Tuesday, August 19, 2014

K-Bay

I did it. Packed my baby and took him to another time zone for his freshman year in college. Older son is closer to home, a sophomore. Now all of the excitement is over and the really bad news has arrived. Yup, the bills are coming in. The plan was to hide from those bills but it turns out if you don’t pay they send your kids back. Damn, shoulda seen that coming.

Let me just say that I like Ramen Soup. Unfortunately it looks like I can no longer afford it. So we’re on to Plan B. Moms have to make sacrifices for their children, we all know that. So after much thought I’ve decided to sell certain of my beloved belongings, some of the more unique items.

There’s something here on K-Bay for everyone, but you’ll have to bid fast. These treasures will be gone before you know it. Bid strong, the futures of two boys might depend on it. No pressure, though.

Here you go, a true mother’s sacrifice. Up on the auction block:

#1 ~ Autumn lovers’ tree
Do you love nature but hate raking? This leafless tree is not only low maintenance but it’s got the added bonus of not blocking the sun. And, in case of emergency, you can just snap off a limb and use it for firewood. It’s already seasoned and ready to go.
Opening bid: $2,000
Dead Birch - Baking In A Tornado


#2 ~ No Jump Hoop
Are your young ones not yet 6 feet tall? Trip over their own feet when jumping for the net? Or just not able to master that jump shot? Have I got the hoop for you . . .
Opening bid: $500
hoop down - Baking In A Tornado


#3 ~ All Weather Picnic Table
Ignore that license plate. It only needs an $800 part if you want to drive it. But imagine the fun the whole family can have with this driveway picnic table. Raining? No problem. This picnic spot is completely enclosed and permanently placed right in your driveway. Grab your burger and come on inside.
Opening bid: $11,000
Mercedes - Baking In A Tornado


#4 ~ Lawn Mower
Concerned about rising gas prices? Not with this lawn mower. No gas, oil or maintenance required.
Opening bid: $999
Possum - Baking In A Tornado

We’re not done shopping. I have a few more items to offer.
Let’s have a snack and keep going.


Pistachio Toffee Dessert Pizza - Baking In A Tornado
Pistachio Toffee Dessert Pizza
Pistachio Toffee Dessert Pizza - Baking In A Tornado



#5 ~ Invitation Decline
Invited to an event you don’t want to attend? Asked to help with a Kindergarten field trip? I have the perfect solution; you’re unavailable because you have a house guest. Bonus: he doesn’t eat much. In fact, if you get really hungry and haven’t made it to the grocery store, there’ll always be a banana in the house.
Opening bid: $1,500
Stuffed Banana - Baking In A Tornado


#6 ~ Exotic Dinner Ingredients
Do you have guests coming over who always try to outdo everyone? You know the type, serve over-the-top dinners with ingredients you’ve never heard of. Now you can put them in their place. I’m offering you the chance to serve this one-of-a-kind mushroom guaranteed to have been grown pesticide free. And there’s the added bonus of being able to tell your dinner guests about having harvested this beautiful specimen yourself.
Opening bid: $3,000
Mushroom - Baking In A Tornado     Mushroom - Baking In A Tornado                  


#7 ~ Personality Candles
When it comes to decor, we all want unique items, those interesting things that speak to us and show who we are. So if you’re . . . well . . . a little bent . . . these are just the one-of-a-kind candles that are perfect for you. Note: for those of you just dying to make a certain comment (and you know who you are and you know what comment), do not. This is a PG-13 blog.
Opening bid: $200

 Personality Candles - Baking In A Tornado


#8 ~ Mighty Triceps Builder
Looking for a way to build those triceps? Look no further. This simple machine will do the trick. Fill the drawer circled in red with laundry detergent. Push the broken detached piece circled in blue into place over the drawer. Turn on the machine and, using both hands, hold that piece on until the machine turns itself off. The Mighty Triceps Builder will let you know if you’re doing the exercise correctly. If you end up with detergent on your shoes, try again.
This item is a two-fer. Once you’re able to master the Mighty Triceps Builder, you can actually end up with clean clothes when you’ve finished exercising.
Opening bid: $2,500
Mighty Ticeps Builder - Baking In A Tornado


#9 ~ Hair Extensions
Have you ever had a haircut that didn’t go as planned? Style not right? Or a little shorter than you’d expected? Hair extensions are the way to go. One size fits all. Guaranteed not to grow.
Opening bid: $50
Hair - Baking In A Tornado


#10 ~ Perfect Pet
Are you looking for companionship? You won’t find a more loyal pet than this Jelly Friend. Does not require feeding, grooming or bathing. Added bonus: Jelly Friend actually made some connections in his prior home under the sea. It’s possible he may, with time, choose to introduce you to his well known former neighbor. I don’t want to name drop, but I can tell you that he lives in a pineapple and his name rhymes with BlongeBlob.
Opening bid: $750
Jellyfish - Baking In A Tornado



#11 ~ Organic Ice
Forget those inconvenient ice trays. You don’t need those in-the-door ice cube dispensers that throw ice all over your kitchen. This ice is ready made and there for the picking (up). Perfect for cookouts, it literally delivers itself.
Opening bid: $650
Hail  - Baking In A Tornado



The fine print:
All items are available for pick up. If you want your item to be here when you come for it, however, there’ll be a small added fee.

Delivery is also available for a more substantial fee. Delivery dates will depend on how fast my kids can drive to your house.

To bid: include the number of the item you’re bidding on and state the amount you’re willing to pay. Winners wishing to be notified will be subject to a notification fee of not less than the purchase price.

Let the bidding begin . . .

Baking In A Tornado

Pistachio Toffee Dessert Pizza
                                                                             ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
1 1/2 sticks butter, softened
1 1/2 sticks margarine, softened
12 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 2/3 cups flour
6 ounces of pistachios, shelled and as much as possible remove skin
 
1/2 cup corn syrup (any)
4 TBSP  stick butter, softened
4 TBSP brown sugar
4 TBSP liquid hazelnut creamer
 
8 oz unsalted pistachios, shelled and coarsely chopped
½ cup white chocolate chips, melted
 
Directions:
*Place the 6 ounces of pistachios in a food processor and process until fine.
*Beat the butter, margarine and cream cheese until smooth. Mix in the flour and pistachios to form a dough. Wrap in plastic wrap and put into the refrigerator for an hour.
*Line the lower shelf of your oven with tin foil. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a pizza pan (not one with holes in the bottom).
*With your hands, spread the dough evenly all over and up the sides of the pizza pan.
*Bake for about 30 minutes. It should be browning but don’t let it get too brown. Remove from oven and let sit on the counter.
*Microwave corn syrup, butter, brown sugar, and creamer for 1 1/2 minutes, stir, then another 2 minutes.
*Gently pour over the center of the crust. Don’t pour all the way out to the edges. Return to oven and bake for 20 minutes.
*Remove from oven. Sprinkle the remaining pistachios over the top and gently press into the toffee.
*Run a knife around and barely under the edges of the crust to loosen from pan.
*Cool on counter for an hour, drizzle the melted white chocolate over the top. Refrigerate to set.

28 comments:

  1. Hahaha! This made me laugh today, for which I thank you. #protip Have surgery, and you child comes home to see about you. Drastic? Maybe, but us moms sometimes have to do drastic things to get them home. Hang in there....

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    1. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, Julie and praying all goes well. So glad Stephie will be there for you!

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  2. Thank you again, I love reading your blog. You always make me giggle and put into words the way my mind works.

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    1. I'm so glad to find someone who thinks like I do. Thanks for reading.

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  3. Love this post, love this recipe. I have pinned and shared. When I show up, the banana might be going home with me. Just thought I would let you know! ;)

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    1. Get your bid in quick, that banana's gonna go fast, LOL!

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  4. Hahahaha! This is absolutely hilarious Karen! I love it and since I live in hot steamy SC I'd like to bid on #11 I can always use ice either in my drink or on my head when another hot flash hits!

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    1. Yes, the multipurpose hail balls. Be sure to bid quickly, they're bound to go fast!

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  5. I made all inappropriate comments regarding #7 to TBG. Laughs all around :)

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    1. Ha, I knew I could count on you for those comments!

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  6. Hilarious! Thanks for brightening my day.

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  7. That organic ice sounds like a real bargain! Thanks for the heads-up about the candles. I'd be one who of those to make not-so-PG comment.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I knew those candles would get some minds working. . .

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  8. This is hilariously awesome! I'll take #5 for 2,000! Yes, I'll give you an extra $500 just so I don't have to do anything I don't want to ever again!

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    1. Well worth the initial investment, right? So hard to part with these treasures but it's a sacrifice that has to be made.

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  9. Awesome! I need to sell of some of our "good" stuff. This post made me laugh and was true BIAT style.
    LOVE this recipe as well. YUM

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    1. LOL, wish I had known you had stuff you needed to sell too, I would have been happy to add them to this auction!

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  10. I have lots of items to auction off, too! Thank goodness I only have one in college right now, so we can keep our possum. You are too funny, Karen. And you make a terrific dessert pizza to boot.

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    1. So jealous that you get to keep your possum. Lucky you!

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  11. Yikes I have a couple more years before I have to sell my goods,so for now put me down for the tree;)

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  12. I know all about the bills when it comes to school for kids. We put all 4 of our kids through private school from K-12 and helped them out with college as well. At least our last on is a senior in college. Maybe I should auction some of my stuff off too. I love this post, Karen.

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    1. With 4 kids in private school starting in Kindergarten, I'm surprised you haven't pawned everything you own long before now.

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  13. Wow! Great idea! The choices! The possibilities! I'm particularly interested in #8. I'm touring my own house now for possibilities . . .

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    1. #8 is a great choice, looking forward to entertaining your bid. But be forewarned of the terms of sale: no givesies backsies.

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  14. I love that you found humor in this present situation :)
    Dang sales from far away places! That mushroom is incredible!
    I'm definitely interested in the banana-shaped guest; I need that!!
    Can't believe you didn't auction off those White Castles...
    <3

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    Replies
    1. LOL, that banana guest is SO cool. And added bonus, he's a great listener.

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