It's the holiday season. Yeah, I know you know. But stick with me, I've got some sage words to share. Strategies to get you through the season unscathed. Well, maybe minimally scathed. And if you don't want to take my advice, that's fine. Stick around. There's chocolate . . .
Mile High Triple Chocolate Pie
This time of year, all bets are off. You heard me. Anarchy. Every woman for herself. Shopping is not a luxury it's a blood sport and you may as well be ready.
I'm not talking about the online portion of the shopping experience, I'm referring to people like me who like to touch and hold and inspect an item before committing.
For those of you, like me, in the stores this time of year, here are the rules of defensive shopping, tried and true. They are in effect from the day after Thanksgiving through the day after Christmas.
1) Red lights are for whimps. Do you want to get to the store or not?
2) If someone is heading to a parking space with their blinker on, that space is not theirs. Possession is 9/10 of the law. The space belongs to he who takes possession of it first.
3) No carts left in the store? No problem. Find one that's sitting by someone engrossed in examining an item. Don't make any quick moves, walk up to that thing like a boss and smoothly push it away.
3B) Do not empty that cart first, this is a big mistake and could, in some instances, cause you bodily harm. Wait until you are out of sight, then one by one nonchalantly place items on shelves as you walk through the store.
4) Wear an entire bottle of Axe cologne. Use the body spray too. Crowds will part for you like the Red Sea.
5) An item, especially if it's on sale and/or the last one, does not belong to the person holding it, it belongs to the person who pays for it. Grab and run, my friends, grab and run.
6) Cut in line. Be smart about it. Slip gently between two people saying to no one in particular: "there you are, thanks for holding a spot for me." Immediately start chatting to the person behind you. Don't stop, don't even take a breath, until you're at the head of the line. They can't say anything if they can't get a word in.
6B) Another option for cutting in line: crawl to a spot near the front of the line between two people with a small item cupped in your hand. Pat the floor and look around then, while standing, say "there it is, phew, thought I'd lost it". Voila, there you are.
6C) This one's my favorite: bump your cart firmly into the last person in line. As they all fall like dominoes, shake your head and "tsk, tsk" your way past them all to the head of the line.
7) Whatever you do, do not allow the person waiting on you at the register or answering your question at the courtesy desk to answer the store phone. They will be on there helping someone else for hours. Accidentally hit that phone out of their hand with the unwieldy pile of items you're holding.
8) Wear a baseball cap and pay for your purchases with cash. It's harder to put up posters banning you from the store without your security picture and name.
Good luck with your shopping, everyone.
Oh, and just as an added suggestion, an aside if you will, for those of you who follow my rules, if you happen to find yourself in the post office this holiday season, do not look at the "wanted" posters. Turns out it's true that what you don't know won't hurt you.
Mile High Triple Chocolate Pie©www.BakingInATornado.com
1 package chocolate filled Oreo cookies, finely crushed
4 TBSP butter, melted
3 1/2 cups heavy cream, divided
1 bag (12 oz) Hershey's Kisses, unwrapped
1 pkg (9 oz) chocolate wafer cookies, finely crushed
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup white chocolate liqueur
OPT: chocolate syrup and whipped cream for garnish
*Mix together the Oreo crumbs and the melted butter.
*Grease a 9 inch springform pan. Press the oreo crumb and butter mixture into the bottom and partially up the sides of the pan.
*Place the Hershey's Kisses in a microwave safe bowl with 1 cup of the heavy cream. Melt in the microwave until completely smooth. Mix in the crushed wafer cookies.
*In a separate bowl whip the remaining heavy cream until soft peaks form. Add the powdered sugar and the liqueur. Continue to whip until stiff peaks hold.
*Fold into the Hershey's Kisses/crushed cookie mixture. Pour this filling into the prepared crust. Refrigerate until completely set, at least 4 hours.
*To serve, release the pie from the springform pan. OPT: garnish with chocolate syrup and whipped cream.