Tuesday, May 23, 2017

It's 4 am, Do You Know Where Your Brain Is?

I may have mentioned a time or two ten that I'm struggling with the signs and symptoms of getting old as dirt further up on the maturity spectrum. I've written Take That Hot Flashes, Bah Humbug, and I Smell Smoke, to name a few. But this latest challenge, well, it's beyond frustrating.

I usually fall asleep at around 1 am and stay asleep till morning. I figure I've earned this right. Between pregnancy, then young kids, then teens not yet home I've had my share of not sleeping soundly. I've paid my dues, this is my time, sleep is mine. NOT.

You see, I used to be able to hold my water. OK, fine, TMI, I get it. But I so long for those days. Other than when I was pregnant, I always slept through the night without being woken by my bladder. Let me just say here and now that I miss those days. Because it appears that my bladder has declared war. This must be one hell of a vendetta because reveille at 4 am seems to be the battle strategy. 

Once I've fallen out of the bed tangled up in the covers, zig zagged to the bathroom, banged into a wall or two, missed the light switch and am finally back in bed I do not fall back asleep. That damn brain that lets me down every time I'm writing and need a word is suddenly on stimulants.

It's 4 AM, Do You Know Where Your Brain Is?, a humorous look at middle of the night thoughts | www.BakingInATornado.com | #humor #funny #MyGraphics

What earth shattering, life altering, highly consequential thoughts go through my brain at 4 am?

~ I better check social media. I've been asleep for 3 hours, what if someone's looking for me? What if someone's talking to me? What if something really important is going on. I better check. I'm missing something, I can tell.

~ I could go for a donut.
~ The whole idea of a colonoscopy is bad enough. You could not pay me enough to have it done on live TV. Or could you? Hmmm, I wonder how much "enough" is . . .

~ Did I leave the light on in the den? Wait, did I turn the oven off after dinner? I hope I closed the slider in the kitchen. I forgot to check and see if the garage door is down. Last time College Boy left it up everything was stolen out of our cars. I should go check. Shouldn't I go check? Screw it.

~ I need something to make for dinner tonight. Something quick and easy since I'll probably be exhausted from this whole lack-of-sleep thing. I have leftover Turkey Cutlets with Raspberry Sauce, I can do something interesting with them. I know, sandwiches. I need to remember this idea in the morning . . . I need to remember this idea in the morning . . . I need to . . . I could go for a donut.

Breaded Turkey Cutlet Grilled Cheese, a smoky grilled cheese sandwich made with a breaded pan fried turkey cutlet and accented with sauteed vegetables | Recipe developed by www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #turkey #sandwich

Breaded Turkey Cutlet Grilled Cheese

~ I wonder if Frito-Lay is working on dustless Cheetos. 'Cause all that orange cheetos dust really makes the whole eating-in-bed thing a problem. I should write them a letter. There's missed sales here. They'll thank me.

~ I put the trash out at the curb before I went to bed. But dammit, it's Tuesday. Our trash guy comes on Thursday. Why the hell did I put the trash out on Tuesday? 

~Who decides what the citizens of a country are called? We are Americans, there are Koreans, Cubans, Indians, Lithuanians. Why aren't Irish Irelandans, the Dutch Netherlandans, the French Franceans, the Israelis Israelians?  

~ I hear something up in the attic. Do I hear something up in the attic? What if it's a mouse. Or a raccoon. What if it eats a hole in the wall and gets into the house. I should wake Hubs up. He needs to go check the attic. Oh, what if it's a bat? It could get stuck in my hair. And bite my neck. I'll be a vampire. Then I'll never sleep again.

~ I could go for a donut. Do vampires like donuts?
~ I need to get back to sleep. Maybe I should count sheep. No, it's a new day in America. Maybe I can count how many people the president has picked fights with on twitter. That should do it:

North Korea
Angela Merkel
Hillary Clinton
Neil Young
Barack Obama
The intelligence community
Bernie Sanders
Jeb Bush
Meryl Streep
Megyn Kelly
Whoopie Goldberg
Mitt Romney 


Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Breaded Turkey Cutlet Grilled Cheese         
Printable Recipe
Ingredients (makes about 3 sandwiches):
1 # turkey cutlets 
1 egg
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs
6 TBSP butter, divided
2 TBSP olive oil

1/4 onion, sliced thin
1/2 green pepper, sliced thin
6 - 8 mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
garlic powder to taste
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 TBSP balsamic vinegar

6 slices bread
3 slices smoked provolone cheese 

*Prepare the turkey cutlets, without the sauce, as per this recipe: Turkey Cutlets with Raspberry Sauce. Set aside and keep warm.
*To the same large frying pan, melt 1 TBSP butter and add the onion, green pepper and mushrooms. Sprinkle with garlic powder to taste. Cook, stirring, until the vegetables start to soften.
*Add the Worcerstershire sauce and balsamic vinegar. Cook and stir until the vegetables are completely soft. Set aside.
*While the vegetables are cooking, use the remaining butter, the slices of bread and the provolone cheese to make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches. 
*While still hot, carefully open the sandwiches. Place one to two turkey cutlets and 1/3 of the vegetable mixture into each sandwich. Close the sandwiches back up, slice and serve.


  1. I hear you, insomnia, bladder thinking she is the boss and the check and recheck worries. Then I usually go into a worry if I am becoming compulsive. Love it when I wake up and hadn't had the check recheck worry and the front door has the keys in it and the back door is also unlocked! Nice recipe for hot weather!

    1. I went downstairs first thing the other morning to open the slider in the kitchen as it had cooled off overnight. Turns out I'd left the slider open all night. Maybe I need to be a little more compulsive. Or careful.

  2. About the same thoughts as you except my bladder calls at 2am. I have nightlights noe. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

    1. Ah, the circle of life. I may need to dig out some nightlights too.

  3. I hear you! I've woken up to use the bathroom at 4 am for the last month and I usually don't go to bed until about 2 and then I get woken up at 8 am every.single.morning. I've been a walking zombie for the last few years, but it seems to have gotten worse since the hysterectomy. Plus, these hot flashes are killing me! Now I want a doughnut!

    1. Yes, funny how a donut seems to be the answer to everything.

  4. When I was going through menopause I would wake up often during the night sometimes to pee, sometimes for who knows why, not me that's for sure I would lay awake and think of the strangest things at times, thankfully those nights are now gone and I sleep pretty much through the night.

    1. Good to know there's hope. Looking forward to sleeping through the night again, preferably soon.

  5. Oh, my word! This is so my middle-of-the-night conversations with my brain!
    Gonna use the 'Trump' thing. Finally, he can do me some good . . .

    1. Yes, he'll either amuse you in an "OMG, did he really go there too" way, or put you to sleep.

  6. Oy, I feel with you... insomnia blows.


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