A fly on the wall would have seen me learning a heart stopping lesson about trusting these aging eyes.
Of course I wear neither my contacts nor my glasses when I shower.
One morning, half asleep, I stuck my hand in the shower to turn the water on and jumped back, screaming, at the sight of the big spider on the shower floor.
I ran into the bedroom and tried to breathe.
I was home alone so I went back into the bathroom and the thing hadn’t moved at all. And it was a little weird looking too. Maybe it was dead. I forced myself to look closer.
Nope, it wasn’t dead. It was a piece of thread.
Ever have this happen to you?
College Boy was coming home and I decided to bake for him and his friends. I spent the day working in the kitchen and was heading upstairs when I saw that I had a huge bruise on my arm.
Of course these things don’t hurt until you’re aware of them, then suddenly once you can see it, you also can feel it.
I was feeling sorry for myself and doing my best not to accidentally bang that arm on anything for the rest of the afternoon.
So imagine my surprise when I finally figured out that it was actually chocolate and washed it right off. Guess it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it did.
PurDude had texted me one day and said he was going to call that day for a video chat. I waited and waited but he never called.
The next afternoon he called.
PurDude: Sorry I didn’t call last night, Mom, I was stuck at Walmat all night.
Me: What do you mean you were stuck at Walmart all night?
PurDude: Well, I took the bus to Walmart with some friends. After we shopped we got a sub from the sub shop in the store. We didn’t realize that the busses would stop running.
Me: OK, what did you do?
PurDude: We called a cab. They said it would take 40 minutes but it never came. We kept calling but it took hours to finally get a cab.
Me: Well, I guess you learned to check the bus schedule.
PurDude: No, we learned to call for a cab earlier.
Imagine my surprise and excitement when I saw this notification in my Twitter feed:
Imagine my disappointment when I clicked on his profile and found that it’s another person with the same name.
PurDude added Google Analytics to my blog before he left for college. Google Analytics is just plain wrong and I can prove it, but that’s another story for another time.
I got an email from them about information I can find right in my blogger account so I’m not sure why they sent it, but one of their little nuggets was about the search terms people typed into Google that ultimately took them to my blog. One of them was “depantsed her son.”
Just for the record, I have never depantsed my son, either one. I certainly never wrote about it and I don’t really even think it’s a word. I may have to sue for defamation of character.
Angry Owls
Hubs cannot do an errand without calling me at least once. This is the start of a normal phone conversation for Hubs and I:
Cell phone rings and I answer: Hello?
Hubs: You answered your phone!
Me: I always answer my phone, why is it that you’re always so surprised.
Hubs: Well, sometimes it takes a few rings.
Me: Sometimes I’m busy, but I always answer my phone.
Hubs: Ok, next time I won’t be surprised.
Next time my cell phone rings:
Me: Hello?
Hubs: You answered your phone!
Friday night after dinner I see hubs searching the kitchen, clearly on a mission. He looks on the counter, in the pantry, and has both the fridge and the freezer open.
Me: Can I help you, what are you looking for?
Hubs: Didn’t you bake anything?
Yes, folks, with PurDude gone and College Boy in and out, I haven’t been baking quite as much. Apparently Hubs will need an adjustment period.
I have to admit that I have a bit of a mean streak. But I laugh EVERY night when this happens:
After dinner I do the dishes and hubs pulls the trash bag out of the trash compactor and puts it into the can in the garage. Then he goes and gets another bag (we just use regular large plastic trash bags in the compactor) out of the pantry to put into the compactor.
He cannot open those large plastic trash bags. Every night he tries to separate one side, turns the bag and tries the next. He attempts each side twice, then throws the bag onto the counter for me to open and stomps away. Every night.
And every night I laugh.
I’ve been making lots of Halloween recipes and I used to just love seeing the looks on my boys and their friends’ faces as they walked in the house and saw what I had made. Just as important, I really miss PurDude, he was my best taste tester.
So Halloween baking is less “boo” and more “boo hoo.”
But because misery loves company (or because I’m just plain mean), I’ve been sending PurDude pictures of all the treats he hasn’t been taste testing.
Wish I could say it makes me feel better but . . . nope.
I was in a war with a giant spider. He had made his web from one of my chairs on the deck off the kitchen to the drain pipe on the house. Every day I went outside with a broom and knocked the web down and every day he’d build it back. Until finally one day it was gone. Winning!
Went upstairs to my bedroom to open the window next to my bed. And there, in a huge web going from the house by my window to the roof line was the giant spider. I quickly shut the window and pulled the shade.
Well played, spider, well played.
Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:
Angry Owls
©www.BakingInATornado.com Printable Recipe
Ingredients:
Pretzel chips
Milk duds
Mini marshmallows
Mini M&Ms
Twizzlers
¼ cup chocolate chips
Directions:
*Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
*Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
*Cut each milk dud into 3 pieces. Cut each mini marshmallow in half. Cut twizzlers into approximately ¾ inch pieces and slice each piece in half lengthwise.
*Place half of your pretzel chips, flat side up, on the baking sheet. Place a piece of the milk dud at the top and one on each of the sides, not covering the pretzel holes.
*Place a second pretzel chip on top of the milk duds, lining it up with the bottom one.
*Bake for 4 minutes. Remove from oven, leave on the parchment.
*Melt chocolate chips on a microwave safe plate in the microwave until melted and smooth. Spread over the plate so it forms a thin layer on the plate.
*For each pretzel “sandwich”, dip the bottom only of two marshmallow halves in the chocolate and place, chocolate side down, on the two top holes of the pretzels (to make eyes).
*Dip mini M&Ms in the chocolate and press onto each marshmallow (to finish the eye).
*For each owl, dip 2 pieces of twizzler into the chocolate and form a “V” between the eyes.
*Place the baking sheet in the fridge to allow the chocolate to harden.
Those owls are adorable! Really, really cute!
ReplyDeleteI guess it's better to think a piece of thread was a spider than to bend down to pick up a piece of thread and have it run!
Yikes, good point. I may never touch a piece of thread again.
DeleteOh geez, girly... If Brian Williams, I mean THE Brian Williams, had been following you on Twitter, I would have been stalking the feed looking for Tweets from him. He's dreamy :)
ReplyDeleteYour owls are absolutely adorable, by the way! SO creative!
Thank you, I love how the owls came out. It doesn't happen often that I picture something in my head and it actually works in the kitchen . . .
DeleteReading your Fly post without one of my own feels extra voyeuristic. :) I loved (and could relate to) the spider in the shower. It happens far more often than I care to admit. Great post, as always!!
ReplyDeleteWe missed you for this Fly. Take good care of that baby growing in your belly and we'll see you back on the Fly when you're ready.
DeleteDang Spider with it's web-making skills...
ReplyDeleteBri-Wi! I love him! The one who reads the news that is. I don't know. Is the other Brian Williams cute too?
That sad moment when the husband realizes you only bake for kids and for people who can open garbage bags.
Great post, K <3
LOL, don't know about this Brian Williams' looks, just know him following me almost stopped my heart!
DeleteWhat's with you and spiders? They are just little bugs. Have you considered getting contacts? The husband thing -- why can't they run errands without calling us? And the garbage bags - they have zero patience!
ReplyDeleteNO. They are NOT just little bugs. You've been misinformed!
DeleteThe owls are SOOOO AWESOME!!!!! And I have to know where you got that cutting board! LOVE IT!!!
ReplyDeleteI worked in retail many, many, many years ago and we sold those Owl cutting boards. Have to admit that I LOVE mine!
DeleteI'm going to have to Google them. Something like that would match my kitchen perfectly! LOL
DeleteOh goodness! The chocolate bruise, the missed bus, the weird analytics reports! I loved this one Karen. And the fact that you bake up a storm for your boys. xx
ReplyDeleteYeah, this family sure keeps me laughing. Or maybe I just laugh so I don't cry. . .
DeleteThat could have been me… the spider / thread. As for your real spider: it is just helping you decorating for Halloween!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your Angry Owls, very cool!
So if PurDude had a car, he and his friends wouldn't need a bus OR a cab. They would definitely not light anything while driving, pretty sure about that.
Poor husband. No baked goods for him? Surely you can do better ;-)
Yeah, PurDude DOES now have his car. He really wanted it so I drove it up to him last weekend.
DeleteAnd the fire, well, that was the other son. And he STILL is driving my car, burnt ceiling and all. Sigh. . .
I LOVE those owls!!
ReplyDeleteI have totally "bruised" myself with chocolate, you are not alone in your strange. ;)
Poor Mr. Tornado... no baked goods for you. Your just conserving your strength for all the baking you will be doing for the holidays.
Outsmarted by a spider, eh?
One of the many reasons I find you rather fabulous. <3
So glad I'm not alone in the bruised chocolate thing. Have to admit that I did feel like an idiot!
DeleteSpiders creep me out but thankfully I rarely see them here. We just get cockroaches the size of Winnebagos. Don't listen to Google Analytics. The numbers are way off---seems especially true for everyone I know on blogger. WP appears to be more accurate with the numbers.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can prove the numbers are off, it doesn't seem to be tracking traffic to my older posts. I can promote one on multiple social media, see the pageviews on that particular post in blogger but Google Analytics will not show the pageviews.
DeleteOne time, though, Google Analytics actually showed total pageviews for the day as being higher than blogger was telling me. That was really strange.
Okay, I admit I had to Google Brian Williams. I live under a rock, obviously.
ReplyDeleteMen can be adorably predictable, can't they?
Spiders are tricky, sneaky and downright creepy. Even thread masquerading as a spiders. And please tell me you aren't letting your nemesis keep his gi-normous web? Noooo! The fight is on!
I love these glimpses into your family! :)
Yes, the gi-normous web wins. I can't get to it. Wait, correct that, told Hubs to annihilate that thing but Hubs can't get to it. So the window stays locked and the shade stays down. If I can't see it, it's not there, right?
DeleteI once got into the shower half-asleep and after getting my hair all lathered up I looked down and used my toe to move a little pile of my long hair that had clumped up..... and it went running off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, my stinker cat had brought a LIVE MOUSE into the bathtub to play, and then left it there.
ReplyDeleteTo this day I am amazed I didn't break something when I went flying out of the bathroom.
O - M - G, I think I'd never shower again!
DeleteLaughing my butt off! Seriously hilarious, I'm going to send you a caramel sling for your arm!
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha, caramel sling. Perfect answer to my chocolate bruises!
DeleteI have mistaken many a piece of lint for killer bugs - I'm completely blind without my glasses. One of the recent search terms typed in to find my blog was "tetn-mamf lesbian". What? This is one of my favorite posts you do - I always get a good laugh!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you were amused. It's actually funnier for me to write about than to live through!
DeleteThanks for the laughs. No thank you for the terror. Thank you for these too adorable owls! Once Weewee is a smidgen older, I know she's going to love and appreciate them. Until then, I'll appreciate them for us both.
ReplyDeleteLove that you laughed and I'm really happy with how the owls came out.
DeleteP.S. I may or may not want to steal your cutting board/platter. Probably more may than may not. Okay, I want to steal it.
ReplyDeleteHA, you'll have to fight Stacy for it, she wants it too!
DeleteA fun glimpse into your household! I love how perfect your cutting board was for your recipe, also!
ReplyDeleteI know, I went to take the pic of the recipe and remembered the board. Love how it came out.
DeleteYou can never be to careful when it comes to spiders.
ReplyDeleteCan I have a chocolate bruise? Sounds much better than a real one!
At least Hubs is consistent and you get a laugh every night. :)
Yes, if Hubs ever figures out those bags I'll have nothing to laugh at . . .
DeleteKaren, I love this post, you crack me up. My favorite was thinking you saw a spider in the shower and it turns out to be a thread, too funny.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it was a lot funnier once I realized it was a thread.
DeleteFunny, as Montel Williams followed my Twitter recently. I thought that was cool.
ReplyDeleteThose angry owl snacks are awesome!
If it's the real Montel Williams it is cool. This wasn't the real Brian Williams so it was only cool for a few seconds.
DeleteSpiders are assholes man......lol
ReplyDeleteMy husband has the same fight with trash bags.....
Can I have your owl board?
You aren't the first or even the second person to call dibs on that cutting board.
DeleteAnd I want a "spiders are assholes, man" t-shirt.
Help!!!! What is the baking TEMPERATURE?????
ReplyDeleteLOL, have you been drinking?
DeleteVery first line of the directions: "preheat oven to 300 degrees".
Hope these work out for you, let me know!