But as kids get older, there are responsibilities they can and should take on. Not just to be a contributing member of the household, but to be prepared to take care of themselves. I’ve recently decided to scrape the “doormat” tattoo off of my forehead and sit the kids down and tell them the following:
Due to inflation (mostly of your egos), I’ve decided that a fee schedule is in order. You’re going to be on your own very shortly and it’s time you understand what that entails. If you decide to pay up, that’s fine. But if you decide that change is in order, even better.
Some things will remain free, let’s start with those:
Having friends over: still free
Access to baked goods: still free
Friends helping themselves to the pantry: still free
Friends helping themselves to the drinks in the basement fridge: still free
Parking for your friends across the street in the vacant lot: still free
I don’t mind having your friends over, in fact I like knowing where you all are. You have the basement to yourselves so you don’t get in my way. I bake to relieve stress and since I do so much of it, someone may as well eat it. So none of this will change.
Now on to the new fees:
*Making me come get you for dinner because your headphones are on and you can’t her me call: $1 – each way. Give me a break, you know what time dinner is.
*Picking up your trash and throwing it out when you’ve missed the can and decided to just leave it there: $2 per piece, and you’re taking the Trash and Recycle Bin to the curb that week. . . wear your nose plugs.
*Shutting off a light, TV, Xbox, etc, etc: $3 each time, plus you pay that month’s electric bill. So what if you didn’t use it all, I didn’t use it all either.
*Not cleaning your crumbs off of the counter: $4. Stop right there, using a paper towel instead of a sponge is another $4.
*Leaving a pile of crumbs under your chair at the counter: $4 each day they stay there. Consider it rent, those crumbs take up space.
*Washing my dish after you’ve put your own in the dishwasher leaving mine in the sink: $4 per dish. You’re not alone, Dad’ll be paying this one too.
*Not telling me we’re running low on something until you’ve used it all up: $5 plus the price of gas to go get more.
*Saying you told me something when we both know you didn’t: $6. Continuing to insist that you told me doubles the price. Sorry, I’m not THAT old, I know what you have and haven’t told me.
*Not answering your cell when I call: $7. Each time. And I’ll keep calling, so there’s that . . .
*Taking something of mine and not returning it so I have to go search for it when I need it: $8 per item. And an extra $8 if I think you’ve actually hidden it.
*Sneaking: $9. Anything, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. And yes, Moms do have eyes in the back of their heads so this one could get expensive.
*Friends sleeping over: A flat fee of $10 per kid. An extra $5 if they want bathroom priveleges.
*Answering a question: first time is still free, $25 each additional time I have to answer the same question.
*Entering a bathroom and finding an empty toilet paper roll: $50. Oh yes I can. And I will. I’m the only female in this house and I’ve had enough.
*Being asked to drop everything and make you a grilled cheese when you can easily do it yourself: $100. It may seem steep, but you’re not 2 years old, make yourself a frikken sandwich.
There is no arbitration, negotiation or plea bargaining. I am the Judge and I am the jury. I know this is the United States and you have rights, but what you may not realize is that those rights end at my front door. Which, just so you know, leads in both directions.
Oh, and by the way, to end on a good note: hugs and kisses an “I love yous” are still free, but rejecting any or all (no matter how much money you just had to give me) . . . that’s gonna cost you.
Crockpot Chocolate Caramel Cake
1 package Chocolate Cake Mix
1 package (4 oz) chocolate instant pudding mix
1 cup sour cream
1 cup water
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup caramel baking chips
1/2 cup mini chocolate chips
*Spray crockpot with non-stick spray.
*Mix all ingredients by hand.
*Put into crockpot. Manipulate the mix so it's thicker along the edges of the pot and thinner in the center, as the edges cook faster.
*Put a paper towel over the top of the crockpot so that the cover holds the towel up under the cover. It shouldn’t be anywhere near the cake. This is to keep the condensation from the top from falling into the cake. Check and replace the paper towel every now and then.
*Cook on low for approximately 4 hours. *NOTE: times vary depending on the size of crockpot and differences in heat levels. Keep an eye on it the first time to know how long it will take for you. It’s done when the center springs back to the touch.