Love You Like Crazy: Secret Subject Swap

Welcome a Secret Subject Swap. This month 9 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. Read through mine and at the bottom you’ll find links to all of today’s other Secret Subject participants.

My subject is: Do you think it's ethical for a couple to conceive a child who is supposed to be a bone marrow donor for their sick sibling?
It was submitted by Tamara of Part-time Working Hockey Mom.

I, as all people do, come at this topic from a place of my own perspective, my own belief system, developed mostly through my life experiences. Having been through multiple in-vitro attempts, miscarriages and even the surgical loss of my oldest son's twin (I write about it here: Lightning Strikes), I've done more introspection when it comes to having children than many people do (or have to). I have had to contemplate what having a family means in general, and what it means to me. I've had to decide how far I'd go to get pregnant, and how I'd structure my life if I could not. 

For many people, whether or not to have a child in the hopes of harvesting bone marrow for a desperately sick sibling would be a difficult decision, a moral dilemma. Not for me. It would come down to two questions, easily answered. Would I do anything I could to save my child's life? Yes. Would I commit to raise, love, care for, protect and nurture the child born into this circumstance. Yes.

I admit though, that this decision could be impacted by other factors. If I were in my 20s and the sick child were young, adding to the family could well be something I'd already planned. Were I, however, in my 40s and the sick child in their late teens, adding a child to the family would undoubtedly mean something completely different logistically. Wouldn't stop me though. I can still answer "yes" to the two questions.

It would be incredibly naive to think that the thought process ends here. In fact, the real issues are those that come about after the birth of the child. For instance, what if this child is in some way medically compromised and cannot donate the marrow? My brother Peter's bone marrow transplant did not save his life. What if this child is able to donate and the first child still dies? You have to be able to look around your dinner table every night and view this child with joy, no matter what.

Sweet Hot BBQ Pork Chops

Oh and there's more, in fact, to me, the real dilemma, is in telling the child. Much like having been born via in-vitro (not so much today but in its infancy when I did it) or even being an adopted child, there is the telling, the when, how and how much that has the most potential for emotional danger. Especially if that older sibling has not made it. Do you tell the child from the beginning so they grow up knowing, making it a non-issue? Do you tell the child in bits and pieces as they grow? Do you wait to be sure they are secure, or to judge their emotional maturity before broaching the subject? And how long is that? Because I'm going to rule out the teen years right now. Do you take into consideration that you could well be under a time constraint, that this child could easily find out from others outside the home, relinquishing your ability to control the emotional impact? Having the child would not be the issue for me, these are the decisions that would keep me awake at night.

But the bottom line is this, all those expressions of love that my sick child grew up hearing: "love you more" or "love you to the moon and back" or "love you like crazy" (mine), this child would grow up with as well. It would be my responsibility to ensure that they knew that no matter what circumstance resulted in their conception, they are adored not for what they did but for who they are.

PS: I am on the Bone Marrow registry, would donate bone marrow to a complete stranger if I were found to be a match. Would you?


Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Wandering Web Designer 
Cognitive Script
The Bergham Chronicles   
Never Ever Give Up Hope 
Southern Belle Charm 
Bookworm in the Kitchen
Part-time Working Hockey Mom 
Climaxed 

Sweet Hot BBQ Pork Chops

                                                              ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
4 boneless pork chops
3/4 cup barbecue sauce, your favorite
1/4 cup orange marmalade
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes 

Directions:
*Rinse and pat dry the pork chops. Place in a sealable gallon sized plastic bag.
*Whisk together the barbecue sauce, marmalade and red pepper flakes. Reserve about 1/4 cup of this sauce in the fridge. Add the rest to the bag and manipulate the pork chops so they are all completely covered. Refrigerate from 4 hours to overnight.
*Preheat your grill to medium. Place the chops on the grill.
*NOTE: how long these will take to grill will depend on the thickness of your pork. Pork should, at the very least, be cooked to 145 degrees.
*For thin chops, cook for about 7 to 10 minutes. Turn over. Using a pastry brush, brush the chops with reserved marinade and cook for about another 7 - 10 minutes. Check for doneness and continue to cook if needed.

 

Dirty Deeds

It's that time of year, time to get your hands dirty. And I couldn't be happier.

I always plant my outdoor pots the first weekend in May. I start looking forward to it in March, when we're in that limbo between winter and spring. You know what I mean, the snow is pretty much gone the days are warming up just a bit and it's even lighter out past the early afternoon. There's that hope that spring is right around the corner. BUT, not quite. There could still be a day when a few of those white flakes fall from the sky. And those short sleeve shirts will have to stay in the drawers.

March turns into April and the slow walk towards spring continues. But then April ends and we finally hit that first weekend of May. It was well known, in this part of the country, that once we hit the first weekend in May we were out of jeopardy of there being a frost. So that first weekend, for me, it's full on flower time.

This year I wasn't so sure. We had a week of warm weather in the end of April but then suddenly it was so cold I had to turn the heat back on. On top of that, we were expecting rain for 5 days straight starting on Friday of that first weekend. I'd bought all of my flower but reluctantly stored them in the garage. This may be the first year I'd have to wait. 

Friday came and it warmed up. We had a few rain drops. Saturday came and it was the same, cloudy but no real rain. Sunday morning I baked. Then the sun came out, the air warmed up and that was it. Time to get my hands dirty.

I played in that dirt like I hadn't done it in a year. My fingernails were packed with dirt and my nail beds were crusted in it, but I haven't been this happy since the first weekend in May last year. And when I was done with my dirty little deed? I smiled. Welcome Spring.

on the back deck

between the garage doors

at the front entrance

Another dirty little deed of a completely different sort is also going to make me smile. It starts with potholes. Actually it starts years ago when my boys were in elementary school, and it ends with potholes.

When the boys were in school, it became clear that PurDude had challenges. I was trying to get him help for the tremor and visual spatial issue that resulted in, among other things, his handwriting never having progressed since kindergarden. The school refused to help him, he was so intelligent that his grades actually raised their averages. Why spend money on him?

In my years of fighting to get him the help he needed, one of the things I did was write a letter appealing to each member of the school board. One responded, left a supportive message on my answering machine. Thinking I'd found a partner, I found her number and called her back. She told me that she didn't actually want to talk to me, cutting the conversation short by telling me she was too busy to hear me out, she was having her kitchen remodeled. 

A few years later this same woman had actually been elected mayor of the city. I lived just outside city limits, our area had not been annexed into the city and therefore I could not vote against her.

This year the potholes in the city were . PurDude not only ended up with a flat tire due to the road conditions, but a week later ended up with a bent rim. The city's streets were so bad and the mayor's solution so absurd (in some places dig out the asphalt and leave the roads with just gravel) that there was actually a New York Times article written about it. Oh, and something else, a grassroots movement to impeach the mayor. Yes that same woman who on the board of education didn't care about kids, as the mayor doesn't care about infrastructure.

And guess what this woman did, just two months ago? Yup, she annexed our area into the city proper. Know what that means? 

The group has organized, filed the paperwork, set up a public meeting and have petitions ready. Let me tell you that I cannot sign on the dotted line fast enough. In fact, I'll even bring treats. As I said, before I planted, I baked.

Strawberry Milkshake Shortbreads

The last dirty deed? Staying a Red Sox fan. I am so excited about how the Celtics are doing. And the Bruins. I'd like to say it's an exciting time of year to be a die-hard Boston fan. But then there's the Red Sox and let me just say right now that watching them is excruciating. The good news? They're finally out of last place in the American League East. Last place? My beloved World Series winners had been languishing in last place. I'm a fan, a huge fan, always have been. Grew up with box seats at Fenway Park. 

But this year? Let's just say I'm being sorely tested. In fact, you could say that lately I've been standing on that dirt warning track of Red Sox fandom.

Strawberry Milkshake Shortbreads       
                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe


Ingredients:

2 sticks butter, softened

1 cup powdered sugar

1/4 cup strawberry Nesquick powder

1 1/2 tsp strawberry extract

2 cups flour

red colored sugar

Directions:

*Cream 2 sticks of butter until smooth. Mix in the powdered sugar and strawberry Nesquick powder until just incorporated, then beat in the strawberry extract. Mix in the flour and form into a dough with your hands. Roll into a log, about 14 inches long, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least an hour.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover cookie sheets with parchment paper.

*Remove cookie dough from fridge and cut into 1/4 inch slices. Sprinkle with red colored sugar. Bake for 12 minutes. Allow cookies to cool completely.

No Pants Day, the Dress (or not) Rehearsal

No Pants Day is actually a thing. Not a joke, like people really do it. It's celebrated, yes, in the exact way that you think, on the first Friday in May. The history is a little sketchy, I've read more than one story about its inception, but one that I hear is that it started out at a college university as a way to welcome Spring and to celebrate the end of spring semester. I can remember my college days so I get that, the sheer joy of letting loose and letting off some steam and just being silly when the semester nears its end, spring has finally arrived and summer break is around the corner. But it then caught on and is celebrated in multiple other countries. Explain that.

Personally, I think there is a much more practical reason for the day. It's a baby step. For those not able to comfortably just jump into tomorrow's holiday, World Naked Gardening Day, it's a lead in. Today no pants, tomorrow no . . . ummm  . . . anything. So this is your the dress (or not) rehearsal, tomorrow's the real deal, live audience and all. My thought process is, if you have the balls (well, not necessarily literally) to walk around without any pants on, you're already part way there. Tomorrow all you have to do is lose the top and drop the tidy whities more restrictive accouterments.

Don't panic, no reason to think about tomorrow quite yet, let's just do today. 

Let me just say that as holidays go, I think this one is my spirit animal. It's easier than you think, freeing really. No choosing which pants go with that shirt. No fretting because the pants that go with that shirt are in the wash. No holding your breath to get that top snap snapped (is that just me after a long cold winter?). No worrying about having to politely listen to the whole spiel of that door to door salesman (and probably no worrying about them ever returning to your house again either). No worrying about splitting that back seam bending over to get that blob on the floor or having to pre-treat that stain on your pants leg when batter flies out of the mixer. Pants free baking, that could catch on.

Strawberry Margarita Cake  

 
Now the other part of No Pants Day is that, when you're out and about, you're supposed to pretend that you're unaware that you have no pants on. Speaking as someone who once went to work without realizing that she forgot to put a bra on (further proof that I am not a morning person, btw) until heading, at a rapid speed, downstairs to a meeting, I'm definitely equipped to handle this particular requirement.

Despite the enthusiastic zeal with which I approach celebrating today's "preparation" holiday, I still don't know about tomorrow's World Naked Gardening Day. Not necessarily for the reason you think. It isn't actually the naked part that's stopping me (lie), it's the gardening part. You see, the previous owners of our house planted these beautiful dwarf burning bushes along our walkway. I've got some vulnerable body parts and, well, those bushes have thorns. 

 Before you go, click on this link another No Pants Day celebration: 

Dawn of Spatulas on Parade shares Knock Your Pants Off Orange Cake.

Strawberry Margarita Cake         
                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 cup chopped strawberries
2 TBSP tequila
1 TBSP orange liqueur
3 TBSP sweetened lime juice

1 box yellow cake mix
1 cup water
1 tsp lime zest
1/3 cup oil
3 eggs

1 can (16 oz) vanilla frosting
1 TBSP tequila
2 TBSP orange liqueur

Directions:
*Mix the chopped strawberries with 2 TBSP tequila, 1 TBSP orange liqueur and 3 TBSP sweetened lime juice. Set aside for one hour, mixing now and then.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9 X 13 baking pan.
*Beat the cake mix, water, lime zest, oil and eggs for 2 minutes.
*Drain the strawberries well, reserving the liquid. Set the liquid aside. Mix the strawberries into the cake batter and spread into the prepared pan. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until the center springs back to the touch. Cool completely.
*Pierce the cake all over with a fork. Pour the reserved liquid over the cake and allow to soak in.
*Beat the prepared frosting with the remaining TBSP of tequila and the remaining 2 TBSP of orange liqueur. Spread over the cooled cake.