Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Cloak of Invisibility

Hubs really pissed me off the other day. Bet that never happens to you. Well I've got a great strategy for saving your marriage. Or, at the very least, keeping you out of jail. 

It's the cloak of invisibility. Thank you, Harry Potter. Or should I say J. K. Rowling?

Cloak of Invisibility, a humorous look at marriage | Graphic created by and property of www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics #humor

On this particular day, it started like this:

We were watching the Celtics. It was half time, granted, but the sportscasters were talking about a very promising player from Purdue who had just gotten a contract, and I wanted to hear what they had to say.

As always, during commercials, at halftime, even during the show, Hubs grabbed his cell phone. And as usual he prefers to hear than to see the news. Way too loud, of course.

Me (after glaring at him for a few minutes, to which he is always oblivious): Do you want to turn that down or off?
Hubs (angrily): It's half time. 
Me (I can do "angrily" too): Really? That's your answer?

For the record, he did turn his phone down, but the damage was done. We all know that attitude was just not going to stand.

Let me say now, in the spirit of full disclosure, that I've threatened, in some darker moments, to add a little something to his food. Always the night before an election to stop him from canceling out my vote, but when he pushes my buttons too. And just for the record, not enough to kill him. Not only would I have no one to kill the spiders (yikes), but one thing I've learned from all those true crime shows is that the police always start their suspicions with the spouse. Also, considering the number of times I've threatened this particular scenario, I figure I'd be in handcuffs before he hit the floor. And I don't look good in stripes. Nor could I pee in an open cell. Hell, I can't even use a bedpan.

But, back to Hubs, I figure a little intestinal discomfort may just make a point.

Of course that's difficult to do when I eat what he eats. And really, ruining a good dinner? Now there's something that should, in and of itself, be against the law. 

Beef in Peach Barbecue Sauce starts with a bottled sauce, adds seasonal flavors and cooks in the oven. | Recipe developed by www.BakingInATornado.com | #beef #dinner

Beef in Peach Barbecue Sauce

So on to plan B, the cloak of invisibility. Or what's more commonly known as "wait till he shuts his eyes". Which he tends to do quite a lot while watching TV. "I wasn't sleeping" he always gruffly insists, "I was just blinking". I don't know about you, but in my book if you're snoring, that's a super long "blink". Even if you end up waking yourself up with that racket within a minute or two.

So I have to be strategic. Work fast. So at the first hint at an extra long "blink" {{wink, wink}}, I tiptoe over and grab the remote. Change the channel from sports to the Food Network, stick the remote on the stairs and wait. 

Hubs wakes up, sees what's on TV and starts looking around. He's patting the chair, checking the floor, standing up and looking under his butt . . . nothing.

Hubs: I was watching that game. What happened? Where's the remote?
Me (looking around, searching for the remote): Oh, there it is, on the stairs.
Hubs: How did it get there?
Me: You must have put it there when you went up to change. And you probably pressed a button and changed the channel when you put it down. 

He looks at me with skepticism. He knows that's not possible, that he was sitting there watching the game. But he has to either accept my explanation or admit he was sleeping. Gotcha!

Hubs sits back down to watch TV. I start to sing softly, under my breath "soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr purr".

Damn, Sheldon, that song really works.

Next, his cell phone. Now this is more of a challenge because it's sitting on the side table next to him. But it's that or arsenic, so I'm going to have to be up to the challenge. Slip the cell off of the table and put it in the pantry. And because I'm impatient (or mean), I call it.

Another quite amusing (if I do say so myself) round of chair patting and under butt checking, he follows the sound into the pantry. 

Hubs: That's not funny, putting my phone into the pantry.
Me: I didn't put it there. How would I get your phone? You probably put it down when you went in there to get a snack. 

His look told me he was on to me, but once again, between a rock and a hard place, he couldn't challenge me. 

This cloak of invisibility stuff is way too much fun. Anyone got some shaving cream? A sharpie? A bucket of water? Yeah, this could become a problem. I may need a support group.

Or maybe Elizabeth Warren has a plan for that. 

Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Beef in Peach Barbecue Sauce        

Printable Recipe

1 TBSP white grape peach juice
1/2 peach, finely chopped
1 cup barbecue sauce
2 TBSP peach jam
about 1# thin sliced eye of round 

OPT: potato salad for serving

*Heat the juice and the chopped peach over medium high heat. Stir and cook until the peaches are soft. Add the barbecue sauce and peach jam. Heat and stir until hot.
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 8 X 8 baking pan. Spoon about 1/4 of the sauce into the bottom of the pan. Add slices of beef followed by sauce until it's all in the pan. Cover tightly with heavy tin foil.
*Cook for about 40 minutes until the beef is hot and cooked and the sauce is bubbly.
*OPT: serve over potato salad.


  1. My husband also has those prolonged "blinks" which make me crazy. He'll be snoring away, but if I turn the channel he wakes up immediately. "You can't be conscious and unconscious at the same time," I finally said. "Stay awake or I watch my show." He fell back to sleep and I watched my show. Success!

    1. You're way more kind than I am. But then I had more fun than you did!

  2. You show excellent restraint against more drastic measures because we all know 'it is always the wife'! I made peach jam this year and adding it to BBQ sauce sounds delicious, or as a marinade for chicken, yummy!!

  3. Hahaha! I am going to have to try that one. Of course, our apartment is so tiny it wouldn't take him long to find it. (Rena)

    1. Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote a lot of other adventure type books besides the Tarzan series, and I got into a couple of the series as a young child. I remember a cloak of invisibility in one of his Barsoom (Mars) books. But no peach/grape BBQ. My favorite from my husband is "but I wasn't sleeping" when woken up from a noisy snoring session. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

    2. Yeah, "but I wasn't sleeping" is what they all say. What I don't get is what they think is so bad about sleeping, or admitting that you're doing it.

  4. My Hubby can fall asleep on the couch in 2.5 seconds, then wake up just as quickly and claim it never happened. However, if it's been a rough day I've been known to 'close my eyes for just a minute' while I'm watching TV, too.

    1. I WISH I could fall asleep that easily!

    2. I don't know why it's so easy on the couch and SO HARD when I get into bed! At a minimum tt takes me 20 minutes there...sometimes a lot longer.

    3. Same here. I keep my Kindle next to the bed and find that reading helps.


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