Poetry Wars, The Sequel

I don't know if you read my post Poetry Wars, I posted it last week. If you didn't read it {{gasp}}  then I hope you will now. It explains the genesis of this back and forth challenge in rhyme and it's pretty funny too (if I do say so myself). 

So that's how it began, with a picture posted on Facebook, a poem by my friend Dawn's husband Darrell (an author, btw, you can buy his book HERE) and my silly response. Next thing you know, a whole lazy Sunday was spent rhyming and laughing.

What I posted then was part one. The beginning. But it didn't end there. The fun continued. Poems started appearing and, since I was tagged, I had to respond, right?

Like this:

  
I wanted a sandwich
but the bread had mold.
I knew right then
the bread was old.
I wanted a sandwich
and I'll be damned.
I ate that mold
with a slice of ham.

Game on. I answered:

Wanted a sandwich 
for lunch, thought she.
Started to make it,
then went to pee.

"You wanted a sandwich"
said she to he,
"get your own bread,
don't steal from me.

and put on your glasses, 
for you're getting old.
That was my jelly
and not your mold."

And:

Went to the toilet,
I couldn't wait til later.
Things went south,
my finger went through the paper.
Had no choice but to keep on wipin'.
I'm here to tell ya, 
fingers aint made for swipin'.
  

Yuck. But of course I had a little something to say about that one, too:

Ladies, before you marry your prince,
look for certain subtle hints.
You'll thank me if you heed my warning,
like how is his breath in the morning?

Ascertain basic life skills,
like can the man afford his bills?
And, listen, this one's a deal breaker,
can he properly use the toilet paper?

Then:

l called my woman up the other day,
told her to get ready I was on my way.
She got excited told me to hurry home.
I got excited and hung up the phone.
I got home, she met me at the door.
She hugged me so hard almost hit the floor.
Let me tell you right now
so you don't think I'm crude,
this aint about sex
I brought home food.

Take-Out Style Brown Rice

Good one. And phew, we've moved away from "yuck". Maybe I can amend that marriage advice:

Part two of
my marriage advice:
Is he honest?
Is he nice?

Does he call ahead?
Bring you dinner?
If so, my friend,
you've got a winner!

New day, same war. It continued on Monday:

l saw her there
with all her hair,
a wonder did I see.
Inside the tent,
is where I went,
where the bearded lady
winked at me.

Got this one too:

I saw him there,
with too little hair,
as bald as he could be.

But partners are rare, 
when you work at a fair,
I'll take him . . . if he doesn't flee.

Oh, he's in the tent,
Time to show my intent.
I'll try a wink and we'll see.

And this episode of Poetry Wars concludes with these:

I drank a toast to laughter,
I drank a toast to fun.
I drank and I drank and I toasted,
to everything under the sun.

Then I stumbled to the bathroom, 
where I prayed at the porcelain throne. 
I left it all on the alter there,
And on my shirt
And in my hair
And on the floor
And . . .

I see we're back to yuck.

He drank a toast to laughter. 
He drank a toast to fun.
He drank and drank and toasted. 
I knew I had to run.

He stumbled to the bathroom,
prayed at the porcelain throne,
I left him in the bar that night,
changed the locks when I got home.

Last round:

There once was a man named McGrue. 
He tried to cook his wife in a stew.
She jumped from the pot,
and beat him a lot
til she knocked him out of his shoes.
She cooked him instead, 
including his head,
but he ended up too tough to chew.

 And me:

There once was a woman named Sadie.
Her mother said "dear, be a lady". 
She married McGrue,
ended up in the stew,
long story short, 
she's less lady, more shady.

Turned the tables, did our lovely Sadie.
"he's too tough", cried to mom like a baby.
"No worries, my dear,
just add some dark beer,
lots of tenderizer
into the gravy."

This may be the end of McGrue, but more importantly is this the end of the poetry wars? I guess we'll all have to wait and see . . .

Take-Out Style Brown Rice         

                                    ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

2 cups instant brown rice
1/2 red pepper, seeded and chopped 
1/4 onion, chopped
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 tsp sesame oil
1 1/2 cups frozen peas
3 TBSP vegetable oil
2 eggs, whisked
 Directions:
*Place the rice, red pepper and onion into a large microwave safe bowl with 1 3/4 cups water. Cover and cook about 9 minutes or until rice is cooked. 
*Uncover carefully. Add the soy sauce and sesame oil, stir and refrigerate for an hour or up to overnight.
*Just before serving, remove the rice from the refrigerator and mix in the peas.
*In a large saute pan, heat the oil over medium to medium high heat until hot. Add the eggs. Stir until they are cooked, then add the rice mixture. Cook and stir until the entire mixture is hot.