I know some people gain followers just by following back anyone and everyone who follows them, but I don’t. When I first joined I was so impressed with my initial popularity until I realized that all of my followers were porn stars. What exactly does it mean when you join social media and a gaggle of porn peddlers rush to follow you? I still don’t know but I do know this; if I had followed them all back instead of banning them I’d have thousands of followers by now. My bad.
I think my biggest problem is that you have to tweet in 140 characters or less. And I have distweetability, I can’t do 140 characters or less without 10 minutes of editing. It’s a handicap. I call it the “Baking In A Tornado wordy distweetablilty”. I’m sending an article about it to the New England Journal of Medicine, but I’m fairly certain they’ll find that the name’s too long.
I’m really on twitter to interact with others so if new people follow me and say a quick “hello”, I’ll follow them back. If people just follow me and don’t say anything, I’ll try to check out their bio and tweets and see if we might have something in common.
Sometimes I’ll check someone out and be disappointed to find that I just can’t follow back. Like if:
*I check out their tweets and, although they’re in English, I don’t understand a single word of them.
*Their tweets are actually in a language I don’t speak.
*They are following 7852 people, but only 2 people are following back. I may be bad at twitter but I’m good at math and something isn’t adding up here.
*Their twitter name is offensive. I don’t follow racial slurs or religious insults. Still trying to figure out who does.
*All of their tweets are about body functions, body parts or body fluids.
*They retweet a lot of company promotions. If I wanted to follow them I would. No letting Oscar Meyer in the back door, so to speak.
Mixed Berry Cake Bars
Or sometimes I’ll follow back but will immediately unfollow. That’ll happen if:
*I follow and their first interaction is to tell me what else I can do for them. You know what I mean: “thanks for the follow, now go check out my blog, follow me on facebook, bloglovin, G+, instagram . . .” Jeez, can we date for a bit before we get married?
*They don’t interact. At all. Ever. If I wanted someone to talk at me instead of to me I’d venture into one of my kids’ rooms.
*Their tweets stop mid-sentence. I know 140 characters isn’t a lot, but if you can’t finish your thought, consider that twitter might not be the place for it.
*They say anything against the Red Sox. Just kidding. No I’m not.
So now that you have a pretty clear understanding of why I do so poorly on twitter, it’s time for the shameless plug. If you want to follow me, I’m here: Baking In A Tornado – twitter.
And if you say something, I might even follow you back. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Too fast? OK, we can date for a bit . . .
Mixed Berry Cake Bars
1 (16.25 oz) box white cake mix
1 ½ sticks butter, softened
2/3 cup sweetened coconut flakes
1 ½ cups dark chocolate chips
1 cup mixed berries (preferably fresh but frozen will work)
1 can sweetened condensed milk
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 pan or glass dish.
*Mix the cake mix, butter and egg until it forms a wet sticky dough.
*Press evenly into the bottom of the prepared pan.
*Sprinkle with the coconut flakes
*Next sprinkle with the dark chocolate chips, then evenly distribute the berries over the top.
*Pour sweetened condensed milk over the berries and make sure to cover them all.
*Bake for 40 to 45 minutes. Don’t let the bottom get too brown. It’ll look juicy when it comes out of the oven but will set as it cools.
*Cool completely before cutting (once it starts to cool I let it finish cooling in the refrigerator). Store in the refrigerator.