Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Hair by USPO

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury {{said in my very best Perry Mason voice – and if you don’t know who that is, your loss}}:

It is my assertion that the United States Post Office owes me a dye job.

And I intend to prove that to you today. Beyond any reasonable doubt.

I’ll lay out the facts of this case, but first let me present Plaintiff Exhibit A: formerly naturally auburn highlighted curly brown locks now the color of stainless steel.

Hair By USPO | www.BakingInATornado.com


And who is responsible? The US Post office.

Let’s go back to the beginning. It started where it ends, with the sound of a car in the driveway. When I got downstairs and opened the front door the car was gone but in my door was a birthday card mailed from my mom to my son. OK, sometimes mail goes to the wrong place, so glad those people were honest.

Then the magazines started arriving. Apparently all neighborhood magazines were to be delivered to my mailbox for distribution. I’m not sure why, I didn’t get the memo, but once a month neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night would stay me from the swift completion of my appointed rounds.

Then, ladies and gentlemen, came the onslaught of  registered letters. The first one was from the elementary school informing me of an IEP meeting for my son that I had missed. The second was cancelation of our homeowners’ policy for non-payment of our bill.

I never received the original letter from the school. Nor the homeowner’s bill. And getting that reinstated cost us. Quite a bit.

This went on and on and on. Grey hairs were arriving in chunks as I dealt with the late fees for unpaid bills that I never received and at one point we had to have a “stop payment” put on a birthday check sent by my family (that ultimately arrived 6 weeks later).

I contacted the USPO via their website, laid out the issues and requested assistance. This is proof that the plaintiff, in good faith, attempted to initiate a dialogue to remedy the situation outside the purview of the courts.

USPO contacted our local office who were as happy about addressing the situation as I was about not getting my mail. The called my home and berated me for contacting their site. Then, every time I was out front playing with the kids and the mailman would drive by, he’d slow down the truck, look at me and shake his head “no”. Harassment, plain and simple.

The next time I went to get my mail there was a piece of paper with nothing but a red “X” on it taped inside the mailbox. When I inquired I was told that this is the official solution to mail issues. It reminds the mailman to double check before putting it into the mailbox.

Huh?

Last week my husband had to go to our auto insurance agent’s office to get a copy of the insurance card for our new car in order to get the car registered. The company had sent us the original but it never arrived.

And regularly I’d get random mail meant for people all over the neighborhood and even all over the city. It wasn’t just me, of course, neighbors would regularly bring pieces of my mail to me as well. It was like the mailmen threw the mail up in the air, grabbed a handful of whatever landed on the ground and stuck it in whatever mailbox they wanted. In fact, I’m fairly certain that the only mail I haven’t gotten is the White House’s. But there’s still time.

Guess that red “X” wasn’t doing it’s magic.
{{What? Argumentative? Sorry, withdrawn.}}

About 6 months ago we got a new mailman. I found out one day while in the kitchen, which is in the back of the house, happily making Karen's Quiche when I heard a screech out front.


Karen's Quiche | www.BakingInATornado.com

Karen's Quiche | www.BakingInATornado.com

Karen's Quiche



Concerned, I raced to the front of the house in time to see the mail truck stopped in the street. A mailman I didn’t recognize threw the truck into reverse and jetapulted up my driveway to within inches of my garage door. Apparently this is how they now deliver packages. When he left there was rubber from his tires on the driveway, on the street and he had run over my lawn. And I had gone completely grey.

Let me just interject here: I know the respondent will bring up and I do freely stipulate the fact that my boys have been giving me grey hair for years now. Pretty much since I made the mistake of teaching them how to talk. But as culpable as they may be, it’s always been just a grey here and there, easily dispatched with my tweezers. It’s possible I have a little bald spot but it’s nothing a little comb-over can’t handle. Right, Donald?

To this day the new mailman races up my street, one with a school around the corner by the way, like a race car driver. And each time we have a package he launches that truck up our driveway all the way to the garage door. Twice now I’ve met him at the door and asked him to stay off of our driveway (and our lawn) but unfortunately he doesn’t speak English.

Your Honor, I request immediate adjudication. I request, no I demand indemnification. I am owed restitution for any and all trips to the hairdresser. And if the jury, in its infinite wisdom, chooses to add punitive damages, I’m cool with a mani/pedi too.

Baking In A Tornado

How far would my boys go not to eat quiche? Read Quiche and Monkey Bribe . . . I mean bread.


Karen's Quiche
                                                                           ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
1/3 cup walnuts
1 cup flour
1 stick butter, softened
1 tsp sugar
1/8 tsp salt
1 TBSP hazelnut creamer

1 TBSP flour
4 slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup broccoli, cooked and coarsely chopped
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar
1/2 cup shredded mozarella
5 eggs
1 cup milk
1/4 cup water
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 TBSP Italian seasoning
 
Directions:
*Place walnuts in food processor and process until fine.
*In a quiche dish, place the flour, walnuts, butter, sugar and salt. Start to work it together with your hands, mashing the other ingredients into the butter. Once it starts to come together, add the creamer and continue to work with your hands until it forms a dough ball. Press into and up the sides of your quiche pan making a crust.
*Cover with plastic wrap. Gently press the wrap so it's touching the crust both on the bottom and sides. Place crust into fridge for one hour.
*When ready to cook, preheat oven to 375 degrees.
*Whisk the eggs, milk, water, salt, pepper and Italian seasoning.
*Remove crust from fridge and sprinkle 1 TBSP flour over the crust. Sprinkle half of the bacon over the crust, followed by half of the onion, half of the broccoli, half of the cheddar, half of the mozzarella. Repeat layers with the other half of the ingredients.
*Gently pour in the egg mixture.
*Bake for 50 minutes. Remove from oven. Allow to stand for 5 to 10 minutes before cutting.

20 comments:

  1. O-M-G, you had me laughing out loudly at the office!!
    You definitely have a case there.
    The only thing I would argue if I was the USPS's attorney: "you were playing with WHAT Kids out front?"
    I think you should become the USPS CEO and clean up that organization. Assess prospective mailpeople for reading and driving skills, and of course attitude. Once you're done, carry on with the Swiss post office. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, whenever I was out playing with MY kids out front. We have a basketball hoop, skateboards, I used to rollerblade with them, pogo stick, sidewalk chalk . . .

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  2. I'm totally hungry right now so I'm really wishing I had something like a quiche handy. Do you have any left? :)

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, all gone. But I can easily make another one . . .

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  3. What a coincidence! I needed a good "belly rolling" laugh this morning! And I pulled your name and you are going to be receiving the book by Holly Gerth, What your heart needs for the hard Days. Thank you for coming by my blog and leaving a comment. Now about your mail carrier... maybe he needs a batch of cookies??? LOL

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  4. You should see the gray hair I got from my kids. But you can't, because I cover it up pronto! lol I haven't made quiche in so long because my kids won't eat it, but I used to make it regularly and my husband and I LOVE it! I'm not kidding, the other day I was thinking about making one. Now I'm gonna do it. Thanks for the recipe Karen. Sounds good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I've got my share of grey too. My kids, as you can tell, aren't responsible for all of them, though.

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  5. Can I say that I hate the post office? Oh well, I just did. Our mail regularly gets delivered to assorted neighbors, and theirs to us. Is it really that hard? And they wonder why they are going bankrupt. Have to make that quiche - it looks so good!

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  6. WOW!! That is CRAZY!!! We've had some really great mail carriers and then we have had some reallllly bad ones. I called and called and called to complain but nothing ever happened. We had to move to get away from the terrible ones. LOL Drastic, I know, but it worked. ;)

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    Replies
    1. LOL, I may need to resort to that too! Genius!

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  7. You are awesome!!! Do you know how many people you have cheered up with this post??? I am visiting from Great-full Dazeez and am going back to your blog now to find that 'follow' button!!!

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    Replies
    1. I've just recently connected with Greatfull Dazee. Love all these new friends.

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  8. I was riveted by both your story and the quiche. What a dilemma! I didn't know which to concentrate on first!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, never thought I'd be creating such a dilemma!

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  9. It sounds like USPS isn't doing there job in your neighborhood. Great post! You had me laughing all the way through it. Love the quiche!

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    Replies
    1. Nope, not even close to doing their job. And unfortunately it's costing us.

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  10. Glad you have found a way to laugh about these frustrations!!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, at this point I guess I can either laugh or cry.

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