Exodus tells the story of how the Jews, having escaped slavery in Egypt, were wandering the dessert. Moses got word to climb Mount Sinai where he was given the Ten Commandments, a list of expected behaviors for all.
This got me thinking. In my house, I have a list of expected behaviors too. I, by no means consider myself to be divine. Nor do I mean any disrespect to my religion or any other. But through all this Bible talk, I’ve had an epiphany. What my household needs is not just the Ten Commandments from the Bible, but additionally our own Ten Commandments.
So I’m starting with G-d’s, because they are a perfect example of the expectations of the morals and values I, too, expect in my home. But I need to change them, just a little, to fit the circumstances.
The Ten Commandments, my version:
1. I am your Mother. I went through hell to conceive you, used all the toilet paper in the land while carrying you, and suffered a lengthy and excruciating ordeal to have you. You will accept me as your Mother or I will farm you out into bondage.
2. Thou shalt have no other Mother besides me. I do not care how much nicer you think every other Mother on the planet is, I am yours and you are stuck with me and only me.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of your Mother in vain. Just so we’re clear, this means you can’t swear at me, OR call anyone else a Mother. . . anything.
4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Give me a break, at the very least on the weekends.
5. Honor thy Father and thy Mother. Notice how I’ve generously included Dad in this one.
6. Thou shalt not kill. No matter what consequences you’ve suffered for whatever action you decided to take, you cannot have murderous thoughts towards me. Change your behavior ‘cause I’m here to stay.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. If you even know what this is, you’re grounded for life.
8. Thou shalt not steal. That means that what’s mine is mine. You cannot take my things and then try to pretend I never had it. I KNOW it was there yesterday.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor. STOP blaming your brother. I’m not stupid, I know it was you.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. Do well in school, get into college, get a good job and buy a bigger one.
And thou shalt love thy Mother with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Or there will be an exodus. And it will not be mine.
This article was also posted on Huffington Post Parents as The Ten Commandments, Mom Style on 3-30-15.
*NOTE: Charoses is used as part of the Passover Seder. My family eats the leftovers on (matzo) crackers, as a side dish with lunch or dinner, and I also bake it into (Passover) muffins.
1 Delicious apple, cored, peeled and chopped
1 Braeburn apple,cored, peeled and chopped
1/2 cup walnuts, chopped
3 TBSP honey
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 TBSP red wine
*Mix all ingredients the day before serving.
*Place in a sealed container in the fridge.
*Stir the ingredients every now and then.