Birdbrain: Fly on the Wall

  

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

Often, when I'm reading through my social media feeds, if I find something amusing, I share it with Hubs.

Me: OK, this is a Julia Child quote: "The only time to eat diet food is when you're waiting for the steak to cook."

Hubs (laughing): That's funny, but I thought she was dead.

Me: I'm pretty sure she said stuff when she was alive . . .

We were sitting in the den watching a movie when Hubs started coughing. And coughing.

Me: Do you want me to get you some water? Or a cough drop?

Hubs (still coughing): I'd rather have a cookie.

Me: I don't think that will help with your coughing fit.

Hubs: And???

It seems I have a little secret admirer. Who's actually not so little, and not so secret.

The cicadas are active starting in late May or early April and remain active for 4 to 6 weeks. Living along the woods, we really, really, really hear them. Four to 6 weeks of loud chirping. But by the middle of July, maybe the end of July for the stragglers, they've produced their eggs and have died off.

Or have they?

It's the end of August now, the incessant chirping has quieted. Phew.

I was sitting in the den when I heard a thump at the side of the house. Concerned, I went to the window. And there, on the screen, was this monster, the incredible Hulk of the bug world:

How is that possible? This guy is still here. And apparently spending the day watching me through the window.

I didn't think anything else about it, until a few mornings later, I went out to the deck with my coffee. And guess who was waiting for me . . .

Some people have little secret admirers, how sweet. Apparently, I've got a Hulk sized insect stalker.

Lucky me.

I was recently issued a challenge by my trash bags. Not something I'd experienced before, but there it was, written in plain English:

Warning: to avoid danger of suffocation, do not use this.

So, I feel threatened. And I have a decision to make. Do I take my chances with the threat of suffocation? Or do I pay for the trash bags, but not dare to use them?

We love corn season, and hate that it's so short. This year, as always, we took advantage of it as much as we could.

A few weeks ago, after we'd finished dinner, I took a look at our cobs, and wondered just how much it says about us, how we eat our corn.

One is mine, and one is Hubs'. Can you guess which one belongs to whom?

And which one are you?

Grilled Orange Pork Chops

I had mentioned to Hubs that there was a small weed growing in my Day Lillies out back. He was going out to mow so I asked him to pull it. Obviously he forgot, the next time I looked out back, that weed was growing like . . . well . . . a weed.

A few days later were in the den watching TV:

Me: That weed in the flowers has gotten huge, it's really bothering me.

Hubs: I'll get it during a commercial.

A commercial comes on, and Hubs goes into the garage. He comes out and I see him heading for the back deck (which does not have stairs into the back yard) wearing gloves and carrying a garden trowel.

Me: What are you doing?
Hubs: I'm going to get that weed.

Me: Are you planning to jump off of the deck? Or do you have some kind of Gumby superpower?

Hubs: What do you mean? Your flower pot is right out here on the deck.

Me: The weed is in the Day Lillies out back. If it was in my flower pot, I would have pulled it when it first started growing. It certainly wouldn't require you going out there dressed for combat.

Sheesh!

Oh, and that weed is still there. Pretty soon it should be a climbable beanstalk.

 

We had a pair of Barn Swallows trying to build a nest on the bricks above my front door, and we weren't having it. We already have a nest up in our gutters and under our back deck. No matter where we go on our own property, we get dive bombed.

But no way am I letting them build a nest on the bricks over the door. For one thing, we need to use that door, and we've gotten used to, you know, things like getting packages, and people being able to ring our doorbell. I know there's an old superstition about birds pooping on your head being good luck, but I'm not falling for that one.

Swallows are protected, so you can't remove an active nest, but you can stop them from starting one. 

So, I'd been going outside all day long shooing the pair away. Not fun. I thought I was getting somewhere, but there turned out to be bumps in the road.

You can see that to the left (in this picture) of the front door, there's a wall. So when I come out the front door, I can't see what's happening on the other side of that wall.

I realized this when I was out front clapping my hands and yelling "go away" when suddenly I a woman who apparently had been coming up the sidewalk with her two dogs, started to run past my house dragging her poor dogs along with their leashes.

Oops, I didn't mean you, lady. 

Those Swallows, they had a few tricks up their sleeves (umm . . . wings?). 

Interesting. Anyone know anything about the sexual practices of birds?

Not me, so when Hubs comes in from work, right away I have a question for him. Because it seems they were quite serious about their choice of nesting spot.

Me: Do Barn Swallows do three ways?

Hubs: Huh? 

Me: Barn Swallows, do they get kinky?

Hubs: Where did that come from?

Me: That Barn Swallow couple I'd been shooing away all day? Well they're back . . . and they brought a friend.

So now we've got 3 Barn Swallows circling our front door. 

Eventually, my persistence seems to have prevailed. They finally seemed to get the idea that they weren't going to be able to build on my bricks. Hubs hosed the mud/saliva (yuck) cement they left on the bricks, and when I checked later, it was still gone. Phew.

Not so fast.

I turned around, and instead of above, but opposite the door, they had started again. Different brick wall, but just like 10 feet from where they were.

What a bunch of birdbrains.

I can't spend all day every day racing to the front door to yell at birds. We had both googled and asked at multiple stores what to do to "encourage" the birds to go elsewhere. The only thing we could come up with is that they don't like shiny things.

So Hubs went out front with heavy tin foil and duct tape. It wouldn't stick to the brick, and Hubs ended up wrapped all up in it like a shiny mummy.

Now what? Should we buy mylar balloons and hang them from the columns? 

Eventually I found hook and loop fastener tape option with adhesive that sticks to brick. We cut it into pieces, stuck one side to big squares of tin foil and up on a ladder using a long stick, stuck the tin foil to the brick. 

Will it ever come off? I have no idea. But the birds flew in and right back out again a few times, then high tailed it out of here.

I can't imagine what the neighbors, or even people driving by must think:

A) We're conspiracy theorists who think tin foil can prevent mind control.

B) We're attempting to communicate with extraterrestrials.

C:) We're really bad at decorating.

D) All of the above.

But that's a price I'm willing to pay, because victory is mine!

Hope I didn't just jinx that.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Grilled Orange Pork Chops

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

4 boneless pork chops, approximately 1 inch thick

1/3 cup orange marmalade

1 TBSP cooking sherry

1 TBSP maple syrup

1/2 tsp minced ginger

1/2 tsp minced garlic

1/4 tsp paprika

Directions:
*Place the pork chops into a gallon sized resealable plastic bag.

*Whisk together the marmalade, sherry, maple syrup, ginger, garlic, and paprika. Pour over the pork chops in the bag and seal. Manipulate so the chops are all covered with the marinade. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours and up to overnight, flipping over now and then.
*Preheat the grill to medium high heat. Place the pork chops onto the grill and reduce the heat to medium. Discard the remaining marinade.

*Allow the chops to cook for 3 minutes, then turn them about 45 degrees and cook for another 3 minutes. Flip them over and cook for 3 - 5 minutes. How long they need to cook will depend on the heat of your grill and thickness of your chops, but be sure they are cooked to 145 degrees.

*Remove the chops from the grill and allow to sit for a few minutes before serving.

Not the Dumbest: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

I woke up in the morning, went to the bathroom, and noticed that, on the shelf next to the toilet was one of Hubs's shirts, rolled up in a ball.

Later:

Me: So, I noticed one of your shirts rolled up in a ball on the shelf in the bathroom.

Hubs: Huh?
Me: Want to explain that?

Hubs: I can't. I have no idea why I would leave it there. Sorry.

Me: That's fine, hardly the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Hubs went to the DMV to register our new car. They charge to use credit cards, so I gave him the checkbook, but warned him that we only had 2 checks left. I hadn't yet ordered more, as we rarely use them.

Hubs comes back from the DMV and puts the checkbook away.

Hubs: I did something stupid with the checks.

Me: Oh no, those were our last 2, I'll order more but they won't come for 2 weeks.

Hubs: We still have a check left. I just wrote out the last check instead of the next check in order.

Me: That's fine, hardly the dumbest thing you've ever done.

The Red Sox 3rd baseman has a strained quad. He's not only a great infielder, but we need his bat in the lineup.

Me: The Red Sox are bombing all over the place. When do we get Bregman back?

Hubs (googling his current status): Here's a quote from the manager: "Bregman running but remains far away".

Me: That's easy, just tell him to run faster.

Hubs and I were watching TV when a commercial came on. Or part of one, anyway. There was a picture of two doctors, obviously in their office, standing in front of a sign for hair replacement specialists.

OK, got the picture.

Then a voice said "change your lettuce, change your life," just before the commercial cut off.

We laughed, of course, but now I can't stop wondering how changing my lettuce would change my life. Does arugula make hair grow? What am I missing?

I had some Mahi Mahi marinating while I was baking some Chocolate Berry Muffin Bars for dessert. Dinner time came and it was nice out so instead of cooking the fish in the air fryer, I decided to cook it on the grill, my favorite way to prepare fish.

Hubs came up from his man cave:

Hubs: Are you ready for me to clean the grill?
Me: I'm going out now to check the fish, see if it's done.

Hubs: Well, don't take it off unless it's done.

Sage wisdom from a guy who can't boil water.

Chocolate Berry Muffin Bars

I went out onto the back deck to heat up the grill. On the way back in the house, I looked up, and in the corner, right above the sliding door, I notice something . . .

Oh no! A wasp, building a nest. Right where we go in and out the door. This can't be good. In fact, I'm not sure how this could be worse.

I turn off the grill, and I'm about to run out to pick up a nice safe rotisserie chicken, when I realize that I need to warn the family in case anyone comes home while I'm gone. So, I make them a quick note, and stick it to the wall by the door to the deck:

That should do it.

I know I've talked about it before, but I read a lot. Here and there during the day, but at night I read for a few hours before I fall asleep.

So I "buy" (I use quotes for that because I go through so many books, I pretty much only read free Kindle books) books using my laptop. I then download them, both on my tablet and my Kindle. I read on my tablet when I can during the day, but I leave the tablet downstairs. I keep my Kindle next to my bed, sync it up to where I left off, and read on the Kindle at night.

Hubs and I were watching a late game in the den and we were getting pretty tired. I had found a whole bunch of free books that day which were already downloaded onto my tablet. For some reason, I decided to go upstairs and grab my Kindle to get all the books downloaded and ready for reading upstairs.

It was a bad idea, I knew I was tired, but I went upstairs, grabbed the item on my bedside table and came back downstairs, sat on the couch and prepared to get onto the internet on my Kindle.

Hubs (looking over at me): Why are you holding the remote to the bedroom TV?

Damned if I know, but hardly the dumbest thing I've ever done.

Our dishwasher had been leaking. Frustrating, because it's only 7 years old, but we had been told both by a sales person and a repair person that appliances are deliberately made not to last like the quality in the past, but to be disposable. There's a calculated decrease in quality but with, of course, an increase in the price. This is obviously a pervasive, industry wide strategy targeted at exploiting the customer in order to boost sales. I mean, I don't know about you, but over $800 is not exactly a price point I consider appropriate for a "disposable" item.

So, we had a repairman coming out to look at it, we were hoping it could be fixed. I had a very lucky game morning that day, and was hopeful that it was a sign of things to come.

Turns out it was just me using up my good luck for the day. The dishwasher had to be replaced. It would cost as much to repair it as it would to replace it.

We were looking at dishwashers on line in order to figure out which units we wanted to go see and at which stores.

Another issue was availability. Obviously, we wanted it replaced as soon as possible.

First web site I went to listed their dishwashers as available for delivery on the 12th, and available for installation on the 10th.

Silly me, I thought that was done the other way around.

I was talking to Hubs about the timing of the dishwasher kicking the bucket.

Me: Seriously, the timing could not be worse. I mean really, any other month but the one where the second half of our property taxes is due.

Hubs: Yup, Murphy's law.

Me: I swear if I get my hands on that Murphy I'm gonna kick him in the ass.

It's about 9:30 am on Saturday:

Hubs: I'm going to have a cup of coffee and do a few things on my laptop, then I'll change and go out to mow the lawn.

Me: Today's not a good day for that, it's early and it's already like a hundred thousand degrees out there. You'll end up with heat stroke.

Hubs: Yeah, but the grass is getting long.

Me: I don't care, you only go in to work a few days a week, you can mow tomorrow, or Monday.

Hubs: I'd rather just get it done today.

An hour later, Hubs goes out and starts mowing the front lawn.

And I turn on the sprinkler system . . .

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Chocolate Berry Muffin Bars

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

12 chocolate filled chocolate sandwich cookies

12 strawberry cream sandwich cookies

1 package (7 oz) wild berry muffin mix

1 package (7 oz) raspberry muffin mix

3/4 cups milk

1 egg

1/3 cup semi sweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup fresh mixed berries: chop any strawberries and/or blackberries, half any blueberries and/or raspberries

1 container (8 oz) mixed berry cream cheese, softened

1 (5.3 oz) mixed berry Greek yogurt

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup mini chocolate chips

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan.

*Place the cookies on the bottom of the pan in 8 rows of 4. First row: chocolate cookie, strawberry cookie, chocolate, then strawberry. Alternate the second row starting with strawberry, and continue for the 8 rows.

*Mix the muffin mixes, milk, and egg, just until incorporated. Fold in the chocolate chips and berries. Spread evenly over the cookies.

*Using the same bowl, whisk together the softened cream cheese, yogurt, and brown sugar. Mix in the mini chocolate chips. Dollop onto the muffin mixture. With a toothpick, gently swirl around the cream cheese mixture over the top of the muffin layer.

*Bake for 30 minutes. Cool to room temperature and cut into bars. Store in refrigerator.