Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tie Not the Knot

I don’t believe in gay marriage.

I don’t believe in heterosexual marriage.

I don’t believe in marriage at all.

Which is a strange thing to say since I’m married.

When my husband proposed I was really unsure. In retrospect I feel bad for the guy, surprised that he married me after all.

Hubs planned a getaway. We’re from the Boston area so we went to Nantucket, stayed in a quaint Bed-and-Breakfast, had a lovely weekend culminating in dinner at a well known restaurant where we shared a sweet dessert followed by an even sweeter proposal.

To which I said “I don’t know”.

Dessert Strata | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dessert

Dessert Strata
Dessert Strata | www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dessert


“Poor guy” you’re saying to yourself. “She doesn’t deserve him.” But I had my reasons and you know what I ultimately answered so give me a break here.

We are of two different faiths. This can be an issue in terms of the ceremony itself, how we live our lives, how we cope with what comes our way, how our families feel about our union and how our respective religions view our marriage.

We were already living together. We did each others’ laundry, drove each others’ cars and comingled our money to some degree, as any two people living together must. We laughed together and supported each other. We made decisions together.

What’s the point of marriage?

Ah, irony, you bastard.

I wanted children. At that time society was just on the cusp of moving away from the stigma attached to having children outside the confines of a marriage.

Considering this is the issue that ultimately precipitated my decision to marry, I guess the joke was on me when I later found out that I was infertile, could not have children.


Not Tying the Knot | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

As a society we are inching towards outgrowing the institution of marriage.

That’s not such a bad thing.

Not all animals are monogamous and that includes humans. If it’s not our nature, why do we have to be? In today’s culture we do not. We, most of us, enter into marriage with the best of intentions. But we grow and change and sometimes that union is more of a detriment than an advantage. Divorce is difficult and expensive and I am not an advocate of sacrificing your life because of an obligation that results in stagnation.

Gone Girl.

Many people rise to their potential only through the freedom to be emotionally transient. Cultivating an environment where that’s an option can only be good for society.

There are spiritual reasons to get married. Throughout history the premise was that a union entered into before G-d would be stronger. The commitment would mean more. The couple would think longer and fight harder to stay together. And yet the divorce rate keeps rising. Marriage isn’t harder to get out of, just messier.

It’s true that marriage affords certain protections under the law. There is no reason why, if we feel we need protection, we can’t do what we now can with simple wills, download a form and make our intentions known. A domestic partnership agreement of sorts, like a pre-nup. Without the nup. If the dissolution of the relationship needs to go to court, so be it, but all relationships do not to resolve via the legal system.

The simple fact is that these days people enter into and exit from relationships all the time. They live together, buy houses and cars together, have families. Couples break up and go their separate ways. They make the relationship work or they find a way to make the break-up work.

Add to that the fact that the institution of marriage is being further bastardized by those who feel they have the right to dictate who can and who can’t, those who use marriage to try to legalize their own personal prejudices.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt took the public stance that they would not marry until it was a right afforded to all. I commend them.

But I say do away with all the controversy and the legal battles altogether.

There should be no need to segment marriage into gay marriage or straight marriage. There should either be marriage or not.

As a society, I believe we’re headed towards not tying that knot.

Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphic
PS: How does my husband feel about this post? Well, I’d be a lot more worried about it if he hadn’t forgotten our anniversary last month.

Looking for more of my work? 
My Greek Pasta Salad was featured on MSN Food and Drink: 11 Tasty BBQ Side Dishes this week. 
 
Dessert Strata
                                                                           ©www.BakingInATornado.com
 
Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients (6 servings):
10 8-inch tortillas
4 TBSP butter
3 TBSP sugar
½ tsp cinnamon
 
1 1/2 cup heavy cream, divided
2 TBSP Powdered
1/2 tsp vanilla
¾ cup toffee bits
¼ cup Strawberry syrup
¾ cup chocolate syrup
 
Directions:
*Place all of the tortillas in a pile, one on top of the other and cut into 6ths.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
*Melt butter. Mix the sugar and cinnamon together.
*Using a pastry brush, lightly brush both sides of the tortilla slices with butter. Place them on a baking sheet and sprinkle the tops with the cinnamon/sugar mixture.
*Bake for 6 to 8 minutes until they just start to harden and crisp. Watch them closely. Remove from oven and cool completely.
*Whip ½ cup heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the powdered sugar and vanilla and continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
*In a separate bowl, whip ½ cup heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the ¼ cup chocolate syrup and continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
*In a third bowl, whip ½ cup heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the strawberry syrup and continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
NOTE: You can reserve a little whipped cream for garnishing the top of your dessert.
*Place 6 tortilla slices on a serving plate, pushed together as one. Top evenly not quite out to the edge with 1/3 of the vanilla whipped cream. Sprinkle with ¼ cup toffee bits.
*Place 6 more tortilla slices gently on the whipped cream. Be careful to line up the cuts in the slices so that when you’re done you can separate the 6 wedges easily. Top evenly not quite out to the edge with 1/3 of the chocolate whipped cream.
*Place 6 more tortilla slices gently on the whipped cream. Be careful to line up the cuts in the slices so that when you’re done you can separate the 6 wedges easily. Top evenly not quite out to the edge with 1/3 of the strawberry whipped cream.
*Repeat all of the layers two more times. Top with the final 6 slices and garnish top with any reserved whipped cream.
*Store in refrigerator. To serve, carefully divide servings by pre-sliced wedges.

32 comments:

  1. I have to agree with you on that. I was married for 23 years and we were mixed faith. Unfortunately, he passed away. The faith thing did cause issues. Now I'm living with a guy and keeping my money separate. As a woman over 50 it's simpler and financially less complicated that way. My kids are now at the marrying age and I'm not pushing it one way or the other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think as we move away from the institution we're more able to be comfortable with wherever our lives take us.

      Delete
  2. EXACTLY! I agree 100% if two consenting adults want to marry, it's no one's business to butt in. Love is love, marriage is marriage, enough with people passing judgement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, marriage for all or marriage for none. And I think we're getting closer to none.

      Delete
  3. The reality is that marriage has always been simply an economic contract meant for the raising of children.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, but there were other reasons why marriage made a lot of sense in society as it was. I'm just not sure it makes sense in society as it is.

      Delete
  4. I'm very glad to see the institution of marriage afforded to everyone, regardless of race, creed, colour or gender, but then I'm in the group that still believes! Yes, I'm weird.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, not weird at all. And I fully admit that there are people who do marry, stay married and are exceedingly happy. It's not for everyone though, and that's OK. At least to me.

      Delete
  5. Beautifully written, thank you. Your thoughtfulness is refreshing and I appreciate you sharing. There are many who would agree with your position, and it may become the norm. Perhaps someday marriage will be as progressive as a rotary dial phone.
    Kimberly
    http://FiftyJewels.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it doesn't serve the same purpose it did. Kind of like the rotary phone.

      Delete
  6. I've never really thought about it that way before. You have some very interesting points. Since most of the historic reasons for marriage are gone, we probably will see a decline.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really think we already are. We see it with celebrities, with couples not ready to commit to marriage yet are clearly committed to a relationship and are even living with their significant other, and also with people who are divorced and in committed relationships but not wanting to go through the whole marriage thing again.

      Delete
  7. Having done it twice now...I'm still (surprisingly) on the pro side of marriage. I won't do it again...but...I understood you completely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you're still in the majority, but I'm thinking not for long.

      Delete
  8. I believe I'll have a piece of that dessert strata!

    Never been married as I don't believe it's necessary. Been with my gal for many years now and we live together happily. No need to get hitched as we are super happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're living proof of exactly what I'm talking about, Phil.

      Delete
  9. I agree and that coming from someone who has been married forever! It wouldn't have changed anything if we had just lived together. All it really means is we file taxes together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been married forever too and lived together before we married. There really isn't much difference.

      Delete
  10. My ex and I lived together for 2 years and since he was military I had no rights to info on him and we wanted kids, so we married. 25 years later here I am single. I'd love to marry my honey but not sure it will happen. Like you said, things have changed, society has changed, I still believe in marriage, the covenant, the commitment, but I am not so set on it that I will not be happy and live with him. LOL when the time comes, I'm packing so fast his head will spin! YEP my stedfast hard rules have relaxed.
    LOVE the dessert!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whether you marry him or just live with him, I'm just so glad to see you so happy.

      Delete
  11. I agree with you on the fact that fewer people are looking to get married today. Being married almost 34 years, I am happy to married to the same man and I don't know if it would have been the same if we would have just lived together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're one of those people who thrive in a marriage and that's great for you. I just think fewer and fewer people are finding themselves in that position.

      Delete
  12. And that is why I wonder why the big fight over gay marriage...Why Why Why do they want to get married? All the gay couples I know are happy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The gay couples I know are happy too. I do feel that they should have the same rights as all Americans and be afforded the option, but more and more people are opting not to marry and that's working out just fine for them.

      Delete
  13. I think we are at a place where we really need to look at what we call marriage. I believe in marriage, but I think there are other ways to get the "benefits" of marriage that should be just as valid. It's along overdue conversation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's a conversation we seem to be having in little pieces instead of addressing the concept as a whole.

      Delete
  14. You said "I don't know" and expect him to remember anniversaries? ;-)
    Kidding aside, I get your concerns. My parents were the same way, Catholic and Jewish, my Mom even had to sign a document stating that kids were to be raised Christian.
    Instead of debating mixed religions or gay marriage, how about making couples go through relationship / communication classes just like people need to take tests and succeed at exams in order to become a profession or a get their driver's license? Just saying.
    Nice post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that your idea may possibly impact the beginning of a marriage, but I don't see it affecting the long run. And I think, no I know, that most people can pass a class without really internalizing the lessons.

      Delete
  15. If it takes marriage to confirm a commitment, then what do you really have? Im completely in that boat thinking marriage is not necessary for happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. The relationship will run its course whether there's a marriage or not.

      Delete
  16. Only after 15 years and 4 children did we finally set a date. He desperately wanted to marry me, I didn't understand the fuss. 4 children, how much more committed can you get?
    No regrets though.
    Confession, I really came for the dessert... Yum!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we all create our families in our own way. Nothing wrong with any of them.

      Delete

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