Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Anatomy of a Teen

No, this is not a post about body parts. I may enjoy embarrassing my kids, but that’s one thing I won’t be talking about publicly, so if you googled something funky and ended up here you may as well “X” out now.

What this is about is teens. There are all kinds of stereotypes and cliches about teenage behavior. And I’m sorry to tell you that they’re all true; the snarky attitude, the eye-rolling, the sudden inability to talk to parents. True, true and true.

But, all my friends with younger kids, there’s so much more you need to know. And since I’m a sharer, I’m going to clue you in to a few additional things you need to be prepared for. For instance:


Anatomy of a Teen - bakinginatornado.com

Did you know that you’ll be asking “are you wearing underwear” whenever your child walks out the door? Or that even if the answer is “yes” you may actually need to check? And although they’ll leave your house half naked, they’ll insist you can’t come into their room when they’re changing . . . their socks.

Did you know that they will NEVER have any homework or that there will be nothing to study because all they did in class that day is watch a movie? You can put money on the fact that the next day you’ll be treated to a big red “Missing Assignment” in their online grade book. When you require them to stay after school and talk to the teacher about making up assignments they’ll come right home because the teacher wasn’t there that day. And they’ll never be able to explain how they can get bad grades when their teacher is never there and all they do is watch movies every day in every class.

When you go to bed at night and your nocturnal child is still up, saying “please go to bed at a decent hour” is a rookie mistake.

You probably know that teens can eat twice their weight in any given sitting. Especially if they decide that something is their favorite food. And they will continue to consume that food in astounding budget-busting quantities until it goes on sale and you stock up. They they’ll roll their eyes, tell you that they never liked it and refuse to eat it ever again.


Spicy Pasta salad - Bakinginatornado.com
Spicy Pasta Salad

You know how, when they’re young they often refuse to nap and are always so full of energy? Well now all they seem to do is nap. And it’s hopeless to insist that they do some physical exercise. If you tell them to go out and walk or run a mile they’ll turn the corner, sit in the park for 15 minutes and come back home.

You probably already know that as the parent of a teen there is nothing you can do that is right. No matter what you try, no matter what your intent, you will always be wrong. But did you know that your teen can do no wrong? Nothing is their fault. Ever. And “how dare you” blame them (insert glaring look here).

And did you know that their room is no longer a part of your home? It is a sovereign nation. And it’s run by a dictator. Do not enter uninvited, and you will never be invited unless the dictator is sick or needs something. And if you are allowed into the holy inner sanctum, whatever you do, don’t touch anything. Or you WILL be punished.

Did you know that teenagers can sleep through the ringing phone, the clothes dryer beeping, your calling to them, their alarm and even through tornado sirens? But if you turn on the mixer two floors below them they’ll be out of bed and yelling indignantly that you woke them up.

NOW you’ve been warned. Still wonder why I bake? And blog? And don’t sleep?


Bakinginatornado.com
 
            

Spicy Pasta Salad  
                                               
©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
 
Ingredients:
Angel Hair pasta, cooked al dente and cooled
½ red pepper, chopped
2 green onions, sliced
4 TBSP soy sauce
3 TBSP Sesame oil
2 TBSP balsamic vinegar
2 TBSP brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp HOT chili sauce
Toasted sesame seeds
 
Directions:
*Mix together the cold pasta, red pepper and green onions.
*Mix together the soy sauce, sesame oil, balsamic vinegar, brown sugar and hot chili sauce. Pour over pasta and mix well.
*Refrigerate 4 hours, mixing at least once an hour.
*When serving, sprinkle each portion with toasted sesame seeds.

32 comments:

  1. Oh yes! This sounds like my home!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. From one person to another in the same boat, I sure hope you know how to swim.

      Delete
  2. I still think the napping part sounds great. Rookie mistake?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, let's see: they nap instead of doing chores, when dinner's on the table, if I need them to do something for me, when it's time to go to school, when it's time to go to work . . .

      Delete
  3. All of these are soo true!! :( I must add that they will never eat or like what was made for dinner until 11:30 at night when everyone else is in bed sleeping! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. No Karen! You've just dashed my hopes. I've been envisioning my daughter growing into a real life Rory Gilmore who is kind, polite, enjoys learning, and has a great relationship with me. Apparently children like this are unicorns. Mythical creatures that do not exist...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to have "burst your bubble", but I do like your unicorn analogy!

      Delete
  5. Bless you for the much needed laugh today! Yesterday was one of these days with my lovely teen. And I am very happy to read that I am not the only horrible mother on this planet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, I'm in that horrible Mother group too.

      Delete
  6. I've got 3... I'm currently in ALL of the "crummy attitude" stages. My oldest is 18, boy, and in the last 5 years I've went from Hero Mom to absolute idiot...my middle child, 9, thinks that she has middle kid syndrome that she's heard about on Oprah, and I'm probably going to forget her name because of her brothers so she acts up at every opportunity to assert her right to be a diva...my youngest is 3, another boy.... and whoever said the 2's where terrible obviously didn't survive to endure the 3 y/o period.... I've seen my future first hand.... as I separated all if mine so far apart that I've landed in icky stage Hell....cheers to surviving it all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know what's worse, my 2 who are both teens at the same time, or your 3 different stages. We may both be in Hell.

      Delete
  7. bahahaha, I have two teens and nodded my head at every point, I dread my daughter becoming one in 2 years...I also have 2 toddlers, I hope they stay little for a while and think I know everything!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to admit that toddlers are tough. . . until you have teens to compare them to. And you have both, yikes.

      Delete
  8. Oh lord ... I have to make sure Reagan is wearing underwear now. I'm in for a very long next 16 years aren't I?
    LOL

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm afraid so Lanaya, but I'm here for you all the way!

      Delete
  9. Yup! You just described me as a teen. I wonder how my parents dealt with me back then!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've done some things I'd like to forget, I'll tell you that much.

      Delete
  10. Well... your 'Nail' has been hit squarely "On the Head." Couldn't say it any better!!! lol

    Have a great week, Slu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'll try to have a great week, but I DO have teens, you know. . .

      Delete
  11. I'm going through some of that NOW with my 9 year old daughter! I've finally faced facts that I have a tween. That is heartbreaking.

    You sure I can send them to you when they hit teen status?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure I'll be living in a room with padded walls by then. I'm not sure I'll be allowed visitors.

      Delete
  12. Aren't the teen age years wonderful! I am so glad that my kids are past this stage of their lives - it does get better as they get older. Love this post!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love hearing that it gets better. Can you stop by and remind me every day?

      Delete
  13. I think my son has been sneaking over to your house because you just described him perfectly. Love, love, LOVE this post! XO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your son and my sons may be brothers from another mother. . .

      Delete
  14. Your post is so funny Karen, teens can be a pain in the posterior at times.

    The best thing about teens is that after a few more years they will be eager to leave home. If you do your best to pretend you don't want them to go, then they leave even quicker, ha ha ha. The next best part is when they have their own home they usually get a big shock. They find out:

    a. that if they leave lights on around the house, or gadgets on permanent standby they receive a higher bill.
    b. dishes don't wash themselves and sooner or later the sink will be filled.
    c. clothes don't automatically find themselves in the washing machine.
    d. food needs someone to cook it, and all those large portions of food they ate at mummy and daddy's house cost money. If you see them losing weight then don't worry. They will get use to a lower intake of food.

    Now, before they come running back home with their tails between their legs, turn their bedrooms into offices, or something of your choice and tell them they can't stay. No room at the inn. Or better still, charge them for a nights stay. ha ha ha.


    I'm gonna try your pasta dish too, it looks very tasty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All great advice. And something to look forward to!

      Delete
  15. I've seen glimpses of questionable behavior in Kindergartners (hands on the hips, eye rolls, etc. ) and all that I can say is that I am terrified for the teenage years!!xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And well you should be, my friend!

      Delete
  16. My daughter is just passing this stage..just in time for my son to step in. I agree with it all, though I must say, no one warned me of the teenage boy "smell" I can't get that smell out of his room! The eye rolling is a curse I passed down to my children. It's like an art form :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have 2 in this stage at the same time. One's passing through but I think the other one is there for good.

      Delete

Warning: Comment at your own risk. I have Comment Moderation, meaning I approve all comments before they show up here. So go ahead, I'm not scared!