Zig, Zag, Flee

It's not so much that I was hearing voices. I mean, that's not . . . you know . . . healthy. But, truth is, I wasn't. Healthy. Physically. 

Mentally, I was doing OK. A little depressed, a lot exhausted, but mostly OK. Well, except for the messages. 

Not auditory messages, visual. Delivered through a daily game I played. Seemingly mocking me at first, but later offering some pretty sound advice.

 

So, two things. The first one I'll give you the bare minimum in terms of information. Because I neither want to relive, nor will you want to hear all the gory details. And it was gory around here. 

Little by little, in the end of November through the middle of this month, we were sick. We being PurDude, (who was home from Boulder for 2 weeks for his brother's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Hanukkah), and then College Boy, and finally me.

PurDude's first morning here, he had respiratory symptoms. On his day 8, his brother exploded in the middle of the night, gastrointestinally. On day 11, I had respiratory distress and PurDude, still having his respiratory issues, was also exploding gastrointestinally. He went to an urgent care and they did lab work. All negative. He didn't have Covid, strep, flu, RSV . . . apparently, we were all suffering from . . . nothing.

 

Not to be deterred, I still made all the celebration meals, desserts, and snacks. So, at least I was functioning. And somehow it all got eaten. Whoever was well enough on any given day, ate whatever I'd made. Well, along with their jug of Gatorade.

Almond Cranberry Sauce Cookies

 

On day 15, with just some minor congestion, PurDude ran for his life, escaped, drove back to Boulder. Two days later, not to be left out, I joined the explosion party. And two days after that College Boy went for round two.

At the 3 week mark, everyone was pretty much better except for me, I was still coughing and congested.

Now the second thing: I play a lot of word games and post my results twice a day to my Baking In A Tornado Facebook page, where some friends there share their scores too. I wrote about it in Wordle, Nerdle, Curdle. I even wrote You Are What You Phrase, about the game Phrazle, which is the specific game choosing to mock me a few weeks ago.

I clicked on Phrazle this particular morning, PurDude was back in Colorado, College Boy was back at work but I, a week behind them, was still sick, and exhausted, and sad that our holiday celebrations were . . . how do I say this? . . . a shit fest. And although I was ready to play the game, figure out the elusive phrase of the day, I just kept saying to myself over and over again "how did this happen? How can we all be so sick with (according to the lab tests) absolutely nothing? Where did this come from?"

And there it was, the solution to the puzzle? Or a cosmic answer?

OK, that's just mean. Yeah, maybe we zigged when we should have zagged, but it's not like we had any warning. I mean, none of us are aware of having seen some big cloud of medical crud headed our way, so how could we have known to initiate evasive tactics?

Believe me, we would have. Zigged, zagged, or just flat out run for our lives.

The next day, since we clearly didn't zig, zag, or flee, Phrazle shared the only strategy left to me:

And the following day, I guess the advice was not to dwell on a ruined holiday season. Once I was better, apparently the puzzle gods recommended that I:

 

Finally, finally feeling just a little bit better, and hoping that with the illness was going the percieved subliminal messaging, I got to the Phrazle portion of my daily game routines. Hoping against hope, but afraid to look in the mirror, I wondered if I was starting to look human again. Seems Phrazle had reverted to snarky:

Oh, and btw, were you wondering about Hubs? Bet you can guess who it was who'd been tending to the boys while they were exploding. Well, let's just say this: Hubs . . . perfectly fine, from start to finish, not so much as one single wayward sneeze, dammit.

Almond Cranberry Sauce Cookies         

                                                                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients: 

2 sticks butter, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

1/2 cup jellied cranberry sauce, room temperature

1/4 tsp almond extract

1 egg, room temperature

2 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup white chocolate chips

1/4 cup sliced almonds, chopped

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cover baking sheets with parchment paper.

*Cream the butter, sugar, cranberry sauce, and almond extract until smooth. Beat in the egg.

*Starting at the lowest speed, beat in the flour, baking soda, and salt until it forms a dough. Mix in the white chocolate chips and chopped sliced almonds.

*Bake for 11 - 13 minutes, until the edges start to brown. Allow to sit on the baking sheets for 2 minutes before removing to cool completely.

Heads Up: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 7 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

PurDude and some friends went to Vegas for 4 days last month to celebrate the 21st birthday of one of the boys. They flew in from different places (PurDude was still working in Cleveland) and stayed in a cool big Airbnb house with a pool. When he got back I asked him to call, I wanted to hear all about his trip.

Me: Did you have a great time?
PurDude: Yes, so much to see and do, didn't get everywhere we wanted to but we did as much as we could.
Me: Did you sleep in at the house?
PurDude: Yes, we slept in and spent a lot of the day at the pool then went out at night.
Me: So . . . did you gamble?
PurDude: Yes, some.
Me: Just some.
PurDude: Yes.
Me: Did you do a lot of drinking?
PurDude: Yes, some.
Me: Are you lying?
PurDude: Yes, some.

Apparently it's well known that I'm a genius.

I made these Angry Owl snacks for Halloween a few years ago, but thought they'd be fun for back to school too. 

So I tweeted them. And look who answered.

So it's a snack genius. And the title came from a pretzel company. I'll take it!

PurDude moved out of his frat and into a house with a few friends. He called me one day to say that he'd gotten an email from the leasing company and it turns out he has until the end of the day to get renter's insurance or the leasing company will put him on their plan and bill him monthly. I called our homeowner's insurance company to see if what they would charge is any better than what the leasing company would charge.

Of course I got an automated call answering system. The worst one I'd ever had so far.

Automated System: What are you looking for? Say "auto, homeowners . . ."
Me: Renter's insurance.
Automated System: You said "condo". Is that correct?
Me: No, renter's insurance.
Automated System: You said "condo". Is that correct?
Me: Operator.
Automated System: What are you looking for? Say "auto, homeowners . . ."
Me: Renter's insurance.
Service: You said "condo". Is that correct?
Me: Fine.
Service: Do you currently have a policy with us?
Me: Yes.
Service: Please state the phone number associated with your policy.
Me: {{stated my phone number}}
Automated System: We do not have a record of that number. Please state the last 4 digits of your social security number.
Me: Gave Husband's last 4 digits, which I actually gave in the wrong order.
Automated System: OK, if you are an agent, press 1. If you are a customer, press 2.
Me: {{presses 2}}.
Automated System: For agents . . .
Me: Dude, I'm too old for this shit.
Automated System: For agents . . .
Me: {{disconnect}}.

While he was away, PurDude and I were talking on the phone about a few situations he was going to have to deal with once back at school. I hate trying to have serious conversations in bits and pieces through phone calls and texts. 

I sat down one day and decided to tell him how I felt about him, his coming senior year, and our relationship in an email. It was a page and a half long, honest and heartfelt. I actually had to text him to tell him to look for my email or he'd find it in a year.

He never did answer me so who knows if he ever got it? I hoped so.

About a week later he called and we talked. He didn't mention the email. Just before we hung up:

Me: Did you find the email I sent you?
PurDude: Yes.

Well OK then, so much for pouring my heart out.

I was in the kitchen trying out a new quick bread recipe idea when College Boy walks in the house.

College Boy: What are you making?
Me: It's a new recipe idea.
College Boy: What is it?
Me: Apricot Almond Quick Bread.
College Boy: I don't like apricots.
Me: I know.
College Boy: I don't like almonds either.
Me: I know, I wasn't expecting you.
College Boy: You should always expect me.
Me: Duly noted.

Apricot Almond Quick Bread

I was watching a show on one of my favorite channels, ID. They mostly show true stories of murder, going through the crime, an investigation and ultimately a trial. Dateline or 20/20 type shows.

College Boy: Are you watching true murder stories again?
Me: I've always been a mystery lover, you know I like trying to figure out who did it.
College Boy: When your who-done-its turn into how-to-do-its, give me fair warning.
Me: Just because you eat all my food, get your laundry done and do nothing I ask you think I'm plotting?
College Boy: Well, you sure do watch a lot of those murder mysteries. If you're doing research I'd just like a "heads up".
Me: Will do.
College Boy walks away.
Me (whispered under my breath): Heads up. 

The next day was Saturday. I wanted to use the grill for dinner but I thought the propane was running low. In fact, I'd been mentioning it to Hubs for a few weeks. Hubs walked into the kitchen and I asked him about it. Again.

Me: Did you have the propane tank for the grill filled yet?
Hubs: No, not yet.
Me: But I keep asking you, this is the third weekend in a row. That's so not like you.
Hubs: I know, I forgot.
Me: Why don't you go now?
Hubs (heading down to the man-cave): Not now, the game's on.
Me: That's the same excuse you gave last weekend.
Hubs: I'll do it later.
Me: You said that last weekend too.
Hubs (halfway down the stairs): Right after the game.
Me (whispered under my breath): Heads up.

I still have a house phone. I have it because any time I'm in a situation where I have to give a number I give the home number, keeping almost all telemarketers from my cell.

But that phone rings non-stop with telemarketers. I get about 10 calls a day. I turned the ringer all the way down and never answer it unless caller ID shows it's someone I know or we're having work done around the house and I'm expecting a call from a tradesman.

Early one evening the home phone rings and it's an area code I don't recognize so I don't answer. The same number calls back a second and third time so I turn on the answering machine and google the area code. It's coming from the area in Ohio where PurDude is. Crap. What if something happened to him and someone is trying to contact me. 

The phone rings again and I hear PurDude's voice on the answering machine. I pick up.

Me: Are you OK?
PurDude: I'm fine.
Me: This isn't your cell, what number are you calling from? 
PurDude: There's a land line in this apartment the company rented for me.
Me: I don't answer the land line. Why didn't you call my cell like you always do?
PurDude: I was just calling to say hello to you and dad, thought I'd call the land line and talk to you both. 
Me: Well now I know your number in case I need it.
PurDude: Don't call it, I don't answer it, it's never for me.
Me: So you used a number you don't answer to call a number I don't answer?
PurDude: Pretty much.

 

College Boy had just walked in the front door. I was sitting in the den fully concentrating on writing a blog post when I heard beeps. Still preoccupied with the post, I stood up, went to the microwave, opened it and found nothing inside.

College Boy: What are you doing?
Me: I thought I heard the microwave. 
College Boy: That was the washing machine. You know, Mom, there are homes for people who tend to get confused. 
Me: I was just preoccupied.
College Boy: But you also sometimes forget why you've walked into a room.
Me: Everyone does that now and then.
College Boy: And that time you put dinner in the oven and forgot to turn it on.
Me: Once. Jeez, that was once.
College Boy: I'm just saying that we should look into it. It's really just for your protection.
Me (whispered under my breath): Heads up.
College Boy: What?
Me: Heads up. HEADS up. HEADS FREAKING UP!

Yeah, plotting murder is one way to get rid of my stress, but I'm not sure I'm willing to live with the consequences. What would happen if I ended up in jail? I can't pee on a bedpan in the hospital, no way I'm going to be able to go while on display in a big cage.

I was trying to work through my options when, stopped at a red light, the answer came to me. There it was, right on the side of the road. Way less messy than murder, for a measly $68 I can just have someone come and get those stressors and cart them off.

'Cause you know what they say . . . "junk is in the eye of the beholder." Or something like that.

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Menopausal Mother 
Searching for Sanity
Spatulas on Parade 
Never Ever Give Up Hope 
Bookworm in the Kitchen 
The Blogging 911

Apricot Almond Quick Bread

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

 

Printable Recipe

 

Ingredients:
1/2 cup apricot nectar
1/3 cup apricot jam
3/4 cup chopped dried apricots

2 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup sliced almonds

1/2 cup oil
2 eggs
1/2 tsp almond extract

3/4 cup powdered sugar
2 TBSP apricot nectar
1/4 cup sliced almonds

Directions:
*Grease a loaf pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
*Whisk together 1/2 cup apricot nectar with the apricot jam. Mixed in the dried apricots. Set aside.
*Whisk together the flour, sugar, brown sugar, baking soda and salt. Mix in 1/2 cup of the sliced almonds.
*Mix the oil, eggs, almond extract and the apricot mixture into the dry ingredients, just until incorporated. Pour evenly into prepared pan.
*Bake for 55 - 58 minutes, until the center of the top springs back to the touch. Remove from oven and allow to sit for 10 minutes.
*Run a knife along the edges of the bread and remove from the pan. Cool completely.
*Mix together the powdered sugar and the remaining apricot nectar. Drizzle over the cooled bread. Sprinkle with the additional 1/4 cup sliced almonds.