Tuesday, September 3, 2013

She Who Microwaves

Today’s piece is a Guest Post. Guest Posts are a rarity around here, in 14 months of blogging this is only the third one I’ve published. But like Menopausal Mother’s A Visit, A Cake and Rum and Outsmarted Mommy’s Escape from Sick Island, posts by The Sadder But Wiser Girl are always a sweet treat.

By way of introduction, let me say that Sarah is the hostess, waitress, chef, sous chef and busboy at The Sadder But Wiser Girl. Yes, she can do it all. Well, except the dishes. Sarah has ADD, Anxiety and an aversion to washing dishes by hand (BTW, I’m with her on that last one). She blogs with humor and honesty about her husband Evil Genius, her daughter the Princess, and her son The Professor. In her spare time you can find her on Facebook and Twitter.

So I’m going to put you into Sarah’s capable hands. Enjoy!


Karen B has been there from the beginning. Early in my blogging career I kept seeing references to some tornado lady. Curiosity got the best of me and I finally went over and checked out her blog. I started following her because, what’s not to like – great stories with a recipe to go along with every one! Because I’m nosey, I started asking about all of these fun looking things she had created, the Secret Subject Swap and the Fly on the Wall, and now I participate in them every month! I’m excited to be guest posting for her today – I even included my own recipe to be more like Karen!

142 (G16) - microwave
Where the magic happens

A few years ago, back before Facebook and Twitter and all of that jazz, a friend of mine and I were emailing each other back and forth. She was delighted about the fact that she had recently had some success using her gas grill. She told me in detail about her accomplishment, and signed it “She Who Cooks With Fire”.

I shot back an email congratulating her on her grilling talent, and let her know that I had also had some culinary success that week when I cooked Easy Mac. I signed it “She Who Microwaves”.

I’ve just never been a great cook. I’d just as soon eat Lean Cuisine or have pasta with tomatoes and cheese on it every night. Early in our marriage we lived on frozen food. We were young and busy and didn’t have much time to care. My husband is a lover of all that is fast and frozen so it wasn’t really a stretch for him to eat all of that stuff.

Now I have children and we haven’t seen all that great of a time in the financial department so I’ve had to try to make things from scratch to help stretch the budget. But cooking from scratch requires skills like planning and time organization. As a person with ADD, those skills as a general rule, do not even come close to being in my vocabulary. It’s also a fact that one of my two kids would take a frozen breaded chicken patty over one of my homemade concoctions any day.

I’ve had a little success in the kitchen, but a lot of things that maybe we should just keep between the two of us, k?

Like my homemade pizza rolls – they were good in theory. They were simple: A recipe for whole wheat pizza dough combined with a different recipe for pizza filling. What could go wrong? They were just that – WRONG. Ironically, my son who lives on all things breaded ate the crap out of them. The rest of us were not really all that impressed.

Yet their dad can walk into a kitchen, take something out of the refrigerator, sprinkle (man) pixie dust on it and it’s GOOD. Often more like amazing. However one must keep in mind that my husband’s cooking is something that only occurs once in a while. It’s always special when he does it.

Just like Karen, I thought I’d include one of my very favorite recipes! It’s very tricky, I so hope that you are able to follow all of the complicated instructions.

El Bolsillo de Caliente 

You will need a microwave, a plate and a package of Hot Pockets.
1. Open the freezer.
2. Find the Hot Pocket.
3. If you can’t find the Hot Pocket, go to the store.
4. Open the box and take the wrappers off the Hot Pockets (THIS PART IS VERY IMPORTANT!)
5. Slide the Hot Pockets into their little sleeping bags.
6. Put the Hot Pockets in the microwave. Microwave for 3 minutes and 30 seconds, even though that seems like a weird period of time.
7. Eat with caution. Don’t eat the sleeve, even if you are very hungry.

I’ve also included a dessert made for me with “something”. I sure don’t think it was love, but it’s my husband’s recipe, you be the judge . . .

142 (G16) - Recipe

Sarah Almond is a recovering vegetarian and reluctant homemaker who writes the highly unsuccessful blog The Sadder But Wiser Girl.

142 (G16) - Sarah

If it weren’t for her microwave, her family surely would have starved by now. You can read stories about her cooking calamities and other ADD adventures at: The Sadder But Wiser Girl.


  1. Sarah, the Evil Genius is evil ... he's telling us with the recipe above to use 4 cups of CRACK in these pb bars ... No damned wonder you eat them in 2 days ... LOL

  2. Ah. Two of my faves in one place, just can't go wrong with that!

  3. I agree with what Ashley said--my favorite gals on one site! Oh Sarah, this is priceless--you had me laughing the whole way. But there IS another name for those Hot Pockets that both you and Karen know about...hahahaha!!! Absolutely LOVED this post, Ladies! XO

    1. Yes and I wish you had reminded me about "Crap Pockets" earlier! HA HA! ;-)

    2. I will never EVER live that down. Still giggle when I think of it!

  4. Replies
    1. I think that's a compliment! :-) Thanks Amanda Dearest!

  5. Any meal that's done in less than 4 minutes is my kind of meal :D Great recipe Sarah LOL

    1. Sometimes I miss those days when I could just throw in a hot pocket for dinner and call it good! HA HA! Thanks!

  6. I'm so happy to know the secret formula of 3 min 30 seconds!! That speaks of a geek brain, alright!! :D

  7. Hmmmm.....I just might have to move in with Sarah. This lady knows her way around a microwave!

    1. That depends-do you mow lawns and fix things? That might be worth its weight in gold these days-Evil Genius is very tired!

  8. Replies
    1. Thanks Dawn, Sarah's a great blogging friend and this was such a fun post.

  9. Flippin' hilarious fun!
    By the way, where the heck was Sarah when I was still selling Pampered Chef products? I was the queen of microwaveable products and recipes!

    1. I just love Sarah's sense of humor. Her cooking skills, maybe not so much. . .

    2. I probably didn't have any money so it wouldn't have mattered! HA HA!

  10. OMG...I just can't stop flipping laughing woman...BWHAHAHAHA...I wonder if someone actually tried to eat paper or microwaved the plastic. This is great.

    1. I KNOW! I suppose there are people out there who might??? Thanks for coming over to read today Karen!

  11. Ah the good old days of microwave meals. I lived on weight watchers chicken pot pie when I was young and single. Damn these little people and their insistence that they eat every damn day!! Brilliant job ladies, glad you chose Sarah as your guest Karen.


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