I was in the den when I hear a rustling in the candy dish. I walk around the corner and see Hubs with his hand in the dish.
Me: What are you doing?
Hubs: Looking through the dish to see what you have. Oh, there's Crunch bars, I love those, don't give those away.
Me: There's Milky Way too.
Hubs: Oh, I love those too. Don't give those away either.
Me: I'm not sure you understand how this Trick or Treat thing works. You don't buy candy, ignore the kids and save it all for your husband.
Hubs: Well that's how it should be.
You see what I'm dealing with here?
Hubs works late a few nights a week and I leave a plate on the counter for him to heat up for dinner when he gets home.
He came in the door, stuck his plate in the microwave and spoke to me for about a minute. He then opened the microwave, touched the food, stepped back, looked at the plate, looked at the microwave, touched the food again.
Me: The food rarely heats up if you don't turn the microwave on.
Hubs looks at me.
Me: Press a few of those numbers and then press the start button, see if that helps.
I thought it was funny but apparently he either lost his sense of humor or was just too tired because if looks could kill I'd be pushing up daisies, my friends.
It gets really confusing when sports seasons overlap, yo.
Whenever they kick the ball at a Purdue football game, as the ball soars through the air the fans yell "IU sucks". IU, Indiana University, is their arch rivals. Now let me explain that this "IU sucks" thing happens all season long, no matter who they're playing.
The few times we went to games with PurDude we'd yell it too (OK, Hubs is too polite, but I'm not) and often I'd find myself chanting it even when watching Purdue's football games on TV.
But it was a little embarrassing last month when, during the World Series, the Dodgers pitcher threw a pitch to Mookie Betts and as the ball left the pitcher's hand College Boy caught me standing up and yelling "IU sucks".
I'm pretty sure he's conspiring to have me committed. You'll come visit me, won't you?
College Boy was about to get a glass of water using the refrigerator door dispenser. It's on the freezer side of the fridge, but if I open the refrigerator side, it doesn't work.
It was just before Thanksgiving and the fridge was stuffed. I needed to put something else in, so I opened the fridge and was standing there looking at the inside of the packed refrigerator.
Me: Damn, there's no room. Where am I going to put this?
College Boy: Trying to get a drink here, Mom.
Me (holding the bowl and still looking): I'm trying to fit this in.
College Boy (exasperated): Well do it with the door closed.
Me: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way . . .
College Boy: And I'm pretty sure the dispenser doesn't work this way.
Touche!
Last month in my Fly on the Wall post I joked about hoping my husband was cheating. I had found a lot of long brown hairs on his work shirt, either he's cheating or I'm losing my hair. And I certainly don't want to be going bald.
Be careful what you wish for. One month later and it actually looked like my joke was taken seriously.
Me: Do you want to explain yourself?
Hubs: What?
Me: This $80 payment on our debit card to Quality Inn on a day when you should have been at work.
Hubs: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: Yeah, that's what they all say.
Turns out, as I looked into it a little further (OK, put on my glasses), it was not a debit from Quality Inn, but Quality Irr. Quality Irrigation had come over to shut down our sprinkler system for the winter.
And can you guess who made that payment? Yup, it was me.
This time, though, made for an . . . ahem . . . particularly unfortunate conversation.
Me (talking about the temple shooting last month): Apparently Shabbat services were going on, but there was also a bris taking place.
Friend: What's a bris?
Me: It's a . . . you know . . . what do you call it? . . . a ceremony for newborn baby boys . . . damn . . . a umm . . . castration.
Hubs: Circumcision. The word she's looking for is circumcision.
Do you follow my Baking In A Tornado facebook page? You should. And if you do you saw this:
Here's an example:
Me (pouring a big pot of pasta into the trash): Dinner's going to be late.
Hubs: Could that be because you're pouring it into the trash?
Me: Yup.
Hubs: Should I ask?
Me: Do you want to know?
Hubs: Sure:
Me: Well, the sauce in the saute pan is fine, but I have to cook up more pasta.
Hubs: Okay . . .
Me: I spilled some of the sauce.
Hubs: Okay . . .
Me: And I cleaned it up with the sponge.
Hubs: Okay . . .
Me: And then I dropped the dirty sponge into the pasta.
Hubs: Only you . . .
It was a few weeks before Thanksgiving and I was with College Boy. I love the time I spend with the boys and always try to extend it. I was trying to get College Boy to come home with me for dinner.
Me: Come to dinner.
College Boy: Not tonight.
Me (trying hard to think of a strategy): I made you 10 turkeys.
College Boy: What? You made me 10 turkeys?
Me: Yes, come home for dinner.
College Boy: I'm going to come home for dinner and see 10 turkeys?
Me: Yes.
College Boy: Ready to eat?
Me: Yup.
And he did. He came home for dinner. And there on the counter were 10 turkeys. Ready to eat:
Gobble Gobble Turkey Treats recipe
I've mentioned before that PurDude is a world class napper. Every time I call or text him he doesn't answer and then later tells me he was sleeping. Last night we'd finished our Thanksgiving turkey and went into the living room for a while before dessert. PurDude laid down on the couch, turned on the TV and before I looked up he was fast asleep.
Me: He's sleeping. I never see him and he comes home and sleeps.
Hubs: Well, turkey does seem to make you tired.
Me: Yeah, and breathing seems to make him tired.
Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:
Menopausal Mother
Never Ever Give Up Hope
Spatulas on Parade
Go Mama O.
Menopausal Mother
Never Ever Give Up Hope
Spatulas on Parade
Go Mama O.
Hot Cocoa Cake
©www.BakingInATornado.com
Ingredients:
1 cup milk
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup baking cocoa
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 3/4 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
2 eggs
2 TBSP chocolate syrup
2 TBSP chocolate syrup
2/3 cup oil
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
1 cup mini marshmallows, divided
1/2 cup chocolate chips
2 TBSP heavy cream
3 TBSP powdered sugar
1 TBSP baking cocoa
1 TBSP milk
Directions:
*In a small pan, mix together 1 cup of milk and 1/2 cup sugar over medium heat, stirring constantly until the sugar melts (it no longer feels grainy on the bottom of the pan when stirring). Don't let the milk boil. Add 3/4 cup of the baking cocoa. Heat and whisk until smooth. Set aside to cool.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and "flour" (with additional baking cocoa) a bundt pan.
*Stir together the remaining sugar, flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
*Beat the eggs, chocolate syrup, oil and vanilla just until mixed. Add the dry ingredients, beat until just blended. Beat in the prepared hot cocoa and continue to beat for 2 minutes. Mix in 34 cup mini marshmallows.
*Pour into the bundt pan and bake 45 to 55 minutes until the center springs back to the touch. Cool for 15 minutes in the pan, then remove to cool completely.
*Microwave the chocolate chips with the heavy cream at 20 second intervals until smooth when stirred. Whisk in the powdered sugar ad 1 TBSP baking cocoa, then the milk. Drizzle over the cooled cake. Dot with the remaining mini marshmallows.
Loved the Quality Irr story. Bet that has happened more than once. The dirty sponge in the pasta -- would anyone have noticed? Isn't there still the five second rule?
ReplyDeleteYeah, unfortunately I would have known and would have convinced myself I could taste the germs!
DeleteEvery one of these is priceless! My Husby goes through the candy beforehand as well. And during. And after. I'm definitely going to use that '10 turkey" bribe. The only problem is coming up with something I can make that they'll want 10 of...
ReplyDeleteAnd I have definitely done the 'wrong word' scenario. Gramma (at a picnic): "You kids stop jumping off that wall! You'll injure your hips like the Hart boy!" Me: "But I thought his problem was genital?" Yeah. Definitely wrong word.
That's hysterical. I'm thinking you should be joining in these Fly on the Wall posts!
DeleteI may have set aside some chocolate for trick or treat too. Funny story about the quality irr and the 10 turkeys! Great to catch up with you.
ReplyDeleteIt was fun, hope you join in again soon.
DeleteThat cake looks delicious!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteSponge in the pasta---arghhhh. Tell your husband you could have still served it but not tell him....
ReplyDeleteHA! I'll have him afraid to put anything in his mouth!
DeleteIt took me two days to read this - between the Quality "Inn" and the bris this was priceless. And I pinned the cake, too! Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteSo glad you were amused, Alana. Ad I hope you love the cake!
DeleteLove the Hot cocoa cake. What a great combination of two things. I had some pumpkin cheesecake from Costco that was to die for. Here's hoping I get to make some treats for the holidays.
DeleteIf ever there was a time to make treats it would be for the holidays, there are always so many people around to eat them.
Delete