Sue all Gays? Yeah, That's the Ticket

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank a moron.

Thank you, Sylvia, for putting yourself on the front lines of the fight for the rights of intolerant bigots everywhere.

I know I’ve written a lot about gay rights lately. I bet you’re thinking “we get it, enough already.” You could even be wondering when I’m going to climb off that high horse or soap box or whatever it is that has me standing higher than my normal five feet.

Well, today’s post isn’t about gay rights.

It’s about idiocy.

You see, College Boy and I have very similar beliefs and champion many of the same causes. It’s not just because he’s my son. I can assure you that from the time he could talk, this particular son would fight me to the death over whether the sky is blue or the grass is green. If I say it, he says the opposite.

Add to that the fact that he’s college age. These are the years when it’s a rite of passage to develop your own beliefs, reject many of those of your parents. And he does. But when it comes to politics and rights, suddenly and miraculously we’re mostly on the same page.

So when I was in the kitchen the other day making dinner and College Boy read a story about a woman in Nebraska suing all gays, he grabbed a counter stool and sat down to tell me about it.

White Chocolate Berry Tart

And I have to tell you, there is nothing like the arguments of an imbecile to bring this mom and her son closer, laughing till tears ran down our faces. Giggling together like we hadn’t since he was a little boy.

A woman named Sylvia has decided that she is the spokesperson for G-d and for Jesus. And in their name she is suing all homosexuals.

I’m not sure where she got the roster. I certainly hope it’s a comprehensive list, I’d hate for her to go through all this effort and then have to do it all over again if she hears of one or two stragglers.

She intends to prove, using the bible, that living as a gay person is a sin. I’m not sure who told her that a court of law is where you determine what is or is not a sin, but I’m thinking she may have gotten some shady legal advice along the way.

And as proof that it is not just a sin but a premeditated sin, she argues that if the homosexuals didn’t know that their lifestyle was a sin, they wouldn’t have been hiding in the closet.

Clearly a sound legal argument.

She further contends that we, as a society, have become compliant to and complicit in lewd behavior. Kinda makes me wonder in whose windows she’s been peeking.

Now I have to admit that this part has me a little scared myself. Will she next go after anyone not adhering strictly to the missionary position? Are we all going to have to publicly declare our preferences? Will we be pointing at our neighbors identifying them as pro-doggy or anti-doggy?

And finally, because everyone knows that the best way to win a legal argument is to issue a dare to the court, in her seven page petition Sylvia challenges the judge saying that to rule against her is tantamount to calling G-d a liar.

Sylvia then contradicts herself by claiming that she’ll be representing herself in the court case. Wait, didn’t she just say she was representing G-d and Jesus?

And if she is, then isn’t she impersonating a lawyer?

I can’t tell you how many times College Boy and I broke out into hysterics while reading this short article. I can’t tell you how much fun I had looking into his eyes, knowing what he was thinking and guffawing all over again.

So let me thank you, Sylvia, from the bottom of my heart, for being such a total and complete ass.

 

 

White Chocolate Berry Tart

                                                                            ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes 24):
8 oz cream cheese, softened
2 sticks butter, softened
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp cinnamon

powdered sugar for dusting

1 box (3.3 oz) white chocolate pudding and pie filling
1 1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup raspberry liqueur
OPT: for alcohol free, substitute more milk for raspberry liqueur
1 TBSP seedless raspberry jam

1 cup blueberries
1/2 lb strawberries, hulled and thinly sliced

Directions:
*Beat cream cheese butter and vanilla. Stir in flour and cinnamon. Form into a ball and divide into 4 segments. Wrap separately in plastic wrap, press down to flatten and chill 1 hour.
*Grease 24 muffin tins. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
*Remove one ball of dough from the fridge. Place a piece of parchment paper on your counter and dust with powdered sugar. Place the dough on the sugar, cover with the plastic wrap and roll out to an approximately 9 or 10 inch circle.
*Using a round cookie cutter or the mouth of a 3 1/2 inch (opening) cup, cut circles out of the dough. Gently tap each dough circle, sugar side up, into a muffin tin. Repeat with the other dough ball until you've made 24.
*Bake for 25 minutes. Allow to cool completely in the muffin tin.
*While the cups are cooling, place pudding mix, raspberry jam and milk in a bowl. Whisk until well mixed. Add the liqueur and whisk until it starts to thicken.
*Set aside 24 strawberry slices and chop the rest of the strawberries.
*Add 1/2 of the blueberries and the chopped strawberries to the pudding mixture.
*Carefully remove the cookie cups from the muffin tins abd place on serving platter.
*Divide the fruit mixture amongst the cookie cups.
*Garnish with the reserved fruit. Place in refrigerator to set.
*Store leftovers in the refrigerator.

Blasphemy

Lately I’ve been posting less humor and more serious pieces. I think this is partly because my muses are mostly out of the house and partly because of all the drama and heartbreak going on in my life. Whatever the reason, I’m going with it.

Today I’m taking on religion.

I’m not really interested in debating the premise of each religion, we all believe what works for us and I defend everyone’s right to do so. I know that there’s a sense of right and wrong in terms of the differences in the beliefs of religions. I disagree. When it comes to beliefs there’s only right and wrong for any given person.

But more and more I see people who want to belong met with rejection. I see people of all different faiths openly and deliberately looking to exclude others. This isn’t high school, this is organized religion.

I do see the value in age old traditions. I understand that religions don’t operate by constantly changing their doctrine. One of what I think is the primary roles of religion is to provide a moral compass. A staunch and unchanging moral compass. There has to be stability in terms of right and wrong. A religion cannot survive by being totally reactionary to societal changes.

But there is nothing wrong with progression and growth in terms of how we interpret the breadth of what is right. If we say that G-d loves all of his children, but in the past those of certain lifestyles have been excluded, excommunicated, shunned even, we do not lessen the tenet by coming to the conclusion that we need to exclude none.

Further down the slippery slope of exclusion are religious groups dedicated to discrimination, negativity and hate. We give them validation by calling these groups a church. They should not have tax-exempt status. In fact, it’s an insult to our society that they do.

Please excuse the simplistic baking analogy, but if you love chocolate chip cookies, only make chocolate chip cookies, are only friends with people who eat chocolate chip cookies, even if you decide that you will never try a lemon cookie, how do people who love Limoncello Cookies lesson your love of chocolate chip cookies?

Limoncello Cookies

And with increasing frequency we’re moving this issue out of the chapel and into the political arena. Following the analogy, to then seek to pass laws based on our belief that G-d only loves people who eat chocolate chip cookies, are we promoting the values of our religion, or are we really just using our religion to promote our own prejudices?

Bullying in the name of G-d. Isn’t this blasphemy?

Although I’m not exclusively speaking of homophobia, it’s a good example of what I’m trying to say because:

*A representative in one state has proposed a bill that will do away with all marriage licenses unless issued by a member of the clergy. Legalized exclusion.
*Another state is talking about a legal way to be sure that their state employees are not traumatized by forcing them to go against their religion in issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. Legalized exclusion.
*I think we’re up to 20 states now using laws to “protect religious freedom”in the workplace that are so vague and poorly thought-out that they could easily be used to discriminate against entire groups of people. Legalized exclusion.

And by the way, anyone around here heard of separation of church and state?

Beyond that, I don’t even understand these positions in terms of the workplace. If you believe that gay marriage is wrong, don’t marry someone of the same sex. But how is taking money from someone who is married to a person of the same sex against your religion? You’re a business set up to provide a product or service in exchange for money, they’re asking you to provide that product or service in exchange for money. Their legal tender money, not their gay money.

And how can someone be sure that they’re not doing business with people of whose lifestyle they disapprove? Should we all have to fill out a personal questionnaire before we’re allowed to order coffee?
1. Are you gay? Sorry, no coffee.
2. Are you affiliated with a religion other than that of the proprietor? Sorry, no coffee.
3. Have you lived with someone before marriage? Sorry, no coffee.
4. Have you ever accepted government assistance? Sorry, no coffee.
5. Are you a high school drop out? Sorry, no coffee.
6. Are you of mixed race? Sorry, no coffee.
7. Have you ever been accused of a crime? Gotten a parking ticket? Sorry, no coffee.
8. Have you ever lied? Sorry, no coffee.
9. Got an overdue library book? Unpaid fines? Sorry, no coffee.
10. Do you like Limoncello Cookies? Sorry, no coffee.

Seems to me we’re going to end up a far less caffeinated society.

My bottom line is this: if the love of a person whose identity includes a religious affiliation is stronger than the love of that institution for all who seek to worship, there is something truly wrong here. We, as the human beings who make up organized religions, have lost our way.

Religion is a blanket not a sword.

 

 
 
PS: I'm all over the place this week. Where you can read more by me:
My recipe roundup Fifty Recipes: Mother's Day All Day was published on The Huffington Post Taste.
My piece Ancestry: Do you Really Want to Know Who you are? was published on BLUNTmoms.
My post Holding On While Letting Go was published on Felicity Huffman's website What The Flicka?

Limoncello Cookies

                                                            ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
¾ cups sugar
¼ cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp lemon extract
¼ cup limoncello
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
3 TBSP white sugar
2 TBSP yellow colored sugar
Directions:
*Cream the butter, margarine and sugars until smooth. Beat in the egg, lemon extract and limoncelo. Beat in the flour, baking soda and salt starting at the lowest speed until the dry ingredients are incorporated.
*Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for one hour.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover baking sheets in parchment paper.
*Mix together the 3 TBSP white sugar and 2 TBSP yellow colored sugar.
*Roll the dough into approximately ½ inch balls. Dip the top of each dough ball into the sugar mixture. Place on the parchment paper, sugar side up.
*Bake for 11 - 13 minutes. Remove from baking sheet to cool completely.

Changing Instincts

I was recently approached online by a woman who wanted me to share her Facebook page. It’s called  Brittany's Message.

Curious, I went to her page. She talks about having a neurological condition that affects her muscle tone and speech. Brittany tells the story of having been in a local restaurant with a friend ordering food at the counter. Her friend ordered but the employee apparently could not understand Brittany and walked away.

She and her friend went to eat elsewhere, but the story doesn’t end there. Brittany wrote an honest and respectful letter about her disease and the incident itself. She took it back to the original restaurant where the employees read the letter and apologized. Brittany is adamant that she’s not looking for pity or sympathy. She’s trying to disseminate her message: “Everyone has a voice and deserves respect.”

My thoughts, my questions really more than thoughts, grew out of our discussion. They’re about instincts.

I don’t know Brittany, I can’t vouch for the veracity of her story. I’m a skeptical person in general but I do believe her. Either way, the truth of the matter is that a story does not have to be factual to inspire thought and discussion.

After reading her FB page, Brittany didn’t like my first reaction; “your page is heartbreaking and heartwarming.” She shot right back at me “why is it heartbreaking??”

I told her that it’s heartbreaking because in this day of so much awareness in terms of differences; be they physical, racial, sexual preference, religious . . . we still instinctively recoil from people who are different from us. I talk to my kids about bullying (I even wrote a post about it called I Apologize), about celebrating differences, striving to understand as opposed to giving in to fear of the unknown. I want the world to be a better place for them. I think they’ll do their part, but it hurts whenever I’m reminded that many others may not. After all, this is the environment in which my children will live.

She responded with tolerance: “many people just don’t know.”

I don’t accept that. I cant. SO much is available in terms of information. SO much out there about bullying, about acceptance, a virtual plethora of awareness. Especially with the internet, social media, blogs, etc. How can people not know?

But part of what’s heartbreaking to me has nothing to do with knowledge, it’s the other component, instinct.

We have instincts as a way to ensure survival. There are very basic ones; to procreate to continue the species, to drink when thirsty and eat when we’re hungry.

Bacon Cheddar Beef Rolls

Bacon Cheddar Beef Rolls

(going to the grill)

Fight or flight is a real and a purposeful instinct as well. It has years and years of evolution behind it. As I understand it, it’s a chemical reaction to fear and it’s steeped in self-preservation.

Fear is incredibly powerful. I believe that fear is the cause of bullying and ultimately is at the root of most all forms of hatred.

Withdrawing from a fearful situation is instinctive.

And the unknown is a major component of fear. What we don’t have experience in, and therefore have difficulty understanding, can cause stress. What is unknown varies from person to person based on their life experience. How they perceive the unknown varies too. What evokes fight or flight in one person can just be a challenge to another. This is where I see hope.

Two situations that can cause the same instinct: If I’m afraid because I’m alone in a dark parking lot and someone seems to be following me, I want that adrenalin pumping. I want fight or flight to set in. I’d imagine we all do. But if I’m uncomfortable or even afraid when faced with a stranger exhibiting, for instance, unusual body movements and slurred speech, when I’m behind a counter of a lighted restaurant with coworkers there, do I want to instinctively react in the same way? Do I even have a choice?

In the restaurant scenario, I choose to believe that there was no thoughtful animosity in the worker’s withdrawal from the situation, just an instinctive retreat from the unknown. You could fear that the customer is high on some drug or possibly drunk, fear that you’ll insult them by asking them to write down their order or by asking their friend to help because you don’t understand.

Ultimately, though, I want a world for my children in which we err on the side of insulting by reaching out as opposed to insulting by walking away.

I’m fully aware that there’s a maturity, an intellectual, and a life experience component, the whole nature vs nurture thing. And I know that there are strategies for changing our behaviors. This would apply to situations in which there is time for rational thought, long past the point where fight or flight would have kicked in and resulted in an instinctive response.

But I also think that part of changing the mindset of our society is the hope that we have some control over the neural pathways involved in instincts. If they differ from one person to the next, we must have some ability to impact them. But how? If fear produces a chemical reaction in our brain, can we change those reactions, create different pathways, instinctively assess situations differently, distinguish between levels of circumstances that cause fear?

There are so many lessons we teach our children. And, honestly, fear is one of them. When my kids were young I wanted them to have a healthy fear of dangerous situations. I didn’t want them falling into a pool or running into traffic. But do we give enough thought to and direction concerning distinguishing between situations that should legitimately invoke fear and those that are unknown, but benign unknowns? I’m not sure that I myself did.

Instincts are, by definition . . . well . . . instinctive. So can we mold them? Re-route them? Where there are beneficial components, can we tweak instincts without eradicating them completely?

I hope so.

 

PS: Thank you Brittany, for initiating the conversation, inspiring thought, and allowing me to incorporate your story into this discussion.

Bacon Cheddar Beef Rolls

                                                                          ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
2 # lean ground beef
2 TBSP seasoned salt
1 tsp garlic powder
2 TBSP chopped roasted red peppers
2  chopped scallions
1/3 cup cooked, chopped bacon bits
3 slices of sharp cheddar cheese each cut in half
OPT: Shredded lettuce
6 hoagie buns
 
Directions:
*In a bowl, just barely mix the ground beef, seasoned salt, garlic powder, roasted red pepper, scallions and bacon bits with your hands. Don’t over-mix.
*Separate into 6 fairly even pieces. Roll each into a log about 5 inches long. Flatten each onto a piece of plastic wrap.
*For each of the 6 meat rolls, take a half of a slice of cheese, fold it into thirds, place in the center of the meat and re-form the beef into a log making sure the cheese is enclosed inside. They’ll be about 5 ½ inches long and resemble a sausage. Roll each separately into plastic wrap and refrigerate the beef rolls for one hour and up to a day.
*While your grill is cold and turned off, grease the surface. Heat your grill to medium. Remove each beef roll from the plastic wrap and place on the grill. Use tongs to turn them so they cook on all sides. How long will depend on how hot your grill is and how you like your hamburg cooked. I cooked my approximately 20 minutes to medium.
*OPT: toast the hoagie buns on the grill while the beef rolls are cooking.
*Place lettuce in the bottom of each hoagie bun, top with beef roll.

An Open Letter

I have an acquaintance who is trying to live her life and raise her children the best she can.  In that struggle, she’s found herself in a unique circumstance.  She has proven her bravery by allowing the world in.  She’s been blogging her challenges, successes and failures at George. Jessie. Love. as she grows and parents in a situation she never expected to be in.

When you put something out there publicly you take a chance.  You are embraced by support but can also be pummeled by derision at a time when you are at your most vulnerable.  Here’s the thing about these situations. We don’t choose them, we’re just trying to live through them in the way that is best for our families.  They are infinitely more difficult if another component is to be publicly chastised.

I feel for her as I, too, have been in a situation I never expected to be in. I was also open about it, and was met with both support and criticism.  I’m in another one now that I am unable to share, I really don’t know if I would even if I could.  I don’t think I’m as brave as Julie.

Please know that we, all of us, have morals and values.  They are not specific to one religion or political party.  We all make choices based on our beliefs, morals and values, but I’ve yet to see a religious tenet that requires us to berate the choices of others whose actions don’t fall in line with ours.

Hatred and intolerance are a by-product of fear.  Those of us who are different from you:  be it our religion, color, nationality, abilities, sexual preference, physical or mental afflictions . . . we are not different out of any desire to frighten you.  As we walk our paths and make our decisions and live our lives we don’t make our choices based on a conspiracy to hurt you. 

When we are uncomfortable with someone’s life-choices, here are our choices as I see them:

*We can give in to our fear and publicly criticize those who choose a different path than the one we, although not in their situation, imagine we would choose. In my estimation, this is the ground zero of where bullying comes from.

*We can acknowledge that we imagine our choices in that situation would be different, maybe even better, but out of kindness and respect choose to keep it to ourselves.

*We can decide that even though these wouldn’t be our choices, we truly don’t know what these people are going through and compassion and support are key components to making the world a better place.  The world is full of people who are different from us.  Really, it’s OK to embrace that.

As we live our lives if we make mistakes (and we will) others can relish in that, even see it as proof that we were wrong to begin with. They can choose to kick us while we’re down or they can choose to help us back up.  Either way we will get back up and we will carry on.  With you or despite you.

This is a letter I sent to Julie back in February.  I share it, with her permission, in the hopes that we can all take a step back and rethink the purpose served by harshly judging others publicly, even those who admittedly put ourselves in the public arena of our own free will:

Julie:

Through comments of mutual FB friends I’ve seen some of your recent posts relating your experiences in going through your daughter’s journey. From the few posts I’ve seen it’s clear that you’re not naïve, you understand that there are people out there who will question your path.  You’ve started to construct a shield by both surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and blocking the access of those who would judge you harshly.  As you gain strength from those who support you, I recommend that you also consider the position of those who will judge you harshly. 

In terms of being judged, I can draw a lot of comparisons between your situation and the choices I made 20 years ago when I learned that the only way I had any chance of having children would be through IVF, in-vitro fertilization.  I took an uncertain path fraught with physical pain, emotional turmoil, baby steps forward and grand jetes backwards.   I, too, was open and honest about my choices, surrounded myself with the support of friends and family (which, mind you, is so much more difficult pre-FB), but I also found that you can’t escape the negativity forever.  I started IVF in a new (to me) conservative state in a locally unprecedented program headed by a doctor brought in from yet another state. This elicited editorials in the local paper making it clear that God made me infertile and by going through this process I was going against God’s will.  Let’s be clear.  You will be faced with hatred.  They are coming, with guns blazing.  They will aim a baseball bat at your head and chances are that bat will have God’s name on it. 

If, in your own private moments, you let those thoughts in and come to terms with exactly how you feel about them, I hope that this preparation can actually become another part of your shield.

I was pregnant 4 times with 5 children (including the twin of my older son, who I lost along with one of my tubes in emergency surgery during a tornado warning while my husband was out of town – no, not LOL – well, maybe LOL now but certainly not then).  While visiting family and pregnant with my younger son, I woke up at my mom’s house cramping and in a pool of blood.  My sister dropped everything, came to get me and stepped on my heels following me into an ultrasound kindly set up by a local gynecologist I hadn’t seen in 20 years.  We cried when we saw the heartbeat.  I had come home to name my first son in Temple and ended up sentenced to bed rest and double injections.  I was the only one not at the naming. At any point I could have (and if I’m going to be honest, did) question whether “the haters” were right.  Is God trying to tell me to stop? 

"They” say that God made me infertile, and changing that “goes against God’s will.”  Really?   I’m that powerful?  Or does God give us all challenges?  I ended up far from home at the same time that an amazing doctor ended up in that same place.  The time, the place, the doctor, these are all tools given to me by that same God.  No matter how difficult life gets, I cannot believe that God did not want these kids to exist, that it was a battle between God and I and I won.  Absurd.   I now have 2 sons, ages 16 and 17.  My 17 year old is currently putting me through all kinds of hell but I still do not question what I went through to get him here.  “The haters” forced me to look at my path through theireyes and the resulting strengthened conviction is a gift.

Ultimately you have to decide which of God’s children you think provide him/her with the most pride:  Those who ACT with BRAVERY based in LOVE, or those who JUDGE with HATRED based in COWARDICE?    

The haters say “how COULD you?”  We say “how could we NOT?” 

Those haters, invite them in Julie, then kick their ass!

Karen

*A final note:

There is a 35 acre plot of land in the midwest purchased by a Jewish Temple, an Episcopal Church, and a Mosque.  All three are building there together.  There will also be a fourth building, a Tri-Faith Center.

Those holy places are being built together because a large group of open-minded people committed to respect, even embrace, difference.  These people have the compassion and the courage of conviction to see that as a society we will be healthier and we will be stronger if we are able to be different . . . together.