Excuses, Excuses

I've heard them all. Bet you have too. The thing (well, one of the many things) about having kids is that the excuses are endless. Most of the time they're nonsensical too. Aggravating, maddening, frustrating and infuriating come to mind, but it's possible I'm going off on a tangent here . . .

There was the time the project for school was not completed because "the teacher didn't tell me when it was due." And the time College Boy got a "C" because "the teacher made a mistake".

Then there was the time PurDude got a speeding ticket because "the cops had a quota". And his ticket a few days later? Well that was unfair because he was "barely going faster than the other cars".

And I can't forget the day, when they were little, when I came down to the kitchen to find that one of the boys had dumped over his cup of milk, which had spilled all over the table and was drip. . . drip . . . dripping onto the floor. Why hadn't he cleaned it up? Because I hadn't told him too, of course.
 
I need a drink. And no, I don't mean milk, spilled or otherwise. I mean something strong.

Caramel Apple Martini

I've made an executive decision. In the spirit of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em", I've got some excuses myself. And since I'm all Miss Organized (or the Queen of Forgetful, one or the other), I'm making a list. That way, I've got the perfect response ready for every occasion. I think I'll print it and put it on the fridge.

Mom's list of excuses:

1) The goldfish ate it.

2) Because everyone knows alcohol kills germs.

3) I decline to comment until I've conferred with my therapist.

4) Well I thought it was safe, the lady behind me in line at Walmart said so.

5) I didn't steal your {{insert name of item here}}. I just got tired of stepping on it.

6) I had planned to {{insert whatever I forgot to do here}}, but I was playing Candy Crush.

7) I didn't lie, I had a moment of intellectual creativity.

8) Because everything tastes better doused in chocolate.

9) If Beyonce can wear this so can I.

and if all else fails:

10) Dad did it.

There you go. An excuse for all most occasions.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it, kids. 

On second thought, don't. That's not legal here. 

Unless someone's got an excuse that'll work with a judge?

Caramel Apple Martini

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Printable Recipe
 
Ingredients (per drink):
2 oz Jim Beam Apple bourbon
1/2 oz butterscotch schnapps
3 oz apple juice
2 TBSP of caramel sauce
3 soft caramels
1 slice of a sour apple

Directions:
*Fill a cocktail shaker with ice to about the half way point. Add the bourbon, schnapps and apple juice. Place in the fridge.
*Thread 3 caramels onto a toothpick.
*Drizzle the caramel sauce around the inside of your glass.
*Gently shake your drink. Carefully pour, without the ice, into the center of your glass.
*Garnish with the caramels and apple slice.