Monday, March 18, 2013

Fee Schedule

Everyone knows kids are expensive, this is not a revelation. My kids are both teenagers, have part time jobs and don’t contribute to the household. That’s fine, it’s my pleasure to support them until they graduate college (or drop out, but let’s just not go there).

But as kids get older, there are responsibilities they can and should take on. Not just to be a contributing member of the household, but to be prepared to take care of themselves. I’ve recently decided to scrape the “doormat” tattoo off of my forehead and sit the kids down and tell them the following:

Due to inflation (mostly of your egos), I’ve decided that a fee schedule is in order. You’re going to be on your own very shortly and it’s time you understand what that entails. If you decide to pay up, that’s fine. But if you decide that change is in order, even better.


Fee Schedule | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Some things will remain free, let’s start with those:
Having friends over: still free
Access to baked goods: still free
Friends helping themselves to the pantry: still free
Friends helping themselves to the drinks in the basement fridge: still free
Parking for your friends across the street in the vacant lot: still free

I don’t mind having your friends over, in fact I like knowing where you all are. You have the basement to yourselves so you don’t get in my way. I bake to relieve stress and since I do so much of it, someone may as well eat it. So none of this will change.




Crockpot Chocolate Caramel Cake

Crockpot Chocolate Caramel Cake| www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe

Crockpot Chocolate Caramel Cake| www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe


Now on to the new fees:
*Making me come get you for dinner because your headphones are on and you can’t her me call: $1 – each way. Give me a break, you know what time dinner is.
*Picking up your trash and throwing it out when you’ve missed the can and decided to just leave it there: $2 per piece, and you’re taking the Trash and Recycle Bin to the curb that week. . . wear your nose plugs.
*Shutting off a light, TV, Xbox, etc, etc: $3 each time, plus you pay that month’s electric bill. So what if you didn’t use it all, I didn’t use it all either.
*Not cleaning your crumbs off of the counter: $4. Stop right there, using a paper towel instead of a sponge is another $4.
*Leaving a pile of crumbs under your chair at the counter: $4 each day they stay there. Consider it rent, those crumbs take up space.
*Washing my dish after you’ve put your own in the dishwasher leaving mine in the sink: $4 per dish. You’re not alone, Dad’ll be paying this one too.
*Not telling me we’re running low on something until you’ve used it all up: $5 plus the price of gas to go get more.
*Saying you told me something when we both know you didn’t: $6. Continuing to insist that you told me doubles the price. Sorry, I’m not THAT old, I know what you have and haven’t told me.
*Not answering your cell when I call: $7. Each time. And I’ll keep calling, so there’s that . . .
*Taking something of mine and not returning it so I have to go search for it when I need it: $8 per item. And an extra $8 if I think you’ve actually hidden it.
*Sneaking: $9. Anything, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. And yes, Moms do have eyes in the back of their heads so this one could get expensive.
*Friends sleeping over: A flat fee of $10 per kid. An extra $5 if they want bathroom priveleges.
*Answering a question: first time is still free, $25 each additional time I have to answer the same question.
*Entering a bathroom and finding an empty toilet paper roll: $50. Oh yes I can. And I will. I’m the only female in this house and I’ve had enough.
*Being asked to drop everything and make you a grilled cheese when you can easily do it yourself: $100. It may seem steep, but you’re not 2 years old, make yourself a frikken sandwich.

There is no arbitration, negotiation or plea bargaining. I am the Judge and I am the jury. I know this is the United States and you have rights, but what you may not realize is that those rights end at my front door. Which, just so you know, leads in both directions.

Oh, and by the way, to end on a good note: hugs and kisses an “I love yous” are still free, but rejecting any or all (no matter how much money you just had to give me) . . . that’s gonna cost you.

Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics



Crockpot Chocolate Caramel Cake
                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com
Ingredients:
1 package Chocolate Cake Mix
1 package (4 oz) Chocolate instant pudding mix
1 cup sour cream
1 cup water
3 eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup caramel baking chips
1/2 cup mini chocolate chips

Directions:
*Spray crockpot with non-stick spray.
*Mix all ingredients by hand.
*Put into crockpot. Manipulate the mix so it's thicker along the edges of the pot with less in the center, as the edges cook faster.
*Put a paper towel over the crockpot so that the cover holds the towel up under the cover. It shouldn't be anywhere near the cake. This is to keep the condensation from the top from falling into the cake. Check and replace the paper towel every now and then.
*Cook on low for approximately 6 hours. 
*NOTE* times vary depending on the size of your crockpot and differences in heat levels. Keep an eye on it the first time to know how long it will take for you. It's done when the center springs back to the touch. Serve warm.

59 comments:

  1. DANG, awesome idea!!!! I'm going to implement those rules with my teenagers and I'll be able to save enough money to go to Australia in about a week.

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    Replies
    1. A Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do, LOL!

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  2. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Love it!!!
    My 8 year old son has the bedroom closest to the kitchen and I swear, the kid can't hear me call him for dinner, but my daughter, who's room is at the end of the house, can.
    Maybe it's a boy thing?

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    Replies
    1. Wow, 8 is kinda young to be starting that stuff. Get your fee schedule worked out now before it goes too far!

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  3. Genius, Karen...pure genius.
    They won't grumble over student loans in the future...it'll be all about the huge debt they've racked up with mom!

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    Replies
    1. . . . and I'll retire to that Island of mine!

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  4. I am totally printing this out and posting it on the fridge! This applies to my husband as well:)

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    Replies
    1. LOL, I hear ya. Gonna have to open a new bank account!

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  5. Yes. You need to copyright this baby. I need a copy and signatures from my children in blood :) We're having this convo with A. right now. She keeps telling me how much easier it will be when she's "on her own". After I pick myself up off the floor from rolling around and laughing, I stare with that, "have you lost your mind?" look. This fee schedule will definitely come in handy.

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    Replies
    1. I'm both shuddering and secretly looking forward to my boys venturing out on their own for the first time. Can you say "rude awakening"?

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  6. OMG!! My kids are gone, but I am using this for my husband! After all these years, he still can't get the concept of putting new paper on the roll!

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    Replies
    1. Although I wrote this for my kids, quite a few of the comments here are about husbands. . .

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  7. I love it! especially the fee for having headphones on and being unable to hear when being called, the not answering the cell phone fee, the empty toliet paper roll fee (although my son has his own bath, this is classic), the only putting their dish away fee, and and and. Awesome! keep'em coming! :D
    Jae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)


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    Replies
    1. IDK, seems like you can relate to quite a few of them. Your house must be something like mine!

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  8. I can so relate to this -- how about middle of the night phone calls from college?

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    Replies
    1. DO NOT even put that thought in my head!

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  9. oh Karen!!! You are officially my HERO!!!

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    Replies
    1. LOL, thank you, Roshni. I hope you never need a fee schedule in your house, but if you do . . .

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  10. I'm taking notes. I figure I need to learn from you because I'm going to blink & have two teenage boys before I know it. :)

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, that whole "time flies" thing is true. Good to know I can help you be prepared, though!

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  11. Replies
    1. Unfortunately I have a better chance of being rich than of having things change around here.

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  12. Brilliant! And YES! The headphone thing drives me crazy. My husband's just as bad. His office is up on the third floor (attic space) and I have to shout repeatedly like a crazed banshee to get his attention. I've taken to texting them. That works. And if it doesn't, I angry Face Time them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, some of those husbands out there are going to be paying up too!

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  13. This is brilliant. I am definitely stealing this. But, obviously the prices will go up...because...you know...inflation ;)

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    Replies
    1. LOL, just add a zero onto the end of all my fees and you'll be all set!

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  14. I think I am going to have to make a copy of this list and hang it on my 17 yr. old's door. And that cake looks ridiculously good. Stop. I'm trying to diet and I have NOOO willpower LOL!

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    Replies
    1. If you're trying to diet a Crockpot cake is definitely something to stay away from, the whole house smells like chocolate all day long . . .

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  15. Printing this out so I can fold it up and put it in my son's birthday card! Oh and once again you made me hungry with that damn crock pot cake! Darn you and your baking!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Ha. Ha. So strange that our sons share a birthday. And please, even you can throw a few things into a crockpot!

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  16. OHMYGOODNESS. Chocolate? Caramel? The crockpot? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! You're my favorite!

    P.S. I'm printing this fee list and keeping it for when my kids are old enough to read and piss me off ;)

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    Replies
    1. If you have a crockpot you must try this cake. And if you have kids you must hold onto this list!

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  17. Yes, teens are so special aren't they? [insert sarcasm]

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  18. OK, Karen... This was just HYSTERICAL. Oh, and might I add BRILLIANT!! :D

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    Replies
    1. Hysterical AND brilliant, you just made my day. Make that my week. Maybe even my month!

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  19. Very funny Mom!

    Still, I'd take these as a tradeoff - not bad for baked goods they way you do them!

    Access to baked goods: still free
    Friends helping themselves to the pantry: still free
    Friends helping themselves to the drinks in the basement fridge: still free
    Parking for your friends across the street in the vacant lot: still free

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And let me tell you that my kids do NOT appreciate me at all. . .

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  20. Can I steal this for my 9YO?

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  21. Ohhh I like that. I need to make the kids pay me except they don't have money. Any ideas on what to do for that?

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    Replies
    1. Make them do chores, pay them then make them give the money back. LOL!

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  22. This cake looks so yummy! I am just now getting into using my Crock Pot for baking, so I have definitely pinned this one to try. :)

    Thank you for sharing at Marvelous Mondays this week!

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    Replies
    1. Hope you like it. Makes the whole house smell amazing.

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  23. Dear Karen...I hate to say this...and I probably shouldn't but here it goes...I know that your recipe is probably the BomB as with everything I've had the pleasure to read and look at the pretty pictures, but today I'm talking about the best Manifesto I've ever read!!! My friend I'm about to change my name to Karen because I'm printing this, making numerous copies, stand outside my local supermarket and give them away to every single woman "dragging" a teenager I see! I have 1 teen too...well young adult since he just turned 18 and God willing will graduate this coming May! But oh Lord!!! seems like they all suffer from the same thing, LOL..and you want to hear the worse..I have to go through the same thing in a few years because I also have a 4yo!!!! LOL...yeah...shoot me now please, I promise I will come back to read your recipe, but for now I'm spreading the word about this Parent's Manifesto for the Teen Impaired!!! LOL...Hugs, Lizy

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    Replies
    1. Lizy, I cannot tell you how you just made my day. Lately I've been wondering if I can write at all, people seem more interested in the recipes. But you came for a look at the recipe and stayed for the humor. That is a big HUGE score in my book!

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  24. This is such a great article! My daughter is 7 but I think I can use some of these rules now! :) Sometimes it's hard to let go of doing things for your kids, and sometimes it's easier just to do them yourself because you know the drama will be more work than just doing it yourself, but this article reminds us how important it is for our kids to learn to take care of themselves. Thanks for sharing and linking up to Foodie Friends Friday!

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    Replies
    1. You're right, it's so much easier to just do things ourselves, but it ends up being harder in the long run.

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  25. You are my hero and an inspiration for when my adorable and sweet baby girls are teenagers. The fee schedule combined with that cake makes this perhaps the perfect post.

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    Replies
    1. You must try this cake. You'll be drooling all day while it cooks.

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  26. A reasonable fee schedule in my opinion. You may have to collect assets or garnish wages.

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