Friday, July 7, 2017

Secret Obligation: Secret Subject Swap

Welcome a Secret Subject Swap. This month 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. Read through mine and at the bottom you’ll find links to all of today’s other Secret Subject participants.

Secret Subject Swap, a multi-blogger writing challenge | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics


My subject is: How good are you at keeping a secret? What if it was a secret that could change someone's opinion or even their life? Would you tell?
It was submitted by: Carol of Never Ever Give Up Hope.


Ah, the naivete of childhood. Secrets were fun. They were a connection, a solidification of a relationship, the epitome of trust. We often shared them, rarely kept them, yet they remained a building block of friendship. It was the sharing more than the keeping. Possibly because ramifications of telling mutual friend X that friend Y was going to have a Barbie birthday party just weren't all that great.

Then we grow up, dammit. And secrets really are just as much about keeping them. They are a solemn obligation, relationships ride on them. And if you tell mutual friend X that friend Y wants to go to second base with popular boy Z who friend Y had secretly told also mutual friend W (but not you) that she had planned to go to second base with same aforementioned popular boy Z? You can cause the kind of embarrassment that can be a high school catastrophe. Or world war three.

And then, if we survive those years, we really grow up. Fortunately there are fewer secrets told, but those that are have the potential to become a moral conundrum.

We're not talking about giving away the secret ingredient in a recipe (although there are, decidedly, those who would kill for less).

Spaghetti Crusted Pizza, a fun version of a family favorite. Mix up the crust, use your favorite toppings, this version of a pizza will be a hit. | Recipe developed by www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #dinner #pizza
Spaghetti Crusted Pizza



No, what the prompt asks is what I would do if the secret, when divulged, would change someone's opinion, or even their life. And I have a quick answer to the opinion question. I would not divulge a secret just to change how someone feels. If I really felt, for any reason, that I should take it upon myself to change their views, I'd just have to look for another way to do it. 

Would I tell a secret to change someone's life? That's a hard one. To save someone's life is a no-brainer, but to change it? That needs to be considered on a case by case basis. And I have to say that if I'm put in this situation, there could well be an erosion in my relationship with the person who told me the secret because they have effectively yanked me up from my innocent oblivion and dropped me down into a mine field.

I have a very strict moral code. I believe that someone's personal information, even if they choose to share it with me, is theirs. Trust is a building block of relationships and is, once lost, incredibly difficult to regain.

I wrote a post in 2012. It was cathartic, it's about a serious subject that has and continues to have a profound impact on my life. But it includes information that I really feel is not mine to share. I spoke to the person involved and was given permission to publish the post. I still haven't. Would it bring about a change? A realization that something needs to change? Maybe. But somewhere in my heart I feel like it betrays a trust, crosses a line I can't scurry back over. I don't delete that draft either. Maybe some day I will post it, but it's taking years of careful consideration. As this kind of a situation should.

One of my sons told me a secret about 3 years ago. It was a confidence that hurt me in more ways than one. The most difficult facet of this situation is having to keep it from everyone, even my husband. It did not weaken my relationship with my son because . . . he's my son. He rarely lets people in so I know what it took for him to divulge, but I carry the burden of possible ramifications if it ever comes out with the understanding that I'd known. Nonetheless, I decided to err on the side of my own morality. If I have to answer for it, I will.

Bottom line is this, unless it's a life or death situation, I don't think I would tell someone else's secret. But I also have to say that we are all acutely aware that keeping a secret has the potential to be a burden. What we need to spend more time considering is the ramifications that sharing a confidence can have for the person in whom we've confided. It is a responsibility too. One we should not take lightly.


Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:



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Spaghetti Crusted Pizza
                                                              ©www.BakingInATornado.com


Printable Recipe 


Ingredients:
1# spaghetti,broken into thirds, cooked and drained
1 stick butter, melted
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp dried red pepper flakes
2 eggs
10 slices provolone cheese
1 1/2 cups Homemade Marinara Sauce
1 cup shredded mozarella
1 cup ricotta cheese
2 TBSP grated parmesan cheese
1 TBSP dried parsley flakes
pizza toppings of your choice

Directions:
*Grease a metal pizza pan without holes in the bottom. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
*Mix together the chopped cooked spaghetti, butter, 1/2 cup of parmesan, garlic powder and red pepper flakes. Allow to cool slightly, then mix in the eggs. Pat evenly onto the prepared pan.
*Cover the spaghetti with the slices of provolone cheese. Spread the marinara sauce over the cheese. Sprinkle with the shredded mozarella.
*Mix together the ricotta cheese, the remaining 2 TBSP grated parmesan and the parsley flakes. Dollop onto the the pizza. Add the pizza toppings of your choice.
*Cook for 20 - 30 minutes until the crust starts to brown and the toppings are cooked and the cheese is melted.


24 comments:

  1. great prompt and post. I agree, unless a life is on the line, I am not going to reveal a secret. What if it did more damage than good? Some of the books I have read over the years, oh boy sometimes it's best NOT to know what the hell is really going on.

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  2. I knew I chose well in choosing you for a friend!

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    Replies
    1. Well that's the nicest thing I've heard in a while!

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  3. That is a tough question / situation.
    There may be the possibility to consult the person who told you the secret, discuss and come to a mutual decision if telling the person whose life is about to change was a good idea or not?
    Having worked in Human Resources I carry many secrets. Sometimes temptation was there to let some embarrassing bits slip, but as you are saying, you always want to look in the mirror and see your integer self, so, NO.
    Not everybody shares those values, though. The boss lady I had when I was pregnant with Colin didn't even wait till I had left the building to tell the entire HR team "in confidence" about my pregnancy, even though I asked her to keep it to herself as long as I was in my first trimester. Stupid bitch, I still wanna slap her.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes, I hate being in a situation where I have to tell someone a secret I would not necessarily have chosen to tell that particular person. You know it's probably not going to end well but there's not much you can do about it.

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  4. Secrets are tricky. I go back to the training I went through as a youth minister: You should never keep a secret that may cause someone harm. I guess that's still a bit open to interpretation, but most things are, aren't they?

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    1. I think that's a very smart place to start, though.

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  5. And that my friend, is why I trust you implicitly with my secrets of heart and soul. They're safe

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  6. My girls are forever telling me secrets that they expect me to keep from their father. It puts me in an awkward position. I once caught my sister's (former) husband out with another woman. I wanted to make a beeline to my sister's house to tell her, but my mother stopped me and told me not to get involved. A year later, my sister found out about the other woman and got a divorce. To this day, I regret not telling her sooner, but I was too afraid to go against my mother's wishes.

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    1. Such a difficult situation. My son told me one I feel uncomfortable not sharing with Hubs, but he told me in confidence and I feel bound to maintain that confidence. I'm glad your sister found out and was able to remove herself from the situation, better for her and relief for you.

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  7. I think I'm an excellent secret keeper, but husband not so much. He's a total blabber so we don't tell him anything lol!He says he's like a mushroom fed shit and kept in the dark hahahaha! I agree though, I've did lose a very serious friendship because she kept a secret from me that almost cost my child her life among other things. I can't look at that friend in the same way again. Really I want to punch her in the face every time I run into her and she doesn't even have a clue!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, keeping a secret is so important but knowing when not to is crucial too.

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  8. I can keep a secret if I really feel I have too, but generally in my family I tell mum everything often starting with the words, "don't let on I told you" but all my girls know I do that and in fact my daughters are the same, they tell me things and tell me not to let on I know so in this family secrets are not safe, that said there are some things told to me in secret that I have not told anyone about

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    1. I think it's ok to tell secrets within a family when everyone knows it's happening. It's like an unspoken family rule, and it's sweet, really.

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  9. Secrets. There was a secret that my husband's grandmother divulged to him not long before she died, about another family member. My husband may have been happier not knowing this secret. Sometimes, I think people release the burdens they carry when they come close to the end, but for those who receive the secrets, it can cause so much anguish. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. I completely agree, some secrets are an unfair burden.

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  10. Would I tell a secret to change someone's life. Most definitely. I'm terrible at holding people's secrets. I guess that's why I'm a writer. The secrets I have can be secretly unleashed in the form of fiction. Happy July!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it's good to have an outlet, writing fiction is a great one.

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  11. I respect and appreciate your answer. When you said " acutely aware that keeping a secret has the potential to be a burden" struck a nerve as I have had to keep secrets I will take them to my grave that I wish I had never known. I, too, had to keep secrets my children told me. Often I wish I could reveal them as I know it would help someone in the situation. But then I push that thought down....deep and hope it does not surface again.

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    1. Secrets definitely have the ability to become toxic.

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  12. I have been told many secrets. My mom has always said I hold the curse of Dear Abby, everyone wants to confide in me. It is a burden and one I do not take lightly. Secrets are only secrets when shared with NO ONE because once another person has been told, it is no longer a secret.

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    1. I bet that is a curse. More often than not I'd rather not be told someone else's secret.

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