Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Me versus Google Translate

For a while there it seemed like the older I got the less I understood. I gotta tell you, there were times when this totally worked for me. Without a doubt, anyone with teenagers is well aware that more often than not, ignorance is bliss.

But, mostly thanks to social media, I’m actually becoming quite adept at understanding so many thing I ever imagined would even exist. Like auto-correct. Whoever came up with that should have his fingers permanently fused. But out of necessity . . . or self preservation, I’ve become a master at translating auto-correct. In fact, it’s clear that it’s my superpower. And that’s led to honing these skills in all aspects of life. I swear I’m going to put Google Translate out of work. So next time you need something translated, count on me.

Translation | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Not quite sold? Well check out some samples of my mad skills:

~At the beginning of this month I was watching the last Red Sox game. My beloved team sucked this year {{sob}}. During the game they interviewed the Head Coach about the future of the team.
What he said was: He talked for a good five minutes about talent and upcoming off-season assessment. He spoke about new prospects and long time players, rebuilding years and base talent.
Translation: We’re gonna try not to suck again next year.

~I’m one of those dinosaurs who still has a land line. It actually works for me and I’ve been known to talk to one kid on my cell while talking to the other on the home phone. When it doesn’t work out is when the telemarketers call. It always starts with an offer of some sort, to which I answer “I’ll tell you whether or not I’m interested in your product after you tell me that the do-not-call list is.”
What he said was: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were on the list. I’ll have your number removed from our rosters.
Translation: Talk to you tomorrow, sucka.

~I made Tomato Soup from scratch for the first time and it came out delicious. I was meant to be a Halloween recipe and couldn’t figure out what to use for “blood”. College Boy came up with ketchup. Perfect. It’s made from tomatoes anyway and is the right color. I took my pictures and went to serve the soup for dinner.
What he said was: I don’t want that for dinner, it looks disgusting.
Translation: If I liked Tomato Soup yours would be my favorite because it’s delicious looking, you’re the best Mom in the whole world and you’re smart and pretty too.

~My husband cannot text. Mostly he doesn’t even try, just tells me what to text to which kid. But oh, look out when he tries to text me, like the day he was leaving work to pick up a bench for me.
What he said was: Heads up 4get you bitch.
Translation: Heading up 2 get your bench.

~Autocorrect? As I said, I’ve got this covered. Like the time I was at the grocery store. My son had stopped by the house and was going to grab a cold drink when he texted me.
What he said was: You’ve got no eyes.
Translation: You’ve got no ice.

Witch-O-Lantern | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #Halloween

Witch-O- Lantern
Witch-O-Lantern | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #Halloween


~ Some words have multiple meanings. This is where I totally have Google Translate beat. For instance, the word “fine”.
When a Mom isn’t feeling well and is asked how she’s doing:
What she said was: I’m fine.
Translation: I won’t burden you with how sick I am . . . unless you make some comment about the laundry not being done, then I’ll be fine but you’ll be dead.
or:
When a teenager is asked how his grades are.
What he said was: They’re fine.
Translation: “D-“ is passing.
or:
When it comes from your significant other.
What he said was: You look fine.
Translation: Unlike the teenager with his grades, it doesn’t mean just passing, it means gorgeous. Just accept it and back slowly away from the conversation.
or:
When a young child is asked about a new dinner recipe:
What he said was: It’s fine.
Translation: Is that what I need to say to get dessert?

~I was at the grocery store and looking for an item it seemed they were all out of. I found someone who works there and asked if he’d check the stock room for me.
What he said was: Sure, I’ll check and be right back.
Translation: Ha, stand there as long as you like, you’ll never see me again.

~What I said was:  Happy Haunting!
Translation: Don’t come jumping out of the bushes by my house wearing a bloody costume unless you bring me a change of pants. And a cocktail.

Baking In A Tornado | www.BakingInATornadomcom

Witch-O-Lanterns
                                                                           ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients:
6 Oreos, split in half and filling removed
12 Hershey’s kisses, unwrapped
¼ cup chocolate chips
12 plain donut holes
Orange candy melts
24 nonpareils
1 twizzler
Red writing gel
 
Directions:
*Melt the chocolate chips on a plate. Stir until smooth. Dip the flat bottom of each Kiss candy in the chocolate and attach each to an oreo half to form the witch’s hat. Allow to set.
*Cut three half-inch pieces of twizzler. Slice each piece (lengthwise) into 4 slits.
* Melt 1/3 of the candy melts in the microwave until smooth. It’s easier to work with 4 donut holes at a time. Stick a fork into the top of a donut hole, dip and swirl in the candy melts until covered. It doesn’t have to be smooth, most pumpkins aren’t.
*Place on a sheet of wax paper. Put one of the witch’s hats you made on top of the “pumpkin” and press it down gently, using it for leverage to carefully remove the fork.
*Place 2 nonpareils onto the “pumpkin” as eyes and a slit of twizzler as a mouth.
*Make red “eyeballs” on the nonpareil “eyes” using red writing  gel. Allow to set completely (can put in the fridge for quick setting).

24 comments:

  1. I have a land line, too. Oh and yes, very spooky!

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    1. Land line is causing me more harm than good these days!

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  2. Still attached to the land line umbilical cord here as well. The telemarketers keep mom very occupied some days. I just hand her the phone and she will talk for hours...funny they never call back.

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    1. Smart strategy. I like the way some of my friends have come up with some very creative ways to deal with those phone calls.

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  3. LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!!!!!! I am going to have to try them!!!! SO cute!!!

    BTW, I am thinking about going with son #2's suggestion, every time a telemarketer calls, answer and say, "I am Batman!!"

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    1. Love it. If you can't stop them, may as well have fun with it.

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  4. These are so cute!!!!

    Also.... the Red Sox never suck. Ever. They're just humble. They don't like to shove their overwhelming awesomeness down everyone's throat every year.... some years they step back and let other teams think they're good too.

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    Replies
    1. You're right, they never suck.This season was just a nightmare. I'm sure I'll wake up soon.

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  5. Ha! We still have our land line in our NYC apartment. Why?

    We are one of the few that still has the much wanted 212 area code number that is super hard to get.

    When 911 happened, and the hurricane sandy our land line still worked when all cell phone service was down for days.

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    Replies
    1. Ha, you're tied to that thing for life. No way you can ever give up your 212.

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  6. I agree, "fine" has a lot of different meanings.Here's another one, at the end of an argument. Translation: not fine at all, I'm just tired of fighting.
    Gotta give your husband credit for trying to text. Geez, I'm not sure if I'd be able to translate bitch so generously. Did he seriously get you a bench?

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    Replies
    1. Definitely another meaning for "fine".
      For the record, I got the bench, he was just picking it up for me.

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  7. I bow to your obvious translating genius! And those little pumpkins are adorable! And look delicious!

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  8. Hahahaha,,,yes..I love the translations. and so looking forward to the tomato soup recipe.

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    1. Oh, I hope you come back on Friday. That was my first attempt at Tomato Soup from scratch and I love how it came out.

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  9. Love this Karen. The next time I need something translated, I will stopping by for some help.

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  10. That's hilarious! Yes I too have seen some very strange sentences! Your witches are darling. New follower here from Midlife Blvd and I love that I also found you on Pinterest.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, you really have to laugh at some of those strange communications these days. Pretty similar to a foreign language!

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  11. Very cute recipe - and I'm pinning this for when I need help translating :)

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  12. The bitch/bench story is priceless. I'd keep that in my phone to show your man every time he gets grouchy.
    How did I get so far behind on my reading? Hope you're checking these, knowing I love ya :P
    Hey, I have a land-line too. It doesn't have a twirly cord or anything, but still...
    Hate the telemarketers and I never answer. Now they're starting to call on cell phones. It never ends.

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    Replies
    1. I have to admit that the bitch story had me standing there with my mouth open for a few minutes before I figured that one out. But it sure is funny now that I have.
      XO

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