Fly on the Wall, It's All About the Food

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 14 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall of our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

PurDude: Mom, how come every time you’re cooking in the kitchen these days I’m constantly hearing you yelp?
Me: The lower oven stopped working while you were away at school.
PurDude: Aaaaaand?
Me: I’m too short for the upper oven.
PurDude: OK, aaaaaand?
Me: Every time I open the door and try to reach in to grab the food I burn my boobs.
PurDude: {{blink,blink}}. {{eyeroll}}. Only MY Mom . . .

I had been reading in my “trending stories” on Facebook about a man arrested for beating his wife with a McChicken sandwich. You can’t make this stuff up, folks.

But it had obviously been on my mind when this conversation occurred:
Me: I’m not going to keep doing your laundry if after I fold it you just throw it on the floor of your room.
College Boy: What do you care if they get wrinkled? I’m the one wearing them.
Me: You better watch how you talk to me or I’ll beat you with a McChicken sandwich.
College Boy: {{blink, blink}}.
Lesson learned:
If you beat someone with a McChicken sandwich you’ll get arrested.
If you threaten to beat someone with a McChicken sandwich, you may just shut them up!

 

 

Proud parenting moment #7846: extortion:
PurDude: I have to go take a management class tomorrow for my job this summer. It costs $60 and I was wondering if you'd pay for it.
Me: you waited until the night before the class to ask me to pay for it?
PurDude: Will you? Please? I've got another semester of school and my spending money is getting tight.
Me: OK, I'll pay the $60 if you call me every day from school when you go back.
PurDude: I'll call you at least once this semester.
Me: I'll give you $1 towards your class.
PurDude: I'll call you once a month.
Me: I'll give you $5.
PurDude: You know I call you every time I do laundry, I'll keep doing that.
Me: You're still at $5.
Silence . . . 20 minutes later . . .
Me: So . . . what's the story with the class?
PurDude: I'll call you twice a week. Final offer.
Me: Sold.

In the past month both boys were at school, College Boy was living at home and commuting for the semester. Finals time was stressful, but I think I was more nervous than the boys were. This was a conversation we had the night before the semester ended:
College Boy: I need to go out after dinner tonight to a play at the school. I have to write a paper on it.
Me: Really? When’s the paper due? The semester’s over already.
College Boy: We had the option of attending many events over the course of the semester and writing papers about it. I have one more paper I haven’t done yet so I have to go to this play.
Me: You’re really cutting it close with this last paper aren’t you?
College Boy: No, not at all, what do you mean, I’ve got 24 hours .  . .

It's not just core requirements and computer science that PurDude is learning in college. Apparently he's become an expert in "flattery will get you everywhere". 
PurDude: Mom, will you make me a Pumpkin Pie?
Me: You were just home for Thanksgiving 3 weeks ago and I made one then.
PurDude: But Mom, I love your Pumpkin Pie, I can never get enough. You make THE Best Pumpkin Pie. 
Guess what I made 3 weeks after Thanksgiving. . .

THE Best Pumpkin Pie

I was making latkes one afternoon and Hubs came into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. Before taking his sandwich down to the man-cave, he put it on a plate with a napkin over it and went to clean his knife. While he was at the sink, I snuck a latke onto his plate under the napkin.

He started to walk away and I angrily started yelling at him: “did you steal a latke? I’m making them for New Year’s Eve appetizers and I need them.”

He turned and looked at me, shocked: “no, I didn’t take any, look . . .” He took the napkin off of his sandwich, saw the latke and started to stutter: “I didn’t do it, I didn’t take it . . .”

It wasn’t till I started laughing that he stopped and thought about it: “you put that there and started yelling at me? Why would you do that? You had me reacting like a naughty kid.”

Gotta get your laughs where you can get them, folks.

PurDude: Mom, can I borrow your car?

Me: Sure, I’m not going anywhere right now.

So PurDude leaves in my car and College Boy comes down the stairs.

College Boy: Mom, can I borrow your car?

Me: Your brother just left in it.

College Boy: You need another car.

Me: No I don’t, I don’t have anywhere I need to go right now.

College Boy: But I do. . .

Me: That stupid cell phone company has started sending me an email towards the end of every month saying I’ve used 75% of my data plan and should buy a larger plan.

PurDude: How much data are you using?

Me: Almost none, I’m mostly home so I’m using our wifi.

PurDude grabs my phone, looks at it, rolls his eyes, presses a button: No, NOW you’re using our wifi.

Me: And this is why you can’t go back to school.

PurDude: Why, so I can make sure you’re always hooked up to our wifi?

Me: No, so I can make sure you’ve always got someone to roll your eyes at.

. . . and PurDude rolls his eyes yet again.

For years now, since the boys started driving, I've been having the same conversation almost every time I climbed into my car to go somewhere.
Me (angrily): OK, who left my car with no gas in it?
College Boy: Not me.
PurDude: Not me.
But this was the conversation I had this past month:
Me (angrily): OK, who filled my car with gas?
College Boy: Not me.
PurDude: I did. I was out last night and it was running low.
Me: Oh, honey, I didn't want you to spend your money filling my gas tank while you're here on vacation.
College Boy hums the theme song to "Night Gallery" then narrates in a deep voice: You have entered a parallel universe . . . nothing is as it seems . . .

As you can tell from the stories included today, we flew PurDude home for winter break. It was great having him here.

Before he left, I had a talk with him about keeping in touch. I try really hard not to bother him, to let him initiate communication when he has the time and has something to say.

But sometimes, when I book his flights home, for instance, I need to get in touch with him. It’s easier for him if I text or email, so that’s what I do.

He, though, doesn’t always respond. Often there’s something I’ve told him that he needs to do (like print a boarding pass) and I need to know that he got my text and did what I asked. I told him that whenever he hears from me, to respond, even if it’s just an “OK” so I know he got the message.

PurDude went back to school and I texted him about some furniture we were looking at for his room. I was hoping to get his opinion.

Weeks before, when he was finishing up his first semester, he had texted me about something inconsequential and I had responded to him at the time. I texted him a second time to add to my response. So when I texted about the furniture, there were 3 texts from me in a row, the two from a month ago and then the current one about the furniture. To which he responded:

“OK”

immediately followed by a second text:

“OK”

and then a third:

“OK”

Smart-Ass kid.

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Spatulas on Parade

Follow me home

Menopausal Mother

Stacy Sews and Schools

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

Juicebox Confession

Battered Hope

Eileen's Perpetually Busy
Go Mama O 
Someone Else's Genius 
The Sadder But Wiser Girl 
Just A Little Nutty 
The Momisodes 

THE Best Pumpkin Pie

                                                                          ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups gingersnap crumbs (gingersnap cookies put through the food processor)
1 1/2 TBSP melted margarine
2 TBSP sugar

1 16 oz can pumpkin 
3/4 cup sour cream
1/2 cup eggnog  NOTE: If you can't find eggnog, you can use heavy cream
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice mix

1/4 cup brown sugar
2 TBSP flour
2 TBSP cold butter

1 cup heavy cream
2 TBSP sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp cinnamon
 
Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a 10 inch pie dish with non-stick spray.
*Combine the crust ingredients until moist and press into the bottom and up the sides of the pie dish.
**Whisk together the next 11 ingredients and pour into crust. Bake for 25 minutes.
*While the pie is baking, mix together the remaining 1/4 cup brown sugar and flour. Cut in the butter until it starts to form small balls. Sprinkle over the pie and immediately return the pie to the oven. Bake for another 40 to 50 minutes until the center is just set.
*Cool completely. Store in the refrigerator.
*When ready to serve, whip the cream until soft peaks form. Beat in the sugar, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg and continue to beat until stiff peaks form.
*Serve with whipped cream.