I broke my ass.
And it's my knee's fault.
Sad thing is, it wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot.
It started with some discomfort in my left knee, sort of felt like I'd hyper-extended it. Then it felt weak, like it was going to give when I put all of my weight on it. So I started to baby it a bit.
Two days later, I got out of the shower, and when I lifted the other leg to put on my bloomers, I heard, and more terrifyingly, felt a pop. There I stood, in the bathroom, wet and naked, undies hanging off my hand, screaming.
Jury's still out as to whether no one having heard me is a good thing or a bad thing.
Downstairs, after admonishing Hubs for being 2 floors down when I needed him, at his insistence, I iced and elevated it, And tried valiantly to convince myself that all I needed was to be careful for a few days. Hobbling is sexy, right?
That afternoon I was working in the kitchen and forgot to hobble. Fell flat on the floor. And broke the aforementioned ass. Or at least it felt like it. Hubs, who was directly below the kitchen in the man cave heard me fall and came up to yell at me for not being careful.
Because yelling helps.
It was tough sleeping that night, Tylenol and Advil were my constant companions. The next day was actually a little better. I had to be careful of the knee, but I wasn't in constant pain.
That afternoon I successfully navigated standing in the kitchen and made dinner. I decided to take Thanksgiving flavors as inspiration, since who knows where I'll be by Thanksgiving. Probably in traction.
Cornbread Pumpkin Pork Roulade
It was after dinner, Hubs was back in the man cave and I was on the couch when the doorbell rang. My knee and my ass told me to stay put. But the second time it rang, I thought it might be important. Note to self: ignore your head, listen to your ass.
I gingerly got off the couch and was run hobbling through the kitchen to the laundry room where I had a sweatshirt. Needed, since I couldn't answer the door sans bra (TMI, I know, but I have to explain the whole "run hobbling through the kitchen thing").
Anyway, my knee gave out (of course it did). I slammed to the floor smacking my hip and my chin.
In fact, I realized once I was finally vertical again, I smacked them so hard I could no longer feel any pain in my knee.
I may be onto something. Although I have to admit, agony as a viable medical strategy for knee pain management probably won't end up being a thing.
Now Hubs, up again from the man cave, has been having a little bit of trouble with his hearing. He doesn't admit it, but as a result he talks louder. So I'm sure his suggestion that I be committed was something he thought he'd said under his breath.
It wasn't.
College Boy's suggestion, spoken loud and proud, that he go out and get me some edibles, however, now that proposal had legs (see what I did there?).
Maybe it was time to call it a day. Go upstairs, get into bed and pull the covers up over my head.
Think I made it upstairs in one piece?
Ha, I did. Bet you didn't see that coming.
Although I do admit, once I got there, I had quite a few issues.
Like, learning from this morning's bloomers debacle, I was going to have to take my pants off sitting down. Unfortunately, my ass was currently unavailable as a seating venue.
And then, since my front, side, and back were out of the running, seems the only way I might be able to sleep would be suspended from the ceiling.
All while praying that a meteor wouldn't be headed my way. I really don't have many body parts still in working order, I'd like the ceiling not to cave in on the ones I've still got.
Now I'm no doctor, don't even play one on TV, but just from personal experience, here's my advice: if you ever find yourself in a situation where you've pulled your knee, broken your ass, bruised your hip and banged your chin, here's what you should do:
Take 2 edibles and call me in the morning.
Oh, and whatever you do, don't sneeze.
But that may be a story for another day.
Cornbread Pumpkin Pork Roulade
©www.BakingInATornado.com
2 - 2 1/2# pork tenderloin
2 TBSP butter
1/3 cup chopped onion
1 1/4 tsp salt, divided
3/4 tsp pepper, divided
8 oz cornbread stuffing mix
1/4 tsp dried thyme
1/4 tsp dried rosemary
2 TBSP chicken broth
1 cup pumpkin puree
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/3 cup Russian salad dressing
1 can (14 oz) jellied cranberry sauce
Directions:
*NOTE: you can make the stuffing ahead, wrap tightly and refrigerate. Bring to room temperature when ready to prepare the dish.
*NOTE: you can make the stuffing ahead, wrap tightly and refrigerate. Bring to room temperature when ready to prepare the dish.
*Trim and butterfly the tenderloin, then pound to about 1/2 inch thick. Sprinkle the pork with 1/4 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp pepper.
*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a 9 X 13 baking pan with nonstick spray.
*Melt the butter in a saute pan. Add the onion. Cook and stir until soft, about 3 minutes.
*Place the cornbread stuffing in a large bowl. Mix in the onion, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp pepper, thyme, rosemary, and chicken broth. Last, mix in the pumpkin puree and dried cranberries.
*Spread the center of the pork with the stuffing, not going all the way out to the sides, then roll into a log, rolling with the long side.
*Secure with cooking twine (you can use toothpicks along the seam) and place, seam side down, into the pan.
*Any leftover stuffing can be wrapped in tin foil and baked in the oven when cooking the roulade.
*Whisk together the salad dressing and cranberry sauce. Remove 1 cup and set aside. Pour the rest of the sauce over the roulade. Sprinkle the top with the remaining salt and pepper.
*Bake, making sure that the internal temperature reaches 145 degrees, for about 45 minutes. Pour 1/2 cup of the reserved sauce over the top and move to a cutting board. Allow to rest for 5 minutes removing the twine or toothpicks before slicing. *Serve with the remaining 1/2 cup of sauce.
OH NO! Sorry to hear about your issues. But inquiring minds want to know if you really did take the edibles, and if they helped.
ReplyDeleteI didn't this time. I have before, like the results, but there's a whole lot of work they're gonna have to do if I'm going to be able to stand the taste.
DeleteI haven't popped my knee out but I once (pretty certain about that) broke my tailbone. That is PAINFUL (and I knew from when my mother in law broke hers and doctors couldn't do anything) so I didn't bother seeking medical attention. So I'm hoping that isn't what you meant by "broke my ass". Wishing you quick healing!
ReplyDeleteLess broke my butt, more bruised it, I had black and blues on my butt, hip, thigh, and chin. And no, I didn't see a doctor either, I knew the bruises would heal and hoped the knee would.
DeleteOuch, ouch, and ouch again! May your healing be speedy.
ReplyDeleteYour comment about Carl on my blog was spot on. He is very much loved.
Thank you, it's slow going but getting better.
DeleteThat would have COMPLETELY freaked me out. My big fear (1 of them). The knee thing.
ReplyDeleteWhat freaked me out was just so much pain in so many places.
DeleteI just read your post and recipe while my leg is elevated and I am hooked up to an ice machine! 4 weeks out from second knee replacement, first one was 8 months ago! Knees are so bossy and think they run the body like you found out! Good luck on speedy recovery!
ReplyDeleteWishing you a speedy recovery too.
DeleteLast time I fell down I broke three toes, dislocated my elbow and had a bruise the size of Kansas on my leg.
ReplyDeleteStay in bed, rest and hopefully the pain gets better. I hope you don't have any more accidents.
I've broken toes, one at a time, can't imagine 3 at once, bet you did a lot of hopping.
DeleteBeautiful blog
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteGood gravy, girl! I know you like to be thorough, but it's not necessary in everything! Please take care of your still-intact parts and may your bruised ones heal and once more give support. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteYou and I, quite a pair, healthwise, these past few weeks.
Delete