Corona-BOOM

It's coming. The Corona-BOOM. You know what I'm talking about, right? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes being stuck in the house together for months . . . you get the picture.

If many of us started staying home in March, add 9 months and I'm guessing the first wave of births (first wave is, I guess, for those overachievers among us) should be in just a couple of months. After that though, look out, the world is a Midwife's oyster. Truth is, ready to start (or expand) their family or not, as the opportunity has exponentially increased, the options for prevention have decreased.

I mean, what are you gonna do, put it on your Walmart grocery list?

lettuce, green leaf
tomatoes, roma
rice, brown
chicken, boneless, skinless, thin sliced
milk, 1 % low fat
butter, sticks, salted
orange juice, no pulp
condoms, mint, ribbed, colored 

And you know they make substitutions, right? How, exactly, does that work? And what if it doesn't? You may have to call and talk to them. I'm thinking the only thing worse than trying to order condoms with your groceries would be having to discuss the situation with the employees:

You: Hello, Walmart, can I speak with someone about my pick-up order?
Them: Hold please.

then:

Them: Hello, this is the pick-up center.
You: Yes, I'd like to talk to someone about an item in my order.
Them: Sure, let me have your order number.
You: 12398470.
Them: OK, I have your order right here. 
You: I ordered condoms.
Them: Yes, they were included in your order.
You: I ordered mint.
Them: We were out of mint, we had to substitute tropical.
You: You know there's a big difference between candy and fruit, right?
Them: {{silence}}
You: And I wanted colored.
Them: We didn't have any colored, we had to substitute glow in the dark.
You: Glow in the dark? Like landing a plane at night glow in the dark?
Them: {{silence}}
You: And I ordered ribbed.
Them: Yes, we had to substitute . . .
You (interrupting): Yeah, I saw the substitution, what exactly is a vibrating ring?
Them: Hold please, let me get you the manager.

45 minutes later:

You (to yourself): I'm not actually on hold for the manager, am I?

One week later:

Hubs: Where are the condoms?
Wife: I ordered them again this week, but they don't seem to be here. Let me look at the receipt.

then:

Wife: It says they didn't include them, it says they were all out.
Husband: They didn't make a substitution?
Wife: No, looks like they didn't.
Husband: I wonder why.
Wife: I don't know, but I was SO looking forward to that vibrating ring.

So yeah, baby boom. Courtesy of Walmart.

And these babies will not be born with a silver spoon in their mouths. More like a thermometer in their tiny little hands.

Don't be surprised, either, if we see a few unique names among these Covid babies: Elvirus, Leisol, Maskenzie, Isolatabel, Walmargaret, Coronathan, Covidette.

Lesson learned: The next time there's a deadly virus that keeps couples quarantined together for months and our husbands are looking to . . . ahem . . . amuse themselves, follow the advice of a famous French Queen, Marie Antoinette, and "let them eat cake." 

But then, as pretty as she may have been, turns out Marie's last date was with a guillotine.

Root Beer Float Poke Cake

Root Beer Float Poke Cake

                                                              ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe


Ingredients:

1 box vanilla cake mix
1 cup milk
1/3 cup oil
1 tsp vanilla
4 eggs
1 container (5 - 6 oz) vanilla yogurt 

1 box Root Beer Shake pudding mix
3/4 cups milk
3/4 cup root beer 1 can (12 oz) vanilla frosting

OPT: whipped cream and cherries for garnish

Directions:
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9 X 13 pan.
*Beat the cake mix, 1 cup milk, oil, vanilla, eggs and yogurt for 2 minutes.
*Spread the batter evenly into the pan and bake for about 25 minutes, or until the center springs back to the touch. Cool completely.
*Whisk the pudding mix with the remaining milk and root beer. Reserve 1/2 cup and set aside. Put the rest of the pudding mix into the fridge to set for 20 minutes.
*Poke the cake all over using the rounded bottom of a wooden spoon. Don't press in all the way to the bottom. Pour the pudding mix that had been in the refrigerator over the cake and allow to seep into the holes. 
*Whisk the remaining pudding mix into the vanilla frosting and spread over the cake. Garnish with whipped cream and cherries, if desired.
*Store, covered, in the refrigerator.