I Hope You're Cheating: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 4 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

I was laying down on the couch and wanted to check something on my laptop. I brought my knees up and balanced the laptop on my stomach, up against my knees. 

And, of course it fell. Forward. On top of my head.

And, of course, Hubs walks downstairs into the room while passing through to the basement and there I lay with a laptop over my face.

He doesn't say a word.

Me (removing the laptop from my face: Nothing?
Hubs: Nothing.

How sweet of him not to embarrass me any more than I already am. 

Three seconds later, from the basement I can hear him laughing his ass off.

My husband thinks I'm nuts when he catches me yelling at inanimate objects (and he may just be right), but some things just drive me nuts.

We've been having trouble with our internet cutting out lately. One morning we didn't have internet and it didn't seem to be coming back on. I called the company, but that always involves long waits, which just serves to further frustrate me.

I was on hold when one of their incessant recorded messages came on telling me that the wait would be longer than usual (funny how it always is) but I could get immediate assistance on their web site, www. . . To which I began yelling "I. DON'T. HAVE. INTERNET."

Sometimes I may be acting crazy, but sometimes I do have a point.

Sometimes I think my husband is finally catching up, he did finally actually learn how to text, and then sometimes I think he's still in the dark ages.

I was on my laptop talking about some spam I got recently. It claimed to be from my bank but I was saying that the dead give-away is that the email address it came from was a whole chain of letters and numbers. Definitely not the email address on legitimate emails from my bank.

Hubs: There's a way to know for sure if the email is legitimate.
Me: Like the nonsensical email address it came from?
Hubs: No, wave your mouse over it and see if it's an https or not.
Me: That's for a website, I'm talking about an email address.
Hubs: But if it says https it's secure.
Me: You really don't know how this email thing works, do you.
Hubs: Well it works for me.

Okey Dokey.

College Boy was home for dinner. I've mentioned it before, his absolute favorite meal is spaghetti with my Hearty Meat Sauce. He saw that I was working on Halloween meals and treats:

College Boy: I have an idea, make spaghetti and have it coming out of a head like brains.
Me: Good try but I did that already a few years ago, my Spaghetti Brains. See:

College Boy: Not the best picture mom, I think you should do it again.

Well, he's certainly persistent (and consistent).

Does this happen in your house too? Whenever someone wants something, anything, in the pantry or the refrigerator, "looking" seems to mean just opening the door and then immediately yelling out to me:

Where is the (insert item here)?
or

I can't find the (insert item here).
or
Do we have any (insert item here)?
or
What happened to the (insert item here)?
or 
Are we all out of (insert item here)?

But the one and only thing they're not going to do is actually look.   

Jack-O-Lantern Treat Bowls

Me: I hope you're cheating on me.
Hubs: Huh?
Me: I said I hope you're cheating.
Hubs: I'm sure this makes sense to you somehow . . .
Me: I just did the laundry and there were about 20 long hairs stuck to your work shirt. Either I'm going bald or you're cheating. I certainly hope you're cheating.
Hubs: Is there a "fifth amendment" option here, or just those two?

Hubs gets out of the shower on a Saturday morning and, apparently thinking I'm a weatherman, calls to me.

Hubs: Can I wear shorts this morning?
Me: Sure.

Hubs dresses, goes downstairs, walks out front, comes back in and puts on jeans.

Hubs: It's freezing out there. You said I could wear shorts.
Me: Like so many things in life, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

He was not amused.

I generally have a pretty decent vocabulary but one Saturday afternoon I found myself at a loss.

Me: Be careful if you're going out back, the next door neighbor is arching.
Hubs: Arching?
Me: Archering?
Hubs: Archering?
Me: Shooting pointy sticks out of a bow towards the big target he has back there.
Hubs: Oh, gotcha.

Does anyone know, is there a word for that?

 

A couple of nights a week Hubs has late meetings. On those nights I don't cook, but I do leave his a plate of leftovers from earlier in the week on the counter that he microwaves when he gets home. One night the leftovers were something I felt would not reheat well in the microwave so I stuck the food in the oven and just set a plate on the counter for him, not the norm. He came home and I was sitting on the couch with my back to him. At some point I realized that there was silence in the kitchen. I got up and walked in. Hubs was looking back and forth between his empty plate and the microwave, his empty plate and the microwave. 

Hubs: Ummm. I know I must have done something . . .
Me: Dinner's in the oven. 
Hubs: Phew. So I didn't do anything?
Me: Did you?
Hubs: Can I think about it while I eat?
Me: Just for the record, "no" would have been a less concerning answer.

The problem with cold rainy Fall weekends is that couples tend to be stuck indoors. Together. All weekend.

Me: Want to go for a walk?
Hubs (puts on his shoes and a jacket, then sees me still working in the kitchen): You coming with me?
Me: No, I'll watch from the window . . .

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Menopausal Mother 
Never Ever Give Up Hope 
Spatulas on Parade

Jack-O-Lantern Treat Bowls

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

NOTE: 6 small balloons are needed for this recipe

Ingredients:
1 package candy melts, your choice of color
1 fruit roll up snack
treats of your choice
1 large package gummy worms

Directions: 
*Rinse the balloons and pat dry. Blow them up to about the width (on the bottom) of the bowls you want to make. I vary sizes. Knot the tops.
*Unroll the fruit snacks. Using a sharp knife, cut 12 small triangles for eyes and 6 ovals or strips for mouths. Set aside.
*Melt the candy melts as per package directions until smooth when stirred.
*Place a piece of parchment paper onto a baking sheet.
*Individually, holding each balloon by the knot, dip each one into the candy melts. Twirl around to coat all sides of approximately the bottom half of each balloon. It does not have to be even, they look better when they're not. 
*Allow the excess to drip off and back into the bowl. Place the balloons on the parchment paper and hold for a few seconds until they stick. Allow to sit for 2 - 3 minutes. Before they set completely, gently decorate with the fruit snack "eyes" and "mouths" then refrigerate until fully set.
*Using a pin, carefully poke a small hole into the balloons and once they deflate, remove them from the bowls. Fill the bowls with treats of your choice and top with the gummy worms.