My subject is: hold on or let go? It was submitted by Sparkly Poetic Weirdo.
When all of the prompts were given out, I was actually surprised to have ended up with this one. Last January my friend Jennifer of Outsmarted Mommy asked me to write a piece for her Motherhood Monday series. I wrote a post called Holding On While Letting Go. With her kind permission, I’m reposting it here:
Holding on and letting go. Two completely different concepts, right? But right now I find myself trying to balance both.
I have two boys, teenagers at this point. One just finished his freshman year in college. The other just graduated high school. I’m not sure how this all happened, I just know that old cliche “time flies” is a cliche for a reason.
My boys are a little more than a year apart in age. So when my older son was born, I had a year alone with him. He was a baby and it was time I treasured.
There were instances after my younger son was born that I felt a little guilty. My older son had time where he was an only child, time to bond alone with mom that my younger son would never have. My younger son would have to share me from the time he was born.
Of course bonding doesn’t work that way. He may have an older brother and he may not have had time alone with mom, but the beauty of bonding is that it doesn’t have to happen in a vacuum. It happens organically on a solid foundation of love and nurturing.
Easy Grilled Halibut
The boys are opposites in every way. Looks, temperament, interests and personality. I love this about them, they are each individuals. They’re wonderful in their own ways, and trying in their own ways as well. When they were little and were jealous of the other’s strengths, I’d always tell them “you don’t have to be like him, I already have one of him, you be you.”
Fast forward to a year ago. My older son was a senior in high school and my younger son a junior. It was a tough year. You’ve heard of the “terrible twos”, well the teenage years are the terrible twos on hormones, with a driver’s license and YOUR car. Older son was more of a handful for a vast number of reasons and really pushed every one of my buttons he could find. I’m convinced he even manufactured a few I didn’t know I had.
I have to admit that I started blogging and venting and maybe even hiding now and then. And yes, I even started the college countdown. On any given day of that year I could tell you how many days till he started college. It’s possible I even had that countdown down to minutes.
Easy Grilled Halibut
(going to the grill)
I won’t say that I wasn’t relieved to drop College Boy off, I was, but there was comfort in knowing hat he was only an hour from home.
I also won’t say that I didn’t miss him like crazy. I will admit that when Hubs and I did actually leave him, I texted him for the first time before we even pulled out of the dorm parking lot.
But I went home to circumstances I hadn’t thought about all those years ago. It had happened. I had a year alone with my younger son.
It’s completely different from that year I spent alone with my older son. This younger son is in many ways my baby, but he’s also in many ways a grown man. He’s got his own friends and his own life, but we have time together as well. He’s off to college in another month and, I say through my tears, it’s one far away. But no matter what the plans are, just as I did with my older son all those years ago, I’m treasuring this time alone with my younger one.
And like it or not, I’m finding myself living that dichotomy:
Holding on . . .
. . . while letting go.
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there.
This piece was originally posted on the Outsmarted Mommy Motherhood Monday series.
and cross posted on Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka? as Holding On While Letting Go.
Easy Grilled Halibut©www.BakingInATornado.com
1 - 1 1/2# Halibut
1/2 cup Italian salad dressing
1 TBSP fresh or 3/4 tsp dried dill
1 clove garlic, minced
3/4 tsp ginger, minced
1 TBSP dijon mustard
fresh lemon slices
*In a bowl, mix together the salad dressing, dill, garlic, ginger and dijon.
*Place halibut and 2 of your lemon slices on a plate, cover with the marinade. Gently turn halibut so marinade coats all sides.
*Refrigerate for 2 - 4 hours, turning now and then
*While your grill is cold and turned off, grease the surface. Heat your grill to medium.
*Place the halibut on the hot grill. Discard the lemon slices that have been in the marinade. How long you cook will depend on the thickness of your halibut and the heat level of your grill. I leave it for 5 - 10 minutes. Gently, with a spatula big enough to get under the entire piece of fish, flip over.
*Continue cooking until the fish flakes easily with a fork. Don't flip again and make sure not to overcook.
*Serve with freshly cut lemon slices.