Friday, December 8, 2017

Lame, Lamer, Lamest: Secret Subject Swap

Welcome a Secret Subject Swap. This month 10 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. Read through mine and at the bottom you’ll find links to all of today’s other Secret Subject participants.

Secret Subject Swap, a multi-blogger writing challenge | | #MyGraphics

My subject is: Make a list of the best/lamest excuses you've encountered (or used yourself).
It was submitted by: Tamara of Part-Time Working Hockey Mom.

Oh, puhhhlease. Lamest excuses? I'm a mom. Fielding lame excuses from kids is pretty much part of the job description. Although all kids use them, and all moms have heard them, I have to admit that sometimes they push the limits. A mom's dilemma, when met with yet another level of absurdity when it comes to excuses is the age old "do I laugh or do I cry?"

I don't remember all the lame excuses I've heard (or used, for that matter). I'm sure that's out of mental self-preservation. But there are a few that have stuck in my mind. Sadly, these are a few I just can't seem to forget.

Top three lamest excuses I've heard:

* "The poop was already on the floor when I got here". No dilemma here, this one's a "cry". In fact, my eyes still water at the memory.

* The kids were not allowed to eat or drink in the living room when they were little. One day I came downstairs and the carpet in the living room was soaking wet. I found my youngest, who was around 4 or 5 at the time. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Were you drinking in the living room?
Son: No.
Me: Why is the carpet wet?
Son: It's raining.
Me: Raining?
Son (looking away): Yes, Mom.
Me: In the house?
Son: {{silence}}
Me: You want to change your story?
Son (pointing out the window, where it is, in fact, raining): No, Mom, see, it's raining.

* "I know you said not to touch the cookies, Mama, but I was hungry and the shelf with the candy is up too high". I have to admit that a 3 year old saying this while looking at me with those innocent saucer eyes made me laugh. Well, I laughed after I cleaned up all the crumbs from the floor of the pantry.

Eggnog Brickle Cookies, holiday cookies with the flavors of eggnog and the crunch of toffee. | Recipe developed by | #recipe #cookies #Christmas

Eggnog Brickle Cookies
Eggnog Brickle Cookies, holiday cookies with the flavors of eggnog and the crunch of toffee. | Recipe developed by | #recipe #cookies #Christmas

Let me just say that if I'm faced with a situation where I feel like I'm on the spot and have to come up with something quickly, I freeze. Well, my brain does anyway. And what comes out of my mouth is invariably idiotic. I totally suck at lying.

Top three lamest excuses I've used:

* There were Curling trials going on in our town. I actually like the sport, I've watched it in the Olympics and I think it's interesting. I don't think I'd want to watch an entire match in person, though. I'd imagine it's cold in the rink, and I don't think a match would keep me interested from beginning to end. It was a freezing cold night and I was curled up in a ball on the couch. Hubs came upstairs with his phone to his ear, told me that his friends had 2 extra tickets to the Curling trials, and wanted to know if we wanted to go with them.
"I can't, I have to stay home" I started, searching for words "I really need to sweep the floor."

* When I was in my late 20s, I had to renew my license so I left work a little early and stopped by the registry. I wasn't feeling well so I'd planned on going home and going to bed. At the registry, I actually failed the eye test. I was told that I had 2 weeks to come back with glasses or contacts and retake the exam.
I came back 2 weeks later without glasses or contacts to try again. The examiner didn't want to re-test me. I explained to her that the last time I failed because "I was sick. I had the mumps and it affected my eyesight". 
"Yeah, right, can't you do any better than that?" she argued, "not only do adults not get the mumps, but no one does any more, ever heard of the MMR vaccine?"
Yes, it was a lame excuse. Yes, I'd had the MMR. And yes, I'd actually just had the mumps. 
PS: Once I finally got her to give me the exam, I passed it.

* I was once asked by an acquaintance if I could drive her kids to school. Which day? Every day. Although I don't mind helping people out now and then, or working out a carpool arrangement, I wasn't going to drive her kids every day with no reciprocation. So what did I say? The first stupid thing that came to my head. "I'd be happy to, but my seat belts are broken."

BTW, if anyone wants play Cyrano de Bergerac for me when I need excuses, I could use the help.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado signature | | #MyGraphics

Eggnog Brickle Cookies

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes about 3 dz):
1 stick butter, softened
1 stick margarine, softened
3/4  cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg, room temperature
1 TBSP spiced rum
3 TBSP eggnog
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup toffee bits
about 2 TBSP colored sugar

*Cream the butter, margarine and sugars until smooth. Beat in the egg, eggnog and rum.
*Carefully beat in the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg starting at the lowest speed until the dry ingredients are incorporated. Mix in the toffee bits.
*Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least two hours and up to a day.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover three baking sheets with parchment paper. Place the colored sugar onto a plate.
*Roll the dough into approximately 1/2 inch balls. Dip the top of each ball into the colored sugar and place onto baking sheets.
*Bake for 11 - 13 minutes. Cool on the baking sheet for 3 minutes before removing to cool completely.


  1. Bwahahahaha! Yeah. I'm going to need you along on my next trip through Canadian customs. They'll be so busy listening to you, they won't hear what comes out of my mouth! :)

  2. I suck at this, plus I can NEVER say no. I've learn to deal with it though...I don't leave my house hahahahaha!

  3. I've finally found someone who is a worse liar than I am. "My seatbelts are broken" would have been a genius excuse for me. I think growing up in New York City just made my mouth say snarky things instead - like "hey! I was hoping that recipe would have even more eggnog. 3 tbsp? I was expecting 1 or 2 cups! (I'm sure it's a great recipe - but, you know, I can't lie.he he...Alana

    1. 1 - 2 cups? That would be some mighty wet cookie dough.

  4. I love remembering kids lame excuses. They're so funny. The cookies look great. Eggnog flavored sounds amazing!

    1. Glad the post gave you a laugh, and I hope you do try these cookies.

  5. Still laughing about the cookies vs the candy on the high shelf. Also consider that your homemade cookies must have been irresistible! Plus it's actually less lame than "I have to sweep the floor", hahaha! They usually serve hot beverages at ice rinks. Just saying.
    Wow, taking somebody's kids to school *every day*? Just as a favour? Was she serious?

    1. Yes, every day. People are pretty unbelievable. If I absolutely had to ask something like that, I'd sure offer something in return.

  6. Broken seat belts - good one! Yes, I totally agree, you don't want to feel taken advantage of.

    Fun post! Nice to read your blog again!

    1. Glad to have you back. Don't be a stranger!

    2. Thanks! Yes, I need to keep reading your blog as part of my to-do list!

  7. Ah yes, those saucer eyes. Get me everytime. And she's almost 40!!!

    1. Yes, those saucer eyes always seem to work, don't they?

  8. I really did have a broken seat belt for a while. I was putting off getting it fixed because I was worried how much it would cost. It was in my van, so we had enough seats. Tuns out it was a warranty repair and I didn't have to pay for anything!

    1. That's pretty funny that you actually had that happen. Glad it was under warranty, you got lucky.


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