Personal and Confidential, My Gluteus Maximus

It started with a letter. 

It was marked "personal and confidential". Not addressed to me, but that's just a detail, right? Everyone knows if you send a letter to a man marked that way it's like waving a red cape in front of a bull, you can bet your ass that wife is gonna open it. Especially since, initially, I was terrified. What official letter could possibly come to Hubs? Has he been drafted? Into the Space Force? He can't go, you know. He's got bone spurs.

Now I just want to commend you, seeking out my husband to write to personally at 5:43 am. And although your letter hits on all of your dog whistles, lies, delusional interesting world views, I have to admit that it doesn't really sound like you. There aren't any made up words, way fewer random use of capital letters (well, other than "Fake News Media" and "Liberals"), or glaring spelling errors. Did you turn on your spell check? You can admit it, I won't tell.

I actually posted the above picture on my FB page, and in the ensuing discussion, a fellow blogger, Tamara, suggested a blog post response. Good idea Tamara, I actually have, in fact, responded. Not with money, of course, but with something way more valuable. 

June 18th

3:30 am

I want to thank you for your recent letter to my husband. He never saw it, but I'm sure he'd be appreciative of the time an effort you took to explain to him personally (and confidentially) how you feel about those evil liberals who want things like health care, human rights and affordable education.

Anyway, I'm awake and answering you at 3:30 in the morning as I just have such a hard time sleeping these days. Because of, you know, things like the electoral college, kids in cages, pedophiles running for office, White House staff breaking the law, increasing anti-semitism, cronyism, trampling of women's rights, Mitch McConnell . . .

I know you ask, in your letter, for $2020, but since you got the tax break and I . . . well . . . didn't. And since you don't grocery shop and I've suffered frequently increasing food prices and now gas prices due to tariff and trade agreement whims, I thought I'd offer you some sage advice instead.  

*If you say something on tape, you can deny it later if you want, but chances are pretty good that people are going to know you said it.

*Every day is not "take your kids to work" day.

*Methinks thou doth protest too much. Truth is, people who are stable and who are geniuses don't need to talk about it. Over and over and over again.

*Sometimes bad things happen that Hillary is not responsible for. Like wild fires. Even if she didn't sweep the forest floor.
 
*When hosting guests, especially in the people's house, Mickey D's is just . . . well . . . gauche. You know there's a chef who will cook for guests, right? And you don't have to do the dishes either, there's a staff for that too. So maybe try to show a little class. A nice grilled steak, that's a dinner worth serving.

Grilled Asian Flank Steak

*Mexico is not paying for any wall. And neither am I.

*Reading is good. In fact, most people find that information is often helpful.

*Allies are our friends. Really. Look it up.

*We have a 4th of July celebration in the capital every year. Independence Day was already sort of a big deal before you came along.


*I know you talk a lot about fake news, I thought maybe you'd understand the concept better if I gave you clear examples.
Legit: global warming.
Fake: no obstruction, no collusion. 

That's all I have for you for now. If you need any further assistance (meaning non-financial), feel free to send my husband another personal and confidential letter. I'll be watching for it.

Sincerely,
A patriotic snowflake

PS: Have you ever actually seen a snowflake? They're beautiful.

Grilled Asian Flank Steak

                                                                                 ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 3/4 # flank steak
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup hoisin sauce
2 TBSP pineapple juice
1 tsp sesame oil
1 TBSP brown sugar
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp minced ginger

Directions:
*Place the steak in a resealable gallon sized bag.
*Whisk together the soy sauce, hoisin, pineapple juice, sesame oil, brown sugar, garlic and ginger. Pour into the bag to cover the steak and seal. Refrigerate for at least 6 and up to 48 hours.
*Preheat grill to medium high heat. Remove the steak from the marinade and place on the grill, immediately lowering the heat to medium.
*Grill from 5 to 7 minutes per side, until almost done to your preference.
*Remove from grill and allow steak to rest for 5 minutes before slicing, against the grain.