Friday, November 15, 2013

Secret Subject Swap: ER Story

 
Welcome to another Secret Subject Swap. This week 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
 
SSS Take 2
 
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
 
 
My subject is Write a post in which you use the following words at least one time:  Emergency Room, splint, blood sample, roller skates, helmet, crowd, guy with a neck tattoo. It was submitted by Moms Don't Say That. Here goes:
 
This is a true story. Or a semi-mostly-pretty-much true story, which is the only kind of story I tell.
 
About 10 years ago I decided I wanted roller blades. Not roller skates, that would be for a slightly more sane person. No, I wanted roller blades. And arm and knee pads because I’m not totally insane, just semi-wackadoodle.
 
For my birthday my husband went to a sporting goods store and bought me a pair. I tend to be fairly coordinated and at 5 feet tall have a low center of balance, but I did not do as well on them as I thought. I could start and I could go, but the stop thing was an issue. In the street in front of our house I could just run up onto the lawn, so that wasn’t really a problem when I first started out.
 
At the time, we lived down the street from a park with wide open parking lots and trails around a lake and I thought it would be fun to practice there. It turns out lots of people would roller blade there and I’d ask the ones who seemed to know what they were doing to show me how to stop. While stopping for me consisted of hitting the ground, they actually could use those rear break pad thingies. No matter what I tried, it just seemed like my skates were so much faster than everyone else’s, but in reality I think it was that they were in control of their skates where clearly my skates were showing me who was boss. Well, my skates and that pesky ground gravel. They were double teaming me.
 
One day a friend, who happened to be an Emergency Room nurse, and who also happened to be extremely athletic, asked if I wanted to go roller blading on the paths by the lake while the kids were in school. We met in our skates and protective gear at the entrance to the park closest to her house, not where I usually enter. The first thing she wanted to know was why I didn’t have a helmet. I told her I tried but couldn’t find one to fit my A$$, which was the body part most frequently slamming into the concrete. My preference was to attach a pillow to my butt but hadn’t yet found a way to get it to stay there, so wrist and knee pads was it.
 
That entrance to the park was at the bottom of a short hill. Perfect for a woman who doesn’t know how to use her brakes. Of course I fell . . . yes, before we even got into the park . . . skinned both palms and left a little blood sample on the sidewalk.
 
I think my friend was reconsidering, but I assured her that once on the paths I’d be fine. I got tripped up a few times by pebbles both real and imagined but all in all kept just enough blood in my veins to sustain life. Winning.
 
There are many paths around the lake and the one we were on was new to me. So imagine my surprise when we hit the end of the path where a huge steep hill went straight down into the parking lot. On the other side of the parking lot is a lake, but I don’t even want to think about that. This hill was huge. Did I say huge? Oh, it was huge. And steep.
 
I started down trying my best to use my brakes but it was having no impact. I tried going side to side like on my snow skis but the path was only 2 feet wide, way too small to make turns. So straight down I went.
 
Bent at the waist (no idea why), arms waving and skate wheels turning so fast I swear they were throwing up sparks, I rolled through the entire first parking lot at the speed of light, somehow veered myself to the right (thought I was gonna go into the lake, didn’t you?) down a short stretch of concrete to a second parking lot, through that whole parking lot and finally straight onto a patch of grass where I less-than-graciously smashed down onto my unhelmeted (and now permanently flattened) rear end.
 
Of course a crowd gathered around the stunned genius with the broken A$$, and amongst the onlookers was the answer to the mystery of why everyone else was so much better at controlling their roller blades than I was. As my friend was trying to assess my ability to move, I overheard a guy with a neck tattoo ask his friend a very revealing question: “if she doesn’t know how to skate, what the hell is she doing using racing wheels?” 

Racing wheels? Holy hell, I've got racing wheels?
 
My friend wanted to take me to the Emergency Room. I didn’t want to go but I knew the quickest way out of this embarrassing situation would be to let her get her car and drive me out of there. I intended to dedicate my life to making sure I never had to see anyone in that particular crowd ever again.
 
In the ER they tried to take a blood sample but I insisted that I’d given all the blood I could spare for one day. I waited in a curtained room for hours because, of course, a broken butt isn’t high on the emergency priority list. But eventually a Doctor came in carrying a splint (for my A$$?). I recognized him immediately . . . kill me now. . .  the guy with a neck tattoo. He didn’t just come in with a splint though, he came in with an ultimatum: he could fit me for a butt splint and I could keep on skating, or I just might want to consider taking up baking.
 
By the way, as of the next morning my husband was no longer the beneficiary of my life insurance policies. And before he bought me any future “gifts”, I made sure he knew it.
 
 
Peanut Butter Cup Cookies - bakinginatornado.com
Peanut Butter Cup Cookies
 
 
Bakinginatornado.com
 
Peanut Butter Cup Cookies
                            ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
                                                                   
Ingredients:
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
1 cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
¾ cup baking cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
48 mini Reese’s cups
 
Directions:
*Cream the butter, margarine, both sugars and the vanilla. Mix in the flour, baking cocoa, baking soda and salt. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for one hour.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roll dough into approximately 48 ¾ inch balls. Bake on ungreased cookie sheets for 12 minutes.
*As soon as they come out of the oven, push a mini Reese’s cup into the center of each cookie.
*Allow to cool on the cookie sheets for 3 minutes. Remove carefully and allow to cool completely.

42 comments:

  1. YILES!!! I hope this was mostly made up!!! LOL
    TOO funny but TOO painful!
    I tried roller blades a couple of weeks ago... I didn't let go of The Hubby and after about 10 seconds I took them off. ;)

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    1. No, it was mostly true. Had to work in a man with a neck tatoo and didn't go to the ER, but the rest is all fact!

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  2. Oh-oh, quite a day ;-)
    So now we know all about your early days as a baking queen! Your cookies look yummy.
    PS: what happened with your racing wheels?

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    1. The racing wheels are still on the roller blades, but I stay on flat ground and near lawns now. At least you could say that I learned my lesson. . .

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  3. Awesome funny! Damn, you can spin a story. Why is it always so hysterical when someone ELSE is a klutz?

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    1. I can tell you for a fact I was NOT laughing when looking down that huge hill. I still have nightmares about that hill.

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  4. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I had completely forgotten what prompts I submitted and I when I saw this one I giggled I was so excited :) I have several true stories involving all those words but I also used to play roller derby so it wasn't a stretch. Loved your post and will definitely need to make those cookies for my workmates.

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    1. Ha ha, didn't realize you had been in a roller derby. Now I'm even more embarrassed!

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  5. Love this! I have ZERO sense of blance, and never learned a few things that require it. I did learn to roller skate (not roller blade) when I was a pre-teen, on sidewalk. Thought I got it, so went to skate night at the roller rink with my school. Roller rink floor = completely different. I never went again.

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    1. LOL, I used to take my kids roller skating and I loved using my roller blades there because it was a flat wooden floor, all I had to do was go in circles and avoid others (which I could mostly do without brakes), way easier for me!

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  6. That was an entertaining story. You have to be careful on those roller blades :).

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    1. Yes I do, and stay far away from hills, steep or otherwise.

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  7. I wouldn't know that I had racing wheels either but after the blood samples I would hope someone would point that out too! LOL Great take on the prompt as always Karen!! :)

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    http://raising-reagan.com

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    1. I have to admit I sure wished someone had told me sooner!

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  8. I'm not sure what was true or untrue but I don't even care b/c that was hilarious!!! I remember roller blading. However, I did sorta know how to stop and I never wore a helmet. Great story!!!

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    1. I SO envy anyone and everyone who got to enjoy roller blading having learned how to stop. I bet it's much more fun that way, LOL.

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  9. I tried once to roller blade. After an unfortunate meeting with the mailbox, I quickly gave it up.

    This story.......HILARIOUS! Sorry, but I totally pictured it and laughed....a lot....

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  10. oh me oh my, sitting here shaking my head. All the while I'm thinking "you know you can adjust the wheels" LOL
    Racing wheels and a butt splint, oh yeah, that's how you roll. LOL pun intended :)
    Dawn
    Spatulas On Parade

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    1. Never learned how to adjust the wheels but I did learn to stay off of steep hills!

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  11. Haha! This is great! And yes, I totally thought you were going to end up in the lake :) And why don't they make helmets for your a$$? I'm sure there's a huge market (hmm, was that a pun?).

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    1. I honestly thought I was going to end up in the lake too, not really sure how I got the skates turned onto that sidewalk when I was going that fast but somehow I did. Don't need to tell you that I haven't been back to that hill since.

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  12. Karen, this story is hilarious! I laughed so hard. My favorite part is the dude with the tattoo, his comment at the park was pure gold, but then he reappears as your doctor at the hospital. I love this, and I laughed non-stop at your expense. :D

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    1. Like so many other stories, they're way funnier years later than they are when we're suffering (and I mean that both physically and emotionally) through them

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  13. Ouch this sounds painful even for a semi true story! Funny though!

    Ass splint for a broken but!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    I think taking up baking was a wise choice!

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    1. Unfortunately the painful part was the true part. Yes, funny now, but not so much then.

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  14. Loved it! The only time I ever tried roller blades I did great, except for stopping. You are not alone. I will start saying I had racing wheels, make myself feel better. ;)

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    1. Ha ha, glad to give you a useful excuse to use.

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  15. Oh geez...I spewed coffee at the butt splint! I bet it seemed like a perfectly normal sport at the time, didn't it?
    Mantra of my life:
    Exercise...ex•er•cise...eggs•are•sides...eggs are sides for bacon...exercise=eating bacon

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    1. I kinda like where your mind went on that whole exercise thought. I may need to type that up and paste it to my fridge.

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  16. This story is hysterical! Painful..but hysterical! And I LOVE that you wanted roller blades in adulthood - that is awesome (not semi-wackadoodle)! So glad that this story didn't end in the lake! Drooling over that cookie by the way :)

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    1. Believe me when I tell you that no one was happier (or more surprised) that I didn't end up in the lake than me!

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  17. Awesome story, but for your 'broken butt.' I had a great visual all the way through to your 'landing.' Ha!!! I hate Life Insurance Policies, even though I do have one. Makes me feel like I have a target on my back. lol

    Enjoyed, Slu

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    1. Yeah, apparently I had a target on my back and didn't even know it, LOL.

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  18. That story was so funny Karen. I thought you was going to end up in the middle of that lake swimming with roller blades, ha ha ha ha. Maybe you should put a couple of stabilizers on the end of your roller blades - like what the kids have on their bikes to keep them from falling off it :)

    Now just in case you still have those blades hanging around trying to entice you to get back on them, remember that as you get older, your bones are not as tough, need I say more........

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    1. Youch. I think that last comment hurt as much as all those scrapes and bruises.

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  19. I loved this story, too funny. I have never been able to learn how to roller blade.

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    1. Yeah, I'm not sure this story really qualifies me as having learned either, to tell you the truth. But you can't say I didn't try.

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  20. I love how you got "guy with a neck tattoo" in there TWICE!! And with such a cool twist!

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    1. So funny, had to change the story a bit to fit it in, but I did it.

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  21. So how can we become part and any new challenges? Thank you
    http://batteredhope.blogspot.com

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    1. I sent you an email about the new word challenge. If you want email explanations of any of the other challenges, let me know.

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