Circling, and Coming Full Circle

 

I lost a year, and in the process regained a day.

 

I feel like I'm owed a year. Thirteen months to be exact. From the end of March 2020 through April 28, 2021, Covid induced couch potato style seclusion was my norm. 

I don't want to sound insensitive. I know how many people died during that time. I personally know people who got sick. Really, really sick. What I did was a choice, an informed decision, a minor sacrifice in the scheme of things.

Fortunately, I'm someone who can find things to amuse myself (like this blog) at home, I'm not one of those people who have to be going somewhere every minute. I'm not saying it was easy, there were many times I wanted to go do something, felt caged when I remembered I couldn't, and why. Being in a denier state made it so much more difficult because being out meant being in jeopardy. It also made it easier, there was no decision to be made, my personal environment and my state's politics meant if I wanted to be safe, I had to be proactive. Being proactive meant that I, and my immediate family, mostly had to shelter in place.

But one of the results is that I feel as though I lost a year of my life. Everything, almost everything, has been in a holding pattern. Like an airplane circling the airport waiting for a safe time to land, I feel as though I'd been circling my own life, waiting for a safe time to reengage. 

Today is the first day of June. I love this month. The weather is comfortable, the trees have greened, my flowers are blooming, and I can spend time outdoors. 

But last June first? What was I doing then? Was I appreciating the change in weather? Spending time outdoors? I don't know. I really don't. From the middle of March 2020 until April 28th, there are few days that stand out. In 13 months, I can barely remember many that mattered, actually had an identity of their own. I read, I wrote, I cooked and I baked. I watched what little sports I could find that interested me, found out through binge watching why everyone was talking about Schitt's Creek, talked and texted and PMd, watched and then avoided the news. Pretty much every day. Each running into the next. Mimicking each other in a profoundly monotonous way.

Until April 28th. 

There are dates we all remember, and April 28th was always one for me. After suffering from and fighting through infertility, my first IVF resulted in a pregnancy. My due date was April 28th. Although I lost that pregnancy, the date has stayed with me all of these years. Initially about hope, April 28th had come to signify loss. 

This year, however, April 28th came full circle, shoving loss aside to once again make space for hope. It was on that day that I hit my personal optimal immunity. I was 2 weeks past my second Covid vaccination and I was free. On April 28th. I went out and spent the day doing what in my past life would have been normal mundane errands, chores actually. But this year, on this day, they were a gift, a first tangible manifestation of hope.

On that day, I took the list that had been growing over the last 13 months, of items I hadn't been able to shop for, off of my kitchen desk and tackled it with vigor. I went from store to store, not a sprint but a marathon. I did still mask and social distance, but I also looked and I inspected and I chose and I bought.

I admit, in the spirit of full disclosure, that the majority of the list was alcohol, but don't judge, it'd been a long hard year. I had been able to get most staples, even alcohol like beer and wine in my weekly grocery order, but specialty liqueurs like Limoncello, Chambord, Grand Marnier, Bailey's Strawberries and Cream, those had been languishing on my shopping list for a long time.

Strawberry Irish Cream Milkshake
 

Yes, I feel as though I lost a year. No matter how I view that stretch of time, I won't get it back, none of us will, of course. Those days will forever be, for the most part, a long, continuous, monotonous, emotionally challenging, stressful) blur.

 

But there is also this: 

Although I don't remember June 1st last year, can't specifically remember most days over the last year, I will remember today. Like coming out of a dark cave after an extended hibernation, everything old became new again. And I appreciate it all, these everyday days with no special meaning, no previous significance. I appreciate what I can do today, even the errands, even the chores, even the uninteresting, uneventful routine. 

There is comfort in the mundane, and there is solace in the return to it. 

Strawberry Irish Cream Milkshake         

                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients: 

8 oz strawberries

2 TBSP sugar

1/2 cup Strawberries and Cream Liqueur

1/4 cup Irish Cream Liqueur

1 cup vanilla caramel swirl ice cream (can substitute, vanilla, coffee, or strawberry ice cream)

2 TBSP honey

 

OPT: whipped cream, strawberries, and/or caramel sauce to garnish

 

Directions:
*Hull and chop the strawberries, mix with the sugar and set aside for 1/2 hour.

*Pour both liqueurs into a blender. Add the strawberries and their juices. Blend until smooth.

*Add the ice cream and honey to the blender. Blend again, until incorporated.

*OPT: to serve, garnish with whipped cream, strawberries, and/or caramel sauce.

                                   

Small Is the New Big

 

Small is the new big. 

 

Profound, I know.

 

I haven't spent the last year and 6 weeks (but who's counting?) just sitting on the couch eating cheetos and missing my life. I've actually learned a few things as well.

 

I've learned that I can find ways to fill my day, make the most of staying isolated, without losing my mind (well, without losing any more than about 30% of my mind, but I'm calling that a win).

 

I've learned that I can let go of control (this was a really hard one), and make the best of what's available. I hate, I mean hate, having someone else choose my meats and vegetables. But for a year I did, every week. I adjusted what I wanted to purchase to what I was willing to take a chance on, and I learned to make due with whatever I got. And actually be grateful for it.

 

In fact, as we ride the dizzying teeter totter of covid case counts, excess has taken a back seat to minimalism, prioritizing need.

 

I've learned that sacrifice can actually be reassuring. We have been safe, all of us, but I know people who did contract covid, am aware of how they suffered. I know that way too many have died, and those rising numbers are both terrifying and heartbreaking. But I am fully aware that a month with my son living in my home is the result of sacrifice. It took time (an 8 hour drive each way for him) and forfeiture (we all had to isolate more completely for 2 weeks before he was comfortable making that drive) but it happened. And it was nothing short of revitalizing.

 

And I've learned that bigger is not better. It's just bigger.

Take the sweet potato, for example.

 

Sweet potato? Or football? 

 

When I bake potatoes for dinner, if I'm not using reds, I buy a Russet for Hubs, who prefers white, and sweet potatoes for College Boy (when he's here) and I.

 

But what I got in my last order? Yikes. Maybe if I start roasting this today it'll be ready next Tuesday. Now all I need is a small country to help me eat it.

 

But I am finally free to choose my own groceries. FREE. Have been for 5 days now, when I reached optimal vaccination immunity. And now that I'm free, what am I doing? I'm going small. Decidedly, deliberately, and joyfully small. 

 

And not just in sweet potatoes.

 

I have also officially become a social minimalist. That may partially be covid PTSD, with a smattering of the knowledge that the vaccination status of anyone not in my immediate personal circle being unknown (and now, a new phenomenon, a percentage of people getting their first shot but skipping their second) sprinkled in. But isolation has taught me just how much I value individual, meaningful, eye to eye, in person conversation to my former preference of working a crowded group. 

And I'm embracing individual sized portions not just in my social gatherings, but in the dessert offerings there too. 

 

Individual Berry Cookie Shortcakes

I recently published a post featuring my Vanilla Blueberry Tartlets. For today I've re-imagined the Strawberry Shortcake. I did it once before, an extremely successful post called Strawberry Shortcake, Nacho Style, but group dishes are a thing of the past, they'll be back, but not quite yet. For now, especially in groups, individual style desserts are my focus. And these Individual Berry Cookie Shortcakes are fun. 

And that sweet potato football? Still got it. For now it's sitting in my pantry, reminding me of just how far I've come, of perspective, and of priorities.

Individual Berry Cookie Shortcakes

                                     ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe


Ingredients (makes 12):

1 pint strawberries

3 TBSP sugar

2 pouches (7 oz each) mixed berry muffin mix

6 TBSP oil

2 TBSP milk

2 eggs

1 tsp strawberry extract

1/3 cup chocolate toffee baking chips

whipped cream for serving

Directions:
*Rinse, hull, and slice the strawberries. Mix with the sugar and set aside.

*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cover baking sheets with parchment paper.

*Mix together the muffin mix, oil, milk, egg, and raspberry extract. Once incorporated, mix in the chocolate toffee chips.

*Form into 24 balls of equal size and place on baking sheets.. Flatten slightly.

*Bake for about 10 minutes or until the edges start to brown. Allow to set on baking sheet for 1 minute, then remove to cool completely.

*For each serving, place a cookie, flat side up, on a plate. Top with 1 - 2 TBSP of the strawberries, a dollop of whipped cream, then a second cookie, flat side down.

Emotional Support Skunk: Use Your Words

 

Today’s post is a monthly writing challenge. If you’re new here, this is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once. All of the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s  participating knows who got their words and in what direction the recipient will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.
I'm using:  school ~ latitude ~ happily ~ framed ~ skunk ~ old news
They were submitted by Jenniy of Climaxed.
 

 I'm thinking of getting a pet skunk.  

 

He can be my emotional support animal. 

 

Let me explain.

Before I do though, let me just say that we lived next door to a family who had a myriad of animals, including a skunk. It was descented, so yes, that's possible, but in my case that would be counterproductive so mine won't be. The logistics of where and how to house and feed him, and most importantly how to train him when to use his odoriferous weapon is something I'll have to work through. Preferable, you know, before I bring him home.

I suppose a little background information is needed here as well. It's old news, on this blog anyway, how frustrated I am with the poorly run vaccination sign up system is in this state. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about it. It was originally called Just Shoot Me. Please, but since it published the day after the Boulder King Sooper mass shooting, I renamed it Vaccination Information Stagnation. Framed in the context of over 500,000 deaths nationally, you'd think there'd be some national strategy but it's not happening. My son in Boulder got his appointment before I could get mine. He was allowed to go to another county where here we are limited to our own. Counties around mine opened up to all adults before mine had even gotten to 60 years old and above. It's a mess.

 

And, of course, I'm frustrated that politicians who don't believe in the science and even deny that there is a pandemic were first to get their vaccinations. Same with the people in rural areas around here who are so mired in ignorance they're refusing to get their vaccinations, impacting the efficacy for all of us. I would have happily taken their turn (even driven an hour to do it like my son was able to do in Colorado) but here I'd been restricted from doing so. 

 

Even here, where we should be safe in our own neighborhoods, the people living on both sides of me do not wear masks, do not social distance, in fact, they've met in the middle to have face to face conversations. The middle being my driveway. {{grrrr}}.

During all of this, school has been going on here. Pretty much all along. The elementary school is right around the corner from my house. I used to take such joy from hearing recess, now it fills me with dread, so many kids out running around and screaming and playing together. If you ask me, the school system has way too much latitude in a life threatening pandemic. And I often wonder what these parents are thinking. My boys know that if they were still in school, I would not let them go back.

 

{{sigh}} So . . . skunk . . .

 

What happened just yesterday is not at all unusual, in fact it's been surprisingly common. I was in the kitchen minding my own business trying out a new recipe idea (S'Mores Pancakes, btw, yum), when school was letting out.

S'mores Pancakes

 

Since I live so close to the school, kids walk by my house on the way to and from class. Parents often walk with their students, and in the afternoon will park on our street and walk up to the school to retrieve their students for the drive home. Yesterday, and as I said, not for the first time, all the way in the kitchen (in the back of the house) I could hear noise. I walked to the front windows, open because it was nice out, and there on my driveway was . . . well . . . a party.

Parents and grandparents who'd come to pick up students, kids of all ages including in strollers, had stopped to visit on their way to or from the school. There had to be close to twenty of them, most not wearing masks, none social distancing. Some of the older kids were dribbling a basketball up and down the driveway and a few were playing tag on my front lawn. I even saw one kid spit something out of his mouth.

 

I actually just finally got my second vaccination 2 days ago, but obviously the medication has not reached full efficacy yet.

 

So in the meantime, I'm thinking pet skunk. 

Here are links to all the other Use Your Words posts:

On the Border 

Wandering Web Designer 

Climaxed 

Part-time Working Hockey Mom 

What TF Sarah 

 

 

S'mores Pancakes        

                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 cup flour

1/4 cup chocolate graham cracker crumbs

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp sugar

1 cup buttermilk

1 egg

2 TBSP butter, melted

1/2 cup mini marshmallows

1/4 cup mini chocolate chips

 

2 1/2 TBSP butter for pan frying, divided

 

Directions:

*In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, graham cracker crumbs, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar.
*Add the buttermilk, egg, and 2 TBSP melted butter to the bowl and mix, just until incorporated. Fold in the mini marshmallows and mini chocolate chips.
*Heat a small skillet over medium heat. Add 1/2 TBSP butter and swirl the pan so the butter covers the entire bottom of the skillet. Scoop about a heaping 1/3 cup pancake batter into the pan. Move the batter around to form about a 6 inch circle.

*Once the top of the pancake starts to bubble and the bottom has browned, flip over and cook until the other side has browned. 

*Repeat with the remaining butter and batter. If the bottoms start to get too brown too fast, you may need to lower the heat to medium low.

Reentry. Ground Control to Major Mom.

Ground control to major mom. 

Ground control to major mom. 

Take your estrogen pills and put your bra back on.

Ground control to major mom.

Commencing reentry, mask is on . . .

 

Reentry. The word is generally used if you're splashing down from space or leaving prison. Neither one applies to me, my reentry into society is from over a year long self imposed isolation (of the trying to stay alive type). And the countdown is on. 

 

On the "stay at home for an extended period of time" scale, I'm not as hard core as a hoarder, but I have become a bit of a hermit. And I've got to say, it's not all bad. Never thought I'd say that I'd miss isolation. But then, over the past year, staying home has become my new normal, it's only right that I've been able to adjust, find some tiny sliver of a silver lining here and there. 

 

Now there have been many (many, many) posts about the things I've missed while being stuck at home. I've talked about the added threat of being in a denier state, where it's every (wo)man for themselves. It's like the wild west here, lawless, with vigilantes roaming around meting out their own brand of justice against those of us who understand science. We of the "have mask will travel" bunch aren't safe, so it's stay home or literally risk your life.

 

{{sigh}}, but we've all seen and written them, ad nauseam, the "things I miss due to Covid" lists, on blogs, on social media, in private conversations, on the news . . . So today I'm talking about the opposite. Ten things I'll miss when I get fully vaccinated and can actually {{gasp}} leave the house. Well, if I can remember how to drive my car, that is. I may need lessons.

 

Here they are, ten things I'm actually going to miss on the occasion of my upcoming (hey, a not yet fully vaccinated girl can hope, right?) reentry:

 

1) Fifteen minute mornings. Shower. Lotion. Done. No straightening my curls, no make up, no contacts. Fifteen minutes . . . twenty minutes tops and I'm ready to hit the couch and start my day.

 

2) Embracing the mess. Who cares if there's blood splatter on my shirt (OK, it's just strawberries) or powdered sugar in the utensil drawer? Who's going to know that I turned on the beater too high and there's flour on the ceiling? No one. 'Cause that's who's been in my house (other than immediate family, who are . . . ahem . . . familiar with me).

 

 

Frozen Chocolate Strawberry Pie

3) Getting lost in a book with nothing to stop me from reading the whole thing in one day. 

4) No one coming to the door to sell . . . well . . . anything. Lawn care, pest control, window replacement, I'm sure they'll all be lining up in my driveway trying to separate me from my money again soon.

 

5) Binge watching, the absolute best way to watch any show.

 

6) All day snacking, a necessary enhancement to the joy of binge watching.

 

7) Having a built in, go-to, all occasion excuse for anything I don't want to do.

 

8) Social distancing. Truth is, I don't hate this whole "strangers need to stay 6 feet away from me in public" thing. 

 

9) Not putting on shoes, a bra, sometimes even pants. And so much less laundry accumulates too. Less detergent, less water, the benefits go on and on.

 

10) Spending every minute, 24/7, 365, with Hubs.

 

11) Naps. Anytime, anywhere, any (every) day, and twice on Sunday. Oh, how I'm going to miss naps.

 

Had to add an extra one. 'Cause that thing about regretting being unable to continue spending every minute of the day (all 1440 of them) with Hubs? Total lie.

 

Bottom line though, it's time to get back out there.

 

Ground control to major mom.

Commencing reentry, mask is on.

Social distance and may G-d's love be with you . . .

Frozen Chocolate Strawberry Pie

                                                                             ©www.BakingInATornado.com                                                                                           

Printable Recipe

Ingredients: 

1 1/2 cups chocolate graham cracker crumbs

1 tsp sugar

3 TBSP milk

 OPT: can use a store-bought Oreo pie crust, crimped tin foil edges pulled up

 

1 can evaporated milk (I used fat free)

1 1/4 cups milk (I used 1% milk)

2 packages (3 oz) strawberry or strawberry shake pudding mix

1/4 cup strawberry jam

1/2 cup chopped strawberries

1/2 cup chocolate graham cracker crumbs

 

OPT: serve garnished with whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, strawberry syrup, and/or fresh strawberries

 

Directions:
*Mix together 1 1/2 cups of the chocolate graham cracker crumbs, the sugar and 3 TBSP of the milk. Press into and partially up the sides of a 9 inch pie plate. Refrigerate.

*Whisk together the remaining 1 1/4 cups milk, evaporated milk, strawberry pudding mixes, and strawberry jam. Folk in the chopped strawberries and the remaining chocolate graham cracker crumbs.

*Pour into the crust. Refrigerate for 1 hour, then freeze at least 2 hours. When ready to serve, move to counter for 1/2 hour for easier slicing.

*OPT to serve: garnish with whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, strawberry syrup, and/or fresh strawberries.

Vaccination Information Stagnation

 

 

There was another tragic mass shooting yesterday. This one hit close to home, it was in Boulder, where my son lives. My heart was firmly planted in my throat until I heard from him. And although he is safe, my heart is broken that this has happened in our country, yet again.

Today's scheduled post was originally called Just shoot me. Please. Although I'm still publishing it, I got up at 6:00 am to change the name. Obviously it just felt wrong.

 

I'm not a gun person. Never liked them. When we moved in together, Hubs had to give his to his brother for safe keeping. His brother later sold it. Fine with me, just keep it out of my house.

 

Back then I was living in Connecticut. Way, WAY different from the Midwest where I ended up. Here people keep guns. There are lots of hunters, it's more popular in the Midwest, but people also just keep them for . . . I don't really know why. Fun, I guess? I don't really see the point. If it's not a rifle used for hunting or you have some reason to feel you need one for safety, I don't really get it. 

 

But I do acknowledge that there's a difference in the attitude towards guns when you grow up with them as opposed to not being at all used to having them around. And although I hate it, I do understand that the whole gun issue has become a political hill to die on. Somehow, the right to bear arms lives in a vacuum on one side of the spectrum while expectations of safety for all cowers on the other. Guess you know where I stand (cower) on that issue.

 

When I was growing up, my mom would have to meet the parents of any new school friends before I could go over and play. Of course she wanted to be sure there was age appropriate supervision. I don't know what she asked those parents, but being a virgin Midwesterner when I had kids, I was shocked when a friend told me what I needed to ask all parents of new friends who'd invited my young kids over:

 

"Do you live in a safe area?" No, all our schools are neighborhood schools so I know they do. 

 

"Do you drink during the day?" No, and who would blame a mom for a little afternoon nip? Not me.

 

"Do you let your kids eat lots of sugary foods when they have friends over?" Pfft, as if I'm one to throw stones.

No, what my friend told me to be sure to ask was
"are your guns locked up?" Yikes.

 

 

 

Apple Raspberry Breakfast Cake

  

When the boys were much older, a friend was taking his kids, the same age as mine, to a range to target shoot and asked if my boys could go. Yes, he target shoots for sport. He's a former marine and a close friend so I trusted him, but I held out the first few times he asked, I just don't like guns. Eventually, though, I gave in. Once. Truth is, if they're going to live here (well, these days anywhere, really) I did want them to have a working knowledge of gun safety.

 

Given how I feel about the weapons, it's surprising that for the last few months I have a new mantra: Just shoot me. Please.

 

That's because everyone I know and plenty of others I know of (thanks, FB, twitter, instagram) who live in civilization (as opposed to a denier state), has been shot. Not with a gun, of course, but with a needle. And I'm still waiting. Not so patiently. 

 

I'm frustrated with and honestly quite sick of hypocrites like the ones in congress who rail against the science yet get their shots publicly, supposedly to set a good example. Yeah, right. No need for you citizens to be protected, but I'll not only get mine, but before the rest of you? 

 

I'm also disgusted by the science deniers who won't wear masks or social distance, as is my experience here. So if all those people aren't getting shots, there should be more of them for those of us with a brain, right? Yet this state is so far behind most of the others. They're allowing appointments for those 65 and over. Still. The moron governor has cruelly mandated no appointments for those with health issues as well.

 

Nothing I can do about it.

 

I have to just sit here, watching friends and acquaintances 10 and 15 years younger than me (some well run states have even opened appointments up to all adults) taking their turn for the greater good, and hoping my turn will soon come.

 

Someone, load up that syringe and just shoot me. Right in the arm. Please.

 

Apple Raspberry Breakfast Cake  

                                                                                            ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1/2 large apple (I use Honey Crisp)

1/2 tsp cinnamon

 

1/2 cup raspberry jam

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 tsp almond extract

 

1/2 cup canola oil

1/3 cup sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

3 eggs, room temperature

1 cup sour cream

1/2 cup milk

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp almond extract

2 1/4 cups flour 

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 cup powdered sugar

3 TBSP raspberry jam

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 TBSP milk

Directions:

*Grease and flour an 8 X 10 baking pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

*Core, peel, and chop the apple. Sprinkle with the cinnamon and set aside.

*Whisk together 1/2 cup raspberry jam, 1/4 cup brown sugar, and 1/4 tsp almond extract. Set aside.

*Beat together the oil, sugar, and remaining brown sugar. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then the sour cream, 1/2 cup milk, 1 tsp vanilla, and 1/2 tsp almond extract. Mix in the flour, salt, and baking powder just until incorporated. Fold in the apple and cinnamon mixture.

*Pour about 2/3 of the batter evenly into prepared pan. Carefully dollop the raspberry jam mixture onto the batter, then gently top with the remaining batter to cover the jam.

*Bake for about 40 minutes, until the edges start to brown and the center is set. Cool completely.

*Whisk together the powdered sugar, remaining raspberry jam, 1/2 tsp vanilla, and 1 TBSP milk. Spread over the top of the cooled cake.