him in the recliner in the office with a water bottle and food, then had to go back.

Sweet Hot Ham Grilled Cheese

~ Pharmacy is next to a McDonald's. I hadn't eaten anything and felt exhausted so I decided to treat myself to a small milkshake. There are two take out lines. Someone was ordering, the other line was empty.

 

~ Good. If it was going to take time, I'd have to skip it and get home. The guy finished ordering, another car pulled into his spot (for after me). Nope, they ignored me and took his order.

 

~ Of course they did. So how would I describe life on that particular day? Bad news, good news, bad news, bad news, bad news, bad news, and McDonald's won't even take my order for a damn milkshake.

Here are links to the other Word Counters posts:

On the Border 

Messymimi’s Meanderings 

Sweet Hot Ham Grilled Cheese       

                                                          ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
3 slices rye bread

2 tsp sweet hot mustard

2 tsp mayonnaise

5 slices black forest ham

2 tsp Blackberry jam

3 slices swiss or provolone cheese

1 TBSP butter

Directions:
*Whisk together the sweet hot mustard and the mayonnaise. Spread onto one slice of bread and top with the ham.

*Spread the blackberry jam onto another slice of bread, place the cheese on the blackberry jam and the last slice of bread on top to make a sandwich.

*Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Place the cheese sandwich into the butter, then flip it over so both sides are buttered. 
*Place the bread with the ham on it, bread side down, into the skillet along with the cheese sandwich. Cook, checking the bottom now and then, until the bread is brown.

*Remove the bread and ham to a serving plate, ham side up. Flip the cheese sandwich in the skillet and cook until the other side of the bread is brown and the cheese inside is melted. *Remove the grilled cheese from the pan, place on top of the ham to form one sandwich. Slice and serve.

Speculation: Use Your Words

 

 

Today’s post is a monthly writing challenge. If you’re new here, this is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once. All of the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s  participating knows who got their words and in what direction the recipient will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

I'm using: clandestine ~ showcase ~ prices ~ pride ~ solvent ~ language 

They were submitted by Jenniy of Climaxed.

 

 

 

The meeting was clandestine, as these things tend to be. We all have talents, many people flaunt theirs with pride, and she supposed she'd get more business that way, but the nature of her chosen profession was such that it was best if she just not showcase her skills publicly, build her business by word of mouth.

 

We each do what we have to do to stay solvent, and without a doubt there were parts of her job that she found distasteful, but she's honed her skills over time, she was more than solvent. Not rich but comfortable, making it from one assignment to the next without financial concern. There were times when she'd have to tighten her belt a bit, but there was a need for her services and there were those who knew she performed to satisfaction, so the next inquiry always seemed to come.

 

A downside, of course, was the concern for her safety. She had learned to be careful, only meet with people who she'd assessed could "speak her language," that of secrecy and discretion. Well, that and her practice of ensuring full agreement up front, no last minute negotiations or misunderstandings. After all, there were things that she would do, and things that she would not. Period. Prices, parameters, time constraints, all were spelled out in full ahead of time. Before that first clandestine meeting.

 

Any guesses?

 

Have a piece of cake (sorry, wasn't able to work the recipe seamlessly into this post), decide what you think her profession is, let me know in the comments. 

                   

Strawberry Lime Marble Cake

Here are links to all the other Use Your Words posts:

On the Border 

Wandering Web Designer 

Climaxed 

Part-time Working Hockey Mom

What TF Sarah 

 

 

7 –19-2021 UPDATE

Thank you for playing along and making this post even more fun than I'd imagined.

A synopsis of the guesses at this point:
4 votes for escort and, although this is not the profession I chose, I admit to writing the post skewed towards sending you in that direction.

1 vote for: hit man, spy, abortion doctor, bookie, bounty hunter, and repossessor. Not what I had in mind but I was impressed with the thought that went into these guesses.

 

1 vote for seamstress, simple nanny, personal shopper, and baker (love this one). Although fun guesses, I don't think these choices fit with all of the clues (like the safety aspect, for example) but then I can see how, with a little more back story, maybe they could.

 

What I had in mind:
Many of you know I'm a mystery lover, in TV shows, books, and movies, it's my genre of choice.

There were 2 votes for Private Investigator (one as the 5th guess, but it counts).

Congratulations, you both got it.

Too bad I didn't offer a prize. Maybe next time . . .
❤

 

Strawberry Lime Marble Cake

                                                               ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients: 

6 strawberries

1 box (15.25 oz) white cake mix

1/2 cup milk, divided

1/2 cup oil, divided

4 eggs

1/4 cup strawberry yogurt

OPT: 1 drop red food coloring 

1/4 cup key lime yogurt

1/4 cup lime juice

1 tsp lime zest

OPT: 2 drops green food coloring

 

OPT: powdered sugar and/or sliced strawberries to serve

 

Directions:
*Puree the strawberries and set aside. 

*Grease and flour a 9 X 13 pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

*Divide the cake mix into 2 bowls, you'll have about 1 1/2 cups mix per bowl.

*To the first bowl, add 1/4 cup milk, 1/4 cup oil, pureed strawberries, strawberry yogurt, and 1 drop of red food coloring, if adding. Beat for 2 minutes.

*To the second bowl, add 1/4 cup milk, 1/4 cup oil, the key lime yogurt, lime juice, lime zest, and the green food coloring, if adding. Beat for 2 minutes.

*Dollop the batters, alternating between them, into the prepared pan. Swirl them together in spots using a knife. Be sure not to completely incorporate them into each other.

*Bake for about 35 to 40 minutes, until the cake is set and the center springs back to the touch. Cool completely. Serve sprinkled with powdered sugar, dolloped with whipped cream, and/or topped with sliced strawberries.