Birdbrain: Fly on the Wall

  

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

Often, when I'm reading through my social media feeds, if I find something amusing, I share it with Hubs.

Me: OK, this is a Julia Child quote: "The only time to eat diet food is when you're waiting for the steak to cook."

Hubs (laughing): That's funny, but I thought she was dead.

Me: I'm pretty sure she said stuff when she was alive . . .

We were sitting in the den watching a movie when Hubs started coughing. And coughing.

Me: Do you want me to get you some water? Or a cough drop?

Hubs (still coughing): I'd rather have a cookie.

Me: I don't think that will help with your coughing fit.

Hubs: And???

It seems I have a little secret admirer. Who's actually not so little, and not so secret.

The cicadas are active starting in late May or early April and remain active for 4 to 6 weeks. Living along the woods, we really, really, really hear them. Four to 6 weeks of loud chirping. But by the middle of July, maybe the end of July for the stragglers, they've produced their eggs and have died off.

Or have they?

It's the end of August now, the incessant chirping has quieted. Phew.

I was sitting in the den when I heard a thump at the side of the house. Concerned, I went to the window. And there, on the screen, was this monster, the incredible Hulk of the bug world:

How is that possible? This guy is still here. And apparently spending the day watching me through the window.

I didn't think anything else about it, until a few mornings later, I went out to the deck with my coffee. And guess who was waiting for me . . .

Some people have little secret admirers, how sweet. Apparently, I've got a Hulk sized insect stalker.

Lucky me.

I was recently issued a challenge by my trash bags. Not something I'd experienced before, but there it was, written in plain English:

Warning: to avoid danger of suffocation, do not use this.

So, I feel threatened. And I have a decision to make. Do I take my chances with the threat of suffocation? Or do I pay for the trash bags, but not dare to use them?

We love corn season, and hate that it's so short. This year, as always, we took advantage of it as much as we could.

A few weeks ago, after we'd finished dinner, I took a look at our cobs, and wondered just how much it says about us, how we eat our corn.

One is mine, and one is Hubs'. Can you guess which one belongs to whom?

And which one are you?

Grilled Orange Pork Chops

I had mentioned to Hubs that there was a small weed growing in my Day Lillies out back. He was going out to mow so I asked him to pull it. Obviously he forgot, the next time I looked out back, that weed was growing like . . . well . . . a weed.

A few days later were in the den watching TV:

Me: That weed in the flowers has gotten huge, it's really bothering me.

Hubs: I'll get it during a commercial.

A commercial comes on, and Hubs goes into the garage. He comes out and I see him heading for the back deck (which does not have stairs into the back yard) wearing gloves and carrying a garden trowel.

Me: What are you doing?
Hubs: I'm going to get that weed.

Me: Are you planning to jump off of the deck? Or do you have some kind of Gumby superpower?

Hubs: What do you mean? Your flower pot is right out here on the deck.

Me: The weed is in the Day Lillies out back. If it was in my flower pot, I would have pulled it when it first started growing. It certainly wouldn't require you going out there dressed for combat.

Sheesh!

Oh, and that weed is still there. Pretty soon it should be a climbable beanstalk.

 

We had a pair of Barn Swallows trying to build a nest on the bricks above my front door, and we weren't having it. We already have a nest up in our gutters and under our back deck. No matter where we go on our own property, we get dive bombed.

But no way am I letting them build a nest on the bricks over the door. For one thing, we need to use that door, and we've gotten used to, you know, things like getting packages, and people being able to ring our doorbell. I know there's an old superstition about birds pooping on your head being good luck, but I'm not falling for that one.

Swallows are protected, so you can't remove an active nest, but you can stop them from starting one. 

So, I'd been going outside all day long shooing the pair away. Not fun. I thought I was getting somewhere, but there turned out to be bumps in the road.

You can see that to the left (in this picture) of the front door, there's a wall. So when I come out the front door, I can't see what's happening on the other side of that wall.

I realized this when I was out front clapping my hands and yelling "go away" when suddenly I a woman who apparently had been coming up the sidewalk with her two dogs, started to run past my house dragging her poor dogs along with their leashes.

Oops, I didn't mean you, lady. 

Those Swallows, they had a few tricks up their sleeves (umm . . . wings?). 

Interesting. Anyone know anything about the sexual practices of birds?

Not me, so when Hubs comes in from work, right away I have a question for him. Because it seems they were quite serious about their choice of nesting spot.

Me: Do Barn Swallows do three ways?

Hubs: Huh? 

Me: Barn Swallows, do they get kinky?

Hubs: Where did that come from?

Me: That Barn Swallow couple I'd been shooing away all day? Well they're back . . . and they brought a friend.

So now we've got 3 Barn Swallows circling our front door. 

Eventually, my persistence seems to have prevailed. They finally seemed to get the idea that they weren't going to be able to build on my bricks. Hubs hosed the mud/saliva (yuck) cement they left on the bricks, and when I checked later, it was still gone. Phew.

Not so fast.

I turned around, and instead of above, but opposite the door, they had started again. Different brick wall, but just like 10 feet from where they were.

What a bunch of birdbrains.

I can't spend all day every day racing to the front door to yell at birds. We had both googled and asked at multiple stores what to do to "encourage" the birds to go elsewhere. The only thing we could come up with is that they don't like shiny things.

So Hubs went out front with heavy tin foil and duct tape. It wouldn't stick to the brick, and Hubs ended up wrapped all up in it like a shiny mummy.

Now what? Should we buy mylar balloons and hang them from the columns? 

Eventually I found hook and loop fastener tape option with adhesive that sticks to brick. We cut it into pieces, stuck one side to big squares of tin foil and up on a ladder using a long stick, stuck the tin foil to the brick. 

Will it ever come off? I have no idea. But the birds flew in and right back out again a few times, then high tailed it out of here.

I can't imagine what the neighbors, or even people driving by must think:

A) We're conspiracy theorists who think tin foil can prevent mind control.

B) We're attempting to communicate with extraterrestrials.

C:) We're really bad at decorating.

D) All of the above.

But that's a price I'm willing to pay, because victory is mine!

Hope I didn't just jinx that.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Grilled Orange Pork Chops

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

4 boneless pork chops, approximately 1 inch thick

1/3 cup orange marmalade

1 TBSP cooking sherry

1 TBSP maple syrup

1/2 tsp minced ginger

1/2 tsp minced garlic

1/4 tsp paprika

Directions:
*Place the pork chops into a gallon sized resealable plastic bag.

*Whisk together the marmalade, sherry, maple syrup, ginger, garlic, and paprika. Pour over the pork chops in the bag and seal. Manipulate so the chops are all covered with the marinade. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours and up to overnight, flipping over now and then.
*Preheat the grill to medium high heat. Place the pork chops onto the grill and reduce the heat to medium. Discard the remaining marinade.

*Allow the chops to cook for 3 minutes, then turn them about 45 degrees and cook for another 3 minutes. Flip them over and cook for 3 - 5 minutes. How long they need to cook will depend on the heat of your grill and thickness of your chops, but be sure they are cooked to 145 degrees.

*Remove the chops from the grill and allow to sit for a few minutes before serving.