Hollow Shrubs and A Weed Wacker Divorce: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 3 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

I was reading a book the other day and was surprised by the (geographical) turn it took. I knew right away that I had to text PurDude:

Me: I'm reading a book about a private investigator based in California. Due to the case she's working on, she just flew into Denver, the case has taken her to Boulder (the person she's looking for went to CU), now she's driving to Longmont. She's closer to you than I am.
PurDude: But then she doesn't exist . . .
Me: Yeah, there's that.

No matter the level of curiosity, sometimes you just have to turn around, walk away, and accept it's best if you just don't know. That's exactly what I did when walking down the hall towards the kitchen, I heard this piece of a conversation:

Hubs: Screw it.
College Boy: It's starting to move.
Hubs: Quick, screw before it moves away.
College Boy: I hope I don't end up in the hospital.

Nope, nothing there for a mama to see. I'm happy to report that whatever they were doing, they both lived through it.

I'd made a batch of my Basic Fruit Smoothies and put the leftovers in individual servings in wide colorful plastic cups in the freezer. A few days later, Hubs wanted one.

Me (taking a cup out of the freezer): It's frozen solid, just let it sit on the counter for a while.
Hubs (looking in the cup): It actually looks like a candle.
Me: Well don't set it on fire. 
Hubs: I won't. And in case you were wondering, I won't be drinking any of your candles either.

Good to know.

Hubs (coming up from the man cave): Are you OK?
Me (coughing): My throat is killing me and I can't stop coughing and clearing it.
Hubs: I know, I could hear you all the way downstairs. What's wrong?
Me: I don't know. Probably my allergies.
Hubs: Can I get you anything?
Me: Yeah, a glass of wine.
Hubs: How will that help?
Me: How would it hurt?

Hubs (looking around): Where's that paper?
Me: What paper?
Hubs: The one with the list?
Me: What list?
Hubs: The list of things I don't want to forget.
Me: You forgot where your list of the things you don't want to forget is? Why don't you just put it on your phone?
Hubs: Because I never forget where my phone is?

Valid point.

Very Strawberry Cake (5 ingredients)

My next door neighbors have a vegetable garden in their back yard. The husband built it up with railroad ties and surrounded it with wire to keep the rabbits out. Some years she plants it and others she doesn't. When she does, those fresh veggies are just delicious.

Me: I think the neighbors are going to end up getting divorced.
Hubs: I doubt it, why do you think that?
Me: I'm guessing there was a miscommunication.
Hubs: How bad can a miscommunication be?
Me: Well, for the past few weeks I've been watching her out back watering her garden.
Hubs: And?
Me: He's inside there right now weed wacking it down to nothing.
Hubs: Oh, that could be bad . . .

Hubs and I have an ongoing issue about weeds growing in our shrubs. He needs to carefully cut the weeks out, leaving the shrubs intact. He often starts out with the best intentions, but ends up throwing out the baby with the bathwater, literally hollowing out the center of the shrub. It doesn't go over well with me. Recently we had a huge weed overtaking one of our shrubs.

Me: Can you go cut that big weed out of the shrub growing out front? It's bigger than the shrub at this point.
Hubs: Yeah, I'll go do it now.
Me: But don't cut away any of the shrub, just get the weed.
Hubs: We'll see.
Me: We'll see? No. No we'll see. If I wanted hollowed out shrubs I would have bought hollowed out shrubs.
Hubs: You can't buy hollowed out shrubs.
Me: Maybe I can't buy them, but at this point I could sell them.
Hubs: Great idea, we could sell them.
Me (rolling my eyes): Yeah, I'm sure people would love them as much as I do. And to make it an interactive experience we could have them dig out the shrubs themselves. You know, like cutting down your own Christmas tree. 
Hubs: You're making fun of me, aren't you.
Me: What was your first clue?

Hubs and I have been eating some really delicious corn on the cob during the way too short corn season. I get 3 ears at a time, he has 2 and I have one. One night, we were eating dinner and I looked over at him as he went to grab his second ear of corn. I eat every kernel, his corn, however . . .

Me: You're a very inefficient corn eater.
Hubs: OK.
Me: OK? Aren't you going to ask what I mean?
Hubs: Oh please, this is not my first rodeo.

And just like that, absurd argument averted.

I've talked before about how I check in with PurDude once a day to see how he's feeling and what he's up to. He's not a sharer in the best of times, getting information out of him is like pulling teeth, and staying at home so much there's really legitimately been little to say. As always, I'm sad that this virus hit shortly after he moved to a place where he knows no one. Sitting alone in your house isn't really conducive to making friends or to dating.

Recently, when I checked in with him, asked how he was doing, I was shocked at the answer. 

PurDude: Hi Ma, I'm doing fine today. My wife was back so I didn't go in to work yesterday.

Wife? Wife? Last I knew he'd barely met anyone there. I know he doesn't share minutia, I didn't even know he'd grown a mustache until I saw it on a zoom call, but, you know, having a wife? That's kinda major, no?

And then I looked again (well, after the heart palpitations subsided, that is). His cable had gone out a few days before and he was having to go into the office to get his work done. So what he actually said was that his wifi was back. 

Me: Oh, wifi, I read that as wife. Thanks for not getting married without telling me.
PurDude: You don't know that for sure.

Later that day:

Me: Texted with PurDude today.
Hubs: How's he doing?
Me: Well, he didn't get married without us.
Hubs:
Me: You're not going to say anything?
Hubs: Ummm, I'm glad he didn't get married without us?
Me: Well, we don't actually know that for sure.
Hubs: There's no way you're going to explain this to me, right?
Me: Right.
Hubs (leaving the room): OK, good talk.

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Never Ever Give Up Hope  
Menopausal Mother 

Very Strawberry Cake (5 ingredients)

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Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 can (21 oz) strawberry pie filling
1/2# fresh strawberries, hulled and chopped
1 box strawberry cake mix
1 cup ginger ale
1/2 cup sliced almonds

OPT: powdered sugar, whipped cream and/or sliced strawberries for serving.

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan. 
*Spread the pie filling evenly into the bottom of the prepared baking pan. Top with half of the chopped fresh strawberries.
*Mix together the cake mix and ginger ale, then add the remaining chopped strawberries. Spread evenly over the filling in the pan. Sprinkle with the sliced almonds.
*Bake for 30 - 35 minutes or until the center of the cake springs back to the touch. Cool completely before slicing. 
*OPT: sprinkle with powdered sugar or dollop with whipped cream and/or fresh sliced strawberries for serving.