My subject is: You are asked to give a talk about something you are passionate about but it may be controversial - do you decline or share your views knowing there could be repercussions?
It was submitted by: Carol of Never Ever Give Up Hope.
I know that you give talks regularly, Carol. Hubs can do it too. Me? Not so much. Once or twice I tried to talk just in a group of co-workers who I knew and my voice shook so badly I was incredibly embarrassed. I used to joke that when it comes to public speaking, I can barely talk to two people at a time.
But your question actually brings up some important points about commitment to your beliefs, when it is comfortable to express them and when it's not, and over and above comfortable, when the repercussions are worth it. All of these need to be weighed carefully.
Since I don't speak publicly (well, actually I do, through this blog), I'm going to just tweak your question a bit to fit my circumstances, which are that I have this blog, a FB page for my blog with a decent sized following, over 15,000 likes on the page, a small Baking In A Tornado private FB group as well as my personal page. The thought process I use for posting in these places would be the same as I'd use for public speaking.
I am passionate about quite a few issues right now, more than ever before. In this political and social climate, it's pretty hard to take a back seat. Everything is out there. There are daily assaults to equal rights, the environment and our health care system. There are extreme measures being taken to deal with those coming here begging for asylum, Marijuana is still a schedule 1 drug in many states, the federal government after 16 years will start putting people to death again, antisemitism is on the rise, mental health is still stigmatized, our president and a supreme court justice have been credibly accused of sexual assault, our media is being villainized and our children are being murdered in school. How can you not be passionate about at least some of the issues that pummel us daily?
But there are passionate people on both sides of these issues an the truth is that despite all the discourse, neither side is getting through to the other. We've sunk to anger, bullying and tribalism.
So in that quagmire, do you speak out? Do you dare not? My answer is that I pick my spots. I say what I want to say on this blog. I don't do it constantly or regularly, but none of my regular readers have any question as to where I stand on the important issues of the day. Conversely, I have tried, a few times, to have discussions on the blog FB page. I think many people come to the Baking In A Tornado page for the humor and/or for the recipes, not for my personal political or social viewpoints.
Vanilla French Toast Waffles
So speaking my mind on controversial issues often doesn't go well on that page and with that large of a group. Invariably someone answers with anger and insults, ends up unliking my page and leaving in a (virtual) huff. I try, each time, to let them know that I want them to stay, welcome their polite and thoughtful rebuttal to my opinions, but ultimately I end up feeling badly about the situation. The more people we turn away, the thicker those dividing lines, which is the opposite of what I hope for us as a country and as a society. So the only thing controversial I do now on that page is to promote the occasional political blog post, but I don't get into any issues there. As far as the small private Baking In A Tornado FB group goes, I set it up specifically asking that we refrain from any political or religious discussion there.
My personal FB page, now that's another story. This is a page where I am friends with family, personal friends, blog friends and acquaintances. Here I say whatever I want no matter how controversial. When it comes to religion and to politics, it seems that a great number of people I know are on the opposite side of the spectrum from me. I see their posts and if I don't agree, I move on to the next post in my news feed. If they are just acquaintances, I may stay friends but just "unfollow" their page. But they have as much right to express themselves as I do. It is my true belief that if you have to stifle yourself around friends and family, you need to reassess your relationships.
When it comes to repercussions, this is especially crucial because not all of the repercussions of what we say end up being ours to suffer. I've talked before about a blog post that's been in my drafts for 7 years now. Seven years. I talk about something about which I am deeply passionate in the piece. It's my story because I was and continue to live it. But it's also someone else's story, and that's mostly why I never hit "publish". He's refused to read the post but, years ago, gave me permission to put it out there. So far I haven't been able to. What's stopped me? Repercussions. Knowing that when it comes to the internet, once you put something out there you cannot take it back, I believe in erring on the side of caution. So although I can suffer consequences of my words if the repercussions are mine, causing someone else's suffering is where I draw the line.
What about you? Where is your line?
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Wandering Web Designer
Spatulas on Parade
The Bergham Chronicles
Never Ever Give Up Hope
Our Prime Years
Climaxed
Part-time Working Hockey Mom
Spatulas on Parade
The Bergham Chronicles
Never Ever Give Up Hope
Our Prime Years
Climaxed
Part-time Working Hockey Mom
Vanilla French Toast Waffles
©www.BakingInATornado.com
Printable RecipeIngredients:
8 slices of bread
3 eggs
1/3 cup French Vanilla creamer
1 1/4 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp cinnamon
*Opt: fresh fruit, whipped cream, maple syrup or any other toppings of your choice
Directions:
*Place the bread on the counter to allow to harden a bit.
*Grease your waffle iron and heat. While the iron is heating, whisk together the eggs, creamer, vanilla, salt and cinnamon in a shallow baking dish.
*Once the waffle iron is ready, immerse a slice of bread in the egg mixture, flip over and coat the other side. Hold over the baking dish to drain a bit.
*Place in the waffle iron and close. It is done and ready to remove once it's browned and starting to crisp. Keep warm.
*Repeat with each slice of bread, making sure to keep the waffle iron greased and reheating it between uses.
*Serve with topping(s) of your choice.
Wow, that's an incredibly tough topic. I think I need some of them waffles while I reflect on it.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I am a poor public speaker, and I would never been able to stand my ground and defend my point of view if I was in the spotlight. I'd rather discuss controversial topics in small groups.
I alway try to find common ground, but with some people I wonder if we even breathe the same air... So sometimes it's wise to set politics aside and just talk about the weather ;-)
Happy Friday!
I agree. Sometimes it's just not worth it and as I said there are people who take it too far, past discussion and into anger which is counterproductive.
DeleteInteresting....it seems we can no longer disagree and remain friends. I, too, have lost friendships because of my stance on certain issues. It hurts, but I have to stand by my values. Perhaps they weren't much of a friend in the first place. That's how I have to look at it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I can be friends with people who disagree with me, but if the friendship requires agreement on everything, that's just not the kind of friend I need.
DeleteMy side is the french toast waffles!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I try to keep religion and politics off my pages in general because it is such a heated debate and these days people seem in the mood for a fight all the time. I have my opinions, I educate myself on the things happening right now but rarely do I speak out. I agree to disagree in a mature manner by just "keep scrolling" when on FB. If it is a one on one conversation and they are calm rational adults I'll indulge but it they are looking for a fight, I'll walk on. I have some friends who have shocked me with the fierceness that they attack and post on FB. I again, walk away. Some fights are not worth the battle.
I appreciate your scrolling on by, Dawn. You're right, it's just not worth the battle.
DeleteI admit to avoiding controversy and confrontation - creates too much anxiety for me. Sigh....
ReplyDeleteI'd have to say that these days there are more opportunities for anxiety to be high than not.
DeleteI also have opinions, and I have FB friends/family who feel the opposite way. I "scroll on by" because it's true, you can't have a civil discussion and you certainly are not going to change anyone's mind. I rarely post politically either on my FB page or on my blog. Sad to say, on FB I've read incredible hate voiced by both sides of the aisle. I try to make my blog more of a refuge for when times get tough. My pictures of flowers. Your recipes. They help keep the sanity of our readers. Speaking of which, I haven't used my vintage waffle iron in forever. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI just pulled my waffle iron out for the first time in almost 20 years a few years ago and I'm glad I did. Hope you find yours, dust it off and give it a try again.
DeleteYou did a fine job of the subject! I, too, keep my political (and religious) views mostly to myself. And pick my arenas.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm learning from you!
I don't know about that, but in general when it comes to this issue we tend to think alike.
DeleteI agree so much with not only your words but your views. I try to not to look at people who have different views badly but sometimes you just can't help it. For instance, people who support racist, misogynistic, imbeciles who have no business leading this country. Oops did I say that out loud? Hahahaha! I can't unsee these things. (Rena)
ReplyDeleteYes you did, and I'm proud that this blog is a safe place for you to say it.
DeleteI say what I want when I want. I'm okay with losing people because I write for myself not necessarily to build a community, but with a blog like this and the page you have built it would be a lot harder to do that and keep views and followers without it turning nasty. I can definitely respect that.
ReplyDeleteThere's something very freeing about writing just for yourself, but there's also something warm and comforting about feeling as though you have a community based on your writing.
DeleteHonestly, that is one of the many reasons I keep rebranding my blog and ultimately decided to just start a whole new one. I have a LOT to say and don’t feel like I can when I’m branded a “mommy blog”. I want to get MY thoughts and MY beliefs out there. Maybe it will help someone.
ReplyDeleteI’m DYING to know what is in that unpublished post tho...
I'm glad you've worked out a way to get your voice out there. I always felt that you would.
DeleteAnd believe me, you really don't want to know what's in that unpublished post. It's painful.