College Boy: Blech?
Me: I have a bad taste in my mouth. I put conditioner on my hair in the shower and some splashed into my mouth.
College Boy: I'm sure you brushed your teeth, try putting something strong tasting in your mouth.
Me: Like I should eat an onion?
College Boy: I was thinking more of a shot of bourbon.
And just like that I finally see that this kid is a chip off the old block (hint: me)!
I'm eating pistachios when College Boy walks in the room.
Me: Do you want some pistachios?
College Boy: No, I don't like them.
Me: You don't like pistachios? Everyone likes pistachios. What's wrong with you?
College Boy: I'm not nuts. . .
ba dum bum.
Hubs got me a new phone in March. I was going away for 2 weeks, my old phone had died and he didn't want me traveling without one so he ran out and picked one up.
Me: I want you to return my phone.
Hubs: What? Why? You don't like it all of a sudden?
Me: It's mocking me.
Hubs: Huh?
Me: It dings for no reason. It's only supposed to alert when Baking In A Tornado has an email or when I have a text.
Hubs: Okayyyyyy . . .
Me: But now it will sometimes ding and I go check it and nothing. No email, no text, no message of any alert at all. It's mocking me.
Hubs takes my phone and walks upstairs.
Me: Why are you going upstairs? Are you going to return it?
Hubs: How about I give it a stern talking to and put it in a time out?
Me: Ummmm . . .
Hubs: Well, it worked with the kids.
My eyes and my ears have been failing me. Well, and my knees and my memory too. And head, shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes . . .
Anyway, I listed a few instances last month of things I'd misheard or misread. Here are a few more:
I was working on my laptop with the TV on the other evening and a commercial came on. Not fully paying attention, I looked up when I heard an older woman saying "I'm a spider".
Me: Huh? Did she say she's a spider?
Hubs: Fighter. She said she's a fighter.
Me: Ah, OK, carry on.
Another day I was looking at a list of April silly holidays. You know, like the recent post I wrote called Found My Day about Blame Someone Else Day. So I was reading through the days and was stopped short. What the hell? There's an upcoming Drop Everything and Breed Day? Huh? No way!
Yeah, no way. It's Drop Everything and READ Day, btw.
I had made a few desserts for Passover and Hubs wanted to try the pie in the fridge.
Hubs: What kind of pie is this?
Me: Tropical Fruit Pie.
Hubs (looking at the pie): So there's matzo in this?
Me: No, no matzo, just normal ingredients, things we can eat on Passover. There's a walnut crust and the pie is like a Key Lime pie but it's Pineapple.
Hubs: Oh good, I like Key Lime Pie.
Me: But it's not Key Lime flavored.
Hubs (disappointed): No? You said Key Lime.
Me: It's that consistency, but it's pineapple flavored, I wanted to try something different.
Hubs: You could have made Key Lime.
Me: How would that be different?
Hubs: Well, Key Lime would be good.
Me: WHAT? Jeez, can't you at least take a bite before you start the insults?
Later . . .
Hubs: Came out good.
Me: Gee thanks.
Hubs: For not being Key Lime.
After brunch, I handed my husband my camera and the manual.
Me: My flash isn't working. I know I must have just pressed something. Can you figure out what and make it work again.
Hubs: You can't figure it out?
Me: I didn't even look. You know I hate all that boring stuff and you like reading dry informational manuals.
Hubs: No I don't.
Me: Yes you do.
Hubs: No, I don't.
Me: Yes, you do.
Hubs: You're going to say that I do as many times as I say I don't, aren't you.
Me: Yup.
Hubs: Guess I'll stop standing here and go figure out how to get your flash turned back on.
Me: I knew you would.
Hubs: Seems like you did.
If you make me angry enough, I tend to get sarcastic. I'm not the most patient person in the world, but I don't just fly off the handle either.
We had problems with our internet, so we'd had to go in and change the password for our router, then re-sign in on our phones, Kindle, laptops . . .
I went to use the printer a few days later and could not. I realized that it probably had to do with having reset our password. I had to google what to do, it got quite technical and I started to sweat. There was a good chance I'd do irreparable harm.
While going through the steps, there was a knock on my door and a ringing of the bell. I peeked out from the office, saw a salesman, decided not to answer and went back to what I was doing. Another knocking and ringing, which I ignored. A third ringing and I was mad. I abruptly opened the door.
Salesman (with a big smile and a jolly voice): Are you the lady of the house?
Me (less than jolly, to say the least): No, I'm the garden gnome.
He was still standing there with his mouth open when I shut the door.
I have no idea what College Boy was dreaming about, but he came down the stairs and imparted this little bit of wisdom:
College Boy: Mom, I don't punch babies and I expect you to do the same.
Anyone who reads this blog knows how I'm always trying to get him to write me a guest post so I answered him.
Me: Son, I do write blog posts and I expect you to do the same.
I was watching Beat Bobby Flay on the Food Network. Two contestants cook a dish and the winner goes up against Bobby Flay making a dish of their choice. There's a blind taste test and a winner.
College Boy: Could you beat Bobby Flay, Mom?
Me: I don't think so, honey.
College Boy: You need to be more positive.
Me: I'm positive I could not beat Bobby Flay.
College Boy: Really, Mom?
Me: Not if he had one hand tied behind his back . . .
College Boy went out with friends and came in the house at around 1:00 am. I heard the garage door go up and figured (correctly) he didn't have his key with him. I waited to hear the garage door go down again, but it didn't.
I went downstairs to find him in the garage pressing the button, but the door wasn't moving. I had to go out there, figure out what was wrong, make the adjustment and get the door to close.
College Boy: I had a few beers.
Me: I figured.
College Boy: I know they say not to operate heavy machinery when you've been drinking. but I didn't think they meant garage doors.
Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:
Menopausal Mother
Never Ever Give Up Hope
Spatulas on Parade
Printable Recipe
Ingredients:
3 cups flour
1/3 cup sugar
3/4 tsp salt
1 TBSP baking powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 stick butter, sliced
1/3 cup peeled mango choped
1/4 cup dried sweetened pineapple, chopped
2 eggs
2/3 cup milk, divided
1 tsp pineapple, rum or vanilla extract or 1/2 tsp almond extract
2 TBSP butter
Directions:
*Place parchment paper onto a baking sheet.
*Add the flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, cinnamon and 1 stick of sliced butter into a food processor. Pulse a few times until crumbly. Move to a bowl.
*Gently mix in the mango, pineapple and cashews.
*In a small bowl, whisk the eggs, 1/3 cup of the milk and the extract of your choice. Add to the dry ingredients and stir just until incorporated. Add only as much of the rest of the milk, if you need any at all, as you need just until the dough comes together. You want it moist but not wet.
*Turn the dough onto a floured counter, flour your hands and knead a few times, just until the dough holds together.
*Move to the baking sheet and gently form into a rectangle approximately 8 1/2 inches by 6 inches. Cut the width in half and the length into 3 equal pieces so you end up with 6 rectangles. Cut each into 2 triangles. Gently move the pieces apart a bit.
*Place the baking sheet into the refrigerator for 1/2 hour.
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
*Melt the remaining 2 TBSP butter. Brush onto the scones. Place in the oven and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly. Serve warm.
Menopausal Mother
Never Ever Give Up Hope
Spatulas on Parade
Tropical Scones
©www.BakingInATornado.comPrintable Recipe
Ingredients:
3 cups flour
1/3 cup sugar
3/4 tsp salt
1 TBSP baking powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 stick butter, sliced
1/3 cup peeled mango choped
1/4 cup dried sweetened pineapple, chopped
2 eggs
2/3 cup milk, divided
1 tsp pineapple, rum or vanilla extract or 1/2 tsp almond extract
2 TBSP butter
Directions:
*Place parchment paper onto a baking sheet.
*Add the flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, cinnamon and 1 stick of sliced butter into a food processor. Pulse a few times until crumbly. Move to a bowl.
*Gently mix in the mango, pineapple and cashews.
*In a small bowl, whisk the eggs, 1/3 cup of the milk and the extract of your choice. Add to the dry ingredients and stir just until incorporated. Add only as much of the rest of the milk, if you need any at all, as you need just until the dough comes together. You want it moist but not wet.
*Turn the dough onto a floured counter, flour your hands and knead a few times, just until the dough holds together.
*Move to the baking sheet and gently form into a rectangle approximately 8 1/2 inches by 6 inches. Cut the width in half and the length into 3 equal pieces so you end up with 6 rectangles. Cut each into 2 triangles. Gently move the pieces apart a bit.
*Place the baking sheet into the refrigerator for 1/2 hour.
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
*Melt the remaining 2 TBSP butter. Brush onto the scones. Place in the oven and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly. Serve warm.
Good answer to your son and your poor hubby -- he just doesn't get it, does he? They are very fortunate to have you in control! And I bet you could beat Bobby Flay!
ReplyDeleteNot with one hand tied behind his back . . .
DeleteBut thank you!
And it's those wonderful answers "garden gnome" that make me love you! LOL
ReplyDeleteBeating Bobby would be tough but I'd love to do Chopped!
I would love to see you do Chopped!
DeleteLove the "Drop Everything and Breed Day" and I am TOTALLY going to use the yard gnome identification next time a salesman comes to the door!
ReplyDeleteHope it works for you as well as it worked for me. Haven't seen that guy around here since.
Delete