Monday, March 25, 2013

The Ten Commandments

Since it’s one of the times of the year when most everyone I know is celebrating something religious, I thought it would be fitting to do a post with some religious undertones.

Exodus tells the story of how the Jews, having escaped slavery in Egypt, were wandering the dessert. Moses got word to climb Mount Sinai where he was given the Ten Commandments, a list of expected behaviors for all.

This got me thinking. In my house, I have a list of expected behaviors too. I, by no means consider myself to be divine. Nor do I mean any disrespect to my religion or any other. But through all this Bible talk, I’ve had an epiphany. What my household needs is not just the Ten Commandments from the Bible, but additionally our own Ten Commandments.

So I’m starting with G-d’s, because they are a perfect example of the expectations of the morals and values I, too, expect in my home. But I need to change them, just a little, to fit the circumstances.


The Ten Commandments | BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

The Ten Commandments, my version:
1. I am your Mother. I went through hell to conceive you, used all the toilet paper in the land while carrying you, and suffered a lengthy and excruciating ordeal to have you. You will accept me as your Mother or I will farm you out into bondage.
2. Thou shalt have no other Mother besides me. I do not care how much nicer you think every other Mother on the planet is, I am yours and you are stuck with me and only me.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of your Mother in vain. Just so we’re clear, this means you can’t swear at me, OR call anyone else a Mother. . . anything.
4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Give me a break, at the very least on the weekends.
5. Honor thy Father and thy Mother. Notice how I’ve generously included Dad in this one.
6. Thou shalt not kill. No matter what consequences you’ve suffered for whatever action you decided to take, you cannot have murderous thoughts towards me. Change your behavior ‘cause I’m here to stay.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. If you even know what this is, you’re grounded for life.
8. Thou shalt not steal. That means that what’s mine is mine. You cannot take my things and then try to pretend I never had it. I KNOW it was there yesterday.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor. STOP blaming your brother. I’m not stupid, I know it was you.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. Do well in school, get into college, get a good job and buy a bigger one.
And thou shalt love thy Mother with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

Or there will be an exodus. And it will not be mine.



Charoses  | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe
Charoses

This article was also posted on Huffington Post Parents as The Ten Commandments, Mom Style on 3-30-15. 

Baking In A Tornado signature | BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics


Charoses
                                     ©www.BakingInATornado.com
Printable Recipe

*NOTE: Charoses is used as part of the Passover Seder. My family eats the leftovers on (matzo) crackers, as a side dish with lunch or dinner, and I also bake it into (Passover) muffins.

Ingredients:
1 Delicious apple, cored, peeled and chopped
1 Braeburn apple,cored, peeled and chopped
1/2 cup walnuts, chopped
3 TBSP honey
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 TBSP red wine

Directions:
*Mix all ingredients the day before serving.
*Place in a sealed container in the fridge.
*Stir the ingredients every now and then.

52 comments:

  1. Oh that was absolutely brilliant. I couldn't stop laughing and I also believe that God has a great sense of humor too otherwise I wouldn't be here still alive and kicking. You should form your commandments into a nice big wooden plaque and place it on the front-room wall for all to see and abide by, then get the kids to polish it every Saturday, ha ha ha ha.

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    1. I think I should, but I'd have to find someone who's crafty to do it, and that's sure not me!

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    2. Happy New 2014 Karen. And thanks for the link to this. I just had to read it again and it had me and my other half in stitches this morning. Must email it to my friends. Hope you have a great year.

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    3. Same to you. Hope it's a year of dreams coming true.

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  2. Every one I read I said 'this is my favorite!', then I read the next one and said 'no this is my favorite!', all the way through. Great :)

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    1. Thanks. I may need to start a company and have these things mass produced.

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  3. Great list. I love number #1 the best and will employ it frequently in my house. Finding you through the Monday blog hop!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, glad you enjoyed the list.

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  4. Well... 10 years ago, I could have used these. Everybody has left now, FINALLY.

    Enjoyed. Have a great day, Slu

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    Replies
    1. Well, I guess I should have written this ten years ago. I could have used them then too!

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  5. Replies
    1. Thank you. All compliments accepted!

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  6. Brilliant mama ... I'm posting these on Reagan's mirror for future reference!! LOL

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    www.raising-reagan.com

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    1. Lessons well learned. Better on her mirror than waiting till she's my kids' ages.

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  7. LOL Those are great! I love number 10. More people need to practice number ten.

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    1. Oh, yeah. As the Mom of one going to college next year and the other the following year, it'll be interesting to see what they do next.

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  8. Love it, Karen! And if you even know what adultery is, youre grounded... Yesss! Do your boys really try to convince you that you didnt have something? My husband swears Ive seen shows then tells me the ending! Remember, its the one where the cousin did it. Hows that island in the sun coming along? It was just for blogging chickadees right?

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    1. Blogging Island is for chickadees only, but if we decide to let kids visit, we better have those Ten Commandments posted!

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  9. Hahaha! This was too funny. I could hear my mom in the first two commandments.You have to frame these!

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    1. I think I do. If for nothing else to anger the boys!

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  10. Another great post! Number 31 had me LOLing and #8--yes, there should definitely be SEVERE repercussions for this one! I am so tired of spending too many hours looking for: my phone & iPod charger,scissors, tape, pens, shampoo....MY CHINESE LEFTOVERS......I think I need to post these commandments on my refrigerator as a quick reminder to my family....

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    1. I think there's an awful lot of Moms out there looking for a copy of these!

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  11. Loved it!!!
    Copy right and market this ASAP!

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    Replies
    1. So many people have said that I'm actually really thinking about it!

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  12. This was really fun reading. Mine is just 10 short of turning a teen, so that's gonna happen in no time!

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    Replies
    1. Oh Padmaja, hold on, the ride's about to get really bumpy.

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  13. you moms and your commandments ... we dads are more New Testament. You know, turn the other cheek.

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    1. Yeah, I've got teenagers. . . there's not enough cheeks in the world.

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  14. Wow. I have not seen this before, but it looks like it is fabulous. I bet it smells wonderful! Krista @ http://ahandfulofeverything.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes, it really is good, a little tart and a little sweet. We've been eating it with dinner most of the week.

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  15. Love it! I loved your take on it! Hilarious "I knew you did it, don't blame your brother!" hahahaha I miss yah!

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  16. I am in love with this blog post! So perfect and I'm sharing to my book page on fb! Insightful, Brilliant,Creative, funny and so well written!!!!!

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    1. WOW, I'm amazed and honored to be shared on your book page. Thank you, Carolyn!

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  17. I adore your ten commandments, girl...You have been thinking this over for a while , eh? You really should be in the uing of throwing all that wisdom out to us in poster paper form.We need signatures from the kids in 3 ply paper,,I miss you and hope you are enjoying ?enduring pder. My daughter was just baptised at the church this sunday. I can't believe how much that service still mean to me. I had no idea how I would be affected, and then I saw her wholecommunity around her. Karen, it was a sight to behold. She is being baptized when I was was drinking Bartles and James during those years. WHat is a mom to do?.

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    1. Congratulations on your daughter's baptism. You brought up a very mature young lady. Maybe you should give the other 2 a copy of this post?

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    2. Holy Hannah. My apologies for the typing errors. It's been one of those weeks/months/years. I'll need a copy for the man as well... XOX

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    3. I thought maybe you'd just been having a little cocktail, LOL.

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  18. These need to be made into a sign that all if us mothers can display lovingly in our homes. You are too funny! As I read each one I thought ha that's the best one but then I would get to the next one and think oh no that's better :) I have to say though 9 & 10 might be my favorites.

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    1. I might just have to start a business, had an awful lot of requests for these!

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  19. Haha I love it. Mommy rules! Our signs would make us a butt load of money!

    x,
    Becca

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    Replies
    1. Between the two of us we SO could make a butt load of money!

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  20. I hope you have a wonderful Passover, Karen. I really want to try your recipe for Charoses. Sounds like it would be delicious tucked inside of Phyllo or puff pastry!

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    1. Oh, I agree, Becca. As I said, I bake it into muffins. I'm sure it would be delicious in puff pastry or phyllo.

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  21. LOVE IT!!!! I am going to print that out and put it on the fridge!! LOL

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    1. Or we could have t-shirts made . . . for the kids.

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  22. I loveeeee your commandments. Love love love them. I saw the name of this recipe, and had to check it out. I've never heard of it. I was wondering if it were a potato recipe. Nope. No potatoes. It sounds delicious though!! We are an apple loving family.

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    1. If you love apples, you'll love this one. And I put the leftovers into pancakes and muffins too.

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  23. Do you want me to make you a sign with these on there? LOVE It.....

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  24. Absolutely wonderful commandments! Your middle name could truly be Moses. Love charoses. Didn't have any wine this year but some old Vodka. Seemed to work. Who knew?

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