But what our kids don’t know is that we Moms have a text language too. We also frequently need to communicate quickly, and cryptically.
If you’ve not yet gotten one of these Mom to Mom missives, there’s much you need to know. Not just the meaning of the messages, but the protocol, how you’re expected to respond. So I’ve put together the most commonly used texts you might receive and what action to take when you get one. The fall into two categories.
Good news texts:
TOT – Take One for the Team – this is used when a Mom has plans (yay) and needs the other Mom to spy on host the kids at her house that night.
WOO HOO – With Out Ours, Head On Over – Recipients of this text are either being invited; they’re welcome to come to the sender’s house, but only if they can dump their own kids. Or they’re being taunted (of the “ha, ha” variety).
Responses would be either:
HI – Heading In – mission accomplished, on our way.
or:
DAMN – Dark And Miserable Night – can’t get rid of our kids, tried everything.
NO NO NO – this is the Holy Grail of Mom texts, it means she has a night of NO kids, NO husband and it’s a shout-out to all available for a N O (night out).
Bad news texts:
XO – This is not hugs and kisses, this is Xylophone Overload and is the text of a Mom whose child has a musical instrument (any, not just xylophone) and is about to throw it out the window.
ABCD – This is not the text of a home-schooling Mom, it’s a Mom having an Already Been Chewed Disaster. There is gum stuck somewhere, and this text is often followed by more of the alphabet:
MNOP – Mom Needs Out, Pronto.
General calls for help:
BS – Bring Sugar. It’s the (usually initial) request of a mildly irritated Mom.
Butterscotch Slice and Bake Cookies
It may be followed by:
CRAP – Child Really A Pain – this is an unmistakable cry for help.
If the situation isn’t diffused, this one may come next:
HELP - Have to Escape Little People – this is rarely a text to be ignored.
But if no relief is found, you’ll see a text of last resort:
COW – No, she doesn’t need milk, she’s Climbing Out a Window – this is a Mom who now needs to be talked down from the ledge, literally.
Used by Moms of older kids:
SHIT – Stuck Home, In Trouble – this is the emergency text of a Mom at home (usually with a grounded teen). The recipient of this text is obliged to drop everything and bring chocolate . . . or liquor . . . or chocolate liqueur.
The above is frequently paired with:
BUM – Bring Unused Medication.
And if you get there and no one answers the door, check your phone for this:
BITCHY – Been In The Corner Hiding, Yo.
To which you should answer:
OUCH – Open Up, Comfort’s Here.
Butterscotch Slice and Bake Cookies
©www.BakingInATornado.com
1/2 stick butter, softened
1/2 stick margarine, softened
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 tsp vanilla
1 egg
1 3/4 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup Butterscotch baking chips
1/4 cup toffee baking chips
Directions:
* Cream butter, margarine, sugar, brown sugar and vanilla.
*Beat in egg. Mix in flour, salt and baking soda.
*Add in the butterscotch and toffee baking chips.
*Roll into a log, wrap in plastic and refrigerate one hour (or up to 3 days).
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease 2 cookie sheets.
*Slice the log into approximately 30 cookies.
*Bake for about 12 minutes.
HaHa!! Love this! Especially the texts used by moms of older kids; 'Been In The Corner Hiding, Yo' ! Epically awesome, and eerily accurate ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, I know. Been there, done that!
DeleteStill doin it!
DeleteTee-hee... HELP!
ReplyDeleteI love these.
Don't forget them, you may need to use them, especially that HELP one!
DeleteThank Gawd my kids are old enough now that I have many more WHOO HOO nights!!!
ReplyDeleteLucky you, looking forward to more of those days.
DeleteHysterical! Just so you know I am sending out the HELP followed by the COW pronto! The COW is going to go so well for me since it's a monsoon here today but I'm getting desperate!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I get desperate. Why do you think my liquor cabinet stays stocked?
DeleteI love them!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jenn, I bet you can think of a few that would come in handy.
DeleteThat was awesome! Why would you want to write it out though then the kids are all gonna know! hahaha What's funny is that my parents started to text....and well in the beginning my mom would type/text and then at the end she'd go "ok bye" ...well when we text we don't normally end the conversation like a phone call but she did...now that's ALL my parents do is text....they don't even CALL me anymore LOL ....which is kinda great at times ....weird how our times have changed...I wonder what's gonna happen for the grandkids!!! ok..lets not think that far ahead =p
ReplyDeleteHow funny is that, assuming my kids would actually read my blog. Nope, all secrets are safe here, LOL!
DeleteI had no idea and I've probably been sending out the wrong messages for a long time!! :P
ReplyDeleteI need to pin this for future reference!!
So glad to have been of assistance, LOL.
DeleteThese are hysterical and I am so glad that I have my very own text decoder!! Sweet!
ReplyDelete¤´¨)
¸.•*´
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
www.raising-reagan.com
I think you're just about at the point where you're gonna need these.
DeleteI will never look at "BITCHY" the same way again, as it is obviously a cry for help! I think I've been BITCHY for the last 8 years.
ReplyDeleteJae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)
I think I've had my share of BITCHY for quite a while, too!
DeleteFunny stuff!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Adding laughter to a day, mission accomplished.
DeleteKaren! I have such a thing for acronyms! I loved this. All of my girls are getting a briefing on what "HELP" really means. Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteYes, all friends should know what "HELP" really means, LOL!
DeleteLove the texts, but the recipe makes me happier! My favorite Aunt used to bake these cookies for me when I was a little girl (approximately 1.5 centuries ago :) ) Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you try them, Pam. We love them.
DeleteOh my this was hilarious! I"m sharing this with all my Mom-friends! We have young kids but a lot of these still apply! Thank you! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSo happy that you liked it. Send all your Mom friends over. After all, we all need to be able to understand each other, right?
DeleteCOS- Children over shoulder, that's for when you're sexting your hubby. ;)
ReplyDeletePerfect contribution. We may have to write a second post. . .
DeleteI say we start an Urban Dictionary: Mom Edition :)
ReplyDeleteFunny you said that, I've been working on the logistics of a project like that. Great minds think alike . . .
DeleteThis is SO funny!! I'm the mom of one left at home, age 14. God help me!!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great list and going to get all the moms I know over here to read it. They will love it!!
Visiting via the bloghole blog hop. Great to meet you and can't wait to come back. Following all your channels.
Penny at Green Moms and Kids
http://greenmomsandkids.wordpress.com
Thanks for visiting Penny, glad you liked my Mom texting tips. All of your friends are welcome, of course. I've visited your site as well!
DeleteYou need to sell this to Hallmark! Seriously hilarious! I can't remember the last time I talked instead of texted. It seems so exhausting. LOL!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mondaysnugget.com/
Ha Ha, doubt hallmark would be interested, but all Moms should read and implement for sure!
DeleteHi! I'm visiting from the Bloghole Bloghop! I'm a new blogger and am absolutely loving it!
ReplyDelete-Queen Mommy
MommyTrying2SurviveMonday
www.mt2sm.blogspot.com
So glad you're enjoying blogging. It's so much fun, but also quite a bit of work. I do love the connections I've made with other bloggers. I wish you luck.
DeleteThis is SOOOOOO funny Karen! I love the way you think. I love that I never know what your next post will look like (other than the delicious recipe part). Another homerun lady! XOXO (both kinds!)
ReplyDeleteI always feel badly that your comments make me laugh more than my posts. XO (only one kind, no musical instruments in my house)!
Deleteabsolutely loved this... slu
ReplyDeletePerhaps you'd like to write one from the male perspective?
DeleteAbsolutely LOVE this and have already alerted my friends! Not only are you funny, but you feed me, too!?
ReplyDeleteSo glad to have amused you, and fed you!
Delete+ BC -- bring chocolate. :)
ReplyDeleteWorks for me. Let's add it to the list!
DeleteThis is great, Karen! Bitchy and Ouch were my favorite! I'd like to add one more that I certainly need---especially after tonight with my cranky, 17 yr. old: BAN--Bring Alcohol Now! No, really, I need a shot of something right now...he is driving me bat shit crazy! At least you got me to laugh tonight!
ReplyDeleteLOL, I like your BAN. I think if I put all my comments together I'll end up with enough ideas for a second post.
DeleteHaha! This is too funny. I don't have kids but can understand the need for these code words!
ReplyDeleteI really loved menopausal mama's suggestion of BAN - Bring Alcohol Now!
Enjoy the weekend!
Phil
www.blog.theregularguynyc.com
I've had some great contributions. Should have talked to some friends before I published this piece! Thanks for stopping by again!
DeleteCOW COW COW! Ha. You have to read my last texting code from our special project. I think you will love it. These were great Karen. NO NO NO is probably my favorite...When can I really use it? My family might need a small vacay without me so I can send that one out.
ReplyDeleteNo climbing out the window, I'm too far away to catch you!
DeleteHilarious! Thanks for sharing the lingo. I had no idea!
ReplyDeleteGlad you laughed. Hope you never need the texts, but if you do now you know where to find them!
Delete