Three Ways, Two Ways

 

A three way costs how much?

I'm jaded. Either that or traumatized, I'm not sure which. Between trump's "grab them by the . . ." and his pay outs to porn stars and playboy bunnies, and Matt Gaetz's (alleged {{wink, wink}}) prostitution of minors across state lines when on government business, it appears I'm seeing everything through a whole new lens. And let's just say it's not rose colored. More like dirty. Is that a color?

I was flipping through the channels the other night, just being lazy and wanting to get lost in a television show. I mostly watch true crime shows, but the ones that were on I'd already seen. News? No, I want to be amused not depressed. So I decided to check out a few of my other favorite channels, see what's cooking or what's being remodeled.

 

Food Network looked interesting but I thought I'd pop over to the other channel as well, see what my options were. I thought I'd gone to HGTV, but clearly I'd made a mistake, clicked on the wrong number. I don't have any X-rated channels (that I know of anyway, note to self: check into that), yet the show that was about to start was called 50K three ways. 

 

 

 

 

50K three ways? That's what they cost? And there's a show about it? A weekly show? If this is, in fact, HGTV, is it a how to? Like DIY your own three way? Does this kind of activity require remodeling perhaps? The addition of poles and swings and such?

 

And is there like a trump episode, then one on Matt Gaetz? Mark Sanford? Eiliot Spitzer? Al Franken? Bill Clinton? Does Bill Cosby get a week or is it just politicians? This show could go on forever. And, as long as inquiring minds are well at work, I just want to ask who provides the money? Does the show budget for that, or do the participants have to actually pay to play?

Whoa, slow down there.

Apparently those of us who are not wearing our dirty colored glasses can see that this is, in fact, none of the above. It's a straight up, legit, run of the mill design show. The premise is that homeowners walk a designer through the areas of their home that require a redesign. With a budget of 50K, the designer then offers three different remodel options and the homeowners then decide how to spend their renovation budget.

Ohhhhh. 50K three ways, I get it. Not dirty at all. Not even remotely being about politics.

So, reassured, I settled in to watch.

 

But just when I thought it was safe, that I'd taken my mind out of the toilet, something else came on that had me, well . . . let's just say perplexed. It was a commercial, I don't even know what for because I think I went into shock at some point while watching it. Anyway, the commercial featured women, one after the other, explaining, confirming, and acknowledging, that women poop. The woman in the last scene was actually sitting on a toilet with her pants down, apparently demonstrating for those of us who, I don't know, weren't already aware? Or needed more convincing?

 

Listen, life is certainly not a bowl of cherries, I think we've all figured that out. It's not even a Cookie Cup Sundae with a cherry on top, although that certainly goes a long way towards making me feel better in a whole plethora of instances.

 

Cookie Cup Sundaes

 

But I do have to wonder, if you get to that point, how much it pays to sit on a toilet with your pants down talking about pooping on television.

 

50K?

 

Could it be she has a room she's desperate to have redesigned?

 

Or perhaps she's interested in a three way of her own.

Cookie Cup Sundaes        

                                                                                         ©www.BakingInATornado.com 

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes 12):

1 stick butter, room temperature

3/4 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1 cup flour

2 TBSP multicolored nonpareils

 

about 3 cups Circus Cookie Ice Cream (can substitute flavor or your choice)

about 1/3 cup strawberry syrup

whipped cream

1/4 cup multicolored sprinkles or nonpareils

12 maraschino cherries

 

Directions:
*Beat the butter and vanilla until smooth, then gently beat in the powdered sugar just until incorporated. Mix in the flour and nonpareils, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 15 minutes.

*Turn a 12 well muffin tin upside down and grease the bottoms of the cups, which are now sticking up. Roll the dough into 12 balls about 4 inches in diameter. Completely cover each of the well bottoms with the cookie dough, forming an upside down cup. Refrigerate for 20 minutes.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake the cookie cups for 10 minutes. Using the tip of a knife, cut the excess dough from around each cookie cup, then allow to cool for 5 minutes before carefully popping the cookie cups off of the tin wells and allowing to cool completely.

*To serve, fill each cookie cup with a large scoop of ice cream, drizzle with strawberry syrup, dollop with whipped cream, sprinkle with multicolored sprinkles or nonpareils, and top with a maraschino cherry.

 

Taking Orange Back

It's October. Yeah, yeah, you know. 

Did you also know it's officially Halloween month? Calendar got you thinking Halloween's a day? Nope. Stores got you thinking it's 2 months? Nope. Food bloggers got you thinking it's 3 months? Nope. It's one month, and this is it.

I've always said on this blog that I wouldn't be publishing Halloween recipes or posts in any month but October, but once we hit October, all bets are off. In past years, many of my posts in this month were Halloween themed, and so were the recipes. This year things are going to be a little different, to some degree because of what's been going on all around us, but especially in this country, but also because of my personal circumstances. 

Unless you've been living under a rock (and even if you have been) you know that we all have to make unique decisions this year. Do we allow our kids to go door to door talking to and taking candy from so many people? Do we open our doors and hand out candy?

Good news: it's the one day in the past 7 months that no one should be selfishly screaming that wearing masks usurp their right to infect the innocent.
Bad news: what are the odds that we'll be opening our doors to an innocent covid carriers? 

But slow down, slow down, when it comes to Halloween, first things first. We've got some business to take care of. The month of All Hallows Eve has had its iconic color usurped, and we must stake our claim.

Yes, the color orange has been hijacked. Ironically, by a demon.

Orange has had its . . . associations . . . focused elsewhere of late:

Cheeto Benito, Orange Julius, Agent Orange, Carrot Catastrophe, Tangerine Tornado (hey, I resent that one), Tangerine Tyrant, Petulant Pumpkin, Mango Mussolini, Peach Plutocrat, Nectarine Nero, we've heard them all. 


But you're just going to have to back off, orange one, we're taking our color back. For the month of October anyway. You can start painting your face again in November.

That little bit of business done, I want to talk about my October plans this year. Most of my posts won't be Halloween oriented and not all of my recipes will be either. The joy of Halloween for me has always been in the faces of the children, the looks of awe when I present them Bloody Fingers for lunch or a Witch's Caldron Giant Cookie snack is priceless. I don't have any little ones around any more, and I really don't have my older kids (and favorite recipe taste testers) around much either. So although I'll stick to my publishing schedule, there will be few Halloween based posts and way less Halloween themed recipes. 

That doesn't mean that I don't have them to share, though. My last round up was called Halloween: 35 Baking In A Tornado recipes, and if you click on that link you're bound to find something fun. 

For Fall and pumpkin themed recipes that are not necessarily for Halloween, my Fall Harvest Crack is as addicting as . . . crack, and my Pumpkin Boston Cream Poke Cake is . . . wait for it . . . to die for. All of my recipes can be found on my Recipe Box page, and there are sections specifically for Halloween Treats and Halloween Savory.

For today's recipe, let me just say that the older I get, the more I see the value of easing into things. So for this, my first Covid October post, I'm sharing a side dish (which I actually eat as a meal) that's orange, but doesn't scream Halloween. In fact, this would be a great side dish for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or really, any day. It comes together quickly, cooking the components in the microwave, and it features the sweet of the potato, a little bite from the parmesan, smokiness from the cumin, topped with salty bacon bits. Win, win, win, win.

Stuffed Maple Parmesan Sweet Potatoes

But, spoiler alert, for the recipe included in my next post, you're getting bats! 

Stuffed Maple Parmesan Sweet Potatoes      

                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
4 sweet potatoes
1/3 cup Parmesan ranch salad dressing
2 TBSP maple syrup
1 TBSP honey
1/2 tsp cumin
salt and pepper to taste
1 1/2 cups broccoli florets 
1/4 cup bacon bits

Directions:
*Rinse, dry and pierce sweet potatoes with a fork. Cook in either the microwave or oven until soft all the way through to the center when pierced with a fork. Set aside.
*Cook the broccoli florets for about 2 minutes in the microwave, until soft but not mushy. Set aside.
*Whisk together the salad dressing, maple syrup, honey and cumin in a bowl. Remove 1/4 cup and set aside.
*Slice open the sweet potatoes and, leaving about 1/4 inch of the flesh on the skin, scoop the center flesh into the bowl with the sauce and whisk together, then spoon back into the sweet potatoes.
*Top the sweet potatoes with broccoli, drizzle with the remaining sauce, and sprinkle with bacon bits.

Represent

One of College Boy’s closest friends’ father is our local Congressman. It’s a very weird position for me to be in, come election time, because the Congressman and I are on completely different ends of the spectrum in terms of our politics. I like him well enough, his wife too. His son has spent quite a bit of time in our house over the years and he’s a good kid.

But when it’s a year when his dad is running for re-election I always feel conflicted. I can’t vote for someone whose politics I don’t agree with, but I also don’t wish unemployment on this young man’s dad.

So here we are again, election time, and I’ve actually made an important decision. I think I should run. I mean why not, right? I need some posters, I can do that. I need a slogan, got that covered too. I don’t have a war chest but once people become familiar with my candidacy they’ll be standing in line to fill my chest with money (yeah, I probably could have worded that better).

OK, lets see where we stand:
Posters:  ✔
Slogan:  ✔
Now for my platform:

*Education: There will be no more school “snow days”. If it’s a weekday those kids are the teachers’ responsibility. I know I take a risk saying this but kids can’t vote so I’m going with it. Might have just lost the teacher contingent, though.

*Crime: I’m against it.

*Taxes: Here’s the deal, if you tax everything coming in and going out there’s not much left to stimulate the economy.

*Budget: I’m for accountability. Being from a family of accountants I know just how it’s done, we end government overspending. A broom does not cost $700 ~ denied. A toilet seat does not cost $2000 ~ denied. Go to BrawlMart.

*Political Reform: I believe in baked goods for all. No, this is not a bribe, that’s illegal. It’s a human right protected by the constitution. Look it up. If you find it, let me know.

Confetti Cookie Bars with Berry Frosting

*Free Speech: If you have something nice to say, you should say it. If not, shut the he!! up.

*Bullying: The best way to stop bullying is by example. I’m prepared to introduce legislation distinguishing between religious entities and “churches” whose actions include public bullying of targeted segments of the population. You’re a church or a bully, not both. Pick one.

*Immigration: We need a do-over. Everyone who has or whose ancestors have immigrated to the US needs to go back to where their families came from. Whoever’s left can decide who comes back in. Hope the Native Americans let me back in. Until then I’ll be in Russia if you need me. 

*Women’s rights: Moms of teens will be provided anti-depressants. They will be free, will not require doctor’s visits and will be delivered to their homes.

*Energy: We are totally missing the boat here. We have all the energy we’ll ever need and it’s free. I pledge to put my efforts into funding research into whatever is necessary to bottle what every 2 year old has in excess.

*Hunger: There will be state financed food pantries on every main street. How will we pay for this? I really don’t care. No one goes hungry on my watch. No one.

I’ll let you know where to send your campaign contributions, OK?

My name is Tornado and I approve this message.

Confetti Cookie Bars with Berry Frosting

                                                   ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients, bars:
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
¾ cups sugar
¼ cup powdered sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract
¼ tsp lemon extract
2 ¼ cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt     
3/4 cup multicolored jimmies (sprinkles)
1/2 cup multicolored nonpareils
Ingredients, frosting:
8 oz cream cheese, softened
5 TBSP butter, softenend
4 cups powdered sugar
6 TBSP heavy cream
1 Packet (.22 oz) Berry Blue Kool-Aid
Multicolored nonpareils for decorating
 
Directions, bars:
*Grease a jellyroll pan. If you don’t have one, you can use a 9 X 13 pan but your bars will be thicker and you’ll have to bake them longer.
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
*Beat the butter and margarine until smooth.
*Beat in the sugar, powdered sugar, eggs, vanilla, lemon extract and almond extract.
*Mix in the flour, baking powder and salt until completely incorporated.
*Last, just barely mix in the nonpareils and sprinkles. You don’t want to break up the sprinkles or mix the nonpareils too much or they’ll color the dough.
Bake for approximately 15 minutes (longer for a 9 X 13 pan). Watch them, you don’t want them to brown.
*Cool completely before frosting.
Directions, frosting:
*Beat the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Mix in the powdered sugar just until incorporated.
*Beat in the heavy cream until incorporated.
*Beat in approximately ½ of the Kool-Aid packet. Taste the frosting and add more of the Kool-Aid, up to the whole packet, based on the amount of flavor that works for you. * Beat until spreading consistency.
*NOTE: if your frosting is too thick to spread, you can thin it by adding more cream. If it’s too thin, thicken it by adding more powdered sugar.