A Whole Hole: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

I pretty much every month, talk about my messed up texts with PurDude, sometimes it's autocorrect that's my downfall, other times I'm just typing too quickly and not being careful.

He knows that I've always been a voracious reader, and that I bake to calm my stress, but lately I've been binge watching some streaming miniseries. 

You know that PurDude and I text every day, usually just a quick check in, but I always try to add something about what I'm doing or what's going on with the family.

Last week:

PurDude: How are you, mom?

Me: I'm good. Cold out today so I'm baking. When it's this cold out, the best hobbies are reading, binge washing, and, of course, baking.

PurDude: Is Gisella not cleaning the house any more? I'm not sure I can picture you binge washing anything. Or enjoying it.

Me: Watching. Binge watching. Ugh. 

We were watching the Olympics (I'm obsessed), when, during his routine, the USA men's skater did a back flip, landing perfectly on his skates.

Hubs: I could never do that on ice.

Me: You could never do that on solid ground. In fact . . .

Hub (interrupting me): OK, that's enough. 

Me: But I was just getting started . . .

I don't know if it was karma coming back to me for teasing Hubs about back flips on ice, but it was not much later that I actually almost did one.

The trash can was at the curb and there was a little snow on the driveway. At least that's what I thought, it was actually icy in places. I was walking down the driveway when I started to slip and slide. Arms flailing, trying not to fall and break my ass, I jumped over to the side onto the (snowy but not icy) lawn, and gained control. Phew.

It wasn't until I was coming back in the door when I realized Hubs was watching me:

Hubs (laughing): Wow, you stayed on your feet. 

Me: Not funny, I could have broken my ass, or my arm, or my leg.

Hubs: That was a great save. I'd give you an 8.

Me: And that was just my short program . . .

Every year, Hubs' firm sends out chocolates to all of the employees. We usually don't know they're coming until they show up.

This year though, Hubs got an email from Fed Ex saying a package was coming the next day. We're not sure how they got his email address but, whatever.

The next day Hubs got an email saying that Thad would deliver the package between 12pm and 2pm. Right around 2:00, a Fed Ex truck drove up, sat in front of our house for a while, and left.

A while later Hubs got another email saying that the package would arrive by 8pm.

It didn't.

I was teasing Hubs, telling him that Thad probably sat in front of our house eating our chocolates.

The next day, an email came saying that the package was on the truck for delivery.

Hubs was gone when it came, so I texted him:

Me: The chocolates came.

Hubs: Oh, that's good.

Me: But there's a problem.

Hubs: What's the problem?
Me: Remember when I said that Thad was probably eating our chocolates?
Hubs: Yeah?

Me: He was. There's one missing. I took a picture:

Hubs: Let me guess, the missing one was chocolate raspberry.

Damn, that man knows me.

I still order a lot of our weekly basic groceries for pick-up. It's a lot easier and cuts way back on how much we need to go in and purchase ourselves. I place the order, Hubs picks it up.

We recently got an email saying that they were going to greatly complicate the pick up procedure. Hubs would have to download the app, click on this that and the other thing, go to the store, check in, click on a few other things, get a barcode, and show it before he could get the groceries.

Jeez, it's canned corn, not state secrets.

But more than that, all of that is far above Hubs' pay grade tech ability.

Hubs (to me as I'm getting the store app onto his phone for him): Can't I just do the hokey pokey and turn myself around?

Me: You could try . . .

Oatmeal Cookie Cream Cheese Bars

Older Son walked in the door. I hadn't been expecting him, not that it matters, but he usually lets me know his plans. He'd stopped at a grocery store up the street to grab a couple of frozen items but couldn't. Apparently one of the freezers in the store had caught fire and they had to throw a lot of the inventory away.

Hubs wasn't home at the time, so when he got home I told him that Older Son was at the store but couldn't get what he'd stopped for because a freezer caught fire.

Hubs: Wow, I'm surprised they didn't evacuate.

Me (looking at him like he's nuts): Of course they evacuated. What do you think they did, tell the customers to keep right on shopping but stay away from anything scorched.

Hubs: Well . . .

Me: Or maybe they told the customers the store had saved them a step by pre-scorching the food. Or . . .

Hubs: Ok, that's enough.

Me: But I've got more . . .

 

Not only did we get candy from his company, but his colleagues gifted him bags of chocolates for his birthday. We were overflowing with candy.

I was in the office, sitting in the recliner reading, a water bottle and the wrapper from a mini Dove chocolate I'd eaten earlier sitting on the table next to me.

It was time to go start dinner and, as usual, I really wanted to just keep reading.

Hubs comes home an hour later and finds me in the office, reading:

Hubs: What's for dinner? I usually smell it when I first walk in, but not today.

Me: Nothing.

Hubs: Nothing?
Me: It's not my fault, Dove made me do it.

Hubs: The soap?

Me (handing him the candy wrapper): No, the candy.

I had bought some Greek yogurt for a recipe, decided not to make that recipe and forgot about the yogurt in the fridge.

Saw it the other day and decided to just eat it. First I needed to check the date on it.

It may as well have said this:

Kinda like the yogurt version of Russian roulette.

Speaking of questionable food, this has to be the epitome of irony.

It was about 9:00 pm, College Boy was hungry so he went to cook some frozen wings he had in the freezer. He'd thought he'd bought precooked wings, but they were raw. He doesn't cook at all, so I told him exactly what he had to do to make them. He'd have to defrost them, marinate or rub them for flavor, then cook them for about an hour, as well as making sure to wash his hands really well any time he touched them. He tends to take shortcuts so I made it very clear that he had to cook them correctly or he'd end up with food poisoning.

It was late, but he also didn't want to take any chances, so he gave the wings to me to do something with tomorrow, and order Wing Stop delivery.

I was relieved, to tell you the truth. 

Until about 2:00 am, when, for over an hour, he was puking his guts out.

Yup, food poisoning. Not from cooking the raw wings he bought, but from Wing Stop delivery.

And that, my friends, is irony.

Every now and then I go through the pics on my cell and delete anything I don't want to keep. I found a pic that I took a few months ago, then forgot about.

I was scrolling through the TV, trying to figure out what I wanted to watch. As I was passing through a cable news channel, I saw something that at first confused me, then made me laugh. I grabbed my cell and quickly took a pic before the graphic was gone from the screen.

The confusion was as to whether they left the "w" off of the second word. Or the dash between the first and second words. Were they saying "a whole" or "a-hole?"

And the laugh was because I know which one I think it is.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Oatmeal Cookie Cream Cheese Bars

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 1/2 sticks butter, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

1 egg

3/4 tsp vanilla

1 cup flour

3/4 cup baking soda

3 TBSP cup baking cocoa

1/4 tsp salt

1 1/4 cups quick oats

1/4 cup chocolate chips

1/4 cup white chocolate chips

12 oz cream cheese, softened

1 container (about 5 oz) vanilla Greek yogurt

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

Directions:

*Cream the butter and sugar. Beat in 1 egg and 3/4 tsp of vanilla. Starting on low until incorporated, beat in the flour, baking soda, baking cocoa and salt.

*Mix in the quick oats, chocolate chips, and white chocolate chips. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1/2 hour.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan. Press about 2/3 of the cookie dough into the bottom and partially up the sides of the pan. Bake for 12 minutes.

*While the crust is baking, beat the remaining ingredients until smooth.

*Remove the crust from the oven. Gently press the dough down (I use the bottom of a glass), leaving about 1/2 inch edge up the side of the pan.

*Pour the cream cheese filling evenly into the crust. Use the remaing approximately 1/3 of the dough to dollop onto the top. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the center is set and the sides start to brown.

*Cool to room temperature, then run a knife along the edges and cut into 24 bars. Remove to a serving plate (if you allow the bars to completely cool, they will stick to the baking pan), and refrigerate. Once cold, cover with plastic wrap.

You Owe Me What? Fly on the Wall

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

Hubs and I were in the den watching the Red Sox. It was late, I was tired in general, but I hadn't slept well the night before. Yeah, yeah, I'm making excuses. But then, I need one.

It was towards the end of the game and the game was tied. We really needed a run. I was hoping the batter would get a multi-base hit, but he walked. Which not only put him on base, but wasn't an out. 

TV announcer: Well, that wasn't exactly what they needed.

Hubs and I (at the same time): It was good enough.

Me: Jinx! You owe me a door knob!

Hubs: I owe you what?

Me: I don't know. It was the first thing that popped into my head.

Sometimes even I don't get me.

I had made an experiment for dinner. I do that often, so nothing new. Usually I have a pretty good idea of how an experiment will taste, but this time I had no idea, and I was a bit nervous about it. I had bought and grilled a rotisserie flavored turkey tenderloin and we both didn't like the flavor. There was a lot left over though, and I was determined to do something with it.

I decided to slice it, cover the slices with a smoky cheese, and bake it in a red wine sauce. I'd also make a salad and noodles. I told Hubs what I was doing and that I just wasn't sure . . .

I served dinner and we dug in. To our salads and noodles. We were both surreptitiously giving each other the eye. 

Me: Try the turkey.

Hubs: You try it.

We both went back to our noodles and salad. But inside I was laughing. He'd have to give in, because salad and noodles was plenty of dinner for me. But him? Not so much.

He tried it. And I had to stop my internal laughing, because, dammit, he didn't say a word.

He got me.

PS: He liked it. And I did too. Phew.

I've heard of some strange products, and some inventive marketing, but I was surprised and perplexed at a recent commercial.

A local supermarket was advertising a "frozen sack sale." I know these weird Midwesterners call bags "sacks." What I couldn't understand is what they were trying to sell.

Me: Frozen sacks? Like they're freezing paper bags and trying to convince people they need them?

Hubs: What would we need them for?

Me: I don't know, it's scorching hot out, maybe to put over your head to cool you off.

Hubs: That could be kinda dangerous when you're driving.

Me: Yeah, I love a good sale, but I think I'll pass.

Turns out it was a frozen food sale, a percentage off whatever you can fit in one of their bags. But, really strange marketing, if you ask me (they didn't).

I had some leftover grilled ham and asked Hubs if he wanted to put it in a sandwich for lunch this weekend. There was bread, mustard, and swiss cheese in the fridge. He thought that sounded great.

The next day, he came up from the man cave, made himself a few sandwiches and went back down. I noticed the ham was still wrapped in tin foil in the fridge.

Me: What did you have for lunch?

Hubs: A couple of peanut butter sandwiches and some chips.

Me: I thought you wanted that ham.

Hubs: Oh, I forgot.

I decided to put the ham, wrapped in tin foil, on top of the bread so he'd remember the next day. But the next day after lunch the ham was still there.

Me: I thought you were going to make a ham sandwich.

Hubs: I forgot again.

Me: I put the packet of ham right on top of the bread so you wouldn't forget.

Hubs: Oh, is that what that was?

Why do I even bother?

Speaking of food, I'd been hearing all over social media about this frozen chicken product that everyone seems to love. I had also heard that it was hard to find.

So, I was looking at all of the frozen chicken products on the grocery store website, trying to find the specific one everyone was talking about. Some were similar, but not quite right.

And then there was this one. Whatever this is, it's just wrong in all kinds of ways.

But my new Chocolate Toffee Slice and Bake Cookies? They are definitely right, in all kinds of ways.

Chocolate Toffee Slice & Bake Cookies

I went to a big box store website to see what summer merchandise might be on sale. This should be fun.

When I scroll down the home page, I'm looking at cute oven mitts, earrings, hair clips, bracelets . . . 

Then I get to a section marked "curated with you in mind." Ooh, I wonder what they've picked out just for me.

Scroll . . .

It's vacuum cleaners. Every single item. Vacuum cleaners.

I feel so judged.

 

Hubs came up from the man cave wanting me to check my laptop to see if I have internet. I did. He didn't. The basement is far from the router, and every now and then he has an issue down there so he brought his laptop up to the den to try it.

His laptop did connect up here. He left his laptop open on the ottoman, and went over to the couch to watch TV. As I was walking away from looking at his laptop, I tripped on the bottom leg of the ottoman and fell.

Hubs: Oh no, oh no, don't break my screen.

Me: Your screen is fine. I may have broken my foot, but your screen is fine . . .

I play a lot of online games and post the results to my Baking In A Tornado FB page twice a day. People who also play post their results too and we compare our games. I have a morning thread, where I post the morning games, and then an evening thread where I post the afternoon and evening games. 

For the evening games, they become available at 7:00 pm (central time), and I try to play them right away so I can get them posted to my FB page. Hubs had taken to reminding me when it's 7:00, so I know the games are live. So, I'd gotten used to not having to pay attention to the time.

Until last week.

Me (looking at my cell): It's after 7:00. You're fired.

Hubs: It's 7:01.

Me: You're still fired.

Hubs: I'm looking forward to hearing about my severance package.

I mentioned before that College Boy will often order food from one of those delivery apps. So often, they screw up his order and he ends up getting food for free. We often laugh about what they've done this time, from leaving his order at the wrong house, to bringing him someone else's order, to them just arbitrarily changing his order (and then charging him more because what they chose for him costs more). It's kind of a game, whenever he orders food, to see what he gets. Once we're done laughing, he goes on the app and gets a refund.

I came into the house one evening and he was eating a burger and fries.

Me: Did you order that to be delivered?
College Boy: Yes.

Me: So what did you actually order?
College Boy: A burger and fries.

Me: So where did they deliver it to?
College Boy: Here.

Me: You mean you're going to have to actually pay for dinner?

College Boy: Yes, can you believe it?

Actually, turns out, getting what you ordered is so much less fun than opening a surprise dinner bag.

Watching the Red Sox again, they were playing the Baltimore Orioles. There had been a rain delay so by the 8th inning, it was getting really late.

The Orioles were up and the crowd started chanting. I felt the same way so I was chanting with them.

Me: Let's go home! Let's go home!

Hubs: What are you doing? You are home.

Me: The crowd is tired and so am I. I'm chanting along with them "let's go home, let's go home."
Hubs: Umm, Os. Their team. The Orioles. They're chanting "let's go Os, let's go Os."

Me: Oh. Never mind, then.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Chocolate Toffee Slice & Bake Cookies

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 1/2 sticks butter, softened

2 tsp chocolate syrup

3/4 cup powdered sugar

1/2 cup baking cocoa powder

1 cup flour

1/4 tsp salt

 

1 cup toffee baking bits

 

Directions:

*Cream the butter and chocolate syrup until smooth. Slowly beat in the powdered sugar until incorporated.

*Mix in the baking cocoa, flour, and salt to form a dough. Roll into a log, about 9 inches long. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for an hour, up to 2 days.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover baking sheets with parchment paper. Remove the dough from the oven and slice into about 3 dozen 1/4 inch rounds. 

*Place the baking bits on a plate, press one flat side of each round into the toffee, then place onto the baking sheets, toffee side up.

*Bake for 14 minutes. Allow to set for 2 minutes before removing from the baking sheets to cool completely.