Fingernail Fright: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

I buy a bag or two of candy each week leading up to Halloween. I dump it into a big bowl that I store on the top shelf of one of my kitchen cabinets. This is a habit I got into when the kids were little and I felt the need to hide the bowl so I'd have something to give out on the night of the 31st.

Because I can't reach the bowl, when I'm putting the groceries away, Hubs, who's over a foot taller than me, pulls the bowl down for me. I add the candy packets, and he puts it back up on the shelf. He doesn't have a sweet tooth, so there's nothing to worry about with him.

But, as everyone knows, I do. So one Sunday afternoon, I pulled one of our counter stools over to the other side of the counter. I was standing precariously on the swivel stool, with that big candy bowl in my hands, when Hubs walked in.

And let me tell you, there is just no rational way to explain this away. Believe me, I tried.

Caught. With my hand in the proverbial cookie candy jar.

We'd been having trouble with our fridge ice maker, we couldn't get cubes or shaved ice to come out. Hubs and I decided to pull the ice bucket out of the freezer to see if it needed to be cleaned out. We could not remove it. It seemed like it was frozen in there.

For 2 days we used a kabob skewer down into the bucket and a knife up around the edges to try to get it out. Finally, after the second day, Hubs was able to release one side. Just one side. Great, so now we had one side sticking out and the other still stuck.

Which was the point at which Hubs kinda gave up.

But I was not going to be beat by a bucket. So, day after day, using the skewer and the knife, I tried to chip away at the ice as best I could. And eventually, I actually got it out.

Me: Good thing I'm tenacious.

Hubs: You're like a dog with a bone.

Me (not liking being referred to as a dog): I'm tenacious.

Hubs: I know, when you decide to do something, you are dogged.

Me (teeth clenched): Tenacious.

Later on, heading towards dinner time, Hubs came into the den. I was laying on the couch watching TV.

Hubs: What's for dinner.

Me: Nothing.

Hubs: Nothing?

Me: I think we're just going to let this sleeping dog lie.

Listen, he made his bed . . .

The temperature this month had been big jumps up and down. It was still hot summer weather, then it got cool, then it got hot again and stayed that way until just a few days ago, when it started cooling off again.

Hubs was in the den, and I was walking towards him when I stopped and did a double take. 

Me: I think Mother Nature has lost her damn fool mind.

Hubs: What do you mean?
Me: Come here and look at this, in the neighbor's yard:

Directly to the left of a shrub whose leaves had turned gold for the fall, was a lilac, blooming again like in the spring.

Poor trees, a lot like us humans, have no idea what season it's going to be from one day to the next.

I'm pretty good at math. Algebra was actually one of my best subjects.

So, it's not what I expected, to ask you all to help me understand this. Is there such a thing as weather math? Equations that only apply to weather?

Looking at the forecast for tomorrow, I see that they say there is a 50% chance of rain. Wondering if that's going to happen right when I plan to use the grill, I go through the hour-by-hour forecast, and just as I'd figured, the only chance of rain all day is at 5:00pm.

But here's the confusing part: the chance of rain at 5:00 is 35%. Is it just me, or does that not compute? If the only chance of rain is a 35% chance at 5:00, how can there be a 50% chance of rain tomorrow?

I was watching a recipe video on FB, and I have all kinds of questions.

Like, what do you keep in your kitchen drawers?

And do you groom while cooking?

The woman was making a recipe, and while the ingredients were in the waffle maker, she opened the kitchen drawer just below her counter, pulled out a hairbrush, and started brushing her hair. At one point, she put the hairbrush down on the counter to check whether the food was cooked.

I mean, did she somehow confuse her kitchen for her bathroom? Does she regularly have hairbrush emergencies requiring her to keep one in her utensil drawer? Someone explain this to me.

Oh, and btw, in case you were wondering, no hairbrushes were anywhere near my kitchen during the baking of this cake.

Cinnamon Pumpkin Cake with Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting

It's October. I don't go all out with decorations and spooky foods and Halloween inspired blog posts like I did when the kids were little. But I did want to add a few scary stories to today's Fly on the Wall.

And I gotta tell you, there's nothing scarier than thinking you're losing your mind.

Case in point:

I was mixing up a chicken pasta salad for dinner. Among the vegetables I was including, were snap peas. I'd just come home with a bag of them from the store. So I added them, grabbed a twist tie from the kitchen drawer to secure the bag, mixed up the salad and placed it in the fridge to marinate.

It's a really good thing I needed a plastic sandwich bag a few hours later. They were in the same drawer as the twist ties.

And there they were. Nestled on top of the basket of twist ties.

My bag of snap peas.

Boo! 

And boo hoo.

 

And then there were the gremlins. Showing up a week early, but making their presence known:

I was using all of my electronics a few weeks ago when, all of a sudden Google stopped working. I could not access my email, Google docs, Blogger, and even couldn't {{gasp}} google anything. It was the same on my laptop, my cell phone, and my iPad. This is a big problem.

Hubs was having no trouble at all. He even googled google, asking if it was having issues. AI told him "no, we're good."

I was feeling targeted.

I deleted my history and cache, then spent a year re-signing into everything. I turned all electronics off, then on again. Nothing worked.

I went into every nook and cranny of my Google account to see if there was a security issue with the account. Nothing.

I frantically tried to figure out work-arounds: Bing for "googling" questions, then I somehow get email semi-working, but only on my iPad. Blogger would work, as long as I had about 10 minutes for each page to open. No idea what to do about my Google docs, which is where I house all of my printable recipes.

I spent 3 hours on this. Three hours!

PurDude texted me to turn my VPN off to see if that made a difference. I couldn't imagine this was a VPN issue, I've had this VPN on for years. But yes, turned the VPN off and got into my email. I could even ask Google a question. Like WTF?

But once I put the VPN back on, I lost all access again. I have to use a VPN, because without one we get hacked. We'd already been dropped by our original internet provider, we can't lose this one too.

Then, after dinner, I was showing College Boy what happens when I try to retrieve my email and, abra cadabra, there it was. All of it. Email, Google search engine, Google docs, and Blogger, all working like nothing ever happened.

You'd think I'd be thrilled, and I was happy but . . . did I mention I spent all afternoon on this. Three hours of my life I'll never get back.

And just to make matters worse, sage advice from Hubs:

Hubs: From now on, just don't do anything you wouldn't normally do.

Me: OMFG, I didn't.

Hubs: It's always you.

Me (pouring a gallon of wine into a giant mug): Yeah, it is.

Hubs: I think you have gremlins running around in your electronics. Your mission is to keep from upsetting them.

If only I knew how . . .

In the scheme of things, fingernails aren't really the stuff of which nightmares are made. Ghosts, witches, chainsaw wielding Leatherface, clowns hiding in sewers, vampires, there are a wholdelot of fright inducing images. But fingernails? Not so much Unless . . .

I went into my bathroom, and next to my sink was a broken off fingernail. I don't cut my nails, I file them, so I was surprised to see it. Hubs cuts his nails, but his sink is over on the other side of the vanity. And this was clearly a woman's sized nail. I must have broken it off somehow and not noticed.

I looked down at my fingers. Every one of them had a nail, not only were none broken off, but the ends were all still filed.

So yeah, fingernails aren't really scary. Unless you don't know whose are ending up next to your sink.

Seeking Vampires:

We were watching TV and a commercial came on looking for people to give plasma. They are offering up to $700 your first month.

Me: You should do that.

Hubs: Yeah, they'll probably tell me that my plasma's too old, offer me $1.98.

Me: Yeah, what we need to do is find a coven of vampires, bet they could do better than $1.98.

Hubs: Could be, but I don't think I'd like their method for plasma retrieval.

He has a point. 

You know what's really scary? Growing up learning about the Holocaust, hearing "never again," saying "never again," believing never again.

And then living deja vu through the trump and his immoral money grabbing sycophants. Watching the bigotry, the moral depravity, the bat shit crazies dismantling everything we stand for, we believe in, even getting away with breaking laws to do it. Losing, collectively, all of our humanity, our reputation, our health, environment, education, history . . . all under attack. And knowing, that he will declare martial law and take away one of the few things we have left, the right to vote.

If there is still any slim amount of hope left at all, it is going to take all of us. Not just nationally, but globally.

Because never again is now. And it is terrifying.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Cinnamon Pumpkin Cake with Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

box of yellow cake mix

1 (15 oz) canned pumpkin

1/2 cup pumpkin spice creamer

1/3 cup oil

4 eggs

1 tsp pumpkin pie spice mix

1/4 tsp ginger

1/2 tsp cinnamon 

1/8 tsp nutmeg

1/8 tsp ground cloves

1/2 cup cinnamon baking chips dusted with flour

4 oz cream cheese, softened

1 can cream cheese frosting

1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 TBSP pumpkin spice creamer

2 TBSP powdered sugar

1 drop of red and one drop of yellow food coloring

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9 X 13 baking pan.

*Beat the cake mix, 1/2 cup of the pumpkin spice creamer, oil, eggs, pumpkin pie spice, ginger, 1/2 tsp of the cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves for 2 minutes.

*Mix in the flour dusted cinnamon baking chips and pour evenly into the prepared pan. Bake for 28 - 34 minutes, until the center springs back to the touch. Cool completely.

*Beat the cream cheese, cream cheese frosting, remaining cinnamon, remaining pumpkin spice creamer and the powdered sugar. 

*Put 1/2 cup of the frosting into a bowl and add the food colorings. Frost the top of the cake with the white frosting. Pipe the orange frosting onto the top as decoration.

Frankenstein vs Ghosts: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh!  

I guess it's fitting that it's October, because these past few weeks saw me freaking out about a ghost.

I walked into our home office one afternoon and found the printer turned on. It hadn't been on that morning, and no one had used it all day. I couldn't turn it off, which was also strange, so I unplugged it.

And didn't really think about it until a few days ago. I walked into the office and the monitor was turned on. We haven't used that monitor in at least 5 years, but there it was, the light at the bottom blinking off and on. 

I called Hubs, he unplugged it, but now I know. We have a ghost.

Are we talking Casper? Or The Shining? Stay tuned . . .

Everything was quiet on the ghost front. Which is good because, really, how many things can we unplug?

And then a few days later I was doing the laundry:

Me: Have you been sitting in the clothes dryer sneaking snacks at night?

Hubs: Huh?
Me: You can snack on anything you want, any time you want, but I'd appreciate it if you clean up after yourself.

Hubs: I wasn't snacking on anything last night. What are you talking about?

Me: I just opened the dryer to put the clothes in and there are 2 peanuts in there.

Hubs: How is that possible? Maybe the ghosts got hungry?

Me: And didn't clean up after themselves? How rude.

OK, this is getting really strange.

I guess you'd call this a Halloween story. It is, after all, about a crow. Or crowing, anyway.

First, my husband is a very conservative, traditional, conventional, color in the lines kind of guy. He doesn't put himself out there. In fact, there are times when I do and he's mortified (meh, get over it).

So, have you heard of this Aldi aisle of shame "caw caw" thing that's been going on? It's actually pretty funny. There's a whole tribe of Aldi lovers who shop there often and post about their favorite products to social media. But there's also an in-store thing this community does. When they're in the aisle of shame (the markdown aisle), if they see a great deal, they call out "caw, caw" like a crow. Those in the know will "caw, caw" back and come to see what deal they've found.

I told Hubs that we needed to go to Aldi to check out some of the shoppers' recommendations and to see what might happen to be in the aisle of shame. I explained that if we found a great deal, he had to call out "caw, caw."

There is no way he would ever do that. We talked about it a number of times, and I started taking it as a challenge, I kept telling him he was going to do it, and he kept telling me he wouldn't. 

Last night, I tried again. And again he was adamant.

Quoth my husband: Nevermore.

I thought the ghost had branched out and gotten into our cell phones, but . . .

Hubs called me from work asking if I'd tried to text him. I hadn't. He told me that he got a text from me that said "Nn9." The text had my name, and my phone number, and just that message.

This made no sense to me. Maybe I butt texted? Is that even possible? So, I grabbed my phone and, of course, there was no such text sent. How could his phone have gotten a text from me that my phone never sent?

The ghost?

He came home and I asked to see the text. There in his text messages was my name and my phone number. Next to it was, in red, the word "draft." I opened it up, backspaced on the message and it went away. I hadn't inadvertently texted him. Apparently, it was Hubs who had unintentionally started a text to me.

The ghost is off the hook for this one. But Hubs? Sometimes I really worry about that guy.

Hubs comes in the house late on a Saturday afternoon. I'm reading.

Hubs: What's smells delicious?

Me: Oh, a Dark Chocolate Raspberry Cake.

Hubs: Wow, did you make it?

Me: Well, it was either me or the ghost.

Hubs: If it was the ghost, hope he sticks around.

Did he just call me spectrally replaceable?

Dark Chocolate Raspberry Cake

I talked in my August post Pop Ups and Basal Twins about my Frankenstein makeover. I'd had an invasive Basal Cell Carcinoma removed and had a suture line up my left cheek. A week later I had a second one removed from the right side of my nose. That one required a skin graft and ended up infected.

So yeah, Frankenstein. 

Both are starting to heal but they aren't there yet. But I also have a few precancerous spots on my face. These will be frozen off with Cryotherapy. They'll blister, but that's the easiest way to deal with them.

And, trying to be a silver lining kinda person, I'm thinking if I do the Cryotherapy right before Halloween, my monster face will be at its scariest.

Completing my evil plan to scare the trick or treaters off and keep all the candy for myself.

Ah, the things I'll do for a big bowl of chocolate . . . Muah ha ha ha {{evil laugh}}.

 

Me: I have a great idea of how to get rid of our ghosts.

Hubs: Oh no, you know your great ideas usually scare me.

Me: Well, scare is actually the point.

Hubs: OK . . .

Me: But first I have a question.

Hubs: What?

Me: Do you think ghosts are afraid of Frankenstein?

I wrote a post, back when I first started this blog, about what I'd do if faced with a zombie plague. I called the piece A Sense of Balance, and if you haven't read it, you should, it's funny. 

So, in this Halloween month when I've been having my Frankenstein monster make-over, there's been a little balance around here. 

My deck had a princess make-over.

I designed it myself, picking out a plank with red overtones, going for a henna look over a dark brown or a grey. There are many options for the railing: metal, wood, glass. Of course, things are never that easy when I'm involved. I worked out a hybrid. Metal posts and top rails, but with mixed centers. I wanted the classic spindles along the sides, but didn't want my woods views hampered, so glass along the front. They were able to work that out for me.

The beauty to my beast.

Balance.

Forget Frankenstein, after this conversation (I SO love spoofing my family), they are thinking I'm more witch.

Usually, for Halloween dinner, I make my Harvest Soup and my Cinnamon Cranraisin Pumpkin Bread. It's our tradition.

But this year I have heard of a new (to me) soup, and in the name of mixing April Fools with Halloween, I thought I'd suggest it.

Me: I'm thinking of switching up soup recipes this Halloween.

Hubs: Instead of your Harvest Soup?
Me: A new recipe I saw, it's a Jamaican soup.

Hubs: Jamaican? Like your Jamaican Shrimp and Crab Chowder?
Me: Jamaican flavor profile, but I'm sure it will be quite different.

College Boy: Sounds good, I can be here to try that.

Me: Great! It's called Jamaican Chicken Foot and Cow Skin Soup. I hear it's quite popular.

Hubs: Oh wait, Halloween? I think I have a meeting that night.

College Boy: I forgot I'll be working late on Halloween.

Me: Bak, bak, bak, you chickens. I'm getting out my caldron. Careful, I may put your feet in my soup.

Witch's Caldron Giant Cookie

Truth is, Chicken Foot and Cow Skin Soup is a real dish. And if I could maybe switch out the chicken foot for wings and the cow skin for chicharrones sprinkled over the top, I bet all those island flavors would be delish.

I have a couple of favorite reading spots in the house. One is a huge overstuffed chair in the bedroom for cold winter days. The other is a recliner in the office right by the window. I like this one at this time of year.

I have bookshelves, a long desk, and little decorative pieces sprinkled around the room. On the desk is a small piece that looks like a trunk.

Lately, when I'm reading in the late morning, I hear a ping sound. It seems to be coming from the trunk. At first I ignored it, but it was happening pretty much every day. Just once, but most days.

So . . . are the ghosts maybe stuck inside? But I thought they could just go right through objects. They aren't like a genie in a bottle, right?

Or are they just trying to make a point. In a Frankenstein vs ghosts competition, I just may be losing the battle.

There may be things I don't know, but there's one thing I'm very sure of. There is no way in hell I'm opening that trunk.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Dark Chocolate Raspberry Cake

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 cup water

1 packet (1.25 oz) raspberry chocolate cocoa mix

about 3 TBSP baking cocoa

1 box (15.25 oz) dark chocolate cake mix

1/2 cup oil

3/4 cup raspberry yogurt

4 eggs

8 oz cream cheese, room temperature

1/2 cup raspberry jam

1/4 cup powdered sugar

1 can (16 oz) dark chocolate frosting

Directions:

*Boil the water. Add the raspberry chocolate cocoa mix and stir until dissolved. Refrigerate for 20 minutes.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease three 9 inch cake pans and "flour" them with the baking cocoa.

*Beat the cake mix, oil, yogurt, and eggs until smooth. Add the cooled raspberry cocoa and beat for 2 minutes. Divide evenly into the prepared baking pans.

*Bake for 15 - 20 minutes, until the center springs back to the touch. Cool in the pans for 10 minutes before removing. Trim the tops so they are flat.

*Place the bottom layer on a serving plate.

*Beat together the cream cheese, raspberry jam, and powdered sugar. Reserve 1/2 cup for decorating the top of the cake. Spread a thin layer of the remaining raspberry filling onto the bottom cake layer. Repeat with the second cake layer and remaining filling.

*Add the top layer of the cake. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

*Frost the top and sides with the dark chocolate frosting. Decorate the top with the reserved cream cheese filling.